The Strong-but-Struggling Podcast

You know what you do. You know why you do it. You can name the pattern, explain the behavior, trace it all the way back to where it started.And you're still stuck.That's not a failure. That's not a sign you haven't done enough work. That's the difference between understanding your emotions and actually processing them. And most of us were never taught that those are two completely different things.In this episode, Alyssa introduces the somatics of emotions — where feelings actually live when you push them down, what happens in your body when your head is convinced it's handled, and why knowing more will never be the thing that finally gets you unstuck.She opens with the beach ball analogy. You know the one — both hands pushing it underwater, holding it down, until your grip slips and it bonks you right in the face. That's what happens when we suppress instead of process. And that's exactly why so many women decide it's safer to feel nothing at all.Alyssa also shares her own experience of spending years as a therapist understanding trauma, naming patterns, helping clients move through their pain — while quietly intellectualizing her own. Knowing everything. Feeling safe in the knowing. And not realizing that understanding had become the workaround.In this episode:The beach ball analogy — and why suppressing your feelings guarantees they'll come back harderWhy understanding your emotions and processing your emotions are not the same thingThe difference between marinating in a feeling and actually sitting with itYou are the sky. Your emotions are the weather. What that actually means in practice.Why coping skills can keep you stuck in your head instead of moving through what's in your bodyWhat Alyssa's own therapy session last week looked like — and why she and her therapist ended up swaying together on a telehealth callWhy the first step to processing isn't feeling everything at once — it's feeling just enough at a level your body can actually holdThe takeaway: Next time you start to feel overwhelmed, try the sky and weather visualization. You are the sky. Whatever is happening — the anxiety, the grief, the tension in your chest — that's the weather. It's passing through you. It's not you. Can you separate yourself from it just a little? Can you notice it without becoming it? That small shift — that's where processing actually begins.Chapters00:01 Why understanding your emotions isn't enough00:50 The beach ball analogy — what happens when you push feelings down02:58 Where do your feelings actually go when you suppress them?04:32 Alyssa's story: years of understanding trauma without realizing she wasn't feeling it09:04 How knowing became the safe workaround — and why it keeps you stuck15:30 Understanding lives in your head. Healing lives in your body.18:00 The "hurry up and heal" feeling — and why it makes complete sense20:44 The difference between marinating in a feeling and sitting with it22:17 You are the sky. Your emotions are the weather.25:31 What it actually means to process an emotion instead of suppress it26:39 What Alyssa's telehealth therapy session looked like last week28:29 The tension in your chest, the lump in your throat — you can't think your way out of those30:12 The takeaway: knowing isn't the same as processing31:25 The sky and weather visualization in practice36:08 Who Her Steady Circle is for and what happens insideJoin Her Steady Circle Membership — first week freeApply for ReclaimCatch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth

In 2020, Alyssa was hiking down a trail in Glacier National Park when another hiker mentioned someone had spotted a bear nearby.They never saw the bear. But for the rest of that hike, every rustle in the trees, every sound from the brush — her body responded like it was already there. Heart racing. Senses on high alert. Running through exactly what she'd do if it showed up.That's anxiety. Not a character flaw. Not catastrophizing. Not being dramatic. Your nervous system running a safety protocol for a threat that hasn't happened yet — because it has happened before. And your body learned that being prepared hurt less than being caught off guard.In this episode, Alyssa goes into anxiety from the inside out. Not the version about challenging your thoughts or stopping worst-case scenarios. The real version — where it actually lives, what it's actually doing, and why telling yourself to just relax is probably the least helpful thing anyone has ever said to you.In this episode:Why your nervous system can't tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived one — and why that's not a flaw, it's the whole pointHow chaos and unpredictability in the past train your body to scan for danger everywhere — even in the lighting of a roomWhy over-planning, over-controlling, and researching everything until 2am isn't a bad habit — it's a nervous system trying to keep you safeThe anxiety that doesn't look like anxiety: re-reading texts five times before sending, backup plans for your backup plans, a life that looks fine but a body that never fully exhalesWhat stress hormones actually do to every major organ in