The Unprofessionals

Welcome back to Fuel, Fools & Filth, the only podcast where the lads discuss global fuel prices with the confidence of men who once failed Year 10 maths, then immediately play Cards Against Humanity to remind everyone why we’re not allowed at family gatherings anymore.Tonight’s chaos includes: ⛽ Fuel prices — why they’re rising, who’s to blame, and which lad is definitely filling his tank $5 at a time like he’s on a payment plan with destiny. 🃏 Cards Against Humanity — the game that reveals your friends’ true personalities, and unfortunately, none of them are employable. 🍻 Plus the usual nonsense:One bloke who thinks he can solve the energy crisis with duct tapeAnother who reckons his 2003 Corolla is ‘basically a hybrid’ because he turns the AC off on hillsAnd someone who thinks OPEC is a new burger at Hungry Jack’sSo buckle up — unless you’re Geoff, who refuses seatbelts because ‘they’re just Big Strap trying to control us’ — and get ready for the only podcast where global economics and deeply questionable humour collide like two drunk shopping trolleys at 2am.”

Evo & The Lord Hit a FestivalThey head east, immediately get lost, argue about who was meant to pack the tent, and end up at a festival that smells like sunscreen, dust, and poor decisions. One of them definitely tried to cook sausages on a portable speaker.Edawg Gets COVID… AgainHe’s on infection number ten, which at this point feels less like a virus and more like a long‑term situationship. The boys treat it like a sports stat:“He’s chasing the championship record.”“COVID’s basically his co‑host now.”Middle East Chat (Lad Edition)They try to talk about the week’s global drama but it quickly devolves into:Line ups for fuel Uncle Don dropping more than bombs It’s less analysis, more three blokes trying to explain geopolitics like it’s a pub argument.Social Media WeirdnessThey wrap it up scrolling through the algorithm’s darkest corners:A guy deep‑frying fruitA woman convinced her dog is a reincarnated VikingA trend that looks like NPCs but somehow worseThe lads collectively agree the internet is cooked.

The lads are back and with a man down, but they do have a special guest.Matt Eeles is the founder of Cinema Australia and the director of the WA Made Film Festival.Lights down, snacks ready, and phones on silent—because tonight, we’re diving into a world where stories come alive and reality takes a well‑deserved break. Whether you’re here for the laughs, the thrills, the plot twists, or just the popcorn, settle in and get comfy.The screen is yours, the vibes are immaculate, and the next hour belongs entirely to the magic of cinema.

The lads are back and now tacking on, Fisheries: The lads storm the docks to “fix the fishing industry,” which mostly results in them arguing with a pelican and accidentally dropping someone’s lunch into the ocean. A strong start.Bird Flu: Next, they attempt to investigate bird flu by interrogating pigeons. One lad gets chased by a goose and declares it “an act of biological warfare.”Winter Sex Olympics: They somehow end up at the Winter Sex Olympics, where they’re immediately disqualified for mistaking the warm‑up area for the main event and high‑fiving the judges mid‑performance.Sweet Treats (Top 10 Worst Lollies): To recover, they review the Top 10 Worst Lollies — passionately.Highlights include:Calling licorice “a crime in chewy form”Debating whether those chalky heart candies are food or building materialsOne lad nearly gagging at the smell of banana‑flavored anythingA heated argument about whether jellybeans are “tiny lies”They end the day traumatized, sticky, and furious at the confectionery industry.

The lads link together like this: one bloke tries to buy a Valentine’s gift off Marketplace, but the “cute teddy” he finds looks like it’s survived a small house fire. The seller insists it’s “vintage.” The pickup turns into a full soapie moment when the seller’s ex shows up mid‑handover demanding the teddy back because “it has emotional history.”The lads watch this unfold like it’s Home and Away, offering commentary that makes zero sense but feels spiritually correct. Then, straight from the drama of a Bunnings carpark breakup, they roll into Super Bowl morning, eating chips at 8am and pretending to understand the rules while still emotionally invested in the fate of the one‑eyed teddy.

Yes, the lads are back — like a bad disease — the kind that laughs at antibiotics and thrives on cheap lager. They’ve rolled in with the confidence of men who haven’t done a load of laundry since 2009 and think “meal prep” means buying two pies instead of one.Meanwhile, the kids are back at school, which means your house has instantly transformed into a biological weapons lab. They’ve been back for one day and already brought home:A cough that sounds VictorianA mystery slimeAnd a note from the teacher that says “Please stop sending yoghurt without a lid”And today, because we’re intellectuals, we’re unpacking the world’s diseases — not scientifically, obviously, because the closest we’ve come to medical training is Googling “Is it normal to sneeze this loud”.Then we’re diving into the world’s greatest game shows, the ones that remind you that no matter how messy your life is, at least you didn’t lose $100,000 because you couldn’t spell “BANANA”.We’ve got:The Chase, where a man named “The Beast” ruins dreams for sportFamily Feud, where families discover they actually hate each otherDeal or No Deal, the show that proves humans cannot be trusted with briefcasesSo buckle up, grab a coffee, or whatever keeps your soul attached to your body.The lads are back, the kids are contagious, the world is weird, and this… is your weekly dose of nonsense.

The lads are back, stumbling heroically into the spotlight like they’ve just remembered they left the oven on. Australia’s issues are piling up faster than a Bunnings sausage queue on a Saturday, The Lord has conveniently decided now is the perfect time to go on holidays, and Edawg — bless his chaotic little heart — is somehow left to save the day.With the Lord sipping cocktails somewhere tropical and refusing to answer his phone, the lads are forced to tackle everything from national crises to minor inconveniences, armed with nothing but questionable confidence, half‑baked opinions, and a packet of Shapes they found in the glovebox. Meanwhile, Edawg is out here holding the country together with duct tape, enthusiasm, and a level of improvisation that really shouldn’t work but somehow does.

The lads have dragged themselves back in after the Christmas break looking like they’ve survived a Category 5 family gathering. One bloke’s still peeling from a sunburn so severe he’s basically a walking croissant. Another spent the entire break on the road getting verbally assaulted by every flog with a license and a Bluetooth headset. And then there’s the poor soul who got rostered on through the holidays — he’s aged ten years and now speaks exclusively in passive‑aggressive sighs.Morale is low, caffeine is high, and the group chat is already a war zone. And just when you think the universe might give them a breather, Trump pops back into the headlines doing whatever it is he does — providing enough unintentional comedy to power the entire episode without us lifting a finger