The Everglow | My Life As An Empath

As an empath or sensitive person, do you find yourself always taking on other people's problems?  I don't mind just listening to their problems; I mean you actually mentally and emotionally bear the burden of other people's problems as if they were your own!  You find yourself stressed, anxious, and tired. Depending on the time of job you have, your personality and shouldering other people's problems all of the time can crush you. Today I discuss how to separate how you can be involved in helping solve a problem without bearing the weight of that person's problem.  Ultimately, it will help you live more peaceful when you realize that it is not your job to be responsible for other people's problems.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2020 are simple: I plan to be selfish, unavailable, and unreliable. For an empath, f you implement these changes into your daily routine, you will gradually start feeling a levity unlike any other. Part of being an empath means you always put everyone else first. We are innately people-pleasers.  I’m tired of that stuff.  Yeah some people say how it makes me beautiful.  Screw that noise!  Living in a big city like LA, if you’re a people pleaser you’re seen as a sucker and people will steamroll right over you, taking advantage of you.  My turn!  Next time I see one slice of pizza left, I’m going to take it, and stuff it down my mouth.  Each man or woman for him/herself!

True story: the word NO is a complete sentence. As empath’s or highly sensitive people, we have a tendency or disposition to always be people-pleasers. Accordingly, whenever someone asks us for something and we don’t want to do it, we have a hard time saying the simple word NO. For an empath, saying NO is more of a negotiation, instead of an absolute or emphatic statement. Why? Because we are so concerned with offending the other person or pleasing them to make them happy, that we avoid using direct language to turn them down and try to negotiate declining the offer. Unfortunately, this ends up backfiring, as we usually get convinced to do what we ultimately never wanted to do in the first place. So what do I mean about saying “no” becoming a negotiation? Let me give you an example. Let’s say someone asks you to go to a concert downtown. You have literally zero interest in going for a variety of reasons. First, you dislike the music of that particular band, second, the tickets are $200 each, and third, you’re working that day so you would have to get home from work early, get ready, and then spend another two hours trekking downtown in heavy traffic. Basically you’d be exhausted by the time you arrived to see a band you have zero interest in seeing. But here’s the problem with the average empath: when our friend asks us to go downtown, we don’t say “NO”. Instead, we dance around the response. Example, instead of simply saying “no”, when asked whether we’d like to go to the concert, we answer “I’d love to go, but I have to work that day and I’d never make it on time.” Or we say something like “thanks so much for the invite, but the tickets are really expensive.” Do you see the problem with answering like this? What you’ve told the other person is that you’re actually interested in going, except for a few things which can easily be overcome. Especially if the person you’re talking to is a friend, which obviously they would be if they were inviting you, you have now done is open the door to negotiating. The problem now is that with regards to your “I have to work” excuse, is that what are you going to do when your friend tells you – “hey don’t worry about getting there late, there’s an opening act and the actual band won’t actually get on stage until much later, so voila, you’ll have plenty of time to get home from work and get there in time to enjoy the show. I’ll even pick you up and drive us down!” or, what are you going to say if they respond by saying “don’t worry, fortunately the band is having a second performance the next day which is a Saturday when you don’t have to work. Great you’re coming now!” As you can see, you just fucked yourself. Because now, if you come up with an alternate excuse, it will make you look like a liar, or a flake. In the second part of the example where you said you couldn’t go because the tickets are too expensive, what are you going to do when your friend starts trying to strong arm you into going by saying “it’s only $200, the band rarely comes to town. Stop being so cheap – you never go out and enjoy yourself anymore. It’s not much money.” Or what if he says “don’t worry about the tickets – I have an extra one and you can have it for free! What time shall we head down now that you can come?” As you can see, you just fucked yourself. Because now, if you come up with an alternate excuse, it will make you look like a liar, a cheapo, or a flake. Or all of the above. The problem is for an empath, you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings by telling them that the band sucks and you have zero interest in going, so you struggle to find your voice and speak your mind. You’re almost obsessed with people’s feelings and not hurting them or causing conflict so you always speak using wishy-washy language to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes. The curse of an empath. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Ironically, the less you stand in your own power and speak your mind, the more conflict you will have because everything will become a back and forth dialogue as people perceive you to be a pushover, wishy-washy, and easily convinced. What’s worse, is by nature, your type of personality will attract more and more people who will try to sell you things and convince you to do things. You’ll find yourself a mark or target for telemarketers, solicitors at your front door, and anyone else who can sell you anything. You will attract the exact opposite of what you want because you’ll effective be what blood is to a shark when it comes to people. Trust me when I say, strong people who speak their minds have fewer people approach them for things in the first place. I could give you countless examples, but here’s one of my favorites from recent memory. I was in Tajikistan in Central Asia. Along with a group of 10 others, we were standing in the town square looking around. Of course, being a town square, it had its share of beggars. Despite all of the other tourists around me, one of the beggars, a young girl, perhaps around the age of eight or nine years of age, ended up coming up to me asking for money. The problem is, despite me ignoring her, she wouldn’t let go. She was relentless. Tugging on my shirt, trying to reach into my pocket. I kept trying to walk away and she wouldn’t stop. I finally started yelling at her as I reached my boiling point after TEN minutes of this harassment and she still wouldn’t stop, even when I walked into a nearby store in an attempt to shake her. Guess how many of the other members of the group had this happen to them? NONE. Because of my personality at the time, which certain people can deduce through my energy, this young girl despite being homeless, knew who from the group she could target. Don’t worry, I didn’t give her a dime, but it pissed me off unnecessarily. Do you find yourself in these weird predicaments whereas your friends don’t? Even at my law practice, a couple of the people that work for me are gangsters. No literally, but from a personality standpoint, as kind as they are, they don’t put up wish bullshit from anyone. They’re tough as nails and accordingly, their energy probably helps communicate that to people. Running a law practice means having clients trying to unfortunately coerce you into doing things you don’t want to do all of the time. But guess what happens when a client wants to try to pull one over on us? Even though the client’s point of contact would always have been one of the ladies working for me, they’ll do their best to jump over that firewall and contact me when it comes time to ask for some outlandish thing. Notice how they don’t even try to approach the people they should be approaching? They try to skip them because back then my energy was that of someone that would have a hard time saying NO. They knew without asking that they would hit a brick wall if they were to ask anyone else for the same favor from my law firm so they would ask me instead. If you find yourself always being asked to do things and for things all of the time, it means that yes, you may be kind and reliable, but believe it or not, it also could mean that people perceive you as weak. How do I know all of this? I used to be THAT guy. In fact, I still am that guy, but fortunately I have made leaps and bounds in the last year. By standing up and finding my voice more consistently and saying NO, the only regret I have had is why it took me so long to do it. I reflect on how many shitty situations I found myself in because I would say “no, and here’s why”, instead of simply “no”. In fact, I’m bewildered about what was holding me back all of these years. Seriously, no one was going to beat me up if I simply say NO. An annoying telemarketer is not going to jump through the phone and stab you if you say no and hang-up. Speaking of telemarketers, I actually used to listen to their spiel. I remember when I was living in Toronto, one called me once to do a survey, she said it would take around five minutes. 15 minutes later, I was getting agitated, and asked her if we were almost done…she said no, there are still around 25 questions. Like an idiot or a prisoner of the phone, I begrudgingly answered all of her survey questions. What was I thinking? In retrospect, all I was thinking of was about how not to offend this random voice on the phone who is getting paid. Does this sound like you? Someone who is always lawyering against yourself for why you should appease others? Stop. NOW. When you can’t say “no” with confidence, people will perceive you as weak. They will take advantage of you. They will mistake your kindness for weakness. You will bang your head agains the wall why it is you keep finding yourself in the same situation with the same losers always attracted to you and wanting ridiculous things from you. HOW TO SAY NO Here’s how: just start. Start experimenting with saying no. It won’t be perfect at first. While you find your footing, perhaps you’ll find yourself sounding like a dick, maybe being too abrupt with people. That’s okay. It’s about finding your voice. Those that know you and those that matter will understand the change you’re going through. The key is to always be mindful of being both thoughtful and civilized when you say “no” to people. Let’s go through some examples. A telemarketer calls, asking if you would be willing to participate in a five minute survey. You’re already busy eating supper and don’t feel like holding your phone to your ear. Simple response: no thank you, not interested. Hang-up. In this instance, you can be a bit brash because it’s just a telemarketer and there’s nothing to negotiate – you’re not doing their survey. Don’t say any more than that or wait for them to respond. Your time is PRECIOUS. Every second you spend after you so “no thanks” is wasted time that you can never get back. 2. Your best friend asks you to pick-up their kid from daycare because they have to work late. You have other plans which you can’t cancel and it’s so late that you would be the bad guy to the other person with whom you had plans. You just can’t do it and you know that your best friend has other options or arrangements she can make to get her kid from daycare. Your response should NOT be: “No.” And then hang-up. Remember, with people that matter, and even those in public, you should be thoughtful and civilized. Your response might look something like: “Sorry Jane, I can’t pull it off. You know I would do it for you any other time. Definitely try one of your other options.” Now let’s caveat something here – friends help friends. If you know your friend would be screwed, ie lose her job if she didn’t stay late, or she literally has no one that can also pick the kid up, then help out if you can. If you have to rearrange plans, then do so. But don’t make it a habit. I have unfortunately found, especially living in a big city like LA, the more you help people, the more they keep coming to you for every little thing and start losing respect for your time. I see it every day as a lawyer. Someone will hire me to file a bankruptcy. Next thing you know they want me to create their business’s financial statements (totally not my job). Then they want me to start giving them business advice. Mentally they try to tie everything together: I’m their lawyer for one element of their finances so therefore I’m their lawyer for anything and everything related to their finances. This used to happen all of the time. People will do the same thing to you as well. The more helpful you are, the more they’ll want from you. When you finally stand up for yourself and say “no”, they’ll get mad at you for not being good ol’ reliable you anymore. On the other hand, if you had become less accessible, and tempered your helpfulness, you’ll find that the same people will start to respect you and your time more. When you say no, they won’t be as butt-hurt and you won’t be as pissed off for having to wrestle with saying no or why that person is asking you for things they could to themselves. Remember – thoughtful and civilized. 3. Another example: your friend is always asking you for favors. They always need to borrow money. They’re always asking you legal questions every ten minutes throughout the day. They’re always texting. As I mentioned, the more responsive you are to people the more they’ll want from you. Another way I have learned to say no without saying “no”, is to not be overly responsive. If someone who is always calling calls, even if I am free, I purposely won’t answer the phone. Same with clients that always email. Some want to have a back and forth conversation with you over email. Again, even when I’m free, I simply won’t respond. That person that calls all the time? Don’t answer. Let it go to voicemail and then call them back several hours later, or the next day. It creates space. It gives you higher value. Same with email – email was not designed for having a conversation. Reply to your emails once or twice a day. Create that space so people understand you’re not a 911 service. Being less accessible is another way of saying no, in a roundabout way. It helps people learn how to respect your time. If you keep building up your expectations for others, they will be expect exactly what your building. The more people you don’t want to rely on you start to try to use and rely on you, the more unreliable you should be come, specifically with those people. Or on the other hand, just say no. Remember, do not offer an explanation of excuse for why you won’t do it. Just be nice and reply over time to them so they learn to respect the boundaries that you are creating. Remember – people will treat you as bad as you let them and if you set no boundaries, you can’t complain when you get treated as someone with no boundaries. 4. Your friend Jason asks you to “borrow” money. Does your friend Jason want to borrow money? I’m not referring to a responsible and trustworthy friend that needs to borrow some money one night because he legitimately forgot his wallet at night. I’m referring to that one friend that we’ve all had growing up who is always broke because he’s a lazy bum and has made a living off of living off of other people’s hard work. When that guy calls asking to borrow money, it’s times like that you can be a dick and say “no”. One of my favorite stories is an EX friend, who we’ll call Jason. I don’t know why, but I love telling this story. Perhaps because it’s one of those that I look back upon as a new person and wonder how I didn’t have the strength to tell him to fuck the hell off at the time. I’m sure we all have those stories. That asshole used to want stuff from everyone, all the time. Since high school, he had always treated his “friends” as people he could make a buck off of. He was, and still is, a user of people. Granted, we all use each other to some degree, but this guy gave nothing in return. I remember I invited him to visit me in Mexico when I was living there at the time. Looking back on it, likely he had invited himself, but whatever. My friends in Mexico were some of the greatest quality of people you will ever meet in your life. They were beyond family. And because Jason was my friend at the time, my Mexican friends showed my friend “Jason” around town, letting him party with them etc. In fact, one of my best friends decided to organize a trip to Mazatlan and even welcomed my friend into his villa, treating him as though he was one of his best friends as well. We had a good time. We had a great time. But it wasn’t long before he was asking people, or even my friends, for stuff. A cigarette. A peso. When he returned home, he thought he was a king, bragging to everyone about the stuff he did in Mexico and the people he knew that were connected down there. In reality they didn’t even know his name. The money issue with him got worse as we got older. A single year later, we all went to Miami for New Year’s. I was trepid about going because of the fact that we were going to take bus from Ottawa down to Miami – yes, that ended up being about 32 hours in a sitting position. It was literally torture. Anyway, despite the fact that we only had four days in Miami and Jason had convinced us all to go, within about 24 hours or being there, he had already run out of money. It was me and three other friends and those three other friends were MY friends and only knew Jason through me but weren’t that close with him. Despite the fact that we were all on a budget back then, he still had absolutely no qualms about asking people for money, selfishly not caring that it would take away from the enjoyment of my friends’ vacations. The last straw for me was when, a few years later, he asked to “borrow” $10,000 from me. Let me put this into context. He was as lazy as they came. He sat around, watched TV all day, his bedroom littered in McDonald’s wrappers that hadn’t moved from the same spot in months. He never got a job just because. Meanwhile, I had a full-time job, was always studying to write my LSAT test for law school, and was trying to get a business off the ground. I always remember that one night. I had just finished paying off a line of credit I had used to help fund the business I had slaved away at. It took me months and months to pay it off since I wasn’t earning much at the time and was trying to earn my stripes but doing things the hard way and not getting my Dad to pay for anything. But after lots of blood, sweat, and tears, I finally got it paid off. I accidentally let slip in a conversation one night with Jason that I had a line of credit with a bank, which they had extended to all of us who were doing our MBA. As soon as I let that information slip out, the phone went silent. But through that silence, I could hear the gears turning in his mind. In an instant, I knew that I had made a mistake by disclosing my line of credit. And then it started …. “heyyyy Neil….you know what….could I borrow $10,000 from your line of credit?” I kid you not. This fat oaf who was too lazy to do anything, got into a big discussion about how I should give him $10,000 and he would give me a bunch of shitty trash jewelry his Mom had given him. He tried to convince me that he would pay me back and if I didn’t, I’d have his junk as collateral and I could pawn it off. I pictured how pathetic it would be, me driving all around Toronto, trying to sell garbage to recoup $10,000 to pay back a line of credit that I had just finished paying off. This turned into anhour-long negotiation. I proceeded to end the conversation and said I would think about it. He ended up calling me relentlessly for the next week, no doubt, trying to rip me off. Because I was such a pussy back then, I just avoided his phone calls, too afraid to just tell him an empathic NO. When I finally talked to him after he had called a hundred times, he tried to make me feel guilty for avoiding him. In reality I was too much of a pussy back then to say no. I think this new version of me wouldn’t have not even said, no – I would have just called him out for being a selfish pig and hang up on him. To this very day, Jason, even in his forties, still doesn’t have a real job, and believe it or not, still tries to “borrow” money from people. How embarrassing. People generally won’t change, but the good thing is that they can stimulate you to change….for the better. It’s situations like this though where it’s perfectly fine to not only say “no”, but to say “FUCK NO”. How I wish I could go back in time and tell Jason to go to hell for even asking me for such a ridiculous favor. He would have never paid me back. Be strong. Say no. People that borrow money are the biggest red-flag kinds of people you should look out for. In these situations, especially with those that you don’t know very well (or even if you do), say no, You don’t even have to be nice in those situations with the couching your “no” with nice and fuzzy language around it. Just say “no” and end the discussion. These kinds of people will come back for more and more and more and they’ll know to target you, each and every time. I have countless friends, and even bankruptcy clients who just couldn’t say not to people that leached off of them. I don’t know what it is about humans and money, but for some reason, when you open the door to lending certain people money, those same people will just keep coming back to you over and over and over again. CLOSING So there you have it. Several ways in which you can stop being a “yes” man and start saying “no”. You’ve been a people pleaser far too long. The fact that you’re listening to this means that you are ready for change because you’re tired of getting taken advantage of, and quite frankly, abused. But believe it or not, if you reframe it, it’s not other people abusing you; it’s YOU abusing YOURSELF! Imagine, at any moment, you could stand up for yourself and say “no”, yet you don’t. Isn’t it therefore you torturing yourself by letting people ping you around like a pinball with their requests? You don’t have to go full-dick mode, and just go around yelling “NO” to people abruptly. The goal isn’t to piss off other people and alienate your friends and family. Given some of the techniques, start off using the techniques that fit your personality. For example, if you’re an extreme people-pleaser, start off with gradually avoiding calls from people that you know are calling you for favors you don’t want to perform. Become less reliable to those whom you don’t want to rely upon you anymore. Don’t answer the phone if you’re busy. Don’t feel compelled to reply to emails as soon as they arrive. CONTROL THE PACE. You don’t have to make decisions on the spot. You are allowed to be thoughtful, and by thoughtful, I mean you’re allowed to contemplate whether doing someone for someone would be in your best interest or not. If someone asks you to do something and you’re not sure – tell them so – I’m not sure, but I need to think about it. If they pressure you for an answer right away, then tell them no. STOP committing to things because it’s more convenient for the person asking you than it is for you. Do you realize how crazy that is? Gradually, as you find your voice and start stretching your comfort zones, you’ll be more comfortable saying “no” on your terms. It’s not always going to be comfortable, but trust me, over time, it will be more rewarding than you can ever imagine. Just the other day I had a crazy potential client come to a friend’s office. He wanted to argue with me about the law, and dictate how the legal process would go, even though he isn’t a lawyer. He was aggressive, unreasonable, and rude. The old me would have stressed myself out dealing with his toxic energy and irrational behavior, and I would have still taken the case. It seemed like he wanted to argue with me about everything, and it seemed like he was interrogating me. It’s one thing to ask someone questions to see their qualifications; it’s an entirely different thing to interrogate someone. When I realized he was just an absolute dick I did something that I had never done before. The new me closed my books, stood-up, and walked out of the meeting while he was mid-sentence in one of his delusional diatribes. It was the most AMAZING feeling I have had. My way of saying no wasn’t even to say “no”, I’m not taking your case. I just got up and left instead of wasting more of my precious time on a nut-job. As I drove out of the parking lot, I got a tingling feeling and felt overcome with self-love for what I did. My only regret was how I wasn’t protecting myself like this earlier in life. Remember, the two most important things to remember as you go through this journey is to be thoughtful and civil as the case merits. Above all though just remember: the word NO is a complete sentence.

OH NO!  You’ve been dumped.  Your girlfriend, or boyfriend, dumped you.  While at first you were a bit numb and it was playing out in your mind, with every passing day, and then every passing minute, the situation starts getting worse for you emotionally.  You started off thinking:  I don’t need her!  She’s replaceable and I’ll find someone new – to dwelling on her great qualities and then thinking she was the only one in the world for you.  Congratulations – you are officially in panic mode, falling into despair and depression.  Especially for an empath or highly sensitive person, the end of a relationship, when it doesn’t happen on your terms, can be particularly devastating. Today’s podcast is about a few things, but mostly it’s about how to get over a breakup, otherwise known as the end of a relationship.  While there is no magic pill, employing some of these tips post-relationship can help speed up the recovery process.  And while it may seem like the pain is getting worse each day, just remember, that it will get better, and time really does heal this sort of wound. While girls and boys, women and men, process the end of a relationship differently, I’ll try to speak generally about the feelings one goes through as well as what you can do to get back on your feet sooner rather than later.  Time is precious so why waste it worrying and pining about someone that doesn’t even want to be with you?  Most of the time you’re left bewildered, wondering what went wrong, but other times you saw the end looming.  Either way, unfortunately from my observations, probably 90% of the end of relationships involve a third party (ie. Your significant other met someone else), but don’t take it personally or beat yourself up over it.  Just like friendships can have a season, so can romantic relationships – people grow apart or start looking for other things.  There’s no reason to be mad at the other person, nor reason for you to be mad at yourself. The strange part of a breakup, perhaps rooted in biology or natural history, is that usually the person that is on the receiving end of the breakup, is the one that suffers the most.  What I mean by this is that the person who gets dumped usually suffers the most turmoil.  Even if you were thinking of ending the relationship anyway, or perhaps you had ended it on previous occasions but had reconciled, the fact is that once you get dumped, you’re more likely to go down the path of feeling like crap.  I think there’s a famous Seinfeld episode about this where George Costansa is in a rush to breakup with a girl before she breaks up with him so that he doesn’t have to be the “dumpee”. Anyway, the end of a relationship will send you through a series of emotions.  Let’s go through them briefly so we can discuss measures you can take to feel better.  I think the more aware you are over these steps, the more you can be assured that your just going through a grieving process like anyone else and that you’ll get through it.  How quickly or slowly you get through it though will depend on you and how hard you try.   These days people get broken up with in a variety of ways.  Because we’re in the electronic age, don’t be surprised or take it badly if you’re broken up by text message, e-mail, or a voicemail.  If you’re really lucky you’ll get dumped in-person, but these days the new fad seems to be “ghosting” where your ex literally just blocks your number and disappears into thin air, never to be heard from again. Let’s start at the top and go through some of the thought process you will go through after getting dumped: You’ll stay strong and think about what a jerk that guy was and how you can do better.  You’ll start by vilifying the way in which he dumped you, critical of the method, and your brain will likely go on attack mode, remembering all of the bad things and his flaws, as well as all of the BS you had to put up with.  2.  Once you have exhausted hating on your ex, you’ll start to remember the good times and certain things during the day will remind you of him.  This is the tricky part because it makes it harder to forget the guy and move on.  You’ll start romanticizing, even over-romanticizing your memories.  Your brain will take casual events or dates and paint them into these beautiful “Notebook-movie” style events along with music playing in the background.  It could be something as simple as you seeing a garden hose in your drive way and it will trigger you to remember that time he washed your car for you inside and out using that same hose, meanwhile he was soaking wet and missed watching an NFL playoff game just for you.  During this transition period he’ll have gone from being a total dick to being the most perfect guy for you and the love of your life. You’ll keep him as your Facebook friend, hoping that you can stay in touch, yet cringing every time his face pops up in your newsfeed.   3.  Then you’re going to start vilifying yourself, overthinking all of the things you did wrong in the relationship, even though he or she was probably just as much to blame as you were. 4.  Here’s where you can go down a bad path – you may start thinking about how to get her back..  Perhaps you’ll start to look her up online to see her relationship status, or you’ll reach out to casually she how she is in order to try to win her back.  Terrible idea by the way and I’ll go into this later. 5.  Desperation starts to kick in and you feel hopeless again.  Depression can set in if you’re not careful and you can end up wasting incredibly valuable time on someone that probably didn’t deserve it in the first place.  You’re left to wonder if you’ll ever get her back, meanwhile the world keeps spinning and better opportunities pass themselves by.  It’s at this point, if you get to this point, that you have to do something more drastic, because the longer you stew in your misery, the harder it is to get out of the misery. You desperately try to restrain yourself from emailing or texting her, just to say hi, in order to keep the lines of communication open in the hopes that she changes her mind.   6.  Finally, depending on your personality and brain chemistry, you start to pick yourself up, brush yourself and hit the dating scene again!  Either that, or you fall into deep despair, thinking your life is over and your one chance at love has come and gone.  If you fall too deep and months are passing without getting better, then please seek some professional help.  But also keep listening as using some of these techniques to heal may help you to start seeing the light again. Frankly I think too many of us suffer in the process quite needlessly, or for too much time.  After a break-up, the reality is, you’re going to end up eventually getting over it and dating again, one way or another so here are some steps that you can take to minimize the blow and get you back on course to enjoying life again without sinking into despair and hopelessness.  IF you’re holding out hope of getting your ex back one day, ironically, the sooner you can move on from her, the more likely you are to get her back if the stars align. After a break-up, don’t beg your ex to stay.  The more you try to beg or force something that isn’t real, the worse it will get.  You don’t have to convince ANYONE to stay with you.  If you beg, then you look desperate and there’s nothing less attractive than desperation.  Even if you can beg your way back into the relationship (I’m assuming here the relationship didn’t end because you did something that required you to seek forgiveness, btw), the dynamics of the relationship will never be the same anyway and you probably won’t be in a very balanced relationship.  Barring a marriage that needed work, I’m really referring to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships where things just have not worked out over a space of time.    2.  They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.  Translation:  go out and find a new person to date as soon as possible.  Actually the real translation is to go out and get laid ASAP – I think psychologically this works better for girls since it helps them forget their ex quicker whereas with guys we still tend to dwell on our ex relationship regardless of who is under (or on top) of us.  I would be careful with this whole thing though – it can backfire.  Especially if you had a decent long-term relationship prior to the break-up, one can tend to compare the new person to your ex and this can make you more depressed when they don’t have the same cute mannerisms as your ex.  For example, just because your ex used to whip out her purse to pick up the bill at a restaurant all of the time, doesn’t mean that the new girl will.   This is why I do suggest staying active on the dating scene, but don’t jump into it with the expectation of finding a replacement right away.  Use the dating scene as more of a distraction to show yourself that there are lots of people out there.  If you push too hard too soon, you’ll have a hard time forging a meaningful relationship as you’ll scare the hell out of any suitor when you start asking them about kids and marriage within five minutes of meeting. If you had a side-chick or side-boy during your relationship (SHAME ON YOU, NOT REALLY), then now is the time to cozy up to them a bit more.  Yeah sounds bad I know but who cares.  I remember when I reverted to the side-girl post-breakup it definitely cushioned the blow.  No pun intended. 3.  The other thing to do is skip dating altogether and take some time off to focus on yourself to improve so you’ll be a better person the next time around.  Regardless of why the relationship ended, blame yourself for why it ended.  Wait, what?!  Blame myself?!   You may be wondering why you would ever want to blame yourself when the whole thing could have been the fault of your ex.  I think it’s vital to blame yourself so that you can analyze, then over-analyze the relationship and who you were a as a person in the relationship.  Think of things you could have done differently and consider why you acted in certain ways, or if the case warrants it, what was it about you that enabled your ex to behave and treat you in certain ways?  Use this time to grow and learn about yourself.  If you do this, then the time you spent in the relationship will never have been a waste. Perhaps you were always getting controlled or bossed around.  Or alternatively, you were always acting in ways to make the other happy, but never expressed your personal frustrations or angsts for fear of upsetting the other person.  Basically, you weren’t your authentic self.  Maybe when you realize this you’ll see that you need to become someone who is more sure of themselves so you’re stronger.  This is your time for some self-instrospection for you to exam why you are the way you are so you can make some tweaks if necessary.  I’ve known plenty of people who are relationship addicts, taking no time off as they jump from one relationship to the next.  They never really pull back to see why it is they can’t be alone for a few weeks or months, and not surprisingly, they probably keep repeating the same mistakes. These little adjustments can help you way beyond just the confines of a future relationship, but they can help propel you to your next level in your career as well.  Let me give you a few examples in my personal life.  In my first long-term relationship, I was still learning about myself.  Not realizing I was such a people-pleaser or an empath, I found myself not only going overboard in spoiling my girlfriend at the time.  In part it was my pleasure to do nice things as it was my first girlfriend and I wanted to give it my 100%.  I would buy her cards every month for anniversaries, and random gifts such as chocolates etc.  The thing with people though is they get used to a certain standard that you set.  As time went on, if I didn’t give gifts as often, she would think that I didn’t care about her and start becoming a drama queen.   My favorite example from this relationship is in our first week of dating.  We were already talking on the phone for long periods of time.  I remember I made a joke about having a threesome, something which she had joked about already.  CLICK.  She hung up.  Now, at that point in my life, no one had ever hung up on me before so I didn’t realize what had happened.  I called back. CLICK.  She hung up.  Finally when I got a hold of her she said in an angry tone “you know what you said!!!” And she hung up again. To be honest I couldn’t really remember what I had said, certainly nothing that had warranted such a rude response.  After a few days, I ended up calling her back and I apologized for saying what I had said (even though I still wasn’t sure what I had said).  She accepted my apology and we moved on.  Except, I had now set the standard of apologizing for being myself.  Looking back on it, this was during a period when I was living in Mexico and had three girlfriends at a stretch during some phases so I’m not really sure why I wasted my time, but again this comes back to me not being a secure and strong enough person. During another breakup while I was in my last year of law school, I really dug deep to figure myself out.  While the other person had basically moved away, it opened up my eyes to the fact that I was probably a borderline commitment-phobe.  By investigating myself further after these relationships, I was able to be a better boyfriend and have better quality relationships.  Not surprisingly, I attracted much better quality people as well. So every time a relationship ends, take some time to yourself to dig deep and learn more about yourself so you can grow. 4.  Focus on all of the flaws of your former significant other.  Realize that she wasn’t perfect, not by a long-shot.  For some reason we have this weird habit of pedestalizing our exes in the short time after the relationship ends.  While the other person probably has some nice qualities, they probably come with just as many negatives.  Focus on all of their negatives so you don’t go down the wrong path of “she was the only one for me – boo hoo hoo hoo”.  This will help humanize them so you don’t accidentally go down the path of feeling depressed. Although I was the one doing the dumping with my first ex-girlfriend, I never missed her.  Although she did a few nice things, she was insanely jealous, to the point that she would literally hallucinate things.  I remember once we were in a nightclub for someone’s birthday.  The girl I was dating had gone to the bathroom and I was waiting outside for her.  While she was in the bathroom, the birthday girl was dancing on a table and someone had given her a rose.  When my girlfriend had gotten out of the bathroom she looked at the birthday girl dancing on the table with the rose (at least twenty feet away from both of us) then she looked at me, and proceeded to go crazy, telling me she saw me give the birthday girl a rose and why did I do that?!  Although I hadn’t given the girl a rose, I thought it was so crazy that she would hallucinate like that that I told her I did give her a rose, just to play up to her insanity.  Point being, after I dumped her I just thought of all of these mental problems she likely had and how great that I avoided them. Another girl I went out with for a year, ghosted me the day after our one year anniversary.  While I didn’t morn too much for the end of that relationship, I of course did talk a lot about it to a couple of my close friends.  Fortunately, one of them was quick to remind me how often I would complain to him about her as she had a bad habit of always flaking on our plans and generally not respecting my time at all.  Apparently I had magically forgotten about all of the BS I had been putting up with during that one year.   Did she ever do nice things for you without asking?  If you were sick, did she offer to bring over some chicken-soup?  Was she generous with her time and money?  Oh she did do all of those things??  Shit, now you’re really fucked!!!  No, just kidding!  Seriously though, anyone that loves you will be generous and kind.  Don’t assume these things are irreplaceable – plenty of good quality people will anything and everything for you.  When you do start dating, don’t start flaw-finding and comparing the new girl to your old one.  You’ll be doomed for failure. 5.  TRAVEL.  This is the best advice I can give and probably should be #1 in terms of getting over a relationship.  As you sit in your apartment thinking about what could have been, or the memories you two created in your place, your surroundings will be a constant reminder.  Then, if you’re going down a dark path of ruminating, even just being in the same place every day will become not only a reminder of the relationship, but now it will becoming a routine of your suffering.  You’ll develop a bad habit that won’t change until you change your surroundings to get what I call a mental RESET.  Travel somewhere exotic.  It will shake you and force you to dig deeper.  Go to India.  Go to Vietnam.  Hell, go to the Congo or Rwanda.  These places will be an all out assault on all of your senses from head to toe.  You’ll see how big this world is.  When you go through a break-up it’s easy to think the person you were with was the best person for you.  When you travel, it helps open your eyes as to how big this world is and how there are so many amazing people out there.  It is only impossible that there is just one person out there. I remember the only time I really suffered at the end of a relationship – I put myself through torture for nothing.  I think frankly it was more than the end of the relationship, but mostly because it was the end of law school, I had no more degrees that I wanted to pursue, so life beyond academia was about to begin and I didn’t have a solid footing on what was next.  People were settling down and getting married around me, and yet I was just starting over.  Anyway, for a long 10 months I found myself suffering needlessly.  I found myself lying on my sofa day after day staring at the ceiling.  In retrospect it was the greatest thing to ever happen to me.  The girl in question was nothing to write home about in fact given who I am today, I wouldn’t have even gone out with her in the first place.  But I developed this routine of ruminating.  It got so bad that I didn’t even get to study for the State Bar exam and contemplated skipping the exam altogether.  Somehow I forced myself to write it and passed it anyway, but I still had this cloud hanging over my head. But that changed.  After the exam, I went to Ottawa to visit my best friends.  I remember I had gone out with my friends one night, the same guys I grew up with.  We were in our late 20s and all crashed in my friend Jess’s basement at his Mom’s house after a night out.  Imagine, 15 years later, we were sleeping in the same place that we used to hang out as little kids.  It didn’t hurt that my house where I grew up as a little boy was literally steps down the street.  After months and months of waking up and ruminating, I remember that morning – I awoke to one of my friends snoring like a freight train, and everyone hung over.  My mind started thinking about how awesome that was…until I realized 20 minutes later that I had broken the same routine of ruminating.  It was in that moment, I saw the first ray of sunshine shine through the fog that had clouded my mind for so many months.  I knew everything would be okay.  I have no doubt that being outside of my regular element was what turned it all around. I learned that if anything like that were to ever happen again, I would take off.  Every time I travel, especially in group travel, I meet so many people, single people, going through something, that I see I am never alone and that it’s not that bad after all.  I highly recommend group travel with companies like CONTIKI where it’s mostly single people and you’re doing really exciting things.  If you’re over 35 then G Adventures is another option for single travellers.  Just go somewhere, meet amazing people, and it will not only cushion your blow from getting dumped, but you’ll likely meet amazing people that made you wonder why you cared at all in the first place.  I’m not sure why it is, but even without a group I always tend to meet lots of girls when I travel without even trying.  It’s like when you travel you give off a different aura or glow, and it causes people to look at you differently.  You’ll realize that person you thought was the only one for you was actually just one of the many “ones for you” on this planet.  I remember on my Contiki trip to Vietnam, I was supposed to have a roommate.  He never showed up.  It turned out that before the tour even started, he met another travel, they fell in love within a few days, and decided to ditch the whole tour and ended up travelling off into the sunset together with each other.  It could happen to you, and when you’re travelling, you’re breaking out of the routine and pool of people you think you’re limited to. Can’t afford the trip?  Put it on your credit card.  It’s worth it if it involves your mental health. 6.  Throw out the things they gave you.  Especially if you were in a very long term relationship and you thought this guy or girl was THE ONE that you were going to marry etc., it is likely you’re heading down the path of depression and despair.  The problem  is that especially in a long-term relationship, your mind will have developed triggers, meaning that everything will remind you of that person.  You may drive by a restaurant and think of that time you guys ate there.  A TV show may come on and you’ll think about your ex because you used to watch that show together.  The problem is that your surroundings end up being constant reminders.  If you’re constantly reminded though, it will be harder to move on.  If you have momentos lying around the house, I suggest you discard most of them and if you want to keep some souvenirs, at least for now, throw them in a box and put them in the garage.  Out of site out of mind.  I’ve ready stories about people who didn’t get over their exes for years and not surprisingly they kept photos up in their house for years. I’m a sentimental kind of guy so I didn’t want to throw things out, but when I went through a particularly tough break-up, I went out of my way to delete everything they gave me.  Ironically, she had given me the DVD of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless” mind, which is a movie about a guy that can’t forget a girl no matter how hard he tries.  It ended up happening to me ironically.  Throwing things and deleting pictures was tough because you want to hold on to the physical memory of the person and trashing things gives some sort of finality or closure and yet we may still be holding up hope that things will work out. Regardless of whether you throw things out or you put them in a box, just make sure they’re out of site, out of mind.  It will do wonders for your mind to help avoiding the constant reminder. CONCLUSION So there you have it.  This list could go on and on but I wanted to keep it short.  It never feels good to be the one that is dumped, and the end of a relationship can be the start of suffering if you’re not careful.  I actually think that when we go through suffering, if used wisely, it can be some of the best time of our life because those are the instances when we are being forced to grow the most.  Otherwise, everything else in life is just cruise control.  The key however is to not let a season of suffering turn in to a lifetime of suffering.  Learn your lessons, grow, and do better next time. My Dad told me to never worry about things like this.  Dating someone is like waiting for a bus.  If you get dumped or a relationship otherwise ends, just be patient and another bus will come around sooner rather than later.   There are over 6 billion people in the world.  Don’t let Disney movies convince you that there was only one.  There isn’t only one person for you in this entire world.  There never was.    

So it happened again didn’t it?  Despite all of the lessons you’ve learned, hundreds of hours of YouTube videos, Podcasts, and self-help books, you still let someone through your front door that sucked the life out of you and now that that person has found your magical teat to suckle off of, you can’t get rid of them. You’re left drained, your eyes feel heavy, and you need to do a reset to get your energy back. If you don’t properly recharge or cleanse, you’ll end up becoming what you hate by being a jerk to your loved ones in an attempt to steal their energy to replenish your own.  It becomes this vicious cycle – someone has taken your energy and now you’re subconsciously trying to take someone else’s.  No wonder people like lawyers end up getting divorced so much – they probably do emotional drive by’s on their spouses on a daily basis.  if you wonder why you need so much alone time, then this is why – because you are trying to protect yourself from further emotional turbulence and you need this time to heal. In any event I want to use this episode to talk about ways in which to recharge your batteries and reset your mood and essentially cleanse the toxic energies that you have absorbed.  What will be different though, is that as the modern-day hippy that I am, I don't really believe in all of these gem-Stones that you have to rub all over your balls.  I also don't believe in planets aligning in order to dictate your life such as I don’t think you have to wait for Mercury to be in line with your anus before you can help yourself.  I also don't think you need to risk burning your house down by burning incense and sage thereby setting off the fire alarms sprinklers and making things smell funky for your neighbors – something especially true if you live in an apartment complex.  The reason I do not believe in all those things is because those are all externalities and I truly do not believe that you need external material objects in order to heal yourself. Because once you start relying on these external things then what happens when you don't have access to them? For example I live in Los Angeles and I'm pretty sure if I go to Trader Joe's or Ralph's or Walmart I can't just find Sage so I can burn it.  Does this mean I have to run around town looking for sage or perhaps some sort of particular Quartz stone before I can begin the healing?  And what if there is a worldwide shortage of Sage – does this mean I can’t heal myself?   Nope, of course not.  The power to heal and cleanse oneself is within our self. So here are some ways that I have found effective to help myself recharge my batteries.  Hopefully you find some use in them.   1.  Make sure to give yourself some alone time everyday especially on a day when someone has taken your energy from you. If you live with a roommate or you live with your parents or are married or whatever, then you may not have your own little cave to spend some time outside of the house where you can be alone. Especially in a big city like Los Angeles, it can sometimes be difficult because no matter where you go there are people around. But despite the crowds and big cities there are usually some places you can go to find some space.  A good place to do this might be a city park where you can sit on a bench and have at least a little bit of room with no one that knows you around.   Another place to get some alone time could be a public library.  While people may be there, at least they’re quietly doing their own thing which creates a very pleasant and healing environment.  I always love the smell of libraries. While it is important for you to be alone, I think it's even more important that you're at least away from people that you know including friends and family.  At least when you're alone in a park or library then you're not around people that can try to use you as a conduit for them to use you to dump their dark energy.  The more you can put yourself in an anonymous place, the better.  When I've had a tough day with emotional terrorists giving me their junk it never ceases to amaze me how I can literally feel my body relaxing and detoxifying when I finally get to be alone in my man cave with no one to talk to me.  It's amazing how tense the body can get without realizing because it happens so gradually. For me, after feeling the anxiety and stress in my chest, when I go to my man-cave or dungeon and lie down, I can feel the negativity evaporating.  The pressure and weight I feel on my chest literally starts evaporating….I can breath easier, my mind stops racing with negative thoughts or dwelling on nonsense.  Find your special place in your house, or even buried away in the corner of some coffee shop.  And oh yeah – turn off the ringer to your cell phone so no incoming calls or text messages disturb you. 2.  Listen to music Start playing your favorite songs.  I love pop duet ballads and top 40 pop.  I’ve especially found Coldplay songs quite relaxing and recently Alan Walker’s songs lift me up.  From Coldplay, I love Everglow, Hypnotized, and Fly On as all of those songs bring me back down and bring me memories and energies which help push out the negative stuff.  Alan Walker’s songs like Alone, On My WAy, and Darkside always lift me up because they make me feel like I’m on one of my travel adventures in some remote part of the world where I’m anonymous and untouchable.  Another one that is not pop-music but very soothing is by Deva Premal called Aat Guray Namay. Check out the website for some of these songs as perhaps they’ll strike a chord with you as well.  Regardless, music is subject so play music that you know will sooth your soul and bring back good memories, no matter how old.  Doing this will help distract your mind from whatever toxic shit you’ve been ruminating about and put some good vibrations into your mind and body. 3.  Read a novel. READ?!  No one reads anymore, right?  Of course they do and if you don’t, then try it.  I stopped reading fiction novels for years, but after a trip to Bali last year, I stumbled upon a novel called “The Hard Way”, by Lee Child.  It’s about a character named Jack Reacher, which you may have heard about since they made a couple of movies based off of the character with Tom Cruise playing Jack Reacher.  Anyway, amazing books and a year later I think I’ve read almost 15 of them.  They suck you in.  The point of reading these fiction books is they stimulate your imagination which is important because that means they distract you and make you use other parts of your brain instead of dwelling on whatever it is that is making you feel low-energy.   It takes some getting used to if you haven’t read in awhile since a lot of us have turned to peering at our cell phones for an instant fix of reading and maybe have ADD when it comes to having to read an entire story.  Try it though.  And seriously if it’s that much of a struggle, get one of these audio books and listen to the story at night before going to bed.   Hell for that matter, turn on a podcast which is a mystery or a story – there are plenty of them.  I’m not going to go so far as to start binge watching Netflix series because frankly I don’t think they’re as good for mental stimulation as reading a book or listening to a story since you’re not triggering your imagination as much since the visuals are already provided for you.  Listening to a story on a podcast or audio book is a great way to have your brain think about other things and cleanse the crap your mind has accumulated.  You start thinking about other things and if you’re listening to a mystery, it starts making your brain begin to try and figure out the mystery.  Try it! Although not necessarily a mystery, a podcast I highly recommend is called Serial which is a real story about a high school kid that got thrown in jail for the murder of his ex-girlfriend.  It became the most-listened to podcast in history and the story within garnered national headlines and prompted  the legal system to reconsider the case and potentially get the accused out of jail.  To date, it was the most addictive thing I have ever listened to.  Give it a shot.   4.  Go for a walk You may have heard this as one of the most common things to do to cleanse you of bad energy, but take a walk.  Many pundits talk about taking a walk in nature, like taking a hike.  Here in Los Angeles there are surprisingly tonnes of hiking trails in the hills and mountains.  I say surprisingly because this is such a dense city, you wouldn’t think that there was anywhere where you would find nature in what’s otherwise a concrete jungle, but you would be very wrong.  Regardless of where you live, there are usually options and if you have to drive a bit to get there, so be it.  Walking in a forest is more special because you absorb better air and good energy from the plants and trees around you.  It may sound hokey but it’s real.  I always remember secluding myself in a beautiful villa in an unpopulated part of Ubud, Bali a little over a year ago.  My place was at the back of a rice field, at the edge of a small cliff facing a jungle.  There was literally nothing around.  I swear I had my psychic superpowers return to me in just a couple of days of being there.  My memory sharpened and I was able to perceive things that I had stopped perceiving.  For example, one day I had a feeling my Mom had fallen down and no one was there at the house.  My Mom had NEVER fallen down before and had no health issues.  Sure enough the next day I called her and she told me she had fallen.   I’m not telling everyone to fly to Bali.  But if you can’t find a forest, then go to a local park.  If you’re not able to even go to a local park, I’ve even found just taking a walk outside of your house or office can make a huge difference.  I’m always amazed at the things I notice when I take a walk that I don’t notice when I’m in my car driving by the same places.  Just get outside.  Even take a walk around the block for 10 minutes.  A friend of mine was always stressed at work.  She would work long hours in a pressured environment for weeks and months on end.  I found out that she didn’t even get up from her desk for lunch – she would literally eat lunch at her desk, meaning she would be sitting down for hours and hours in the same place.  I urged her to get up and go somewhere for lunch.  Take a 15 minute break and go to across the street to Dunkin Donuts for a French honey cruller.  Just break up your day and get outside!  She started doing it and immediately within the first few days her stress levels went from 100 down to about 60.  Cleansing is about distracting the mind and finding energy from the outside. 5.  Steal it from someone else. Yup, you heard that right.  If you need a cleanse, that means someone in your day stole it from you at some point.  I guess this isn’t really cleansing so much as it is taking back what’s rightfully yours, but I thought I would throw it in this podcast since as empaths we tend to run away, hide, and curl up into the fetal position if someone attacks us.   Why not steal the energy back?  One caveat though:  AVOID doing an emotional drive-by on a loved one or innocent bystander because then you become just as bad as the emotional terrorist or ET as I like to call them.  Instead, why not be a dick right back to the person that stole your energy?  Avoid getting into a back-and-forth fight – it’s more about standing up to that person and letting them know that you won’t tolerate their behavior.  