PLAYING-IT-SAFE

In part 1 of my conversation with Monica Basco, Ph.D., Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance, we discussed the following topics:Perfectionism and high-achieving behaviorsUnderstanding the impact of high goalsThe role of confidence in goal settingThe intersection of perfectionism and procrastinationIn this second part of our conversation, Monica kindly shared her transition from academia to the White House as an introduction to the focus of this episode: the intersection of perfectionism and imposter phenomenon.Perfectionists set exceptionally high standards for themselves, displaying a relentless drive to achieve what they perceive as flawless outcomes. However, when these standards are not met, it can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. Even when they succeed, perfectionists may fear that others will see through their façade, further perpetuating the imposter phenomenon.A highlight of our conversation is the importance of discerning when perfectionistic actions are an asset and when they become a liability.Key TakeawaysPerfectionism and imposter phenomenonExploring imposter phenomenonPerfectionism and self-expectationsOvercoming imposter syndromeThe transition from academia to governmentPerfectionism in different contextsBalancing perfectionism and fear of failureDistinguishing when to turn on and off perfectionistic actionsShow notes with time-stamps00:00 The Intersection of Perfectionism and Imposter Phenomenon05:03 Personal Story: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome10:10 Transition from Academia to the White House16:12 The Role of Perfectionism in Government and Science18:23 Fear of Failure and Perfectionism22:52 How Different Fears Influence Behavior(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Drop your standards! Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies!If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.When you’re pursuing a top performance – from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones – it’s fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well-being altogether.In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed research-based skills to deal with high-achieving and striving behaviors in a skillful manner and without losing yourself. Key TakeawaysHow to distinguish when perfectionistic actions are working for you or against youThe difference between values-based goals and ego-driven goalsHow to avoid burnout in the information eraHow to manage your proneness to perfectionistic actionsDay-to-day experiences of experiential avoidanceTips to handle the fear of failureHow to figure out what is on the other side of your fearsHow to practice self-compassion when handling our fearsShow notes with time stamps00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions01:02 Overcoming Perfectionism01:36 Interview with Brad Stulberg: High Achieving and Striving Behaviors02:19 Reflecting on Your Life and Overcoming Overthinking03:28 Living According to Your Values04:10 Using a Values-Based Review to Live the Life You Want04:46 Conversation with Brad Stulberg: Balancing Productivity and Wellbeing05:43 Understanding the Double-Edged Sword of Optimization08:44 Dealing with Fear of Failure and Regret17:48 Navigating Ego-Driven Goals and Values-Based Goals24:09 Overcoming Experiential Avoidance(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a pattern of reinforced behaviors that can seep into every aspect of your life.You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually - and inevitably - fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the negativity, you set new goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. The cycle of ineffective perfectionistic actions repeats and maintains itself.There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly - that’s natural when you deeply care about things and what matters to you. And, as you have heard me say before, it’s extremely important that you learn to harness the power of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself. In this podcast episode, I chat with Monica Basco, Ph.D. We discuss specific topics related to perfectionism in detail:(a) A large part of the conversation clarifies how having high standards and being perfectionistic can be both, beneficial and detrimental, and finding the balance between the two is crucial.(b) We also discussed the interplay between perfectionistic behaviors and procrastination as two sides of the same coin.(c) Monica and I highlighted the fact that setting high-goals is productive when one can tolerate failure. However, learning to pursue what matters and learning to let things go - as the right thing to do - is also important.(d) Finally, we discuss ideas for you to conduct a functional analysis, or in other words, we discuss key questions for you to understand your drive to engage in perfectionistic actions (e.g., what is my mind trying to protect me from right now?)Key TakeawaysDiscussing perfectionism and high-achieving behaviorsUnderstanding the impact of high goalsThe role of confidence in goal settingThe intersection of perfectionism and procrastinationShow notes with time-stamps01:00 Understanding Fear and Perfectionism01:31 Dealing with Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors02:35 Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Perfectionism04:14 Setting Goals and Dealing with Failure05:12 Understanding Overachievement and Expectations08:37 Dealing with Rejection and Pursuing Goals20:43 Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Today’s episode takes off with discussing fears of driving. This is the starting point to discuss a key process within acceptance commitment therapy: values-based exposures.In this episode, you