What Matters Most

Change is the one thing we count on in life and yet it gets easier. Whether it's a career shift, a new relationship, a move, or just a subtle shift in priorities, change has a way of throwing us off balance.In this episode of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui take on the complex topic of navigating life transitions, big and small. Our brains treat change as a threat, even when it's something positive or long-awaited. Jacqui dives into the neuroscience behind why our minds crave stability, how rapid changes overwhelm us, and why our ancestors had to deal with the pace of change we face today.They explore why some people thrive on novelty while others struggle to adapt, and how personality traits and attachment styles play a huge role in how we cope.Jacqui offers insight into why emotional regulation is crucial when life throws us a curveball and why sometimes, just getting up and taking a shower is the best first step. The episode focuses on practical strategies like practicing cognitive flexibility and reframing our mindset. One key tip: shift from "bouncing back" to "bouncing forward," focusing on how you grow from the experience rather than trying to get back to how things were.It's about being adaptable. Learning to handle change is like building a muscle: it takes conscious effort, but the results are worth it.

In this episode of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui tackle one of psychology's most misunderstood concepts: boundaries. Despite becoming a pop psychology buzzword, the reality of setting healthy boundaries is far more nuanced than social media makes it seem.The hosts explore why boundary-setting feels so intimidating, particularly when online discourse oversimplifies their true purpose. As Antonia observes, "The problem with how boundaries are often discussed online is that they sound like ultimatums. That's not how relationships actually work." Jacqui builds on this insight, explaining that boundaries are fundamentally about your own behavior: what you're willing to do or accept, rather than controlling others.Together, they discuss practical strategies for recognizing when a boundary is needed, how to communicate it effectively, and why consistency matters even when others push back. At their core, boundaries protect your emotional space while respecting others' autonomy. They're about creating clarity, not building walls.This episode offers a thoughtful, real-world perspective on honoring your needs while preserving your relationships. As Jacqui emphasizes, boundaries aren't about cutting people off. They're about being clear with yourself first, then communicating those limits with grace and intention.

In the hierarchy of modern relationships, friendship occupies a peculiar position: essential to our wellbeing, central to our happiness, yet always relegated to the emotional back burner when life gets serious. Romance gets the red carpet but friendship gets the leftover energy.The episode looks at the particular challenges of millennial friendship maintenance, the juggling act of careers, partnerships, children, and the basic maintenance of adult existence. Balancing connection with the demands of daily life feels overwhelming, and friendships slip through the cracks.Jacqui takes us back to basics: friendship is about presence. Small, consistent actions make all the difference. The voice note trumps the dinner party. The quick check-in beats the elaborate gesture. Consistency is the currency that matters. They tackle the friendship emotions everyone talks about: the guilt of being available enough, the little pang of jealousy when a friend's life looks more polished than yours, and why being a good friend means showing up as you are. The episode's most potent revelation: being a good friend means resisting the urge to fix, to solve, to optimize. The most profound gift you offer is being willing to sit in someone else's mess while trying to clean it up.In a world obsessed with romantic partnerships, this is a love letter to our friends. 

Originally inspired by Mel Robbins ‘Let Them Theory’ in this episode of What Matters Most, Antonia and Jacqui dive into the psychology of control; why we crave it, where it comes from, and how it can impact our lives and relationships. Together, they unpack the evolutionary roots of our need to control, the difference between agency and unhealthy control, and why sometimes letting go feels so hard. Jacqui shares insights from psychological research on the brain’s response to uncertainty and how control can be both a survival mechanism and a way to mask deeper fears. They also discuss the impact on those who feel controlled and how to break cycles of control with practical, evidence-based strategies.Whether you’re someone who thrives on structure or finds yourself caught in a cycle of micromanaging, this episode offers a nuanced look at why control can feel both comforting and confining. Antonia brings her usual candor and curiosity, while Jacqui offers thoughtful, research-backed insights into how we can start loosening our grip…without losing ourselves in the process.

This week, Antonia and Jacqui perform surgery on one of society's most beloved obsessions. It’s the quiet saboteur of your happiness, hiding behind seemingly admirable qualities like ambition and high standards. It can push you to achieve great things, but perfectionism can also leave you paralyzed, afraid to start anything you might not excel at.Jacqui breaks down the science behind perfectionism. It's more than wanting to do well, it's an all-consuming need to be flawless. Perfectionism takes different forms: the drive to succeed, the pressure to appear perfect, or the need to control every detail. Each variety comes with its own particular challenges but Jacqui shares tools for managing when it’s crossed the line from helpful to harmful.Antonia brings the conversation into sharp relief with her own experiences, reflecting on the pressure to perform as an actress and the stress of getting every little thing just right. The peculiar terror of being seen as imperfect in a profession that trades in fantasy.

We have never had access to so much information. But does it help or hurt us when it comes to seeking answers to support our mental health? The answer may surprise you.Because there was so much more to cover in last week's episode, Antonia and Jacqui dive even deeper into the world of therapy.They tackle the avalanche of self-diagnosis, offering advice on how to ensure you get the correct diagnosis and the right support.Jacqui shares her views on self-help books and provides credible resources for those who may not have access to therapy. The prohibitive cost of therapy is another issue the girls unpack.This episode is one that everyone will find helpful because, let's be honest, we could all use some guidance in figuring out what is fact and what is fiction.