Back From The Borderline

Spoiler alert: understanding your attachment style (and everyone else’s for that matter) is not the magical key to solving all your relationship woes. In today’s episode, we’re diving headfirst into the world of attachment theory—a concept that’s taken over TikTok, Instagram, and even dating apps. But is it really the answer we think it is, or just another way to overthink our love lives into obsessive neurosis? Attachment theory started in the 1950s with researchers John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, but lately, it feels like every creator under the sun is capitalizing on it to create short-form content that promises to decode our emotional baggage. We’ll explore why this theory has become the go-to for understanding relationships and whether it’s actually helping or just adding to our confusion. Are we really anxiously or avoidantly attached, or are we just in the wrong relationships? We’ll unpack the hype, reveal the potential pitfalls, and ask the tough questions: Are we pathologizing messy, complicated human experiences and masking real issues with these labels? How do we balance self-reflection with real-world actions to find healthier relationships? Get ready for a raw and real journey into the heart of attachment theory. We’re cutting through the noise to find out if this trend is a genuine breakthrough or just another way to complicate our love lives.TIME STAMPS:00:00 – 35:09.07: PART 1 (Introduction to attachment theory, its origins, key attachment styles – secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized – and the shift from child-caregiver relationships to adult relationships.)35:09.07 – 01:04:14.71: PART 2 (Exploration of the popularity and commercialization of attachment theory, potential issues such as self-deception and misdiagnosis, and practical advice for balancing self-reflection with real-world actions and gut feelings.)Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Are you stuck in a cycle of self-reflection that seems to circle back rather than propel you forward? When does introspection stop being helpful? It's not uncommon to reach a point where you understand the contours of your past traumas and the gaps in your childhood, yet find yourself at a loss for how to step beyond this knowledge and truly transform your life. This episode is for those who are ready to break free from the endless loop of introspection and start crafting a new narrative—one that moves beyond past pains to a future filled with new possibilities. In this episode, we’ll explore the fine line between helpful self-examination and the kind that leads to isolation and inaction. We'll dissect how today's self-care-centric culture can inadvertently dampen our ability to engage fully with life and meaningfully connect with others. We'll also discuss how excessive introspection, whether pursued in therapy or through self-directed healing, can hinder our personal growth.Gear up to learn how to recognize when you're over-indulging in introspection, discover strategies to harmonize internal reflection with active engagement in the world, and find practical ways to ensure your self-improvement efforts genuinely enhance your life and spur real, impactful change. This episode is essential listening for anyone on a quest for self-awareness, offering fresh insights that promise to transform your approach to personal development and recovery.Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Spoiler alert: understanding your attachment style (and everyone else’s for that matter) is not the magical key to solving all your relationship woes. In today’s episode, we’re diving headfirst into the world of attachment theory—a concept that’s taken over TikTok, Instagram, and even dating apps. But is it really the answer we think it is, or just another way to overthink our love lives into obsessive neurosis?Attachment theory started in the 1950s with researchers John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, but lately, it feels like every creator under the sun is capitalizing on it to create short-form content that promises to decode our emotional baggage. We’ll explore why this theory has become the go-to for understanding relationships and whether it’s actually helping or just adding to our confusion. Are we really anxiously or avoidantly attached, or are we just in the wrong relationships?We’ll unpack the hype, reveal the potential pitfalls, and ask the tough questions: Are we pathologizing messy, complicated human experiences and masking real issues with these labels? How do we balance self-reflection with real-world actions to find healthier relationships?Get ready for a raw and real journey into the heart of attachment theory. We’re cutting through the noise to find out if this trend is a genuine breakthrough or just another way to complicate our love lives.RESOURCES: ✧ Click here to watch the original TikTok video (referenced in episode)✧ Click here to watch the "Strange Situation Experiment" on YouTube

