The Beauty in the Mess

Some of the people who help us most are the ones who have walked through the darkest things themselves. In this episode of The Beauty In The Mess, I sit down with Stacy Schaffer, MA, LPC, a children’s therapist with over 20 years of experience working with grief, trauma, and anxiety. Stacy is also a survivor of childhood trauma, and she brings that lived wisdom into every conversation she has with families, educators, and young people. We talk openly about how trauma shows up in kids, why silence in families can be dangerous, and how play, safety, and relationship are often the real medicine. Stacy shares what she wished she’d had as a child, what she now creates for others, and why healing is not a destination but a practice. This is a tender, honest, and deeply practical conversation for parents, teachers, caregivers, and anyone who cares about breaking generational cycles with compassion instead of shame.  05:10 — Stacy’s childhood story and what shaped her calling 09:25 — How trauma quietly shows up in kids 13:50 — Why family silence keeps wounds alive 18:15 — The healing power of play therapy 22:40 — Grief beyond death and why it matters 27:05 — Warning signs parents should not ignore 31:30 — Repair, safety, and relationship as medicine 36:10 — What Stacy wishes every parent knew 40:55 — How to break generational cycles with love✨Connect with Stacy Schaffer:Book: With Love From a Children’s Therapist: #lessonsihavelearnedalongthewayWebsite: https://authorstacyschaffer.com ✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

Courage doesn’t always look like heroics. Most of the time it looks like ordinary people choosing to do the right thing when it’s risky, uncomfortable, or unpopular. In this episode, I sit down with John Graham, Executive Director of the Giraffe Heroes Project and known to many online as Badass Granddad. John has lived a life shaped by extremes: war zones, revolutions, a catastrophic shipwreck, and near-death experiences. But the heart of his work isn’t adrenaline, it’s meaning. We talk about what real moral courage looks like, why stories move people more than speeches, how polarization erodes trust, and why “sticking your neck out” is more necessary than ever. John shares how his own life cracked open, how the Giraffe Heroes Project was born, and why honoring everyday courage can actually change culture. This is a conversation about responsibility, hope, and the quiet power of people who refuse to stay silent when it matters. 04:10 — John’s early life and experiences that shaped his worldview 07:45 — The shipwreck and what it taught him about risk 11:20 — From adrenaline to meaning 15:05 — How the Giraffe Heroes Project began 19:00 — What makes someone a “Giraffe Hero” 23:10 — Why stories change people more than arguments 27:25 — Courage in a polarized world 31:50 — How ordinary people can practice moral courage 36:15 — What John hopes the next generation learns 40:40 — Why sticking your neck out still matters ✨Connect with John Graham:Giraffe Heroes Project: https://giraffe.orgLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnagraham1/Search “Badass Granddad” on TikTok/Instagram to follow his socials✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

Would you help your Ex if they needed support? It’s a question that creates an immediate reaction in people,  discomfort, curiosity, or a quiet “I don’t know… maybe.” And yet almost no one talks about it publicly. Today’s guest, Elizabeth Verwey, spent years researching this question and discovered that caring for an ex is more common than most people realize. Through surveys in 21 countries, interviews with 53 people, and 30 deeply personal stories, she uncovered a new and quiet post-divorce stage that sits somewhere between closure and compassion. In this conversation, we explore the emotional, relational, cultural, and logistical sides of caring for an ex — why people choose to step up, why they stay silent about it, what it means for current relationships, and how these acts can become deeply healing without ever leading to reconciliation. This episode offers a fresh way of understanding endings, relationships, and the forms of love we rarely have language for. 05:10 — The question that sparked the research: Would you help your ex? 08:45 — Caring for an ex as a new post-divorce stage 12:20 — Why people keep this kind of caregiving private 17:05 — Cultural and gender differences in caregiving 21:30 — Boundaries, current partners, and navigating complexity 26:40 — Does caring for an ex reopen wounds or create healing? 31:15 — The difference between reconciliation and compassion 36:00 — What people gained from saying yes to helping 40:50 — How this research changed Elizabeth’s view of endings 45:30 — What she hopes listeners will reconsider about love ✨Connect with Elizabeth Verwey:Website: https://www.elizabethverwey.comBook: Brave New EndingsPrograms & Workshops: Listed on her site✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

