Your Kickstarter Sucks

Hey! We’re all in the metaverse! When ya comin’ by? And by “we” I mean, it’s like me, and a bunch of kids, and some drunk guys, and a comedy club. And we are just kind of floating around in mid-air. And it sounds really weird in here because we’re all on headset microphones. And there’s nothing to do. Anyway, can you spend like $400 to get in here please? Before it closes? Meanwhile, in meatspace, today’s show has got everything you need to remotely grill chicken thighs from down the street, force your kid to sit up straight with a screeching robot, and get the REAL news (from a Christian guy). Bzzt! Reminder! Download this episode now! It’s an all-new YKS! This episode description was written by one of the lowest-regarded free-to-use AIs.  Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. They say there’s no time like the present…but how about a present that is time! That is, more or less, what we’re doing over at YKS Premium this month as we celebrate Farrarch: Time Marches On, a month of time-centric flicks that only an idiot could love. Speaking of which, last week’s episode was all about idiots, as we brought in our friends Tom Walker and Demi Lardner to riff on the documentary Idiocracy! And this week on the show, our colleague in the “capitalism is bad” space Riley Quinn (Trashfuture) joins for, well, a movie about how capitalism is bad: In Time (2011)! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Factor - When the Factor box shows up at the JF household…you know we’re about to go wild. Folks, I love my quick and healthy lunches so much they don’t even have to taste good to make me happy. But thank goodness they do anyway. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/yks50 and use code YKS50 to get 50% off your first box and join in on the “yum”! AthleticGreens - I’m a big fan of gut health; always have been. So when I found out about Athletic Greens, the slightly tropical vitamin and adaptogen blend that actually can improve that very same health, I was practically floored. But it’s true! Start your day the JF way with AG1, and get a 1 year supply of Vitamin D + 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/YKS.Tech - Got a website? Well you probably have a domain! Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know it, because frankly most of the domains out there are boring, bland, and just plain easy to overlook. Stand out from the crowd with a .Tech domain…basically it’s the “cool domain”. That’s why we’re on it! “Go” to go.tech/yks and get an automatic 15% discount on 1 year and 5 year .Tech Domains. 

That awkward moment when it’s Monday morning and we have to either go to work or pretend to work from home or just sit around and do whatever…Oh brother! I wish there was something to help pass the time but in a non-threatening, not super memorable kind of way! Well gang, good news. Your friends Mike and JF are here to tell you all about the metal detecting candy bucket, a subscription that makes video on your cell phone look worse on purpose, and a way to keep the beacon of patriotism shining bright no matter the weather! Plus a bunch of pieces of shit by some loser! So hop in the Nissan Pumper and race on over to your doctor, it’s time to ask if irreverent comedy podcasting is right for you! 200ccs of funny comin right up, on an all new YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium…your premiere destination for everything YKS: from the jeers to the cheers, and everything in between. Over on Patreon, Farrarch continues with the always fantastic Tim Kalpakis and the sometimes fantastic Rian Johnson, as we discuss Looper! And next week…put your balls away because we’ve got our friends from BigSoftTitty.png, Tom Walker and Demi Lardner coming on to talk Idiocracy! The documentary!This episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands: Get.Tech - Tired of the same old domains? We were…that’s why we snagged yourkickstartersucks.tech! Join the tech club with the rest of us at go.tech/yks and get 15% off 1 and 5 year .tech domains!HelloFresh - We love foodmeals yes we do, we love foodmeals how about you! HelloFresh makes dinner so easy, even I can eat it! Go to HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks60 and use code yourkickstartersucks60 for 60% off plus free shipping!NordVPN - Grab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/YKS to get a Huge Discount off your NordVPN Plan + a Bonus Gift! It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Honey - Honey! The nice friend we all love who can find coupon codes for you! Grab yourself a toolbar buddy at JoinHoney.com/YKS and save some money on a new deadbolt lock. Or whatever else. That’s just what I’m thinking of right now because it’s what I did. 

I’m watching one of those stupid pawn shows while I’m sitting here writing this episode description out, and man, are these the stupidest shows ever made or what? I mean I don’t know who is watching them, other than total morons, because they don’t say anything worth a damn and it’s so boring it puts me to sleep. Then you got the ads, and they’re even worse! Next thing you know, they’ll be asking you to subscribe just to hear even more of their inane crap? God, don’t give them any ideas. Anyway, call in your friends the Piss Whizzard, the Kickstarter CEO, and Billy West, and crack open a Pepsi of Shame, cause it’s time for an all new YKS!  Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Some day the aliens will come to Earth and give us the power to experience funny ass jokes and moderately informative film criticism simultaneously. Until then, we’ll all have to settle for 3 boneheads making dick jokes and talking about movies: Farrarch! This past Friday we had one of the all time great boneheads Chris James uncork Jesseuary IV with a great flick, 2016’s Arrival. And just in case you thought we were gonna get any less boneheaded, we got our buddy Tim Kalpakis back for next week’s episode on the great Rian Johnson’s Looper! It’s a bonehead meeting, and you’re invited, only at YKS Premium. This week’s YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Athletic Greens - Vitamins…now that’s what I call adaptogens! With AG1 I’m getting all that stuff in one swig rather than 50 different pills and capsules and so forth. Pretty good! Get a free 1 yr supply of Vitamin D (good vitamin) and 5 travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/yksFactor - Meals and food! Meals and food! We love em around here, and Factor’s got some nice quick, ready to heat and eat meals they’ll send right to ya. Get 50% off your first box at FactorMeals.com/YKS50RocketMoney - We all have too many subscriptions…well I have the perfect amount but I have heard that some people have too many. There should be an easy way to get control of one’s spending, maybe with an app or something??? Oh well! RocketMoney.com/yksBetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks

Hey Lois! Bring me one of those episodes of that show I like listening to so much. Oh Peter, you stupid son of a bitch, fine! It’s an all-new YKS! On today’s show we got an attachment for a vacuum cleaner even less useful than that stupid little brush one that doesn’t spin, porno puzzles, and a floaty that lets everyone know you’re a stupid piece of shit! That would be more than enough for one episode, but of course as you know we normally have 6 Kickstarters and I’ve pretty much only named 3 here in the episode description so there are probably at least 3 not as notable ones left to hear in the show. Plus the episode title is 1. So smash that play button and hear the last 2 Kickstarters we did this week, in addition to the ripoff Switch game. Oh no!! Crap!!  Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Jesseuary Returns. This March. Only on YKS Premium. This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:NordVPN - EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/yks Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!HelloFresh - (To the tune of that classic hair metal song) Meals! Meals! Meals! Gang, let me tell you, we love HelloFresh in this house. Quick, easy, and oh so good, you can almost always find me cookin’ up a box of these good eats! Grab one yourself at HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks65 for 65% off plus free shipping!

It’s Presidents Day! Yay! Now I know that every single one of these guys is bad for a variety of, but mostly pretty similar, reasons. And I know that in a best case scenario, at least half of the people who are even alive had extreme antipathy towards the guys from their lifetime included in this holiday. BUT. Well I can’t think of a silver lining here. Maybe you got off work. Probably not though. Well anyway let the YKS boys keep you company with this episode of their newest crap! We got a wearable universe, the return of those shitty watches from the mall kiosk, and honestly two of the most wonderful ideas to make money on the internet that I have ever seen or heard about. Check ‘em out today…just like ol’ Woodtooth Johnson, or whatever psycho this holiday is about. Salute!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium! That’s the thing I’ve been meaning to tell you about. Because you seem like a discerning podcast listener who could use a few more japes, jokes, and j-can’t think of ones in their lives. Sign up today and enjoy hundreds of hours of outrageous bonus content that will feel like even more! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Factor - I confess, I’m already thinking about lunch. Sue me! Today I will probably have my famous “Chalk Sandwich” but honestly I’d rather have a meal from Factor. They are good, good for you, and honestly a lot more convenient than putting a piece of chalk between two pieces of bread and gnawing on it like a dog. Get 50% off your first box at FactorMeals.com/YKS50BetterHelp - Therapy. Not everyone is into it. I get it. Maybe you’ve got some other things you do to keep running at a high level. What do you do, make a bunch of comments under videos of old hair metal songs going “I remember this.”? Well that’s not as good honestly. Try some remote online therapy with BetterHelp. And rock on. Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks.Athletic Greens - I’m drinking my Athletic Greens right now. And yes that does kind of betray that I’m writing the episode description the morning that the show is supposed to come out. But dammit, I believe in transparency and truth-telling. The fact of the matter is, these adaptogens are good, and I am running quite late. Get a year’s supply of Vitamin D (one of the good vitamins) and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/yks. Don’t delay til the morning, do it now!