your body when anxiety runs chronicallyAlyssa's personal stories — an unpredictable marriage where the rug got pulled out repeatedly, and going through IVF and the specific kind of anxiety that comes with tracking everything and still controlling nothingThe one question to stop asking — and the one to replace it withThe takeaway: Next time anxiety shows up, stop asking "what more do I need to know to feel in control?" and start asking "what does my body need right now in order to feel safe?" Those are completely different questions. One sends you further into research and preparation that will never feel like enough. The other brings you back into your body, into this moment, into what is actually true right now. Try it once this week — and notice what comes up.Chapters00:01 The bear on the trail — and what it has to do with anxiety03:44 What anxiety actually is (and why your body is not broken for having it)06:01 Alyssa's story: an unpredictable marriage and a body that stopped waiting to be surprised08:53 Real threat vs. perceived threat — and why your nervous system doesn't know the difference10:32 What's actually happening in your brain when anxiety fires13:42 How anxiety shows up in ways you don't recognize as anxiety15:32 Over-controlling and over-preparing — and why our culture rewards it16:54 When hypervigilance is also genuinely useful — and where it still gets you stuck18:17 IVF, infertility, and the anxiety of tracking everything while controlling nothing21:45 Control feels safe. Letting go feels more dangerous than the exhaustion of holding on.24:04 What chronic anxiety does to your body physically27:18 Your brain running worst-case scenarios like a movie — and why it can't stop31:47 There is no such thing as enough certainty32:10 The shift: stop asking what you need to know, start asking what your body needs right now35:10 The zebra analogy — what it looks like to only respond to what's actually real37:06 Why this is almost impossible to do aloneJoin Her Steady Circle MembershipApply for ReclaimCatch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth

How are you feeling right now?Not the reflex answer. Not "good" or "fine" or "just really overwhelmed." If you had to put something more specific than that — what would you actually say?For most of us, the answer is: I don't know. Not because we aren't feeling anything. But because somewhere between being a toddler who cried in Target without apologizing for it and being the woman who holds it all together in every room — we got taught to sort our feelings into three categories. Good. Fine. Bad. And we stopped looking any deeper than that.This season, that changes.Season two of the Strong But Struggling Podcast is going emotion by emotion. Not to make you feel more, but to finally give you the words for what is already there. Because the feelings you've been muting, minimizing, and converting into productivity or over-apologizing or deep cleaning your entire house — they didn't go anywhere. Your body has been storing them and getting louder in a language you don't recognize as feelings anymore.That's what this season is about. Learning to listen.Alyssa opens with her own story — the toxic Christian Bible study where she learned her real struggles were too much to say out loud, the marriage where her completely appropriate reactions were called crazy, the years of holding space for her clients' emotions every single day while completely ignoring her own — and what it actually cost her.In this episode:Why your body's alarm system keeps getting louder — and why it's not randomHow you learned to grade your feelings as good or bad instead of asking what they're actually trying to tell youThe thing no one ever told you: there is no such thing as a bad feelingWhat anger, jealousy, numbness, grief, and rage are actually trying to communicate — and why they're not the enemyWhy you can understand your patterns perfectly and still have no idea what you're feeling in your bodyWhat secondary emotions are and why you rarely feel just one thing at a timeThe practice for this week — and how to get Alyssa's emotion pinwheel sent directly to youThe takeaway: This week, just start collecting words. When someone asks how you are — or when you catch yourself reaching for "fine" — try to say something different. A body sensation counts. "Heavy" counts. "Like I want to crawl into a hole" absolutely counts. You don't have to know what to do with it yet. You're just learning to name it. That's where this all starts.Chapters00:01 How are you actually feeling? The question most of us can't answer01:29 What season two is about and why emotions come first04:07 The moment someone asked how you were doing and you said "fine"06:42 What happens in your body every time you mute a feeling08:33 When the alarm gets louder — chronic pain, insomnia, snapping, spiraling10:26 Alyssa's story: the Bible study, the marriage, and learning that her emotions were too much17:58 Leaving and going into go-go-go mode — holding space for everyone else while ignoring herself20:14 How we learned to sort feelings into good and bad — starting in childhood24:44 There is no such thing as a bad feeling26:28 Secondary emotions — feeling an emotion about your emotion28:17 The whole season in one sentence29:36 What emotions have you been calling bad that were just uncomfortable?34:15 This season is not about feeling more — it's about finally getting the words37:18 Your practice for the week38:59 How to get the emotion pinwheelJoin Her Steady Circle Membership — your first week is freeApply for ReclaimDM Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth to get the emotion pinwheel sent directly to you