Most of us learned as kids what was “real” and what wasn’t. We were taught how to behave, how to fit in, and where the limits of possibility lived. But what if those limits were never real to begin with? In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Deborah Ann Baker, a researcher, artist, and author whose work explores the intersection of neuroscience, creativity, consciousness, and childhood development. Through her books There Is No Such Thing as Purple Trees and Quantum Rebellion, Deborah makes a compelling case that we lose something essential when we disconnect from imagination, curiosity, and wonder; the very capacities that fuel healing, innovation, and deeper human intelligence. We talk about: • the moment a teacher shut down her creativity with one sentence • why children are wired for multidimensional thinking • how neuroplasticity allows adults to reclaim what they lost • the bridge between science and spirituality • why healing requires permission to be messy • and what it means to remember what we forgot as we “grew up” This episode is for anyone who senses there’s more to being human than productivity and perfection — and who is ready to reclaim the parts of themselves they once shut down to fit in. 03:40 — The purple tree story and the wound of conformity 07:15 — Childhood imagination as cognitive intelligence 11:50 — Neuroplasticity and why adults shut down curiosity 16:20 — Science and spirituality begin to converge 21:10 — Cancer, creativity, and the “black paint moment” 27:45 — Why messiness is required for innovation 31:30 — Quantum thinking and multidimensional reality 36:05 — How children teach us what we unlearn 41:20 — What Deborah hopes adults remember ✨Connect with Deborah Ann Baker:Books: There Is No Such Thing as Purple Trees & Quantum RebellionLink Hub: https://linktr.ee/thepurpletrees✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

Most people imagine PTSD as something tied to combat or emergency work. What often gets overlooked are the quieter stories. The ones with the survivors who walk back into ordinary life with extraordinary wounds no one can see. In this episode, Christiane Scarpino, author of Missing Pieces, shares her experience surviving a terrorist bombing at 21, the aftermath of FBI and NYPD interrogation, and the 49 years of PTSD that followed. We talk about what PTSD actually feels like inside the body, how triggers show up in everyday life, the years she spent blaming herself for symptoms she didn’t understand, and what healing looks like for someone who never expected to live through the initial event, let alone the decades afterward. But this is not just a trauma story. It’s a resilience story. Christiane has built a life filled with advocacy, service, marriage, humor, and Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retrievers. She is proof that healing is not about going back. It’s about learning to live forward. Whether you’re navigating trauma personally, loving someone who is, or working in a field where these experiences show up quietly, this episode expands the conversation around PTSD in an honest, compassionate, and human way. 05:10 – Surviving the terrorist bombing and the moment everything changed 09:40 – Three years of FBI and NYPD interrogation 14:15 – PTSD: symptoms, fear, and “feeling crazy” before diagnosis 18:25 – How triggers hide in plain sight 22:50 – Why PTSD doesn’t follow a timeline or expiration date 27:40 – The stigma of “you should be over this by now” 32:05 – Marriage, dogs, and rebuilding joy in a nervous system that never forgets 36:30 – Advocacy and why awareness still matters 40:50 – Writing Missing Pieces and telling the truth without sensationalizing 45:15 – What she wants PTSD survivors to hear right now ✨Connect with Christiane Scarpino:Book: Missing Pieces (memoir available via her site)Upcoming Work: PTSD self-help guide (in development)Website: https://www.christianescarpino.net✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

