Yeshiva of Newark Podcast

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Rischa Daraiisa-20-Is Covid 19 crafting a more positive picture in the Shidduch process?

Season 1, Ep. 20

In a rambling conversation,the Rabbis discuss the comments of Rav Yaakov Moshe Hillel and Rav Ephraim Wachsman that find the system in place for young frum persons to arrange dates Halachically unacceptable.

Shidduch resumes that lay out the basic facts of the prospect(age,schooling,ambitions,friends and Hashkafah)are expected to include a photograph that will highlight the person's attractiveness.

When these are passed along ,especially in our cyber-world,this causes unnecessary Histaklus by male parties,and results in a degradation to the modest young women who find themselves having to submit a "beauty shot" or risk not finding a Chasan.

Rabbi Kivelevitz asks Rabbi Bechhofer what steps he feels can be taken to correct the problem.

They discuss the awkward ways matches have proceeded since the Lithuanian/Non Chasidic communities became more acculturated to Western ideas of general appearance and romantic notions.

Bechhofer mentions the letters written by Rav Avraham Eliyahu Kaplan to his Kalah before their marriage,as well as those written by a young Rav Aharon Kotler to his bride to be,Chana Perl Meltzer.

He also reveals the real reason so many Litvisha bochurim did not marry until they were into their late twenties or thirties.

Rabbi Kivelevitz attempts to link this to the refusal of so many Litvish women,many married to Talmeidei Chachamim, to properly cover their hair .

He also cites the dating customs of religious youth in America in the 1940's and 50's,and Rav Moshe Feinstein's insistence that there be a mixed young person's table at his own daughter's wedding in order to facilitate the socialization necessary to lead to happy marriages.

The co-hosts disagree if there will be a lasting effect from the enforced isolation which has forced couples to meet through ZOOM in a way that is actually giving the young person images of a possible intended without artifice and trappings .

Bechhofer refers to Vogue Magazine's recent cover ,as indicative of the trend,yet believes things will revert to what they were when normal social interactions are sanctioned.



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