Same Day Shipping: Real Love & Fake Relationships

What if your neat freak boyfriend dropped your toothbrush in the toilet and didn't tell you about it? Sorry, I meant "what's the deal with boyfriends dropping your toothbush in the toilet?" Then, Sweet Tooth is a murderous clown who drives an ice cream with mini-guns strapped to the sides, but does that mean we can't ship him?

What do you do when your girlfriend dies and/or disappears for, like, years, and then comes back, only to fly off to fight some aliens or some shit? Then, look, there's a pair of movies in the theatre right now, and we're creatures of the culture, so: Barbieheimer Ships, it is! Hunger Games! Barbie! X-Men! Neils Bohr (for some reason)! The Simpsons!

What do you do when your new SO is obsessed with making edits for the only non-bisexual icon from the movie The Mummy? (And how many followers does their channel have?) Then, say it twice but don't say it three times, there's a new Beetlejuice movie, so it's time to talk Beetle Ships!

What do you do when your super sweet, super thoughtful wedding present reveals that your man has been WAITING for the perfect moment to leave you for some mystery girl? Then, look, Tom Cruise will die making these Mission Impossible movies for us some day, AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT. It means it's time for Cruise Ships 2 Part III (or is it Cruise Ships 3 Part 2?). Mission Impossible! Interview with the Vampire! Collateral! A Few Good Men!

What do you do when your contributions to rock and roll are being overlooked by your bandmate? Do you confess your inventions sorta suck? Then, there's a new Superman show, which means it's time to talk about all our favorite Clarks and Loises!

What do you do when your cagey SO has to disappear for days at a time, and when you press them for explanation, all they can ask is that you "trust them"? Why, you go downstairs and marry them of course! Then, dust off your fedoras, there's a new Indiana Jones movie in the theatres, which means it's time to talk Whip Ships! Batman Returns! Iron Man II! Scott Pilgrim vs. the World! Toy Story! Tenacious D!

What do you do when you find yourself re-embroiled in Meg-related attacks? You suit up and fight that thing: what other choice ya got? Then, Asteroid City is in wide release so it's time to stare dead-eyed directly into the camera and ship all things Wes Anderson.

How can you even go on when a swing dancer at a wedding flips your wife like 9 times? You can't sleep! Your neighbor sends a pig wearing a mask into your home through the doggie door! Your life is in shambles, which means: you're a Tim Robinson character. (It's so good to have new I Think You Should Leave.) Then, the new Pixar film Elemental looks like shit, but it is out now, which means we're talking Elemental Ships! Avatar the Last Airbender! Star Wars: The High Republic! Little Nemo The Dream Master! Sky High! The X-Men!