will learn the principles to approach your fears, worries, and anxieties in a flexible way and in the service of your values.Brian Thompson, Ph.D. and I covered different ACT skills such as defusion, values, willingness and what you can do if you’re getting stuck in conquering your fears or you’re afraid of starting the process of facing your anxieties.Key TakeawaysWhat is willingnessHow to deal with uncertaintyWhat to do when you’re powering through a fearful situationWhat is exposureUnderstanding fear-based reactions and safe behaviorsExploring the concept of exposure in overcoming fearDealing with physical sensations during fearful situationsThe role of acceptance and commitment therapy in overcoming fearUnderstanding the concept of willingness in therapyAddressing fear of uncertainty and unpredictabilityIntroduction to the upcoming book on act-informed exposure for anxietyUnderstanding act and exposureDealing with chronic worryEffective problem solving vs. worryShow notes with time stamps00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions and Safe Behaviors01:00 Exploring Exposure Therapy and Anxiety01:09 Dealing with Physical Sensations During Panic Attacks02:44 Strategies to Manage Anxiety and Fear03:39 Addressing Intrusive Thoughts and Fears04:16 Understanding Acceptance and Commitment Therapy07:33 Exploring Willingness in Therapy14:28 Addressing Fear of Uncertainty17:28 Introduction to ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety19:19 Discussing the Book and Its Approach19:44 Recommendations for Approaching the Book19:45 Understanding the Process of Exposure20:38 The Role of Repetition in Exposure21:37 Handling Chronic Worries and Ruminations22:12 Using ACT for Chronic Worry23:11 Writing Imaginal Scripts for Worries26:13 Effective Problem Solving vs. Worry26:50 Distinguishing Between Productive and Unproductive Worry(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Ever catch yourself engaging in incessant mind chatter in a high-stakes situation? The kind that fills your head with self-doubt, comparisons, and anticipations of failure? You're not alone. We all do it. But what if there was a way to overcome these self-limiting beliefs and embrace life's challenges with confidence? I had a chance to talk to Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. regarding performance anxiety, managing self-doubt, and comparison thoughts among athletes or overthinkers. If you have been following the podcast, you know by now that by making room for your thoughts, rather than struggling against them, you can redirect your focus towards the present moment and towards what matters. In today’s episode, we discussed other micro-skills to manage mental chatter with curiosity and courage. Key TakeawaysThe pitfalls of positive thinkingManaging mind chatterHow to shift your attention from hypothetical worries to the present momentRedirecting your attention from “what if” to “what is”How to manage lapses in confidenceA useful mindset to perform challenging tasksExploring the concept of positive thinkingUnderstanding mind chatter and its impactStrategies for managing mind chatterApplying mind chatter management in real-life scenarios(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Picture this scenario: you encounter an ambiguous and uncertain situation, and then, of course, you quickly try to solve it. You anticipate all types of scenarios and try to prepare for each one of them, without realizing you are worrying and consumed with anxiety.Worry is primarily a thought-based process, and that’s what makes it tricky. Unpacking worry thoughts and distinguishing the unhelpful from the helpful ones are crucial.We all worry from time to time, that’s unavoidable. But playing-it-safe by worrying all the time takes a hefty toll on your well-being, happiness, and relationships.In this episode, I interview Dr. Chad Lejeune, Ph.D.We discussed the subtleties of worrying, what keeps worry cycles, and the importance of developing a new relationship with your mind. In the second part of the interview, I shared with Chad an unexpected situation I encountered when traveling, and we used that as an opportunity to discuss micro-skills to manage uncertainty, what-if thoughts, and reassurance-seeking and information-seeking behaviors.Key TakeawaysHow to develop a new relationship with thinkingHow to distinguish effective problem-solving from ineffective oneUnderstanding fear and anxietyDefining worry and its impactThe role of thoughts in worryDistinguishing between productive and nonproductive worryThe consequences of worryAddressing beliefs about worryChanging our relationship with our thoughtsDealing with unexpected situationsEmbracing uncertainty and ambiguityThe anxious brain and uncertaintyProductive thoughts and problem-solvingThe power of narratives and storytellingThe distinction between problem-solving and creating narrativesThe danger of excessive information-seekingThe power of accepting uncertaintyThe importance of learning from the pastShow notes with time stamps00:27 Understanding Fear and Anxiety01:26 Defining Worry and Its Impact02:27 Distinguishing Between Worry and Problem-Solving05:50 The Consequences of Worry06:43 Addressing Beliefs About Worry11:27 Changing Our Relationship with Our Thoughts17:41 Practical Example: Dealing with Unexpected Situations22:59 The Power of Productive Thoughts23:56 The Mind's Narratives and Their Impact25:46 The Distinction Between Problem Solving and Worrying28:15 The Power of Acceptance and Living in the Present28:20 The Pitfalls of Excessive Information Seeking29:12 The Role of Google in Reassurance Seeking32:29 The Importance of Embracing Uncertainty(*) Show notes and resources of this episode(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses