The Rules

Award-winning comedian, writer and podcaster Dane Buckley (Welcome to Hell) schools Simon in the art of tea-making and launches a mutiny to take over the Rulebook itself.

Award-winning stand-up Evaldas Karosas implores Simon to make cities more like villages by introducing everyone to each other's mothers and divvying up the world's information.

Stand-up, writer and presenter Andrew White insists Simon introduce rules to make supermarkets honour their deals, charity shops keep their prices low and football bores stop ruining games for everyone around them.

Multi-award-winning stand-up and writer Heidi Regan urges Simon to silence disruptive noises with withering insults and beefeaters.

Writer, producer, author and stand-up Ashley Blaker (BBC Radio 4's Hyperfixations) begs Simon to make people stop starting conversations about his tattoos and start stopping at zebra crossings.

Writer, actor, comedian and podcaster Tom Crowley (Crowley Time, with me Tom Crowley) persuades Simon to help eradicate meat walls on train platforms with hopscotch and dedicated perv-carriages.

Comedian, actor and presenter Abi Clarke guides Simon towards dramatically restricting small talk and dramatically expanding self-service checkouts and car horns.

Stand-up and actor Lenny Sherman goes into business with Simon to stop people over-sharing their phone conversations and over-feeding their neighbours' cats.