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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
The competition gets under way. The entrants are each told to remove a sock and put it in the pint glass in front of them
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Driving through the gates of University College Dublin (UCD) brings back one or two memories. Not that I spent much time in the place when I did the Sports Man Dip course back in the day.
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Sorcha goes, ‘I make no apologies for saying it, Honor. You are a danger to democracy’
06:13|Honor is in an absolute fouler when she gets into the cor.I’m there, “Tough day at school?”When they see the copper, the triplets think it’s about them gobbing on the cauliflower and turmeric latte crowd - which I’m not even sure is a crime’
05:53|There’s a Gorda cor bent around a lamppost and people are standing around looking shocked. Who could be responsible for this cornage?‘We’ve no idea what caused the fire. And we’re sticking to that story’
06:02|Sorcha is flirting with the fireman while the focking house is on fire, but there’ll be focking war if she finds out about the fireworks‘People in the crowd are staring at Honor like she’s a cold sore on debs night’
05:50|So I’m standing with Honor at the junction of Foster Avenue and the N11 and we’re watching people pass us by with agony, I don’t know, etched all over their faces? Yeah, no, JP is running the Dublin City Marathon and I’ve turned up to cheer him on, as well as – obviously – the rest of the field.‘The thought of booking a table for one at Shanahan’s on the Green got me through my prison sentence’
06:19|Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara rings me. Which is a rare enough occurrence. On the four, maybe five, occasions it’s happened, it’s been to ask me to retrieve the Go Bag that he insists on storing in our attic and to drive him to Dublin Airport.JP is staring at me like I’ve said I’m really enjoying his old dear’s OnlyFans account
06:41|JP says Chloe is writing a novel based on her college days. He’s like, “She’s hoping to do for DBS what Sally Rooney did for Trinity.”‘A threesome?’ Sorcha goes. ‘Why would you think I’d be into having a threesome?’
06:10|Sorcha asks if the beef is from a regenerative form and I end up having to look away. Seriously, you can’t bring her anywhere.‘Things have changed since you were at school, Sorcha,’ the old man goes. ‘We recognise that traditional media is our enemy now’
06:59|Hennessy, the old man and Honor are sitting around the island, looking as thick as thieves. Which is exactly what they are.