Ten episodes in.And before we go any further — thank you. For getting in the car with me. For doing the dishes with me. For showing up week after week, even when the topics hit places you weren't totally ready to look at.That means something.This episode is a little different. Alyssa is closing out season one with the seven truths that have made the biggest difference in her own life — not the things she learned from a book, but the things she had to live through before they actually landed. The ones she wishes someone had handed her back when she was in grad school, pregnant, in an abusive marriage, holding it all together on the outside while quietly unraveling inside.If you've been doing the right things and still feel stuck, this episode is the one to save.In this episode:Why survival mode doesn't always look like chaos — sometimes it looks like the most competent, put-together woman in the roomWhy discipline, planning, and willpower will never fix what is actually a nervous system problemWhat distress tolerance actually means (hint: it is not getting better at handling more)Why you don't have to forgive people who did unforgivable things in order to move on — and what happened when Alyssa finally stopped trying toThe real reason you can't stop even when you're running on empty — and why that vacation didn't fix itThe difference between rest you choose and rest your body takes from you because you never gave it a chanceWhy healing alone is why you keep starting over — and what co-regulation actually looks like in practiceThe takeaway: One of these seven truths probably landed harder than the others. That's the one to sit with this week. You don't have to do anything with it yet. Just notice it. Let it be true for a second without immediately trying to fix it or think your way out of it. That noticing — that's already the work.Chapters00:10 Ten episodes in — thank you for being here01:59 Why Alyssa made this podcast and what this season has been about02:56 Her story: grad school, an abusive marriage, and trying to think her way through all of it09:12 Truth #1: Survival mode doesn't always look like chaos — sometimes it looks like competence13:28 Truth #2: Discipline won't fix what your body is protecting you from17:49 Truth #3: Distress tolerance isn't learning to handle more — it's learning to come back to yourself20:19 Truth #4: You don't have to forgive people who did unforgivable things24:27 Truth #5: Most burnout isn't from doing too much — it's from never feeling safe enough to stop26:33 Truth #6: The rest you're getting probably isn't real rest29:17 Microdosing regulation — why small shifts matter more than big resets31:07 Truth #7: Healing alone is why you keep starting over35:24 The workshop moment — the woman who hadn't showered in five days and the room that understood38:06 What's coming in season two45:09 Her Steady Circle membership — what it is and how to joinJoin Her Steady Circle MembershipApply for ReclaimCatch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth

You hear yourself mid-sentence with your kid and stop. The tone, the wording, the way it came out — it doesn't sound like you. It sounds like someone else. Someone you grew up with.You repair it. You apologize. You do the thing you never got. And it's real, and it matters.But there's another voice. She doesn't care about the repair. She wants to know why you keep doing this, why you need so many repairs, why no matter how hard you try, you sound more like your mom than you want to admit.That voice is the inner critic. And in this episode, Alyssa isn't going to teach you how to silence her, argue with her, or replace her with positive thoughts. She's going to show you something most people miss entirely: your inner critic has a job. She's not your enemy. She's a protector running someone else's script — and once you understand what she's actually protecting you from, your relationship with her changes completely.Alyssa shares the story of meeting her now-husband at 28, after years of healing work, and introducing herself by listing every "bad" thing about her — nagging, controlling, a bitch — like a disclaimer. It wasn't until she'd been in a safe relationship long enough to notice those traits never actually showed up that she realized: she had been introducing herself using her ex's words. Her inner critic had absorbed someone else's cruelty so completely that it had started sounding like self-awareness.In this episode:Where the inner critic actually comes from — and why it rarely traces back to just one sourceThe difference between being regulated and being calm 100% of the time (it's not what