Grief doesn’t follow rules or timelines. It shows up quietly, loudly, and sometimes all at once. In this deeply human conversation, author and educator Jeaninne Escallier Kato shares how losing two close friends during the pandemic sent her into what’s known as critical grief, a season marked by anxiety, fear of being alone, and the feeling of losing herself. What ultimately helped her find her way back wasn’t forcing positivity or rushing healing. It was creativity, storytelling, connection, and allowing grief to be honored instead of avoided. Jeaninne opens up about how writing, creating her television show Staging the Third Act, and embracing the later chapters of life helped her transform loss into meaning. This episode is a gentle companion for anyone navigating grief, anticipatory loss, or a season of transition. It’s a reminder that grief is not a problem to solve, but love that still deserves space. 04:45 – Jeaninne’s story and the losses that changed everything 08:30 – What “critical grief” looked like in real life 12:55 – Anxiety, fear of loss, and the struggle with being alone 17:20 – Asking for help and beginning counseling 22:10 – How creativity became a lifeline 27:00 – Creating Staging the Third Act as an act of healing 31:40 – Where love goes after someone dies 36:15 – Navigating anticipatory grief with her mother 41:10 – Aging, gratitude, and embracing life’s later chapters 46:05 – Turning pain into purpose 50:20 – What Jeaninne wants grieving listeners to know ✨Connect with Jeaninne Escallier Kato:Book: B.J.’s Promise: How My Dying Dog Found My True LoveTV Show: Staging the Third Act (Auburn Community Television & YouTube)Website: https://www.spokenlives.com/✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

This episode is not about motivation. It’s about ownership.Rob McCarthy got tired of hating the person he saw in the mirror and decided to stop living a life that wasn’t his. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, Rob breaks down how we inherit scripts from family, society, debt, and social media, and how those scripts quietly run our lives until we’re willing to confront them.We talk about small wins, fear, comparison, money, self-help lies, faith, discipline, and why real change doesn’t come from quotes or manifesting, but from brutal honesty and consistent action. If you’re done pretending and ready to take responsibility for your life, this episode will hit hard in the best way. 04:00 – Rob’s breaking point: hating the person in the mirror 06:45 – Living a life designed by everyone else 09:20 – Why most people care too much about opinions that don’t matter 12:10 – Criticism, fear, and releasing the book quietly 15:00 – Auditing your circle and cutting dead weight 18:30 – The biggest lies sold by the self-help industry 22:00 – Why motivation quotes don’t change lives 25:10 – Fear, excuses, and calling yourself out 29:30 – Debt, consumption, and financing self-worth 33:00 – Redefining success on your own terms 36:40 – Social media, comparison, and the modern “Colosseum” 40:30 – Faith, work, and personal responsibility 44:45 – Small wins and why they matter more than big goals 48:30 – “You don’t need a miracle. You need a mirror.” 51:30 – What to do when you don’t know where to start 55:00 – Where to find Rob’s book, podcast, and resources ✨Connect with Rob McCarthy:Book: F the Script: How to Own Your Sh*t and Rewrite Your Story Available on AmazonPodcast: F the StandardStand Store: https://stan.store/fts25✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review      Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!

This conversation with Tonya Peck is one of those episodes that hits you in the chest in the best way possible. Tonya grew up in chaos, carried shame that never belonged to her, and spent years trying to outrun the emotional imprint of feeling unwanted. Her turning point came when she discovered the power of the Primal Question; the single emotional need that shapes how we love, lead, react, and relate. Now she’s a Primal Question Coach, a longtime healthcare professional, and a fitness instructor who teaches women how to break belief barriers and finally step into their God-given gifts. This episode dives into healing, identity, faith, emotional awareness, and why small shifts can change the entire direction of a life. It's honest, hopeful, and incredibly human. 04:40 — Tonya’s journey from a chaotic childhood to becoming a coach 08:10 — Teen pregnancy, loss, and the years she carried silent shame 13:05 — The moment she realized her story could help someone else 17:20 — What the seven Primal Questions are and why they matter 22:45 — Identifying your dominant emotional need 27:10 — Breaking belief barriers and stepping out of comfort zones 32:00 — How physical health ties directly to emotional healing 36:50 — Faith, forgiveness, and rebuilding self-worth 41:30 — Leadership, community, and accountability 45:40 — What Tonya wishes every woman knew about her own strength 50:00 — How to start healing your story today✨Connect with Tonya Peck:Website: https://motionandmindset.com/Instagram: @motionandmindset✨ Connect with Michele Simms:Website: thebeautyinthemess.comInstagram: @the.beauty.in.the.messLinkedIn: Michele SimmsFacebook Group: The Beauty in the Mess Podcast💬 Rate & Review·        Loved this episode? Please consider leaving a 5-star review and sharing it with a friend!