Episode 100 - Star Trek: The Motion Picture (Part 1)
Season 1, Ep. 100
Morale is high as the Warped crew shoves off on its 100th episode! Our journey through science fiction history takes a great leap forward with Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and we are so excited WE CAN'T STOP YELLING FOR SOME REASON! Matt hits bullseyes all night, starting with Box Office Trivia, and cues up a chorus from his upgraded library of sounds. Our critical eyes are quickly drawn to beige uniforms, mystery belt buckles, and "VPL". Shawn shaves his head for science, but grows his hair back out in the interest of world peace. They put fasteners on the chairs, but Jake still isn't satisfied. We close the show with the most epic podcast retrospective trivia game ever conceived: Warped Trivia.
Episode 99 - Flowers in the Attic (Part 2)
Season 1, Ep. 99
The Stanford Prison Experiment takes podcast form as the Warped crew descends into a madness that can only be achieved by willingly subjecting oneself to the second half of Flowers in the Attic (1987). To keep the voices at bay, we spoil the rabbit and accidentally reveal how Minh is getting shafted. We talk about who dresses as what when it's time for our Twin Peaks cosplay. Poor "the America"... never getting to see all the nudity it expects and deserves. This flick gets added to the list of the CDC's Most Hated Movies. Any good Dungeons & Dragons party would know that this is the kind of house that can only be solved with fire. As the last vestiges of our humanity fade into a miasma of crushed angel statues, we manage to discuss the best counter to a looming creeper, the dangers of Vitamin D deficiency, and the proliferation of hirsute youngsters. Go ahead and give us a listen for the sake of the blood-related lady friends in your life. After all, you know what they say: "Happy Sister, Happy Mister."
Episode 98 - Flowers in the Attic (Part 1)
Season 1, Ep. 98
There's a noticeable lack of Flowers in the Attic-related podcast content available on the internet, and we at Warped are doing our part to fill in the gaps. As we plan our spin-off show, "Murder, They Watched", we ponder how one should Google the dark web and the quantity of lashes one should receive for messing around with your half-uncle. Our meandering discourse takes us on a journey from Once Bitten to The Goonies to shirt tucking, short shorts, and highwaters. Erin explains away marital infidelity with the help of her old friend Accidental Insertion. We're crestfallen at the lack of salacious content in the attic, so we overcompensate with the power of imagination. Shawn makes a casual observation and DOES NOT minimize the suffering of Anne Frank. He asked me to make that clear. We close things out with a salute to popular guard dogs of the 1980's that have since fallen out of fashion, and find comfort in the fact that at least they had their day in the sun, doing lines of coke on their speed boats... and then Erin almost kills Matt.
Episode 97 - How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth / The Counter-Clock Incident
Season 1, Ep. 97
The excitement is palpable as we reach the end of Star Trek: The Animated Series. Our special guest Kylie returns to the show, and we immediately ask her about alien genitalia. We pour out an extensive amount of beverage for those we have lost this year; the list is long and our sorrow runs deep. Matt bares his soul while revisiting the trauma of losing on Jeopardy. Corrections Corner takes us into a deeper exploration of the pornography situation in East Asia. Winnie the Pooh gets banned, we celebrate the performance artist Yoko Ono, and find out all the things we get wrong when Matt and Shawn aren't around. Matt teases an epic quiz, so take this opportunity to study old Warped episodes, because you definitely have time to fit that into your life. We hope you had a great year, we hope you get a little bit of entertainment, joy, or even just a little diversion from our silly little show, and we are extremely grateful to all our listeners. We look forward to bringing you more of the most completely unnecessary commentary in 2020! Have a Happy New Year and don't forget to hit that bell!
