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Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
‘The old man running a restaurant is like asking me to teach physics through Irish’
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Sorcha says she’s delighted for my old man. Yeah, no, as you may or may not have read in the pages of this paper, he and Hennessy Coghlan-O’Hara have bought Shanahan’s on the Green and are planning to reopen it in, like, two weeks’ time.
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We’re driving through Donnybrook and Sorcha shouts ‘Stop!’
05:48|“Stop!” Sorcha goes. Yeah, no, we’re driving through Donnybrook at the time. I generally slow down anyway as we’re passing the spot where Kielys once stood, just to make the sign of the cross on myself. Except Sorcha is looking past me at the other side of the road?‘Ross,’ Sorcha goes, ‘we’re not going to Dubai. We cancelled because of the war.’ I’m there, ‘What war?’ and I genuinely mean it
06:41|The airport is absolutely rammers and I’m in – it has to be said – scintillating form, so much so that Sorcha actually remorks on it.‘We’re losing, like, 32-0. The Blackrock first years are taking us aport’
06:27|I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is actually happening? Yeah, no, you always try to think about worst case scenarios in your head – just so you have a plan in case something goes wrong – but this is beyond my, literally, worst nightmares.‘I’m so full of myself this morning that I’m actually making myself sick’
06:22|This is me in my – yeah, no – absolute happy place. Castlerock College jersey with the collar popped. Rugby Tactics Book under my orm. The match against Blackrock College is just four days away and I have a plan to beat them.‘There you go with the school rivalry thing again. You need to move on’
06:17|So it’s, like, 11 o’clock on Sunday morning and I’m hord at work – albeit still in bed – making notes in my famous Rugby Tactics Book. Sorcha walks into the room and goes, “Get dressed, Ross. We’re going out for lunch.”‘The woman is as C as M – as my old dear used to say. Common as muck’
05:57|“Kicker!” the old man has the actual nerve to go. “To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?”‘How embarrassing is it for me to have three kids who are absolutely focking useless at rugby?’
06:02|Sorcha says this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. And it’s far from it. I could give her a list of 50 things, except I doubt if it would help my cause.The words every south Dublin rugby parent dreads: ‘Dad, I want to join the drama society’
06:34|There’s no sugar-coating this one. We’ve been taken to the literally cleaners today. Yeah, no, beaten 45-10 by – and there’s easy way of saying this – Wesley College, the same Wesley College who haven’t won a Leinster Schools Senior Cup since the world was in pretty much black and white.‘I’ve never said a word about Bray that wasn’t 100% warranted’
05:37|I’m like, “A what?” And Honor goes, “A double date. It’s cute.” I’m there, “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Claire from Bray of all places–”