Here we are folks, a Monday morning in many parts of the world, and we’re all thinking one thing: it’s time to listen to some guys on a podcast talk about their feelings. That is, if their toxically masculine producer (currently using a laptop on the toilet) will allow it! On today’s show, we get real, and we’re talking about loving lamp, introducing you to the MyThings ecosystem, and of course, not making a single mistake! Plus we’ve got another beautiful couple (boo!) with a questionable business venture, a water bottle that can do one of the main things I would probably not ask a water bottle to ever do, and basically the “final boss” of annoying Kickstarter video songs. This sounds like an episode worthy of being number 290, don’t you think? Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Everyone was so mad when we didn’t do Jesseuary this month – and guess what, I get it! I’m mad at me, too! Punish us good by signing up for YKS Premium…it’s the only way we’ll learn! This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands: Rocket Money - We all have too many subscriptions. I’ve heard of some people who are actually getting bugs delivered to their houses every month. Really??? Well no, but you can imagine if they did. And that says a lot about society. Eliminate unnecessary subscriptions, like BugMail, with Rocket Money. RocketMoney.com/YKSBetterHelp - We all could use a little help sometimes. But it would be nice if the help was from an empathetic, qualified professional. I’ve been talking to a cuff! Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/yksHoney - Coupon codes…friend AND foe? Where are they when we need them! Hiding, like the cowards they are. Smoke ‘em out of their holes, with Honey! JoinHoney.com/YKSNordVPN - EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/YKS Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!

A new YKS! That’s Pawesome! On today’s show, we’re doing a little fashion show with a guy who I would say seems to be making an actionable threat on our lives, a cell phone app that somehow is even more annoying than being normal called on the phone, and the devastating story of a 6 year old’s dream to run a bandsaw for pwesident twump! And we did it all without Producer Dan! Let’s all prove that anything is possible, and that two guys who have been doing this for several years know how to make a show kind of! Now that’s Bark-some!  Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan (even when he’s sick!). Yes, you heard right, Jesseuary has moved to March! But don’t fret, because we’ve got a great month planned over on YKS Premium. This week, we’re joined by Aaron and Stefan from I Hate This Team for an iced-out edition of YKScapades! This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands: Athletic Greens - Green is one of the primary colors. And one of the primary things you need in your body is vitamins. But where to get them, what kind to get, it’s crazy,  and you’d probably have to get a degree in Vitaminology to figure it out. Well not anymore, because Athletic Greens AG1 put ‘em all together and all ya gotta do is sip. Get a free 1 year supply Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/YKSFactor - There are a lot of factors when it comes to meeting our goals, and oh my god I just realized why the company is called that. It’s important to be curious about the world around you, folks. Sometimes you learn something. And sometimes you eat something really good! Like a delicious, healthful, ready to eat meal delivered straight to your doorstep, with Factor. Get it?? Get 50% off your first box at FactorMEALS.com/YKS50

Back in the day, things just seemed a lot simpler, didn't they? You made your own card games to sell on Kickstarter, you dookied on a leaf in the woods, and could put your hand right on the shopping buggies! But not anymore. We've all taken the high heels off, gone woke, and turned our brains to hamburger. All to satisfy our Kinky Kravings! And just when you think it can't get any more HORNY, here comes a new YKS down the pike! So grab a hot wire, download this ep and get your first dub in a while! It's YKS time, baby!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium...They're more than great coats! That's just a fun reference to an old commercial from the 1990s. And really, when you get down to it, a reference to an old commercial is basically content. Basically Content -- That's the YKS Premium motto, and never before has it been more true than this past week's episode, in which we debuted the Night of 1000 Segments! It was kind of a fun deconstruction of podcasting which skewered the format while also having some funny songs about poop in it. All that and hundreds of hours of similarly highbrow content, with video, and more, available now at Patreon.com/YourKickstartersucks.This episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands:NordVPN -- EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/YKS Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!

Hey everyone it’s time to write the episode description for YKS: Your Kickstarter Sucks. The key to this is to have basically a paragraph of things that show up below the episode file and are only accidentally seen when someone inadvertently swipes their finger on the screen in a weird way. As a result, it doesn’t make any difference what I actually write. Like this! Wahoo! On this week’s show, we got a new way to do something with a bug, one guy trying to convince his wife and himself that he’s not stupid for running into the garage with his bike on top of his car, and a way to be even ruder to restaurant servers! It’s about fucking time!! I was going to start shitting in my seat! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Need 100% more YKS in your life? (Kevin Harlan voice) Yes! That’s why they invented YKS Premium. Get a bonus episode every week and more, for just a little shitdick fuck piss $5 a month!This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Factor – When it comes to getting food in your system, it’s hard to beat the convenience of meals. That is, unless, you get someone else to cook the meals for you and send them right to your door. But that could never happen, right??? Get 60% off your first box at Factor75.com/YKS60BetterHelp –  Now this is nice. It says here you can now, through the advent of modern computer technology, Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks