Your Internet Boyfriends

This week, Denis and Mark kick things off with a very serious investigation into the gutters (yes, those ones), the anatomy of thirst traps, and why Mark is suddenly wearing a very small Manchester United jersey. Then it’s on to festive drama: Denis’ roommate brings home a real Christmas tree that looks like “two feet tall and four feet wide,” sparking a full discussion on fat trees, skinny spikes, counter-top decorating and the long-running Christmas tree wars in Ennis. Elsewhere, Mark battles through a rainy Monday tour with one loudly problematic tourist who insists on calling him British, while his silent wife and mortified daughter form a Greek chorus of despair. Denis argues for a legally sanctioned “one day a year” where you’re allowed to tell someone to feck off without consequences.And then:Denis accidentally gets himself into a gay flirtation on the streeta woman in front responds by turning it into a competitive runwaythe world’s most stressful restaurant bathroom key systemthe moment Mark explains the subtle technique known as “reversing into someone” in a gay barWeekly queer/straight comedy, Irish nostalgia and two men trying to understand flirting, football jerseys and festive decor all at once.Hit Follow — your Internet Boyfriends are backing in gently.

This week, Mark and Denis reveal their biggest news yet - Your Internet Boyfriends are hosting a full live show at the Pleasance Theatre in London on March 5th, 2026. Live podcast, cabaret bits, songs, dancing, kissing, and a very secret special guest.We also catch up on:Mark’s “peekaboo T-shirt” styling hack2,000 fairy lights turning Denis’ flat into a migrainewinter eating, waffles, eggs, beans and the “winter tonne”Mark’s dramatic birthday routine (rain walk, emo playlist, existential crisis)nostalgic Shaggy deep-dives and singing wildly inappropriate lyrics as younginsKorn, Mr. Boombastic, and the boyband eras we’d all rather forgetthe micro-dramas of Irish news: runaway dogs, sleepy women, and national bus updatesEnnis being “torn asunder” by pedestrianisation warsCork paving over its park with seven million euro of concreteWeekly queer straight comedy, Irish nostalgia, and the warm comfort of two men overthinking everything.Hit Follow - Your Internet Boyfriends are braced for winter and buzzing for the live show.

Denis and Mark are celebrating the return of the iconic Juno Birch to the podcast, catching up on her latest adventures and the wild world of monkeys stealing phones.This week, Denis tries to explain Ireland’s sudden football glory to Mark including Troy Parrott’s hat-trick and a parrot in Dublin Zoo who’s now somehow part of the story. We also unpack whether “boyfriend” is officially lame, when someone becomes a “partner,” and why office small talk has turned into a full-time sexuality guessing game.Meanwhile, George the cat is testing everyone’s patience with attempted mouth-licking and the constant risk of escape. Denis shares the terror of misgendering pets (“owners get very offended”) and Mark reveals his cat-sitting technique that basically involves slithering through a doorway like a break-in.We also cover:Wish the Lindsay Lohan box office smash misjudging in the officesubtle (and not subtle) ways to “fish” for informationpet gender etiquette and why dogs are apparently all maleGeorge’s lonely boy era and his fish-on-a-string routinethe stress of cat-sitting in a busy London neighbourhoodDenis blushingSaturday-morning-TV crew gigglescinema dates, £30 tickets, and bougie popcornEveryman cinema beds, pizzas and £7 sweetsGeorge Clooney ruining movie intros with his broken Nespresso adHit Follow — your Internet Boyfriends are here again.

This week’s catch-up delivers:Denis accidentally witnessing a full arse on Bond Street,Mark seeing two (planned) arses,flirtation with two trendy Berlin lads,and the shocking moment a £17 brunch served them two sad fingernail-sized nuggets of “buttermilk chicken.”We also get into kombucha that tastes like the hot press, sink swamps, knives-as-snacks, Christmas décor trauma, Toymaster flashbacks, and Denis forgetting to compliment the cycling blouse that sent Instagram feral.Elsewhere, the lads chat about Lily Allen’s new album — her first in years — and the scandal that’s come with its brutally honest lyrics. There’s also talk of Paddington: The Musical, the stage adaptation nobody saw coming but somehow everyone’s talking about.A very normal week in queer London life — with more arses than necessary.

Denis spots a Mark lookalike speeding through Brixton on a bizarre new mode of transport, sparking confusion, curiosity, and a mild identity crisis. Meanwhile, the real Mark ends up being apprehended by Ikea security for some alleged shoplifting. Between Brixton sightings, flat-pack drama, and public embarrassment, it’s been an eventful few days. Elsewhere, the lads chat about Ireland’s newly elected president Catherine Connolly, a newly purchased red mask, and the tricky business of finding the right birthday gift. Plus, there’s a nostalgic revisit to that unforgettable scene from Scary Movie. You know, the one with the ear and the, yup.

This week, Mark and Denis dive into grooming resets, runaway pinkies, mid-shower revelations, and a disastrously timed naked moment involving a cat cone and a very bright kitchen light. There’s talk of uneven tans, eyebrow maintenance, the return of George the indoor cat, and Denis’s trip to the Frieze Art Fair - complete with opinions on contemporary pieces, massive coats, and the surprising price of a glass of rosé. The lads also get into passwords, facial recognition, and the eternal struggle of modern tech, before finishing with a conversation about twins on Twitter who may have gone a step too far.Denis’ involuntary pinky and Birdcage flashbacksHair, beard, brow, and tan maintenanceThe Barcelona/Ballinasloe hand-colour issueA naked cat-cone situation gone wrongGeorge the indoor icon makes a reappearanceDramatic coats and fashion peoplePassword overload and tech irritationsFacial recognition masks and questionable possibilitiesTwins online doing… more than expectedFollow for more boyfriends every week.

Mark dishes the goss from the Attitude Awards while Denis bumps into huge celebrities in London before the two lads check in with their international boyfriend Jonny B fresh from his undercover trip to an Irish football match.

This week we’re recording from Shorty’s Barbershop in Hackney to mark World Mental Health Day - so naturally we end up talking about everything from disastrous childhood haircuts to modern dating etiquette and the surprising durability of hairpieces.Denis relives the agony of barbers who never listened (“leave it long on top” apparently meant nothing), school photos ruined by DIY fringe disasters, and the horror of seeing your own head from all angles on CCTV. Mark opens up about the rumours that he was secretly wearing a wig.We also cover:the man with the perfect, unshakeable hairpiecetablets that make your hair grow back (not medical advice, babes)Mark's rom-com-level Soho “affair” at the corner of a sex shopwhy messaging for weeks is hell - just go on the datethe tiny chit-chat after sex that ruins the momentDenis' accidental marital crisis over four walnutsarses on Lidl scannersdropping the “perfect version” of yourselfchildhood bowl cuts and page-boy erastherapy and all our feelingsHit Follow — your Internet Boyfriends are freshly trimmed and oversharing again.