Share
The Daily Stoic
You’ll Be Happier If You’re Realistic
Ep. 196
•
We tell ourselves that if we just get paid more or get promoted, we’ll stop being so miserable at work. Or we dream for months in advance about some vacation to paradise, only to find, once we arrive, that the hotel was not quite as glamorous as the photographs on the website implied. Maybe we do get that promotion or that raise and it does alleviate some old problems—then suddenly there are new ones like jealous co-workers or additional responsibility.
Our rosy expectations set us up to be disappointed. Our expectation that the modern world will not have any problems is why the so called “first world problems” are so vexing. Isn’t everything supposed to be awesome considering all that we’ve accomplished? People tend to think only about how amazing things are going to be...only to find that reality is more complicated. It is this gap—between what we told ourselves things were going to be like and how they actually are—that is the source of so much unhappiness and misery in people’s lives. It’s the reason that so many of us walk around frustrated rather than grateful and relieved.
Naturally, a problem like that is something the Stoics zeroed in on resolving. Because the source of it isn’t the outside world, it’s our thoughts about the world that are the issue.
“Whenever you are about to start on some activity, remind yourself what the activity is like,” was Epictetus’s advice. “If you go out to bathe, picture what happens at a bathhouse—the people who splash you or jostle you or talk rudely or steal your things. In this way you will be more prepared to start the activity, by telling yourself at the outset, ‘I want to bathe, and I also want to keep my will in harmony with nature.’ Make this your practice in every activity.”
Basically, premeditatio malorum.
Think about how things really might be in advance. Don’t tell yourself how you want them to be. Don’t lie to yourself as a form of motivation. Be honest. Be clear. Be realistic.
If they end up being better than you expect (as things often can be), then wonderful. Enjoy the treat you’ve set up for yourself. If they end up being anything else? Well, you’re prepared now, aren’t you?
Better to be pleasantly surprised than unpleasantly surprised. Better to be realistic than delusional.
That’s the idea.
More episodes
View all episodes
The Past Is a Lie | Would Ryan Holiday Ever Run for Office?
13:36|We are lucky to live in this moment, however flawed.📚 Grab signed copies of Steven’s books at The Painted Porch: The ArcadianTurning ProPut Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants To BeThe War of ArtThe Daily PressfieldThe Warrior EthosA Man At ArmsGates of Fire The Virtues of WarFollow Steven on Instagram | @steven_pressfield Check out more of his work on his website: https://stevenpressfield.com/🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail--Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Visit ironwall.com/DAILYSTOIC and request a free Risk Assessment to see exactly how exposed your executives are.The Past Is Looking Brighter All The Time
16:35|Seneca talked about how we need to ‘choose ourselves a Cato,’ a standard to measure ourselves against.📚 Learn more about Cato in Lives of the Stoics by Ryan Holiday🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail--Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Visit ironwall.com/DAILYSTOIC and request a free Risk Assessment to see exactly how exposed your executives are.
The Truth About Banned Books (And Why It Matters)
19:09|Book banning isn't a thing of the past. The impulse to restrict what people can read, think, and question is as old as history itself. And just because you disagree with a book doesn't mean someone else shouldn't be allowed to read it.Got a banned book at home? Send it our way 👉 Address: 912 Main St. Bastrop, TX 78602Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ4ljMIRh6k
Robert Greene & Ryan Holiday: The Secret To A Great Apprenticeship
20:31|Twenty years ago, Robert Greene took a chance on a young college dropout named Ryan Holiday. In this episode, Ryan sits down with Robert, bestselling author of The 48 Laws of Power, Mastery, The Laws of Human Nature, and his new book The Law of the Sublime , to reflect on the power of apprenticeship, the lessons that shaped his career, the mistakes that nearly derailed it, and what it takes to learn from someone great.Preorder The Law of the Sublime by Robert Greene | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/the-law-of-the-sublime?_pos=13&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rGrab signed copies of Robert Greene’s books at The Painted Porch: The 48 Laws of Power | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/48-laws-of-power-signed?_pos=4&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rThe Laws of Human Nature | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/laws-of-human-nature-copy?_pos=2&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rMastery | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/mastery-signed-by-robert-greene?_pos=3&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rThe 33 Strategies of War | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/33-strategies-of-war-signed-by-robert-greene?_pos=5&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rThe Art of Seduction | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/art-of-seduction-signed-by-robert-greene?_pos=6&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rThe Daily Laws: 366 Meditations on Power, Seduction, Mastery, Strategy, and Human Nature | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/the-daily-laws-366-meditations-on-power-seduction-mastery-strategy-and-human-nature-copy?_pos=7&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rThe 50th Law | https://www.thepaintedporch.com/products/50th-law-signed-by-robert-greene?_pos=10&_sid=e0d7a8c03&_ss=rFollow Robert GreeneInstagram | https://www.instagram.com/robertgreeneofficial/?hl=enX | https://x.com/RobertGreeneYouTube | https://www.youtube.com/@RobertGreeneOfficial🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail--Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Visit ironwall.com/DAILYSTOIC and request a free Risk Assessment to see exactly how exposed your executives are.True Freedom Requires This | Two Tasks
06:11|The Stoics also believed that wisdom is something we have to work for—not something we’re given. It didn’t matter if you were a slave like Epictetus or groomed for the throne like Marcus Aurelius—wisdom was still something you had to earn.The new 10th Anniversary Edition of The Daily Stoic is out NOW! 👉 Grab your copy here: https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/the-daily-stoic-10🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail--Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Visit ironwall.com/DAILYSTOIC and request a free Risk Assessment to see exactly how exposed your executives are.
BONUS | Ezra Frech Before Dancing with the Stars
53:36|You might be watching Ezra Frech on Dancing with the Stars right now, but there's a lot more to his story than what you see on TV. For today's bonus episode, we're bringing back Ryan's conversation with the Paralympic gold medalist, recorded before he joined the show.The new 10th Anniversary Edition of The Daily Stoic is out NOW! 👉 Grab your copy here: https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/the-daily-stoic-10🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail--Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Visit ironwall.com/DAILYSTOIC and request a free Risk Assessment to see exactly how exposed your executives are.How Much Have You Changed? | Proof That Stoicism Can Change Your Life
16:07|Wouldn’t it be crazy if all that change had happened, but we were still doing the same things, still stagnant? We cannot go on being the person we’ve always been, Marcus writes in Meditations. We cannot remain as we are, Socrates said.If these stories have inspired you to share your journey with Stoicism, please email an audio recording to podcast@dailystoic.com for the chance to be featured on a future episode!The new 10th Anniversary Edition of The Daily Stoic is out NOW! 👉 Grab your copy here: https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/the-daily-stoic-10🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail--Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Visit ironwall.com/DAILYSTOIC and request a free Risk Assessment to see exactly how exposed your executives are.10 Stoic Lessons It Took Ryan 10 Years to Understand
21:14|Ten years after publishing The Daily Stoic, Ryan shares what he’s learned, what he missed, and what he sees differently now.The new 10th Anniversary Edition of The Daily Stoic is out NOW! 👉 Grab your copy here: https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/the-daily-stoic-10🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail--Stop online threats before they become real-world attacks. Visit ironwall.com/DAILYSTOIC and request a free Risk Assessment to see exactly how exposed your executives are.This Was The Difference (and it makes ALL the difference)
02:03|Marcus Aurelius and his son Commodus shared the same DNA. They, like all fathers and sons, probably shared some of the same tendencies and weaknesses. So how did they turn out so differently?🎟️ DAILY STOIC LIVE | Ryan Holiday is coming to a city near you! Grab tickets here | https://www.dailystoiclive.com/🎙️ AD-FREE | Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing to The Daily Stoic Premium - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content: https://dailystoic.supercast.com/✉️ FREE STOIC WISDOM | Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email at https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail