Share

cover art for The Paradoxes of Self Improvement with Heather Havrilesky

The One You Feed Podcast for Patreon Supporters

The Paradoxes of Self Improvement with Heather Havrilesky

In this episode, Heather Havrilesky delves into the complexities of modern life paradoxes. She shares her journey of self-discovery and acceptance, emphasizing the struggle of balancing the “good wolf” and the “bad wolf” within oneself. Heather shares her insights into the relentless pursuit of self-improvement and the societal pressure for perfection.


In this episode, you will be able to:
  • Discover the secrets to navigating complex modern life paradoxes
  • Learn how to find guidance in the midst of life’s challenges
  • Uncover the path to achieving transformative self-acceptance
  • Understand the keys to emotional well-being in today’s fast-paced world


Heather Havrilesky writes the popular advice column Ask Polly for New York Magazine’s The Cut. She is the author of the memoir Disaster Preparedness and the new advice book How to Be a Person in the World. She writes The Best Seller List column for Book Forum and has written for The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, The Atlantic, Esquire, The Los Angeles Times, NPR’s All Things Considered, and many other publications.


Connect with Heather Havrilesky: Website | Twitter | Instagram


If you enjoyed this conversation with Heather Havrilesky, check out these other episodes:

How to Embrace Life’s Paradoxes with Rosemerry Wahtola-Trommer

Tasha Eurich on Growing Self-Awareness


More episodes

View all episodes

  • Understanding the Truth About Obesity and Weight Loss Drugs with Johann Hari

    54:12|
    In this episode, Johann Hari explores the complexities of obesity and weight loss drugs. He dives into the seemingly simple relationship between our food choices and innate biological responses. Reflecting on his upbringing, shaped by a diet of processed and junk food, Johann’s journey is intertwined with scientific revelations. His research and personal experience offers a thought-provoking narrative on the impact of modern diets on our bodies and minds.In this episode, you will be able to:Understand the long-term impact of weight loss drugs on your health and well-beingExplore the health risks associated with obesity and effective management strategiesUncover the role of GLP-1 receptor in appetite regulation and weight managementEmbrace body positivity and learn how to combat the stigma surrounding obesityCompare the pros and cons of bariatric surgery and weight loss drugs for effective weight managementJohann Hari is the author of three New York Times best-selling books: Chasing The Scream, Lost Connections, and Stolen Focus, which have been praised by a broad range of people, from Oprah to Noam Chomsky to Arnold Schwarzenegger. His books have been made into an Oscar-nominated film and an 8-part TV series with Samuel L Jackson. His TED talks have been viewed more than 90 million times. His newest book is Magic Pill: The Extraordinary Benefits and Disturbing Risks of the New Weight-Loss DrugsConnect with Johann Hari: Website | Instagram | Facebook | Magic Pill BookIf you enjoyed this conversation with Johann Hari, check out these other episodes:Stolen Focus and Attention with Johann HariLost Connections with Johann Hari
  • How to Find Connection and Where You Belong with Sebene Selassie

    48:39|
    In this episode, Sebene Selassie shares insights on how to find connection and where you belong through spirituality. She discusses the concept of belonging as a sense of ease and connection on both social and spiritual levels. Sebene’s personal journey of feeling like an outsider and her search for wholeness and connection make her perspectives relatable and insightful. Her personal experiences and teachings offer a profound perspective on integrating interconnectedness into daily life and navigating the challenges of modern society.In this episode, you will be able to:Embrace ethical teachings for a fulfilling modern lifeOvercome unconscious bias through mindfulness for greater understandingCultivate belonging and connection through spirituality for a richer lifeIntegrate body awareness to deepen meditation practicesHarness the power of gratitude for personal growth and happinessSebene Selassie is a teacher, author, and speaker who explores the themes of belonging and identity through meditation, creativity, and spirituality. She is also a teacher on the 10 Percent Happier meditation app. Sebene began studying Buddhism 30 years ago and is a three-time cancer survivor of stage 3 and 4 cancer. Her book, You Belong: A Call for Connection is discussed in today’s episode.Connect with Sebene Selassi: Website | InstagramIf you enjoyed this conversation with Sebene Selassie check out these other episodes:Community and Connection in an Online World with Emma GannonThe Power of Finding Joy and Community with Radha Agrawal
  • When Mental Health Intersects with Spirituality with Dr. Lisa Miller

    01:04:00|
    In this episode, Dr. Lisa Miller shares her journey into understanding where depression and mental health intersect with spirituality. Drawing from her early experiences as a psychotherapist and her groundbreaking epidemiological and MRI studies, Lisa highlights one perspective of certain types of depression and its transformative potential as an invitation to spiritual awakening and growth. She emphasizes the importance of nurturing one’s spiritual life to cope with life’s challenges, offering valuable insights for personal growth and self-discovery. Her perspective on emotional awareness in navigating inner emotional landscapes serves as a valuable resource for empowering listeners with a deeper understanding of the intricate relationship between mental health and spirituality.In this episode, you will be able to:Discover the different types of depression to gain a deeper understanding of mental health challengesExplore the role of spirituality in overcoming depression for a holistic approach to emotional well-beingCultivate awakened awareness for mental health to develop a more conscious and mindful relationship with your emotionsUnderstand the impact of existential yearning on personal growth to enhance your journey of self-discovery.Learn strategies for integrating spiritual and cognitive awareness to empower your emotional growth and well-beingDr. Lisa Miller is Professor and Founder of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute at Teachers College, Columbia University. She is also a leading national expert in spirituality, health and thriving in development.  Dr. Miller has authored 100 peer review articles on spirituality and mental health in youth and family and is a grant funded clinical scientist, Fellow of the American Psychological Association and former President of the APA Society of Psychology & Spirituality.  She is Editor of The Oxford University Press Handbook of Psychology & Spirituality and Editor-in-Chief of Spirituality in Clinical Practice (APA Journals).  Her newest book is The Awakened Brain: The New Science of Spirituality and Our Quest for an Inspired LifeConnect with Dr. Lisa Miller: Website | Depression and Spiritual Awakening Ted Talk
  • How to Tap Into the Longings of the Heart with Sue Monk Kidd

