Sextras

Want to win a free sex toy? All you have to do is follow us on Instagram and leave a review of the podcast wherever you're listening or become a paid subscriber to our Substack. For just £6 a month you'll get access to: extended podcast episodes, bonus episodes, exclusive features and essays, biweekly newsletters, and a community chat. Send us a screenshot of your submission to sextraspodcast@gmail.com or our Instagram DMs. Submissions close 31 March. Must be based in EU or UK to enter. A carefully curated post-break-up Instagram profile. A £3.5k wedding videographer. Shit-talking your ex on TikTok. We're obsessed with appearances and (guess what?!) it's impacting our relationships.In the first episode of the series, Honey was joined by relationships editor Daniella Parete Clarke to talk about how we're all policing each others' behaviour. This week Dani comes on the pod again to talk about the flip-side of that: how we're all performing for an imaginary audience.We start the episode by looking at Guy Debord's theory of the spectacle, and how it's showing up in politics, the workplace, our obsession with looksmaxxing, and our sex and relationships lives. We unpack why we can't stop putting on a show on dates, and why it's dangerous to force vulnerability and pleasure instead of just feel it.Thank you for listening! You can find us on Instagram, TikTok, and Substack (where we have tons of articles about sex and relationships and exclusive content), or contact us via our website to get involved in the conversation or tell us what you want us to talk about next.Got a sex/relationship/friendship-related confession or dilemma? Submit it anonymously here and we'll make a whole episode or write an article just for you.In this episode we reference:Guy Debord's The Society of the SpectacleThe inevitable rise of gooning, Cosmopolitan UKThe Good Squad, Harper'sThe relentless rise of impossible male beauty standards, The GuardianThe Unreal Spectacle of Trump's Authoritarianism, NYTI did no work for a year and no one noticed, Leyla Kazim, SubstackThe secret power of oversharing: How saying too much became the key to getting ahead, The IndependentTimothée and Kylie really need you to know they're still together, DazedHinge's D.A.T.E reportTill DVD release do us part: how far will Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi take their Wuthering Heights showmance?, The GuardianI do? The rise and rise of the absurdly long engagement, The IndependentIs It Just Us? Or Are Engagement Rings Getting Bigger? Cosmopolitan USSince When Did Break-Ups Get So Public?, VogueHosted by Honey Jane Wyatt and co-hosted by Danielle Parete ClarkeMusic by Sacha Puttnam

Not to sound conspiratorial or whatever, but Big Tech doesn't want us to talk about sex on social media. But it's not just sex, and specifically pleasure, that's not allowed. Women's health content, LGBTQ+ issues, and sexual wellbeing is also not allowed – especially not when it's posted by marginalised community.So let's get into it: in this episode we paint a picture of the breadth of digital suppression, and why exactly we all need to be talking about it more. We speak to co-founder of campaign group CensHERship, Clio Wood, about what's happening to women's health content creators, as well as Kalila Bolton, co-founder of sexual wellness and education platform SheSpot, and Amari, a sex coach and virtual assistant, about their experience with having their accounts shadowbanned or paid ads removed.We look at why this censorship is happening and its impact, and ask porn historian Noelle Perdue whether legislating against sexual content online is the most effective approach.Thanks for tuning in, if you enjoy the episode please leave us a review wherever you're listening! Subscribe to our Substack to make sure you never miss an episode or an article, get involved in the conversation, and let us know what you want to hear next. You can find us on Instagram, TikTok, and our website, or get in touch with us via email sextraspodcast@gmail.com with what you want to hear next.You can find more on our guests below:CensHERship on their website, LinkedIn, or InstagramSheSpot on their website or InstagramAmari on Instagram or her websiteNoelle Perdue on her Substack.In this episode, we frequently reference:CensHERship's 2025 White Paper'Algospeak and performing for the alforithmic imaginary' in DazedNoelle's Substack post: 'Are you 18 or over? Are you my mother? Are you my sexy surveillance state?'Contact us with questions about other sources used! Hosted by Honey Jane WyattMusic by Sacha Puttnam

If there's one aspect of sex that's severely misunderstood, it's kink. From 50 Shades of Grey misrepresenting it as being non-consensual and all about pain, to the stigma of openly associating with any kind of desire that's not ✨mainstream✨ it can be a little intimidating to consciously decide to engage in kink for the first time. And not least because there's so much information out there that, as a beginner, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and wonder if your desires even count as kink at all.Well, never fear, because in this episode we're joined by the wonderful Gigi Engle to discuss everything you need to know about kink as a beginner. We start the episode answering some listener questions (to access more subscribe to our Substack @sextras) before jumping into why we need to talk about kink (hint: because more people engage in it than you realise, and it can be dangerous if you get it wrong!).Gigi tells me about her own journey into kink and explains what a kink actually is, and what it's not (ie. it's not just BDSM and foot fetishes). We look at how power dynamics come into it, and why they're not as scary as they might sound, how to know what kinks you're into, and what the most common kinks, or kink-related fantasies, are.To help you stay emotionally and physically safe when practicing kink, Gigi advises us on how to bring up your kink to a partner, and what steps you can take together before even thinking about exploring it in the bedroom – or wherever else you might want to.Thanks so much for listening! You can find Gigi on her Instagram, website, or Substack, and buy her book from the Common Press or your favourite indie bookshop near you (or Am*zon if you must!). We've changed our name on Instagram to @s3xtrasworld (more on this next episode), but as always you can find us there, on our website, TikTok, or subscribe to our Substack (pretty please!). Don't forget to review us wherever you're listening and we'll miss you until next time 💋. Hosted by Honey Jane WyattMusic by Sacha Puttnam

