The Beauty in the Mess

Love Is Not Luck: What 54 Years of Marriage Taught Belle Gayer What does it really take to make love last? In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, I sit down with Belle Gayer, author of Are Relationships For Suckers?, to talk about what she has learned through more than five decades of marriage, and seven years of answering relationship questions online for millions of readers. Belle believes one of the biggest mistakes we make is expecting lasting love to feel like the beginning of a relationship forever. The excitement of new romance changes, but that doesn't necessarily mean love is gone. In fact, it can be the beginning of something much deeper. We talk about communication, unrealistic expectations, emotional and physical intimacy, technology and disconnection, sex as we age, resentment, compromise, red flags, the temptation to believe the grass is greener, and why sometimes being happy is more important than being right. Belle also shares why she believes soulmates aren't simply found. They're built, and why the little things we do every day can matter more than grand romantic gestures. Whether you're married, dating, single, struggling in a relationship, or simply curious about what makes love last, this conversation may challenge some of what you've been taught about romance.  02:35 – Meet Belle and the story behind Are Relationships For Suckers?  04:35 – Seven years answering relationship questions and reaching millions  06:35 – Why relationships and human connection are struggling today  08:35 – Phones, social media, and what technology is doing to intimacy  12:35 – Are people too quick to give up on relationships? 14:35 – Unrealistic expectations about “true love”  16:35 – Belle’s four pillars of a lasting relationship  18:35 – What happens when the honeymoon stage ends  22:35 – Boredom, stability, and staying curious about one another  24:35 – Why couples need deeper emotional connection   27:35 – The grass isn’t always greener—and the baggage follows you    29:35 – When is it actually time to leave a relationship?    31:35 – Red flags we overlook when we’re falling in love    32:35 – “Life intimacy” and sharing everyday life together    34:35 – Attraction, aging, and seeing the person you originally fell in   love with   36:35 – Physical affection that doesn’t always have to lead to sex    37:35 – Belle’s belief that soulmates are built, not magically found    40:35 – Ego, blame, defensiveness, and resentment   42:35 – Why emotional intimacy matters to physical intimacy    44:35 – Understanding how your partner experiences love    46:35 – Listening instead of jumping to conclusions✨ Connect with Belle Gayer·        Are Relationships For Suckers? — Official Website https://www.arerelationshipsforsuckers.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com·        Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/belle.gayer?utm_source=chatgpt.com·        LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/belle-gayer-40babb20a?utm_source=chatgpt.com·        Quora: Braver Than I Knew Journal·        Belle's book, Are Relationships For Suckers?, is available on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and hardcover formats.·        Belle's book has also received Gold in Self Help–Motivational and Bronze in Self Help–Happiness at the Global Book Awards, along with multiple five-star Readers' Favorite reviews. ✨ Connect with Michele Simms• Website: thebeautyinthemess.com• Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess• LinkedIn: Michele Simms• Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & ReviewIf Belle's story encouraged you, please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing this episode with someone who needs the reminder that heartbreak doesn't have to be the end of their story.

Braver Than She Knew: Starting Over at 58 What happens when the life you thought you’d have suddenly isn’t your life anymore? In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, I sit down with author, speaker, and educator Cathy McCoy Collier, who found herself starting over at 58 after more than 30 years of marriage. After years of betrayal and trying to save her marriage, Cathy finally reached her limit. Walking away meant facing fears she had avoided for decades: living alone, managing money, making decisions by herself, grieving the family life she thought she would have, and discovering who she was outside of being a wife.  Cathy shares honestly about infidelity, gray divorce, self-worth, fear, faith, loneliness, friendships, dating again, and the surprisingly small moments that helped her realize she could build a life of her own. We also talk about her faith-based journal, Braver Than I Knew, which grew out of her own healing journey and is designed to help women navigate divorce, loss, major life changes, and unexpected new beginnings.  Cathy’s story is a reminder that sometimes bravery doesn’t feel brave at all. Sometimes it’s simply taking one step when you have no idea what comes next. 2:20 – The moment Cathy knew she had finally reached her limit5:20 – Filing for divorce after more than 30 years of marriage6:20 – The fear of starting over financially at 589:20 – How divorce ultimately brought Cathy back to her faith11:20 – Finding the counselor who helped her begin healing14:20 – Protecting her adult sons while telling the truth about the divorce16:20 – Learning to make decisions alone after 32 years as part of a couple19:20 – The moments Cathy believes prepared her to finally leave20:20 – The humiliation of infidelity and realizing “His sin is not my shortcoming” 21:20 – Grieving the family and future she thought she would have27:20 – Losing relationships and discovering who was really in her corner29:20 – Rebuilding her self-worth and creating new boundaries31:20 – Why Cathy named her book Braver Than I Knew32:20 – Why the first brave step is the hardest 33:20 – Freedom, loneliness, and adjusting to life on her own35:20 – Learning that she no longer needs someone else to feel complete 37:20 – How faith became central to Cathy’s healing42:20 – Trusting herself, trusting God, and finally being able to exhale46:20 – Dating after 50 and the lighter side of starting over50:20 – Inside Cathy’s 52-week journal, Braver Than I Knew54:20 – Cathy’s advice when you don’t feel brave enough to take the first step56:20 – Gray divorce and knowing when you’ve finally had enough59:20 – Why Cathy has never regretted leaving ✨ Connect with Cathy McCoy Collier·        https://www.braverthaniknew.com·        Instagram: @braverthaniknew·        Facebook: Braver Than I Knew Journal·        Email: cathycollier.author@gmail.com✨ Connect with Michele Simms• Website: thebeautyinthemess.com• Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess• LinkedIn: Michele Simms• Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & ReviewIf Cathy's story encouraged you, please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing this episode with someone who needs the reminder that heartbreak doesn't have to be the end of their story.

When Life Breaks Your Heart, But Not Your Spirit What happens when life breaks your heart more than once, yet somehow you keep finding the strength to move forward? In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, I sit down with Rita J. Cartwright, entrepreneur, author, speaker, and founder of Go Beyond The Limit. Rita is a survivor of two domestic violence relationships and has endured betrayal and devastating loss, including the death of her husband and, just one year later, her oldest son.  But Rita's story isn't simply about what she's survived. It's about what she's done with it. At 72, Rita continues to build businesses, serve others, and help women rebuild their confidence and independence. Through Go Beyond The Limit, she provides free entrepreneurship training to survivors of domestic violence, helping women develop skills to create their own opportunities and financial independence.  We talk openly about domestic violence, rebuilding self-worth, starting over, entrepreneurship, grief, losing the people we love, and what it means to truly heal a broken heart. Rita also shares the powerful role her Christian faith has played throughout her journey and the biblical principles behind her book, How to Heal Your Broken Heart. One of the most powerful things Rita says is that “grief is a weight.” We may never stop loving or missing the people we've lost, but we can learn to carry their memory without allowing grief to keep us from fully living.  And perhaps most beautifully, Rita says that through everything she's experienced, she has “rediscovered who God originally created me to be before life happened.” 2:50 – Meet Rita and the mission behind Go Beyond The Limit4:50 – Rebuilding confidence and self-worth after domestic violence6:50 – Rita’s faith and bringing God into her work and business8:50 – Searching for purpose and finding her path later in life10:50 – Becoming a mother at 16 and refusing to let circumstances define her future46:50 – Turning painful experiences into a testimony that can help other women 47:50 – How to Heal Your Broken Heart: domestic violence, infidelity, and losing loved ones 48:50 – The eight biblical principles Rita says helped heal her broken heart 51:50 – How helping others became part of Rita’s own healing52:50 – Supporting widows and mothers who have lost children 54:50 – Can healing feel like letting go of the person you’ve lost?56:50 – Faith, counseling, and allowing yourself to receive help 57:50 – Why Rita says “grief is a weight” 58:50 – Receiving comfort and healing during life’s darkest seasons1:00:50 – Getting through the storm and believing there is still something on the other side1:01:50 – Rediscovering who God created you to be “before life happened”✨ Connect with Rita J. Cartwright·        Go Beyond The Limit: gobeyondthelimit.org·        RJ's Digital Solutions: rjsdigitalsolutions.com·        Book: How to Heal Your Broken Heart U.S. Book Page·        Email: ritaj.cartwright@gmail.com·        Rita’s Phone Number: (602) 540-4307✨ Connect with Michele Simms• Website: thebeautyinthemess.com• Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess• LinkedIn: Michele Simms• Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & ReviewIf Rita's story encouraged you, please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing this episode with someone who needs the reminder that heartbreak doesn't have to be the end of their story.

