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AuDHD Flourishing
07 When to Stop the Self-Help
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I'm a naturally growth-oriented person... however, I often find myself changing or "fixing" things that others think are a problem. What happens when I reorient to what's actually important to me?
The self-help industry will happily sell us solutions, whether or not the problem was actually bothering us before we heard about it.
Many of us feel like we're struggling alone. But not only are most people silently struggling, many neurodivergent folks feel that they're uniquely broken. It's such a common experience!
It's totally fine to choose to change something about your life. However, it can be helpful to check in with yourself to make sure it's really what you want.
The questions I offered around choosing to change something (and especially purchasing a self-help product):
- Is this actually causing me any harm?
- Is it harming anyone at all? If yes, is that harm actually meaningful, or am I mostly being harmed by the shame around it?
- If I changed this about myself, what might "better" look like? Is that definition or desire coming from me, or suggestions outside of myself?
- Is paying attention to this popular "problem" keeping my attention away from anything deeply important to me? If I didn't put time, attention, or money into this, what might I want to do instead?
- If I never changed again, would I (still) love and accept myself?
Here are the messages I need to hear:
- It's okay to take breaks from personal growth.
- It's okay to give up on changing things about yourself just because they might make other people more comfortable.
- It's okay to focus on what your body and mind actually want and need, whether or not those line up with messaging from people around you.
- I bet you're actually doing a great job with the circumstances you've been given.
- Even if you never change or fix another thing, I love and accept you.
More episodes
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150 The Wall of Awful with Brendan Mahan
58:18|Brendan Mahan's concept of The Wall of Awful has taken on a life of its own. While originally geared toward ADHD, it's also extremely applicable to other neurodivergent folks including autism, AuDHD, OCD, and PDA.In short, there are a bunch of tough emotions built up over time between you and tasks that are difficult for you (whether or not anyone else believes they are easy). While you may instinctively figure out how to sidestep or smash through the issues, it's not really addressing the deeper problem that still affects you the next time.Brendan's book, The Wall of Awful, comes out Sep 1 2026, and you can learn an overview of the concepts at the YouTube videos listed under #3 belowConnect with Brendan / Mentioned in episode:The Wall of Awful book & resources, and if you're buying on Amazon here's my affiliate linkFriendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults by Caroline Maguire, book, affiliate link2 short vids explaining the Wall of Awful & strategies for going through & over it by Jessica McCabe of How to ADHDAuDHD Flourishing resources:Transcript Doc (often a few weeks behind, but we do catch up!)Mattia's NewsletterLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord)
149 The Consistency That Matters
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