It's no secret talking about sex can be awkward – that is, if you get round to doing it at all. But what with a lack of sex education, the fact that pleasure for women and LGBTQ+ people is basically completely ignored, and not to mention the rise of conservatism, it can be almost impossible to know what to say and how to describe your pleasure. That's where sexual confidence is crucial. This week, we're joined by Dr Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, the dating expert on Channel 4's Celebs Go Dating, host of the Luvbites podcast, and professor of sexual and relational communication to to help us build the vocabulary for talking about sex, desire, and pleasure — but without the cringe, don't worry.We start with a conversation about how sexual confidence shows up outside the bedroom, how it's different from sexual self-esteem, and what you can actually do to feel more confident expressing your desires (hint: practice helps). Dr Tara then talks us through her sexual profile quiz. A part of her recent book How Do You Like It? A Guide for Getting What You Want (In Bed) the quiz offers 16 sexuality 'types' – or rather, practical terms you can use to communicate with your partner. Whether you're new to having sex, exploring your pleasure, or just talking about it with your partner, we're here to offer some hope! With a little time, effort, and introspection, learning how to describe what turns you on is possible, and it can take you from having someone touch nowhere near your clit (not speaking from experience or anything...) to multiple, mind-blowing orgasms. We hope you enjoy the episode. If you want to hear more from Dr Tara, you can follow her on Instagram or TikTok. She has a ton of resources available on her website, and her book is available to buy at major retailers like Amazon, Barnes and Noble (US) and Waterstones (UK). Go check it out!To share your own experiences with talking about sex, you can get in touch with us on Instagram or TikTok, our website, email us at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. Two podcast episodes a month not enough for you? Fairsies, but don't worry – you can subscribe to our Substack for bonus episodes, exclusive articles about sex and relationships, and a subscriber-only chat to get all the tea on our sex and dating lives. ⏩ Had enough of me yapping? Skip to 14m50 to hear my interview with Tara. 📖 For some extra reading, you can find the Cosmopolitan article I mention here (you'll need an Apple News subscription, FYI). Read Sextras Magazine's profile of Dr Tara here.Hosted by Honey Jane WyattMusic by Sacha Puttnam

You can run (in circles) but you can’t hide from the panopticon, so of course we had to make our first episode of season four all about how surveillance culture plays out in relationships and sex.If you’ve not heard of the extremely esoteric (joking!) philosopher Foucault, don’t worry – we start the episode explaining exactly what panopticon theory is and why you should care, before diving into how we’re policing each other in every aspect of our relationships.You’ll be thankful to hear it’s not all theory, because we look at examples of panopticism in pop culture, like boyfriends being embarrassing and the Coldplay kiss cam (RIP that CEO) and discuss how this behaviour is slipping into our real lives. From telling our friends their boyfriends suck in group chats, to waiting for them to slip up on social media or IRL so we can cut them off, we’re all becoming cops in our relationships. While some kind of accountability is always needed, especially when it comes to casual dating, we talk about why this rise in surveillance is making us change our own behaviour and how it’s only making things worse for minorities in particular (classic!). We hope you enjoy the episode. We’ll be back with two free episodes each month, but if you want to hear more you can subscribe to us over on Substack @sextras for exclusive advice episodes and access to exclusive features and personal essays all about sex and dating. You can also find us on Instagram and TikTok @sextrasworld, or get in touch with your own experiences or what you want to hear at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. We’ll see you in a couple of weeks with the first guest episode of the season and we can’t wait… dare we say we’ve missed you?!Hosted by Honey Jane Wyatt and guest hosted by Daniella Parete Clarke.Music by Sacha Puttnam. Skip to:2m10: Intro8m22: The panopticon of dating24m37: Gen Z is afraid of being cringe30:20: Helicopter parenting and friend-policing45m: West Elm Caleb and the Coldplay Kiss59m24: How surveillance culture impacts queer relationships1h10m: West End Girl, and how the panopticon upholds systems of power1m19: What to look out for this season (and subscribe to the Substack pretty please!) 

It’s been (nearly) five years since we started the podcast and, while we’ve been on a shamefully long hiatus, we thought it would be just about time we reflected on what exactly we’ve learned about sex and relationships.We discuss how our perception of sex, relationships, and friendship have evolved from the start of our 20s to our mid-20s (ew), from going after lots of sex at university for validation and attention, to discovering how sex fits into our lives as adults in evolving relationships.Honey tells us what she has learned through each relationship and breakup since starting the podcast, and her journey from being in a sex-heavy relationship, to celibacy, and eventually re-learning her pleasure. Maria explains how her six-year relationship has changed over the time, and reveals how being in a long-term relationship has impacted her sex life, and her own personal relationship with pleasure.We also briefly discuss how we approach friendships differently now, compared to when we were at uni, and what life should look like in your 20s versus our real life experiences. Finally, we comment on Gen Z attitudes to sex, and how much our sexuality is impacted by broader societal attitudes to sex in culture. Attitudes to sex have changed a lot since we started the podcast, and we're excited (and equally terrified...) by how it's going to evolve for us and, more importantly, for all of you!Thanks, as always, for listening <3. For more content on sex and relationships in your 20s, follow us on TikTok or Instagram @sextrasworld or find our digital magazine and more episodes of the podcast on our website.You can contact us to let us know what you want to hear next on our social media, or at sextraspodcast@gmail.com. We hope you enjoyed and we'll be back soon (?) with another episode.Edited by Maria