What happens when you've survived some really hard things, but you refuse to let those things define the rest of your life?   In this episode of The Beauty in the Mess, I sit down with Elaine Mingus, a mom of seven, entrepreneur, speaker, author, pageant coach, and Mrs. Texas USA Globe.   Elaine's story is a lot deeper than the crown and sash.   She opens up about being groomed and sexually abused by a youth pastor at 13, the devastating response she received afterward, and how that trauma eventually contributed to an eight-year battle with bulimia and a serious heroin addiction.   But this conversation isn't just about what happened to Elaine. It's about what she's done with it.   We talk about therapy, recovery, faith, motherhood, and something I found really interesting: maybe we're never completely done healing. Elaine talks about continuing to uncover new layers of her own healing even decades later and learning to parent from healing instead of fear.   We also get into sharing our stories, especially in a world where we're encouraged to put everything online. Elaine believes our stories can absolutely help other people, but that doesn't mean every detail belongs to everyone.   Her advice?   Speak from your scars, not your scabs.   In other words, you don't have to wait until something no longer affects you, but there is wisdom in making sure you're healed enough that telling your story doesn't rip the wound wide open again.   We also talk about protecting the people we love when their stories intersect with ours, becoming comfortable with who you are right now, pageantry and visibility, the pressure of social media, and Elaine's struggle to trust that impact matters more than likes, money, views, or a crown.   And I loved one of Elaine's reminders near the end: Your purpose doesn't change, but your strategy does.   Sometimes purpose looks like standing on a stage. Sometimes it's being there for your child. Sometimes it's simply helping the person right in front of you.   This is a very real conversation about trauma, healing, faith, purpose, visibility, and learning to trust where you're being led.   In This Episode02:25 – Meet Elaine Mingus 03:25 – Childhood grooming and abuse 05:25 – Finding faith after trauma 08:25 – Addiction, bulimia, and recovery 10:25 – Parenting from healing, not fear 11:25 – Why healing is never really finished 14:25 – Quieting the negative voice 18:25 – Faith and staying present 23:25 – Stepping into spiritual authority 24:25 – Speak from your scars, not your scabs 28:25 – Knowing when to share your story 30:25 – Protecting the people in your story 32:25 – Reinvention and life beyond the crown 35:25 – Helping women become visible 39:25 – Trauma and comparing pain 42:25 – Getting her message of hope out 44:25 – Authenticity over perfect social media 47:25 – Your purpose, your strategy 49:25 – Finding your purpose 52:25 – Pageantry, visibility, and trusting God 55:25 – When the crown wasn't the real prize 58:25 – Choosing purpose over money 01:00:25 – Trusting the bigger plan   ✨Connect with Elaine Mingus:·        Pageantpreneur on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pageantpreneur?utm_source=chatgpt.com·        Pageantpreneur Community: https://www.skool.com/pageantpreneur-7655/about?utm_source=chatgpt.com·        Pageant CEO: https://www.pageantceo.com/?utm_source=chatgpt.com·        LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elainemingus/               ✨ Connect with Michele Simms:·        Website: thebeautyinthemess.com·        Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess·        LinkedIn: Michele Simms·        Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

When Your Body Finally Says Enough   How often do we ignore what our bodies are telling us because we’re too busy pushing through?   In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, I sit down with Jen Germain, Functional Medicine Health Coach and founder of Compass Health Coaching. Jen’s journey into functional medicine began with her own health crisis. After months of worsening symptoms, she was diagnosed with both Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis and told she would likely need medication for the rest of her life. Instead of simply accepting that as her only option, Jen began asking what else she could do to support her health.   That search led her to functional medicine, significant lifestyle and dietary changes, and eventually a completely new career helping others become more active participants in their own health.   In our conversation, we explore nutrition, chronic stress, burnout, sleep, body image, mindset, root causes, and why health advice should never be one-size-fits-all. We also talk about the overwhelming amount of wellness information on social media and the importance of looking deeper before jumping on the latest diet, supplement, or health trend.   