Tombanter Patreon Feed

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi everybody I wanted to talk to you about some directional shifts that are going to be happening. Last time I addressed the Patreon it was a public statement because it concerned listeners in the public sphere. This message is only for my patrons.

Most of you are extremely supportive and offer nothing but kind encouragement and a positive attitude when greeting me or talking to or about me. I appreciate that, thank you for your candor, your honesty, your transparence, and the respect you show when you communicate with me directly -- that goes a long way in building community and trust.

There is most of you who recognize that I am an independent artist free from the events and activities that occur in other artists spaces and communities and I value your confidence in my personal integrity. I am extremely thankful for a community that recognizes human error and the respect for those around him to recognize and address such errors.

Although many of you are wary to directly interact with me or contact me, I know that despite being made to feel uncomfortable you have respected my privacy whether you believe me to be engaging or not engaging in activities romantic or otherwise. For the record I am very single and that has been by choice because being single is part of what I want to be up to at this point in my life.

All these things including supporting me when I feel incredibly vulnerable because you are a supportive force as I react to forces counter to the generative energy that you all foster for the work you expect me to produce. As your artist and content creator I am foremost interested in that generative energy.

And if you do not like me yet remain here, that sort of participation is non generative for creating work that got you here in the first place, so if that is the case, I am not interested in that, it is not something I am wanting to be up to.

I have a responsibility to create content and make that available to you. Creating content is the crux of why we are all here. I am happiest when I can create things. But recent trials mostly by forces external to us, but some by individuals among us and spilling non-generative thoughts across other platforms—the defense, scrambling and obligation to those has become the dominant feeling culture for me. This is mentally and emotionally taxing, and I would like to share with you why.

I bet many of you are creatives and participate in some sort of creative process. But there are also those of you who do not create as a sustained method of expression or communication.

I spoke in my public address about being an artist and wanting to facilitate an open environment that emphasized safety for everyone involved. I spoke about my daily involvement in the activities on our discord server as well as the multiple interactive weekly events I facilitate and interact in.

What many of you who are not artist identified might understand is the price I as an artist pay for the interaction, I afford you. It is meaningful and important, but also Relational work, transactional, takes from the clock—there is a cost of taking away from the responsibility I am up to—making work for you.

Paying that cost and being unable to relax against the push of threats to my person, my business, our community, all that takes a toll. Sleeping and eating have been difficult, a growing apathy has been washing over me, the ability to create has crossed into a non-generative pattern.

So, I must do something to fix this and bring us back to why we are here: the work.

I cannot stay productive AND interactive to the current degree AND nonstop address PR for threats that are either speculative, attacks on my character, and ALWAYS plain wrong. The greying of my vision I experience feeds from panic, fear, paranoia, and unease over what thing will go wrong next?

I need to take a vacation from the interaction. It is the best of the three factors we can control together. I need some distance from my community so I can feel safe in my own server and space again rather than worry my words just become misconstrued ammunition. I will not be ABSENT. I will still be there every day, and I will still chime in text on occasion. Tuesday night rambles will still be available.

TV and Movie events may or may not be facilitated by me but will continue. Talk to Tom will change to be more open ended rather than another responsibility for me. The Workshop will be closed for the time being.

You can still leave me a message in the new talk to tom, speak to me directly on Patreon DM, or leave me an anonymous message through the feedback form on tombanter.com.

The largest responsibility I have is to shepherd the community that many have told me they call home, I will just be doing it a little more silently and detached, so I can focus on the work that brought us all here to begin with: the audios.