Paleo Bites

(image source: https://marchan-forest.blogspot.com/2021/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Ben O’Regan discuss Kunpengopterus, a monkey-like pterosaur in that it had opposable thumbs, which is pretty cool I gotta say. There’s no joke there, I genuinely think that’s cool. From the Late Jurassic, this 3-foot wukongopterid was first thought to be just a run-of-the-mill pterodactyloid before the aforementioned thumbs were discovered, and then scientists got all giddy and it got popular again! A monkey-dactyl? That’s freaking awesome! It’s so awesome it’s turned our usual snarky descriptions into sincere excitement! Something’s wrong, we’re acting too positive. We gotta make the next episode’s description extra cynical to rebalance the universe. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

 (image source: https://ar.inspiredpencil.com/pictures-2023/compsognathus) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Compsognathus, famously the smallest dinosaur of all but not so famously actually not the smallest dinosaur of all anymore, not even close. It’s been working out, getting yoked and stuff. From the Late Jurassic, this 4.5 foot theropod is now believed to not be part of its own little weird family but closer related to the megalosaurids and might even be even bigger than we think, and it’s already way bigger than I imagined! There’s working out, and then there’s taking ‘roids, Compy. We all see you, you not-so-little fraud. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://newdinosaurs.com/elasmotherium/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Jaymes Buckman discuss Elasmotherium, a woolly rhino that’s not the Woolly Rhino but is woolly and is a rhino, so call it whatever you want I guess. From the late Pleistocene, this 18-foot rhinoceratid came equipped with a seriously metal nose horn coming out of its face. Except not literally metal, as like modern rhinos its horn was mainly made out of hair. Isn’t explaining jokes the best? Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/ ) April Fools, puny humans! Host Emperor Splozzitrox, Supreme Ruler of the Planet Zurkabong, and co-host Karzagloth, the underest of underlings, discuss Homo sapiens, the recently exterminated ground vermin that once overpopulated this hunk of space rock named Earth, a backwater planet in the Goozapeg Sector. From the Late Pleistocene to the Late Holocene, this 5-6 foot tall hominid may not have lived the longest, had the sharpest claws or teeth, or run or swim the fastest, but damn if they didn’t make an impact in their short tenure as Earth’s dominant intelligence. Shame about all those reality shows and Minion memes that led to their well-deserved cosmic obliteration. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.Special thanks to Matt David Seivert for contributing to this week's episode.

(image source: https://www.darwinsdoor.co.uk/timetour/the-ordovician-period.html) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Natasha Krech discuss Megalograptus, another nope of a creature but this time an ocean-bound nope, so it’s slightly more forgivable. Wait, I’ve just been told they can sometimes go onto land anyway? Nope, nope, NOPE! From the Late Ordovician, this 3-foot eurypterid got its bizarre name due to being mistaken for a group of animals whose remains looked like hieroglyphs embedded on the rock, not because it was a great writer or anything. Then again, I’d read a book written by a Megalograptus. What the hell would it be about? “The Crust That Binds Us: A Politico Manifesto on Inter-Arthropod Cooperations.” Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://www.thoughtco.com/things-to-know-protoceratops-1093796) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Protoceratops, a hardy and stocky fellow with a tubby body and a grumpy attitude. I really relate to this creature. From the Late Cretaceous, this 8-foot ceratopsian lived in the desert with the more famous Velociraptor and the two of them really hit it off. They couldn’t keep their claws or beaks off each other. I wonder if anyone’s captured their interactions on video or… stone-agram? Dear god, what is this show? Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/347129083760903111/) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Lexi Ryan discuss Appalachiosaurus, a tyrannosaur living on the East Coast like some city slicker sellout. Never forget your Western roots here in Laramidia! Remember who you are! From the Late Cretaceous, this 25-foot theropod dinosaur is the only known dinosaur from its formation, as the fossils over there on the eastern side of North America aren’t really the best preserved. Those ice age glaciers eroded them away. There’s no joke here, I’m genuinely sad at the lost dinosaur knowledge. We really need a time machine. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Ceratosaurus3_1b79.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Allen Brooks discuss Ceratosaurus, an almost-famous dinosaur that often gets overshadowed by Allosaurus, which gets overshadowed by Saurophaganax, which just recently got overshadowed again by Allosaurus because the latter is now unfortunately dubious. At least Ceratosaurus itself overshadows poor Torvosaurus. When’s the last time you heard that name? From the Late Jurassic, this 20-foot theropod had a distinctive horn on its nose, which is kinda cool, although I also have a horn on my nose every day at band practice, so it’s not that cool really. I might be playing my horn wrong. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.

(image source: https://images.dinosaurpictures.org/Saurophaganax-Paul-Heaston1_2121.jpg) Host Matthew Donald and guest co-host Stephen Curro discuss Allosaurus anax, the new lord of the lizard eaters after supplanting the great and now dubious Saurophaganax after a hard-fought duel. There is truly no mercy sometimes in the battlefield of science. From the Late Jurassic, this 38-foot theropod was still basically everything we assumed Saurophaganax to be and therefore just as cool in a practical sense, it just now lacks the kickass name and the individuality of its own genus, which ruins everything. Damn you, A. anax! This is officially my Pluto. Want to further support the show? Sign up to our Patreon for exclusive bonus content at Patreon.com/MatthewDonald. Also, you can get links to follow Matthew Donald and purchase his books at https://linktr.ee/matthewdonald. His latest book, Teslamancer, just released August 27th! And mild spoiler alert... there are kind of dinosaurs in it... mwuahahaha.