Episode 96 - The Practical Joker / Albatross
Season 1, Ep. 96
All hands are at battle stations! Warped is back to its full complement of expendable redshirts. As we round the home stretch on Star Trek: The Animated Series, a new special guest joins the show, and despite the excitement of our reunion we let her get a word in from time to time. Ugly is such an ugly word, but when you look upon square-shaped alien nostrils, you will truly know what it is to gaze into a dual-abyss of monstrous horror. We trace the origins of Ugg footwear to an advanced alien species, and Matt celebrates his life's calling as morning radio show sound effects guy. While things up on the screen slow down, we take the opportunity to refresh our beverages. Philippe does some visual humor that will not play well via podcast, so be prepared for that. Correction Corner brings the fire with references to Hee Haw, ZZ Top, apple detectives, our achin' bones, the end of Voyager, new Data, old De Niro, and we even work in a recommendation for The Fall.
Episode 95 - The Pirates of Orion / Bem
Season 1, Ep. 95
Matt, Shawn, and Jake continue their own private rumspringa with some serious complaints about the muddling of alien names in Star Trek. We're taking the opportunity to catch up on our latest Warped Recommendations (and Warped Things to Avoid). Matt looks back at his favorite films of the decade. We begin our inevitable transition into a much more marketable True Crime / Star Trek hybrid podcast. Jake rants about Death Stranding and the video game trends that it represents; he doesn't really know how to feel about it without the help of the sound board. Before the sun goes down on this week's episode, we weigh in on The Good Place, Queer Eye, Unbelievable, The Politician, Watchmen, His Dark Materials, Mad Max: Fury Road, Upstream Color, My Favorite Murder envy, and our future tour, which we are absolutely scrambling to organize before the deadline in 2021.
Episode 94 - The Eye of the Beholder / The Jihad
Season 1, Ep. 94
Warped is down to a skeleton crew of deck swabbers while everyone else is off on shore leave. Shawn, Matt, and Jake miss having the extra bodies around to validate their quips with laughter. We throw things together at the last minute as an homage to the recent televised production of The Little Mermaid Live, and we share our thoughts on the recent spate of live TV musicals. Matt talks about being a guest on another podcast, which, other than Baby Yoda, is the most exciting thing to ever happen to this podcast. Without all the extra judgment of the extra crew members, the "OG3" (cue Matt cringing) are free to share their real thoughts on The Mandalorian, High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, and Encore. We're losing a lot of homies these days; Shawn pours one out for Rob Garrison, Ric Ocasek, Eddie Money, Cokie Roberts, and Aron Eisenberg. Fortunately, Matt comes back with a bathroom etiquette story that alleviates our collective existential anxiety.
Episode 93 - The Ambergris Element / The Slaver Weapon
Season 1, Ep. 93
Is it Amber-GRISS? Amber-GREE? Some pronunciation issues get things off to a rocky start. When you mansplain to a man, that's just called being a dick, so, instead, let's talk about the movie sequels that pick up right where the previous title left off. Whale spunk was hot at Matt's high school. Minh checks the box on his signature inappropriate question of the week by turning his all-seeing eye on the human climax. We confirm that Scooby-Doo has eyes. Shawn shows us that he is a true prince by flexing his 90's music trivia muscle to excellent effect.Oh, wait! This episode doesn't count BECAUSE IT TAKES PLACE ON THE HOLODECK! Now go watch the Great British Baking Show (or Bake Off, if that's what it's called where you are) so we can talk about it.
Episode 92 - The Terratin Incident / The Time Trap
Season 1, Ep. 92
This week, Matt is humoring Minh so we don't have to talk about Howard Hughes, but hey, you know, sometimes a clock is wrong twice. We get into a game of "Which Star Trek Character Are You?" and discuss our love languages. We could use some help from our audience to decode some of these Cher tweets. One of the smaller music acts coming out of the 80's gets a boost from the Warped Crew.We lip jam some of our favorite TV show theme songs. Minh is "otterly" disturbed at the thought of being with a bear. Our apologies go out to the Foo Fighters for not loving them the way we should. Woodstock 99 has no avocado toast, so we're going to have to VH1 vanish ourselves the frak out of here. Send our regards to the glory hole!