How often should you and your partner be having sex? Is there a magic number that signifies a healthy relationship? It’s easy to obsess over these questions, and sometimes, this fixation can even harm stable, loving partnerships. These concerns are amplified not only by idealized media portrayals but also by the underlying fear that we might not be living up to some invisible standard of a successful relationship. In this episode, I’m moving away from the perfect, passion-filled narratives that often dominate our screens and digital spaces. Instead, I'll delve into the true essence of intimacy—how it’s expressed, experienced, and nurtured in diverse relationships. I'll challenge the myths about how often couples 'should' be having sex and broaden the discussion to include a deeper, more nuanced understanding of desire, one that’s often glossed over by social media influencers and alarmist magazine articles warning that you’re not keeping things spicy enough in the bedroom. This conversation is about breaking down the pressures and expectations that cloud our perceptions of intimacy and can sabotage perfectly healthy relationships. I'm here to empower you to communicate openly with your partner and redefine intimacy in ways that resonate with both your needs and desires, free from societal myths that falsely equate constant physical intimacy with relationship quality. By exploring different types of desire, you'll learn how to foster a connection that’s based not on frequency but on mutual satisfaction and deeper emotional bonds. Let’s throw those random stats and the so-called 'rules' about relationships in the trash where they belong. Settle in and get ready to redefine intimacy on your own terms.✧ Click here to follow Shan Boodram on Instagram (@shanboodram) [source for the reel at the beginning of this episode]TIME STAMPS:00:00 – 40:37.45: Part 1 (Exploring societal pressures, media influences, empirical studies, medicalization of desire, and generational differences affecting perceptions of intimacy and sexual health.)40:37.45 – 01:14:07.42: Part 2 (Delving into types of sexual desire, the reality of long-term intimacy, and the importance of aligning values and libido levels in relationships.) Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

How often should you and your partner be having sex? Is there a magic number that signifies a healthy relationship? It’s easy to obsess over these questions, and sometimes, this fixation can even harm stable, loving partnerships. These concerns are amplified not only by idealized media portrayals but also by the underlying fear that we might not be living up to some invisible standard of a successful relationship. In today's episode, I’m moving away from the perfect, passion-filled narratives that often dominate our screens and digital spaces. Instead, I'll delve into the true essence of intimacy—how it’s expressed, experienced, and nurtured in diverse relationships. I'll challenge the myths about how often couples 'should' be having sex and broaden the discussion to include a deeper, more nuanced understanding of desire, one that’s often glossed over by social media influencers and alarmist magazine articles warning that you’re not keeping things spicy enough in the bedroom. This conversation is about breaking down the pressures and expectations that cloud our perceptions of intimacy and can sabotage perfectly healthy relationships. I'm here to empower you to communicate openly with your partner and redefine intimacy in ways that resonate with both your needs and desires, free from societal myths that falsely equate constant physical intimacy with relationship quality. By exploring different types of desire, you'll learn how to foster a connection that’s based not on frequency but on mutual satisfaction and deeper emotional bonds.Let’s throw those random stats and the so-called 'rules' about relationships in the trash where they belong. Settle in and get ready to redefine intimacy on your own terms.TIME STAMPS:00:00 – 40:37.45: Part 1 (Exploring societal pressures, media influences, empirical studies, medicalization of desire, and generational differences affecting perceptions of intimacy and sexual health.)40:37.45 – 01:14:07.42: Part 2 (Delving into types of sexual desire, the reality of long-term intimacy, and the importance of aligning values and libido levels in relationships.)

Have you ever stopped to consider your own level of consciousness? Did you know that your way of thinking impacts every aspect of your life, your relationships, and how you navigate the world around you? This episode is your gateway to exploring the fascinating concept of levels of thinking and how it shapes our reality.Imagine if you could not only understand your own thought processes but actively change them. What if you could elevate your consciousness simply by understanding a basic yet profound framework? We'll dive into Ken Wilber's AQAL Integral Theory, a comprehensive model that will transform how you view human consciousness and provide a pathway towards higher development you may not have thought possible.Understanding this model will offer you a clearer grasp of the different levels of thinking and consciousness, enhancing the way you move through life. You'll learn how to use this knowledge to better understand and interact with individuals you might find confusing, maddening, or impossible to deal with.Stay tuned, because what you'll learn has the potential to completely transform your interactions and experiences. Let's dive in.REFERENCES:✧ Click here to view Ken Wilber's AQAL Integral Theory Map✧ Learn more about integral theory and the work of Ken Wilber at https://integrallife.com/