you think)Why your inner critic gets louder, not quieter, every time you try to fight herAlyssa's story of giving her now-husband a "warning label" about herself before they even started datingWhy getting yourself first feels safer than being caught off guard by someone else's criticismThe real work: not silencing the critic, but asking her what she's afraid will happen if she stopsThe takeaway: The next time that voice shows up, get curious instead of combative. Ask her: what are you protecting me from right now? What are you afraid will happen if you stop? Usually the answer is fear of rejection, fear of being "too much," fear of being caught off guard. You don't have to agree with her or fight her. You just have to hear her — that's how she finally gets to rest.Chapters00:00 The moment you hear yourself sound like someone else03:02 Meet the inner critic — and why we're not trying to silence her06:21 Where the inner critic's voice actually comes from09:34 When criticism is dressed up as caring10:55 The societal voice — impossible standards, absent support14:38 What "being regulated" actually means18:00 Alyssa's story: the disclaimer she gave her now-husband23:51 Realizing the traits she warned him about never showed up24:50 A different way to relate to your inner critic — validate, don't fight29:41 What your inner critic is actually afraid of35:24 Whose voice is that, really?40:00 How to practice getting curious instead of combative44:24 The deeper work in Reclaim Your SteadyApply for ReclaimCatch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth

If you broke your leg and sat down in the ER, and someone walked in who had lost their leg entirely — would you get up and leave? Would you decide your fracture didn't count anymore and walk out to figure it on your own?Of course not. Their worse injury doesn't fix yours.And yet that's exactly what you do with your own pain. If someone else has it worse, you don't bring it up. If someone else has fewer resources, you tell yourself you don't have the right to struggle. So you keep walking around on a broken leg, calling it fine, telling yourself you just need to be more grateful.In this episode, Alyssa names something that so many women have lived but never had language for — the way pain gets minimized by the people who are supposed to support you, the way empathy gets used against you the moment it points inward instead of outward, and what happens when this gets done to you enough times that you eventually start doing it to yourself.Alyssa shares her own story from after her divorce — accepting childcare help from her ex-in-laws that looked like support on the surface but came with control, comparison, and a Harvard study about what divorce does to kids, while never once acknowledging what addiction does to a child. She unpacks why she could name every clinical dynamic at play and still stayed stuck in it, and what it actually took to let herself feel it instead of just explain it.In this episode:The "at least" minimization — why comparing your pain to someone else's "worse" situation isn't perspective, it's invalidationHow to spot help that isn't really help: support that comes with control, conditions, or someone else's agenda attachedAlyssa's story of accepting childcare help from her ex-in-laws after leaving an abusive marriage — and what it actually cost herWhy your empathy is only celebrated when it benefits someone else, and gets called "too much" the moment it turns toward your own needsThe difference between understanding why someone couldn't show up for you and needing them to have shown up anywayWhy grief and compassion aren't opposites — you're allowed to hold both for the same person at the same timeThe takeaway: Finish this sentence this week — "I've extended compassion to this person for this thing, and I've never extended the same compassion to myself for what it cost me." You don't have to remove anyone from the equation. You're just adding yourself into it.Chapters00:00 The broken leg analogy02:04 How minimizing your pain gets taught to you by others, then becomes your own habit07:13 Extending grace to someone who hurt you — and what it costs09:11 The complicated grief of figuring out parenting without ever being parented12:38 Why empathy is only valued when it benefits someone else14:29 Alyssa's story: childcare help from her ex-in-laws after leaving an abusive marriage22:00 Naming the dynamics clinically vs. actually feeling them25:38 The "at least" minimization29:33 Help that isn't really help — support with conditions attached31:39 Why women get trapped in caregiving roles33:21 Noticing who only calls you "too sensitive" when it doesn't serve them35:31 Where are you extending compassion you've never given yourself?38:25 Holding both compassion and grief at the same time41:34 Your practice for the weekApply for ReclaimCatch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth

