The Kindness Code

"Amplify us. Don't drown us out."That's the line a care-experienced adult posted on LinkedIn..and it stopped Jane Keenan in her tracks.37 years in children's social care. Books, a directorship, a wealth of hard-won knowledge. And yet Jane is clear about where the most powerful shift in the sector is coming from right now: not from professionals like her. From the voices of care-experienced adults themselves.The easy mistake ..the ego mistake.. is to make it about us. Look at me, helping these poor kids. I know what they need. Well-meaning. Heart-led, even. And still drowning out the people who actually lived it.So Jane chose a different role: amplify, don't eclipse. Use the platform to lift those voices, then step back."If the adults around the child can't see a bright future for them, how is the child meant to see it for themselves?"The headlines fixate on prison, addiction, homelessness. The truth is most care leavers don't end up there. So where are those stories?That's the work. Believe louder. Take up less space.

The 2am shift: therapeutic parenting when you're exhausted, understaffed and on your own It's 2am. A young person is in crisis. You've been on shift for nine hours. And someone in your training told you to stay regulated. This episode gets honest about what therapeutic parenting really looks like at the sharp end of a night shift - why night time is uniquely triggering for looked after children, what the window of tolerance means when you're running on empty, and what organisations consistently get wrong about supporting the people doing this work. Plus, three things any residential worker can do tonight. Identity, culture & belonging: who am I when my story keeps changing?

"I didn't leave the care system. The care system left me." Sam Gardner spent 21 years in care. He now delivers transformative talks and training for those supporting care-experienced children -and is one of the most powerful voices in the sector. His message to anyone working with children in care comes down to one word: Stay. Stay when they push you away. Stay when they call you Mum and then never call anyone Mum again. Stay when the seeds you plant won't grow for ten years. This episode broke me a little. I hope it lands with you too.

What makes a house feel like home for a child in care?In this episode, we explore how emotional safety, consistent relationships, and everyday moments of connection create a true sense of belonging. Because a home isn’t just where a child lives - it’s where they feel safe, seen, and accepted, even on the hard days.

You know when you buy a new car, and suddenly you see the same car everywhere? The cars haven’t magically multiplied. Your brain has just started noticing what you’ve told it to look for. This came up in this week’s episode of The Kindness Code Podcast with Andy Baker, author of Targeting the Positive with Behaviours that Challenge - and honestly, it really stopped me. Because if a whole staff team keeps saying, “This young person is aggressive”… What are we training everyone to see? Aggression. Every time. And then even the smaller things, the things we might not have noticed before, start getting pulled into that same story. That is powerful. And it’s dangerous. The answer isn’t just “catch them being good.” That sounds lovely, but it’s far too vague. The real work is identifying the positive incompatible behaviour - the thing the young person can’t do at the same time as the behaviour we’re worried about. So if we’re worried about abusive language, the opposite might be respect. But “respect” on it’s own doesn’t mean much unless we define it properly. What does respect actually look like in this home, on this shift, with this child? It might be speaking kindly. Holding a door. Walking away rather than escalating. Helping someone who is struggling. That’s what we need to train our brains to notice. And as always in care, the work starts with the adults first.Able Training | Training made easy.

More than a label This week on The Kindness Code, we’re joined by Bethaney Dixon. From lived experience to building a movement… Bethaney shares how her own journey through the care system led her to create Adelphi – turning lived experience into a growing movement that supports care-experienced people through guidance, community, and partnerships across the UK. Together, we explore what it really means to move beyond stigma and labels - and how awareness, education, and empowerment are key to creating lasting change. Because support shouldn’t stop at independence.Adelphi – Adulting, Together™ | Digital Support for Care Leavers & Organisations

Managing disclosures: when a child tells you something bigIt rarely happens when you expect it.It happens in the car. At the sink. Mid-cartoon. In the silence after a hard day — when a child finally decides you're the one they're going to tell.What you say in the next ten seconds matters more than almost anything else you'll do in your shift.In this episode, Carmel and Chelsea talk through how to respond when a child discloses something difficult — in a way that protects them, holds the trust they've just handed you, and keeps you steady when your own stomach drops.We cover:Why disclosures almost never look like disclosuresThe two phrases that should be muscle memory for every adult working with children: "I'm really glad you told me.""I may need to share this to help keep you safe, but I'll support you through it."Why "promising to keep a secret" is the single most damaging response — and what to say insteadHow to manage your own reaction in the moment (because children read your face before they hear your words)What happens after the disclosure — and why your job isn't done when the conversation endsBecause how a child is met in that moment shapes whether they'll ever tell anyone again.Press play.

A new placement. A new school. A new key worker. A new bedtime.For most children, transitions are uncomfortable. For looked after children, they can feel catastrophic — and the behaviour that follows is almost always misread.In this episode, Carmel and Chelsea go beneath the surface of what's really happening when a young person "kicks off" during change — and why the nervous system doesn't care that the move is "for their own good."We talk about:What transitions actually trigger in a child with a history of lossWhy the smallest changes (a new shift pattern, a different mug, a swapped routine) can land harder than the big onesHow adults unintentionally make transitions worse — even with the best intentionsWhat regulation, safety, and trust look like in practice when everything feels unstableThe difference between managing a transition and holding a child through oneBecause transitions aren't events. They're experiences — and how we show up during them shapes what a child believes about adults for years to come.Press play.