Paleo Bites

(image source: https://prehistoria.fandom.com/es/wiki/Scleromochlus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Scleromochlus, a cute little dude with absolutely nothing remarkable about it on its own and is more interesting in what it evolved into; this guy was in fact an early ancestor of the pterosaurs! Celebrate, all ye boring people, in that eventually you might have more interesting descendents. From the Early Triassic, this 8-inch pterosauromorph archosaur had freakishly long legs and might have hopped all about like a demented frog. I dated someone with freakishly long legs who also hopped all around, it didn’t last long. Ugh, I swear, it’s only a matter of time before these descriptions will be written by ChatGPT. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

 (image source: https://medium.com/@smartap3s/luca-and-fuca-our-great-great-great-grandmas-7880b0950e53) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-hosts Jennifer Grossman and Matt’s niece Logan (against his will) discuss FUCA, the original, original life before even LUCA was a thing, which I also covered with Jennifer about two hundred episodes earlier. From the Early Precambrian, this non-cellular entity was actually quite different from LUCA, in that while the latter had cells and enzymes and other biology that makes it more akin to a living organism, FUCA is just a glob of aimless amino acids. We really can’t go back much further than this on this show, which hey, thank God there’s a limit.Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://dinopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Dromaeosaurus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Dromaeosaurus, the namesake of the dromaeosaur family that are more commonly known as “raptors.” Which means Velociraptor is more the namesake of the family, but I’m talking scientifically! “Uh, actually, they’re not raptors, they’re dromaeosaurs.” Gee, thanks, Kyle. From the Late Cretaceous, this 7-foot coelurosaurian theropod had a much stronger bite than Velociraptor by a factor of three and could theoretically take down even bigger prey solo than it too. Poor Dromaeosaurus, always upstaged by Velociraptor not because it was better, but because it had the movie deal. Your big break will come too someday, Dromey. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://alchetron.com/Smok-(archosaur)) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Laura Owsley discuss Smok, a basal archosaur that looks like a dinosaur but apparently is not. Look, it looks like one to me, but I ain’t no scientist. You should listen to them instead of this dumb show. From the Late Triassic, this 20-foot reptile was one of the top predators of its day and one of the largest of its time, facing off against the elephant-sized dicynodont Lisowicia while avoiding the rauisuchid Polonosuchus. You know what I noticed? None of those are dinosaurs! I was told in 3rd grade that dinosaurs roamed in three periods in Earth’s history, the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous. This is the Triassic, is it not? Where are all the dinosaurs?! Oh wait, there’s Liliensternus over there. Hi, Liliensternus! You in fact are a dinosaur. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinocrocuta by Dmitry Bogdanov) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Dinocrocuta, which is not an awesome dinosaur/crocodile hybrid like the name suggests but is instead some lame hyena thing. Oh wait, it’s actually a fricking enormous hyena thing? Eh, it’s still not as cool as a dinocroc. From the Late Miocene, this 7-foot hyena thing had a bone-crushing bite and fought off saber-toothed cats like Amphimachairodus, which is pretty cool. It’s like Lion King, but prehistoric and with less singing. Not none, but less. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://marchan-forest.blogspot.com/2021/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Kunpengopterus, a monkey-like pterosaur in that it had opposable thumbs, which is pretty cool I gotta say. There’s no joke there, I genuinely think that’s cool. From the Late Jurassic, this 3-foot wukongopterid was first thought to be just a run-of-the-mill pterodactyloid before the aforementioned thumbs were discovered, and then scientists got all giddy and it got popular again! A monkey-dactyl? That’s freaking awesome! It’s so awesome it’s turned our usual snarky descriptions into sincere excitement! Something’s wrong, we’re acting too positive. We gotta make the next episode’s description extra cynical to rebalance the universe. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

 (image source: https://ar.inspiredpencil.com/pictures-2023/compsognathus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Compsognathus, famously the smallest dinosaur of all but not so famously actually not the smallest dinosaur of all anymore, not even close. It’s been working out, getting yoked and stuff. From the Late Jurassic, this 4.5 foot theropod is now believed to not be part of its own little weird family but closer related to the megalosaurids and might even be even bigger than we think, and it’s already way bigger than I imagined! There’s working out, and then there’s taking ‘roids, Compy. We all see you, you not-so-little fraud. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://newdinosaurs.com/elasmotherium/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Jaymes Buckman discuss Elasmotherium, a woolly rhino that’s not the Woolly Rhino but is woolly and is a rhino, so call it whatever you want I guess. From the late Pleistocene, this 18-foot rhinoceratid came equipped with a seriously metal nose horn coming out of its face. Except not literally metal, as like modern rhinos its horn was mainly made out of hair. Isn’t explaining jokes the best? Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/ ) April Fools, puny humans! Host Emperor Splozzitrox, Supreme Ruler of the Planet Zurkabong, and co-host Karzagloth, the underest of underlings, discuss Homo sapiens, the recently exterminated ground vermin that once overpopulated this hunk of space rock named Earth, a backwater planet in the Goozapeg Sector. From the Late Pleistocene to the Late Holocene, this 5-6 foot tall hominid may not have lived the longest, had the sharpest claws or teeth, or run or swim the fastest, but damn if they didn’t make an impact in their short tenure as Earth’s dominant intelligence. Shame about all those reality shows and Minion memes that led to their well-deserved cosmic obliteration. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.Special thanks to Matt David Seivert for contributing to this week's episode.