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Women Under Pressure

Emotional Labor: What Composure Actually Costs You

Ep. 6
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This episode is about emotional labor and the gap between what you feel and what you actually show when a job requires composure. Kristen looks at why staying steady for others has a cost, even when you look calm on the outside. She separates the research on display rules, surface acting and expressive suppression from her own clinical view, then asks a simple question: did you calm down, or did you just look calm?


Some takeaways:

  • What display rules are and how they shape which emotions feel acceptable to show at work
  • The difference between surface acting and deep acting, and why surface acting is more consistently linked to exhaustion
  • Why hiding your feelings can increase physiological strain even when you appear calm
  • Why generic advice to just feel your feelings misses what composure actually costs
  • How gendered expectations add pressure, including research on how women's anger gets judged differently depending on whether a reason is given
  • A reflection practice to try this week: pick one moment you had to pull yourself together, then ask what you actually felt versus what you showed, and whether you calmed down or just looked calm


Connect with Kristen:

🌐 Frontline Wellness Group

📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment

🎙️ Work with Kristen

📱 Instagram


Chapters:

00:00 Introduction

00:38 The Quiet Pressure

01:18 The Switch You Make

04:21 The Unspoken Rules at Work

04:58 Surface Acting vs. Deep Acting

07:26 Suppression and the Body’s Stress Response

09:36 Gendered Expectations at Work

12:55 A Weekly Reflection Practice

13:51 A Clinical Note and Next Steps

15:06 Outro and Free Leadership Assessment

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