Have you ever stopped to consider your own level of consciousness? Did you know that your way of thinking impacts every aspect of your life, your relationships, and how you navigate the world around you? This episode is your gateway to exploring the fascinating concept of levels of thinking and how it shapes our reality. Imagine if you could not only understand your own thought processes but actively change them. What if you could elevate your consciousness simply by understanding a basic yet profound framework? We'll dive into Ken Wilber's AQAL Integral Theory, a comprehensive model that will transform how you view human consciousness and provide a pathway towards higher development you may not have thought possible. Understanding this model will offer you a clearer grasp of the different levels of thinking and consciousness, enhancing the way you move through life. You'll learn how to use this knowledge to better understand and interact with individuals you might find confusing, maddening, or impossible to deal with. Stay tuned, because what you'll learn has the potential to completely transform your interactions and experiences. Let's dive in.REFERENCES:✧ Click here to view Ken Wilber's AQAL Integral Theory Map✧ Learn more about integral theory and the work of Ken Wilber at https://integrallife.com/Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

In this episode of "Anatomy of Evil," I peel back the curtain on the infamous Salem Witch Trials, diving deep into the murky waters of human fear and legal injustice that define one of America's most haunting historical moments. Forget the dry recounting of events—you're in for a psychological deep dive that challenges everything you thought you knew about witch hunts. I start with a gritty look at Puritan New England, where strict religious codes met the harsh realities of colonial life. Picture a community perched on the edge of the unknown, wrestling with internal terror and the daily pressures of survival in a stark, unforgiving landscape. I explore how these conditions fermented a potent brew of suspicion and scapegoating, where women, especially those who dared to defy norms, were marked as society's malevolent outcasts. From there, we get personal with Bridget Bishop, the flamboyant tavern owner whose boldness made her a target, and Cotton Mather, the minister whose fear of devilry drove him to fanaticism. Their stories are chilling reflections of how societal pressures can twist faith and fear into a deadly weapon. The stakes rise in the second half of the episode, where I dissect the mechanics of the witch trials—how spectral evidence and touch tests weren't just quirks of pseudo-science, but death sentences waiting to happen. We'll walk through the chaos of the trials, feeling the palpable fear that gripped Salem, leading to a breakdown of community ties and a long shadow of mistrust. But the resonance of Salem doesn't stop in the past. I draw bold lines connecting the paranoia of the witch trials to modern-day frenzies like the Red Scare and today's cancel culture wars. How does a tweet from a decade ago become the spectral evidence of our time? We're diving deep into the psychology of social media mobs and the dangers of moral purity tests that leave no room for mercy or growth. By the end of this journey, you'll see the Salem Witch Trials not just as a chapter in a history book, but as a mirror reflecting our ongoing struggles with fear, control, and the othering of those who dare to be different. Are we repeating history by engaging in new witch hunts under the guise of justice? Join me in this latest edition of 'Anatomy of Evil' as we delve into the shadows of human nature, transcending labels to uncover the deep currents that push us to the brink.TIME STAMPS:✧ 00:00 – 47:56.08 – Part 1: Foundations of Fear (Exploring the origins and setting of the Salem Witch Trials, from historical context to key figures like Bridget Bishop and Cotton Mather.)✧ 47:56.08 – End – Part 2: Hysteria and Legacy (Diving into the mechanisms of mass hysteria, the trials' impact on the community, and their enduring lessons on social justice and human rights.)Enjoyed this episode? Explore more as a Premium Submarine. Dive deep into hundreds of hours of ad-free exclusive content and full-length episodes on Patreon, including my original BPD recovery series, guided meditations, and much more. Click here to preview the premium collections you’ll unlock access to for as little as a couple of cups of coffee a month. Learn more and join at backfromtheborderline.com.The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.