POSSIBLE HAPPINESS

What I want to talk about today are illusions and the false self. The personal lie that we tell ourselves. Then we begin to live according to this lie and slowly turn it into truth. But quite often it turns out that we mislead ourselves, created more difficulties and just hurt ourselves. We actually don't realize that this is a result exactly of those inner lies and unhealthy "laws" that we accepted to obey and believe in. We were all born authentic. Kids are authentic. We were all born with this potential of a healthy attitude towards ourselves. Authenticity means to allow ourselves to be in the here and now, to enjoy the moment, to express our emotions regardless of whether they are positive or negative. To be able to love, to enjoy the little things and to want to achieve our dreams and desires either now or in the very near future. Children possess this healthy and authentic potential. Children are raw and pure. Their heart is open. They want to love in every way possible, to experience and to feel everything. However, this changes over time. As we grow up our mind also matures and our ability to understand concepts and content also changes. The beginning of another story is set. A story different from our authentic one. It's a story about: “Who I should be and what I should become.”

The first thing that I want to present to you is about the way of connecting. The framework in our relationship is such: Take your hands and slowly bring them together so that your palms and fingers are aligned. Imagine that your hands are just like two partners who meet and create their relationship. Partner 1 and Partner 2 meet in all their authenticity, as they are. They meet with their conscious beliefs, values, notions, needs and desires. But they also meet with a very unconscious dynamic that each of us carries within us: the things they have suppressed, unacknowledged pains, our unacknowledged and unresolved fears, the doubts and critiques of the shadow side within us that also exist in our unconscious dynamics. The traumas and misunderstandings that have occurred in early childhood and this whole palette of colors in our mental dynamic we confront with our partners. There will be many areas in which our partners will serve as a resource to us. They will be our equals and together we will seek joy and a common purpose. But there will also be many areas where we will have to work on our divergences, different perspectives and aspirations, to work on our fears together.

A lot of the people come to me and ask me to help them separate, how can they stay friends, how can they clear out the anger, the pain, the injuries that have been caused over time. Of course, when some decisions have not been taken categorically and the personal insult, and pain makes them want to separate, even though they are not entirely convinced of that. There are ways in which we can clear this very painful experience so that we can see the truth inside ourselves, and whether we're willing to move on with that partner or to reveal ourselves in a new way. Because quite often we get stuck in blaming the other, seeing what the other person is lacking and their mistakes, seeing what he/she hasn't given us and what he/she's not changing, so that we fail to acknowledge our true desires, our true pain, for failing to find a way to come out of this accusation, and to embrace the choice of looking for the resources that are found in the couple and in love, and find a way to really thank each other, apologize, admit that we've made mistakes and ask the other person to forgive us. And if we are willing to do that together, we can take the next step to improving our relationship.

We may feel the need to contemplate something beautiful, which, at this particular moment, will divert our attention. Our whole world will be concentrated on it - our breath, the beating of our heart, everything. Because we need to be disconnected from all that causes stress on our mind.This includes all the external challenges and difficulties that may emerge when we are not aware of what might surprise us or when we don’t understand that we have lost control. We can do this recharge more often using the mantra: “I can do a little something every day that will make me feel better and be the ambassador of this "better" today.”

I ask you to consider your current relationship or commitment. If you aren’t in one at this point, look at the last significant one or some other past relationship. In general, also go through the story of all your significant relationships to find some common things that moved you. Commonalities that have connected you, things that you needed to realize about the relationship or you recognized as building resources. Also, consider the factors that caused the separation. How often do they occur? How often are they repeated? You need to take a hard look and recognize the connections and similarities in the relationships. Because what I want to pay attention to is whether or not we seek salvation through relationships. If so, we will suffer mainly disappointment if we're trying to save ourselves or waiting for someone to save us. Let's find another savior in our lives.

What blocks us and why do we suffer? What prevents us from going on the path of healthier and joyful change and how do we hurt ourselves? Consciously or unconsciously, and we move ourselves away from the path of harmony and change in a rather more constructive way. So, what's in the way? Today we will continue with part two. We will continue with these points, which we did not manage to look at the last time.  What remains after we face the facts that we see what’s missing and the negative, we feed what’s missing, we don’t understand that we’re giving it value. This was the first thing we discussed in the first part. The second thing that we looked at in the first podcast, in the first part, is also that we value what we have lost and when it is no longer a part of us, because before that we took it as for granted and failed to nourish it with our attention, gratitude and a revision of what value and benefit it carries. Today we will continue. The third thing, which is extremely important. It comes out every day in my therapy with clients. You, yourself, too, most likely, feel it and encounter it. It's basically seeing the pain, the sorrow, the disappointment. As if we have become more reliant on pain, we recognize the mechanism of injury and suffering more clearly. We may not be dependent on any other stimulants, but we can become dependent precisely on negativity, on unhappiness and on this immersion into the familiar pain. This sometimes becomes really an addiction. Look at it. If every day we need to have an experience like this, or to have that focus, or a given situation, in which our outlook is only through this negative experience, through the pain, through scarcity, through poor adaptability, whatever happens with you. There’s somehow a need to deliver this daily dose of fear. The more we think, the more we focus on the thoughts of fear, uncertainty and problems, we will increasingly attract fears and problems into our daily lives or something inside will make us turn that focus and look through those eyes of pain and fear.

You create your day through your heart, through your choices, through your goals. Choose motivating phrases to be your resource. Create for yourself little charging moments. Calm your mind; master the emotion. Choose how to be a guide to yourself. You have all the power you need to do so. Because as we can choose to hurt ourselves, choose to be afraid, choose to see the negative, the problems. So, we can choose to see the other things, the benefits, the positive, our growth, our success, the silence, the little smile in us. Everything is a choice, you are the ones, you choose. I'm glad we're together. Today I want to talk a little bit about how to stop hurting ourselves so much.How to reduce this stress and rising anxiety, uncertainty, which increases our inner fear and lack of confidence in ourselves. Some of you have written to me that they very much liked the words and messages related to a revision of the past, a revision of our thoughts, a revision of how we behave and act. This revision is about giving ourselves a space in which each one of us can work on him/herself. You are the ones who will choose how much time you will spend and how you will immerse yourself in the process.You have every opportunity to act, to do the steps, the exercises, the guidelines, the advice I give you to see how you experience them, how they will pass through you, how they will be useful to you, what they will open up as a point of view and a thoughtfulness. We're all in the process of personal work. There is no one who does not look at the various obstacles that life today opens for each one of us. Do not worry that now time opens up many more new difficulties and losses that are so close to us. When the time comes and things open up this way, it means we've grown enough, worked on everything in our lives, read a lot of things, read still newer that are coming out. We're being inquisitive. We have already acquired the opportunity to work with truth, with honesty, with limiting patterns, with fears, with negativity that we have blocked from ourselves, with the lie that we have unconsciously created for ourselves, to look at the deep levels of the subconscious. Now is the time for the ending of illusions, to enter into revelation, to take personal responsibility. This year is all about the awareness of responsibility, personal responsibility, personal boundaries, personal fingerprints of karma, the fate of the choices that I make. This is my path, which I leave behind through my words, through my loyalty, through respect, through well-being, through help, through the clear boundary of saying, “Yes and no”. We shouldn't be afraid of saying 'No' when we want to say it because that's how we feel it. We do not have to always comply with other people’s requirements and needs. We have the inner knowledge. Where we get too loaded, when we burden ourselves with unnecessary demands and responsibilities. Now it is time for this comprehensive revision that we all carry out together, each on his/her path, with his/her own life of connections and choices.