There's a conversation happening in your head right now.Maybe it's the one from three days ago that you've been editing ever since — what you should have said, what they probably thought, whether you overshared. Maybe it's the one you haven't had yet, the one you've already rehearsed six different ways, including the part where he misunderstands you and how you'll clarify. Maybe it's the argument you're having in the shower with someone who doesn't even know there's an issue.And while all of that is running in the background, you are also tracking your partner's mood when he walks through the door, whether your kid is off today and what that means for bedtime, whether your mom seemed short on the phone and if it was about you. You are running a full emotional weather service for every single person in your life.And nobody — including you — is checking the forecast for you.In this episode, Alyssa gets into the deeper layer of the mental and emotional load. Not just the schedules and the lunches and the dentist appointments — the invisible labor that doesn't live on any to-do list. The constant tracking, anticipating, pre-managing, and monitoring that has been running since the moment you woke up, at a cost no one is acknowledging.Including you.In this episode:The invisible workload that lives underneath the physical one — and why it's more exhausting than anything on your listWhy you can tell anyone exactly how the people around you are doing, but go blank when someone asks how you areThe story of the client who could read the temperature of every person in her life — and had no idea what her own wasHow being a highly sensitive person in an unpredictable environment taught you to attune outward so completely that your own signal got lost in the noiseWhy you're exhausted at 6pm — not from what you did, but from everything you've been tracking since you woke upWhy the shower arguments and the rehearsed conversations aren't neurotic — they're your nervous system doing the job it learned when being prepared was how you stayed safeThe takeaway: Once today, before you check on anyone else, check on yourself first. Before you ask your partner how their day was, before you read the room at pickup, before you assess anyone's mood — ask yourself: how am I doing? What do I need? It doesn't have to be deep. Maybe you're thirsty. Maybe you're cold. Maybe you just need to put both feet on the floor and take a breath. You don't have to fix anything. You're just practicing the habit of adding yourself to the list.Chapters00:00 The conversations you're having in your head — all day, every day02:06 Running a full emotional weather service for everyone around you04:37 The invisible workload underneath the physical one08:44 "I know everyone's temperature — but I don't know my own"10:20 How an unpredictable parent teaches you to track instead of feel11:54 Being a highly sensitive person in an environment that called it too much16:05 When attuning to others goes into overdrive17:07 Hypervigilance as a nervous system adaptation, not a character flaw23:50 Why you're out of bandwidth by 6pm25:06 Why you rehearse, replay, and pre-manage — and what it's actually costing you27:12 How are you actually doing?29:21 Putting yourself on the list31:46 Sensitivity isn't the problem — it's where it's always been pointed35:06 Your practice for the weekJoin The Living Aligned CollectiveApply for ReclaimCatch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth

Discover why knowing what to do isn't enough for lasting change and how to bridge the invisible gap in your healing journey using body-based strategies and insights. Main Topics:The difference between awareness and embodiment in changeHow patterns are stored in the body, not just in thoughtsThe myth of discipline and the role of nervous system regulationThe impact of watching and modeling behavior, especially in familyPractical steps: connecting with your body and creating a personalized "recipe" for healingThe importance of community and relational healing in sustainable changeTimestamps:00:00 - 02:00: Introduction and grocery store analogy02:01 - 04:00: Closet analogy and pattern storage04:01 - 06:00: Awareness vs. embodiment06:01 - 10:00: Over-identifying with stress10:01 - 14:00: Modeling behavior and family influence14:01 - 18:00: Recipe analogy and embodied change18:01 - 22:00: Recognizing conditioned patterns22:01 - 33:03: Program announcement and practical tipsIn this episode:Explains that behaviors like procrastination and self-sabotage are not rooted in laziness but in deeper pattern storageIntroduces the concept that anxiety, overwhelm, and stress are stored in the body, not just in the mindHighlights how upbringing and environment shape our automatic responses and patternsUses the analogy of baking a cake to differentiate between knowing about change and experiencing it fullyEmphasizes the importance of sensing your body's signals and grounding into bodily awarenessEncourages building a supportive community and reprogramming in relational spacesAnnounces the relaunch of the "Reclaim Your Steady" 12-week program designed to help women feel steady amid life's chaosProvides practical tips: noticing where stress shows up physically, and ways to start connecting with your body's responseResources & Links:Reclaim Your Steady Program Application Aligned Living MembershipConnect with Alyssa:InstagramWebsite