Most importantly, Jen reminds us that our bodies are constantly communicating with us. The question is whether we’re willing to listen before the whisper becomes a scream.   In This Episode 2:55 – Jen’s health crisis and the symptoms that forced her to seek answers 4:55 – Her Crohn’s and ulcerative colitis diagnoses 5:55 – Discovering functional medicine and the Autoimmune Protocol 8:55 – The mental side of changing your diet and giving up refined sugar 10:55 – Why food is about more than calories 16:55 – The overlooked impact of chronic stress 18:55 – Recognizing stress when it has become your “normal” 21:55 – When your body whispers, yells, and finally says, “I’m done” 23:55 – Why constantly pushing through can eventually cost us our health 28:55 – “You can’t heal a body that you hate” 30:55 – Body image, gratitude, and learning to appreciate your body 35:55 – What getting to the “root cause” really means 38:55 – Fad diets, social media health advice, and information overload 40:55 – Looking deeper at health studies and who funded them 44:55 – Parasite cleanses, testing vs. guessing, and professional guidance 46:55 – Where to start when improving your health feels overwhelming 48:55 – Why mindset and small, consistent decisions matter 51:55 – Compass Health Coaching and Jen’s programs   ✨Connect with Jen Germain:·        https://compasshealthcoachingllc.com?utm_source=chatgpt.com·        Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=jen%20germain%20weight%20loss%20advice·        LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifergermain/               ✨ Connect with Michele Simms:·        Website: thebeautyinthemess.com·        Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess·        LinkedIn: Michele Simms·        Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

When Survival Becomes Your PersonalityWhat if the behaviors you've always thought were simply "who you are" are actually survival strategies you've been carrying since childhood?In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, I sit down with Jessica King, licensed social worker, founder of ElderCARE Collaborative, and creator of No One's Shiny New Toy. Jessica shares how a painful workplace experience became the catalyst for a deeper understanding of self-worth, boundaries, and the hidden ways childhood experiences can shape our adult lives.Together, we explore why so many women become people-pleasers, overachievers, and caregivers at the expense of themselves, how developmental trauma influences our identity, and why breaking unhealthy patterns isn't just about healing ourselves. It's about changing what we pass on to the next generation.Whether you've struggled with burnout, perfectionism, caregiving, or simply wondering who you are beneath everyone else's expectations, this conversation offers hope, validation, and practical encouragement.In This Episode2:45 – Jessica shares the workplace experience that inspired No One's Shiny New Toy and changed the direction of her life.7:45 – Why so many women feel they have to earn their worth—and where those beliefs often begin.10:45 – How childhood experiences can quietly shape our identity, relationships, and adult behaviors.14:00 – When overachieving, people-pleasing, and perfectionism become part of your identity.17:00 – Why so many women stay in unhealthy environments—and the emotional cost of constantly putting others first.20:00 – Imposter syndrome, comparison, and the hidden struggles behind high-achieving women.22:00 – Caregiving, aging parents, and navigating difficult family dynamics with healthy boundaries.26:00 – Why boundaries often create guilt—and why guilt doesn't necessarily mean you're doing something wrong.29:00 – Burnout, nervous system overload, and recognizing the warning signs before your body forces you to slow down.35:00 – Jessica's powerful "rock" analogy for generational trauma and how we begin breaking unhealthy cycles.38:00 – Finding purpose, embracing quiet moments, and discovering what truly brings meaning to your life.41:00 – Why we often stay in comfortable but unhealthy environments—and how fear of the unknown keeps us stuck.48:30 – Jessica's encouragement for caregivers: everyone deserves a "moment of care"—including you. ✨Connect with Jessica King:·        ElderCARE Collaborative: https://eldercarecollaborativepa.care·        Facebook: ElderCARE Collaborative·        No One's Shiny New Toy: A speaking platform dedicated to helping women reclaim their worth, embrace their authentic selves, and break generational cycles.               ✨ Connect with Michele Simms:·        Website: thebeautyinthemess.com·        Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess·        LinkedIn: Michele Simms·        Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

