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The New Ark

An Animal Podcast 4 Laughs


Latest episode

  • 16. Flothrowy

    57:02
    In this season finale: a special guest, flies as pets, a productivity hack with hanging anvils and how to catch Kristen Bell. Flies, crows and sloths battle for the final place on the ark. Elliot, Joe and Saf plan how to have 500 children. Same old nonsense. See you next season!

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  • 15. Camels

    40:21
    This episode: the new ark does drinking games, Joe shares wisdoms on pee consistency and Elliot readies arson charges. Also: the camel that shot its owner. Just cos'.
  • 14. Leeches

    34:37
    This week on Ark the musical, we invent leech porn. What a climax.
  • 13. Crows

    43:30
    This episode: anti-rabbit lighthouses, why you might marry a dead person, and how crows are really the McDonalds mafia. Joe goes on record advocating for adultery and Elliot reveals a cunning plan to explode crow's heads with a murder mystery. Bidding for the film rights will start at £5 million.
  • 12. Crabs

    44:43
    In this episode: Joe gets burgled and Elliot names an STD after himself for SEO. Also: how many legs can a crab lose before it's no longer a crab? This and other age-old questions will not be answered.
  • 11. Ducks

    31:22
    The show that will get Elliot cancelled. The darkest ep. to date. Where Joe admits the animal he's defending is a despicable serial rapist. Nuff said.
  • 10. Flies

    43:19
    Introducing the all new ark spin-off show, Films We Haven't Watched. Talking about movies we couldn't be arsed to see. With cameos from penis swords, walking zebra murals and awkward pauses... ... ... ... ... ... ... lots of awkward pauses ... ... ... ... ... ... also flies. Enjoy!