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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
‘Schoolbooks shmoolbooks ... I didn’t do a tap at school and look at me’
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The school concert hall is absolutely rammers and the walls are pretty much vibrating with the sound of people being – as we say on this side of the city – up in orms.
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‘Ross,’ Sorcha goes, ‘we’re not going to Dubai. We cancelled because of the war.’ I’m there, ‘What war?’ and I genuinely mean it
06:41|The airport is absolutely rammers and I’m in – it has to be said – scintillating form, so much so that Sorcha actually remorks on it.‘We’re losing, like, 32-0. The Blackrock first years are taking us aport’
06:27|I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is actually happening? Yeah, no, you always try to think about worst case scenarios in your head – just so you have a plan in case something goes wrong – but this is beyond my, literally, worst nightmares.‘I’m so full of myself this morning that I’m actually making myself sick’
06:22|This is me in my – yeah, no – absolute happy place. Castlerock College jersey with the collar popped. Rugby Tactics Book under my orm. The match against Blackrock College is just four days away and I have a plan to beat them.‘There you go with the school rivalry thing again. You need to move on’
06:17|So it’s, like, 11 o’clock on Sunday morning and I’m hord at work – albeit still in bed – making notes in my famous Rugby Tactics Book. Sorcha walks into the room and goes, “Get dressed, Ross. We’re going out for lunch.”‘The woman is as C as M – as my old dear used to say. Common as muck’
05:57|“Kicker!” the old man has the actual nerve to go. “To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?”‘How embarrassing is it for me to have three kids who are absolutely focking useless at rugby?’
06:02|Sorcha says this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. And it’s far from it. I could give her a list of 50 things, except I doubt if it would help my cause.The words every south Dublin rugby parent dreads: ‘Dad, I want to join the drama society’
06:34|There’s no sugar-coating this one. We’ve been taken to the literally cleaners today. Yeah, no, beaten 45-10 by – and there’s easy way of saying this – Wesley College, the same Wesley College who haven’t won a Leinster Schools Senior Cup since the world was in pretty much black and white.‘I’ve never said a word about Bray that wasn’t 100% warranted’
05:37|I’m like, “A what?” And Honor goes, “A double date. It’s cute.” I’m there, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Claire from Bray of all places–”‘We’re getting rid of the cor. Right focking now’
06:03|Joy Felton – yeah, no, one of our neighbours – is standing at the front gates as I swing the cor into the driveway and she nearly ends up with the BMW logo imprinted backwards across her, I want to say, midriff?