What does it really take to become a successful leader? In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, Alan Lazaros returns to the show for a conversation that goes beyond motivation and into the practical skills required to build a meaningful life, career, and business. While our first interview focused on Alan's personal journey and the pursuit of fulfillment, this time we explore leadership, self-awareness, resilience, and the habits that separate people who plateau from those who continue to grow. Alan shares lessons from coaching thousands of people around the world, leading a growing team at Next Level University, and learning through both success and failure. We also dive into his unique framework for understanding core wounds and how they influence our confidence, relationships, and leadership styles. Whether you're leading a company, a family, a team, or simply yourself, this conversation offers practical wisdom that can help you grow into the leader your life requires.   In This Episode 2:25 – Alan reflects on the growth of Next Level University and why narrowing the company's focus actually led to greater success. 5:20 – Why so many people hit a ceiling in life and business—and why leadership is the key to breaking through it. 8:00 – Can anyone become a leader? Alan shares what separates great leaders from everyone else. 10:10 – Why leadership is learned through failure, not just books. 12:00 – The three core wounds that influence confidence, relationships, and leadership. 15:45 – The "defective" core wound and how fear of failure limits growth. 19:00 – The "unlovable" core wound, hidden strengths, and learning to lead with courage. 24:30 – The "unwanted" core wound and the importance of moving from independence to interdependence. 29:45 – What Alan has learned from nearly a decade of building a business with his co-founder, Kevin Palmieri. 36:30 – The five skillsets Alan believes every successful person should develop. 44:10 – The human skills AI can never replace. 49:15 – The leadership habits that create lasting success. 54:30 – Alan shares what he would do if he had to start over today. 58:30 – His final encouragement for anyone who feels stuck, overwhelmed, or uncertain about their future.   ✨Connect with Alan Lazaros:·        Website: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com·        Next Level University Podcast·        Instagram: @alazaros88·        LinkedIn: Alan Lazaros·        Facebook: Alan Lazaros               ✨ Connect with Michele Simms:·        Website: thebeautyinthemess.com·        Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess·        LinkedIn: Michele Simms·        Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

What if the biggest challenges in your relationships didn't start with your relationship at all? In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, I'm joined by marriage and relationship coach Keith Dorscht, who has spent more than 30 years helping couples strengthen their connection and overcome deeply rooted patterns. Drawing from both his professional experience and his own personal journey through childhood trauma and divorce, Keith shares practical insights into why relationships struggle and what it takes to build lasting connection. Together, we discuss emotional maturity, the lasting impact of childhood experiences, the importance of eye contact and intentional communication, and why healing begins when we're willing to face our pain instead of avoiding it. Whether you're married, dating, rebuilding after heartbreak, or simply hoping to improve your relationships, this conversation offers encouragement, hope, and practical tools you can begin using today. 2:40 – Meet Keith Dorscht and the experiences that shaped his calling8:55 – How childhood trauma quietly follows us into adult relationships14:40 – The five stages of emotional maturity and why they matter18:20 – Common misconceptions about marriage and lasting connection22:10 – Why couples struggle to communicate without conflict25:15 – The surprising power of eye contact and non-verbal communication35:20 – Why healing requires more than simply letting time pass39:20 – One simple practice that can strengthen any relationship42:45 – The importance of community and asking for help45:10 – Keith's Communication Cure and practical resources for couples   ✨Connect with Keith Dorscht:·        Website: https://keith.coach·        Learn more about Keith's coaching, webinars, and The Communication Cure by visiting his website✨ Connect with Michele Simms:·        Website: thebeautyinthemess.com·        Instagram: @the.beauty.in.the.mess·        LinkedIn: Michele Simms·        Facebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!