It does wonders.  I’m still working on how to do this and it won’t work every time, but I’ll give you a recent example. I had a client come in for a consultation for a bankruptcy.  Right away I could tell his energy was one that was very stressed.  Unlike most people, surprisingly, those needing to file bankruptcy feel like crap, but generally are pleasant.  This guy however was really taking it badly even though in reality the portrait of his situation was not that bad compared to most.  I requested some very simple document from him that I would need in order to do his case.  Not long after, he began calling multiple times a day and emailing, as though the voicemails he was leaving weren’t enough.  He wasn’t even calling with any questions, but instead just to give me useless updates on his own status of collecting documents.  For those of you out there that have never used a lawyer – you don’t need to call us to tell us what you had for breakfast.  This kind of behavior is why many lawyers charge hourly fees – not so much because of the money but to mitigate clients from abusing our time. I’ll fast forward a bit, but when it came time for him to come in again, actually sign the retainer and pay me to actually start his case and represent him, he began throwing a fit when I asked him for documents that he did not bring (even though I had told him various times that I needed them).  He did an emotional drive-by on me, complaining about how ridiculous this process is and wondering why I hadn’t finished his case yet.  Hey dumb-ass, you haven’t even paid me, nor have you given me your documents, so how the F am I supposed to do your case?  By psychically knowing your personal information? Anyway, I could feel the tension.  He slammed the folder I gave him closed and began walking out of my office saying he would have to come back to get all of these ridiculous documents.  The old me would have ate his energy and been agitated.  And trust me, with his energy and behavior, I did eat some.  But I did something different.  First, I made it clear that I can’t keep meeting him for free – sign the retainer, pay me, and you can bring back the deficient documents later.  He didn’t have any issue with that, but I still felt unsettled and I started to stew internally about what a dick this guy was and my mind started going down a bad path. So here’s what I did:  a couple of hours later I called him.  I said John, I didn’t like my meeting with you earlier today.  I’m the guy helping you, and you’re attacking me as though I’m the one that put you in this situation.  I can put up with a difficult situation as I realize that’s part of the job, but in reality if you’re going to be borderline accusatory with me, and spew such negative energy, then I’m not the lawyer for you.  You made it seem like I gave you bad instructions when in fact I didn’t.  I used to put up with bad behavior from clients but I don’t anymore because I’ve grown up a lot over the years and I’m an empath so I have no interest in absorbing negative energy because it’s just going to make me resent you and not want to help you, which is the opposite of the type of relationship I need to have with my clients.  So if it’s going to be like pulling teeth and arm-wrestling you for very simple documents and information requests, then you should come back to my office and pick up your check and find someone else. BAM.  THERE.  I gave him his energy back.  And guess what happened?  He spent the next five minutes apologizing, wondering how he became this way and became the client from hell, attacking the very guy he needed help from.  He promised he would behave better and said he would show it through his actions.  It got better:  the next day he went to my office and even though my paralegal hadn’t even interacted with him, he personally approached her when I wasn’t even there and apologized to her for being such an asshole.   That day when I made the call to him to tell him all of this, I immediately felt 100% better.  I was starting to stew a little bit since I had absorbed his negative energy, and was starting to feel negative.  Instead of letting it perpetuate and going to bed with it, I called him and gave it right back to him.  And you know what?  IT FELT GREAT and I didn’t think about him for the rest of the day.  I wonder how many fewer gray hairs I would have had I started practicing this earlier on in life.  Better late than never.  I suggest when someone does this to you, try it.  Be completely honest and just tell them to F off in the nicest of ways, setting limits.     Be really careful here.  I think a lot of people in high pressure jobs like medicine and law end up getting divorces and have terrible familial relationships because they unleash the bad energy they’ve absorbed upon their loved ones when they get home – whether that’s upon their husbands, wives, or even children.  This can be the start of how abusive relationships form.  People need an outlet so try to give that negative energy somewhere and to someone else, whoever is around that they know won’t push back.  We often do it to our loved-ones because they don’t push back.  Monitor yourself to make sure you’re not doing drive-bys on your loved ones and messing up the relationships that matter meanwhile preserving the toxic ones at work or wherever, where the negative energy is emanating.   6.  Meditate  You’ll hear this over and over and over.  I am still struggling to meditate although I’ve been trying for the last couple of years.  I think just the act of trying is a good enough start.  There are plenty of apps you can download on your phone such as Simple Habit and Headspace which will give you a guided meditation and perhaps make the process easier since it puts you on a schedule.  While I haven’t used Headspace much, I do use Simple Habit and what I like about that one is that you can choose the guided meditation based on the kind of issue you’re experiencing, such as stress, anxiety, depression, or if you just had a hard day at the office. I think the problem I have had with meditating is that when things are going well, I stop doing it.  I can find the time to check Facebook twenty times a day, or browse the internet for nonsense for 20 minutes, but I find an excuse not to invest 5 minutes of time in a guided meditation.  There’s a quote I once read that stuck with me:  if you’re so busy that you don’t have even 20 minutes to meditate, then meditate for an hour. Try it! CONCLUSION There are lots of other things you can do to cleanse and replenish your energy.  If you have your own technique that you’d like to share, send me a message and I’ll be happy to include it in a future episode.  I suggest finding something that works for you as everything doesn’t work for everybody.  What is even more important though is that you do this regularly, even daily so that you keep your cup full.  Often we get so caught up in life that we don’t realize that have anything left unless it’s too late.  We end up lashing out at everyone around us, and getting sick very easily because we’re under so much stress. If you start cleansing and make it part of a daily routine, it will help you to keep shining.  While I don’t believe that you need to stick Mars in your anus to feel good or burn your house down with sage, at the end of the day, do what works.  Everything is worth a shot, but just like you should protect your time, so should you also protect your energy.  At the end of every day, think about how you feel, and take action to regenerate so that your cup is brimming at the start of every day and hopefully even by the end of each day.

After watching the NBA Finals in which the Golden State Warriors squared off against the Toronto Raptors in a best of seven series, I was prompted to do this impromptu episode when the Warrior's star player, Kevin Durant, severely injured his leg. Kevin Durant was a unique player – not because of his almost 7 foot height, andand not not only because he was an amazing basketball player, but because of the fact that he was actually very sensitive to what other people would say about him even though he was a major celebrity.  Kevin injured himself about a month before the Finals and could not play.  Perhaps succumbing to the pressure to play again in order to save his team from elimination, he ended up playing.  From everything we knew it seemed like a bad idea in that he wasn't ready to play. He ended up playing.  I cringed every time he had the ball.  Sure enough, not long into the game, he ended up tearing his Achilles heel, perhaps because he was injured and playing when he should not have been.   In this episode, I explore how giving in to what other people want can ultimately lead to your demise. Good luck and best wishes to the kind soul known as Kevin Durant.