    41:49|
    Sue Monk Kidd’s journey into the core of her spiritual life began with a profound realization about attention. As she delves into a parable, she was struck by the idea that what we pay attention to ultimately shapes and defines us. This insight sparked a deep reflection on the pivotal role of attention in her spiritual path. In this episode, Eric and Sue discuss some of the themes of her latest novel, including how to tap into the longings of the heart. They also explore how these common themes from her work show up in our everyday lives.In this episode, you will be able to:Embrace the largeness within yourself and unlock your true potential for personal growth and fulfillmentUnderstand the personal genius within everyone and discover how it can propel you towards success and happinessOvercome fear and harness the power of being seen and heard in a way that aligns with your authentic selfNurture creativity as a form of motherhood, fostering new ideas and inspiration to bring forth into the worldExperience the transformative power of confronting pain, and learn how it can lead to profound healing and spiritual growthSue Monk Kidd was raised in the small town of Sylvester, Georgia, a place that deeply influenced the writing of her first novel, The Secret Life of Bees. Her 1990 book, When the Heart Waits, has become a touchstone on contemplative spirituality. Sue serves on the Writers Council for Poets & Writers, Inc and is well known for her work in feminist theology. Her new book is a novel called, The Book of Longings.  Connect with Sue Monk Kidd: Website | Instagram | FacebookIf you enjoyed this conversation with Sue Monk Kidd, check out these other episodes:Parker J. PalmerTara Brach
  • How to Embrace Uncertainty and Navigate Life Transitions with Paul Agostinelli

    01:02:32|
    In this episode, Paul Agostinelli offers a profound shift in perspective to approach life with a sense of profound responsibility and empowerment. Paul and Eric dive into the concept of karma, explore the interconnectedness of all beings, and the impact of self-centered tendencies on individual and collective well-being. Through his experiences and teachings, Paul invites others to embrace uncertainty and explore ways to navigate life transitions in a more meaningful way.In this episode, you will be able to:Gain insight into the profound concept of karma in Buddhism and its relevance to daily life decisionsExplore the powerful impact of actions and thoughts on life outcomesLearn effective strategies for navigating life transitions, making choices, and embracing change with confidence and clarityDiscover new ways to define spirituality that is meaningful to youUncover the secrets to integrating professional and spiritual growth, finding harmony and purpose in career decisions and personal developmentPaul Agostinelli is a Zen Buddhist Sensei and founder of Zen at Work. He co-founded three startups and led strategy for several others. In addition to leadership at Zen Work and Eon Zen, Paul currently serves on the faculty and board at Willowfarm Contemplative Caregiving Center. Since 2019, he has led the mindfulness program at Red Mountain Colorado Treatment Center for Teens.Connect with Paul Agostinelli: Website | Facebook | Eon Zen Sangha
  • How to Embrace the Mystery of the Human Spirit with Parker Palmer

    01:04:09|
    In this episode, Parker Palmer explores ways to embrace the mystery of the human spirit as he shares his profound insights on embracing wholeness. He discusses the importance of nurturing positive qualities within ourselves and the responsibility we have in shaping our micro-environments. He also emphasizes the powerful impact of finding genuine connections and supportive people in your life. Parker’s journey to the depths of depression and the valuable role of authentic friendships during those tough times will leave you feeling inspired.In this episode, you will be able to:Embrace personal development and authenticity to unlock your full potentialExperience the transformative power of meaningful relationships in your lifeDiscover the impact of genuine connections and support on your mental well-beingLearn how to navigate mental health struggles with grace and resilienceNurture the positive qualities with ourselves and what we bring to the worldParker J. Palmer is a writer, speaker, and activist who focuses on issues in education, community, leadership, spirituality, and social change. He is the founder and Senior Partner Emeritus of the Center for Courage & Renewal. Parker is the author of ten books-including several award-winning titles including On the Brink of Everything, Healing the Heart of Democracy, The Heart of Higher Education, The Promise of Paradox.Connect with Parker Palmer: Website | Twitter | FacebookIf you enjoyed this conversation with Parker Palmer, check out these other episodes:How to Begin Your Journey to Wholeness with Parker Palmer (2022)The Divided Yet Connected Brain with Iain McGilchrist
  • How to Understand Yourself and Others Better with Anne Bogel

    46:18|
    In this episode, Anne Bogel, uncovers some important truths about the field of personality analysis and self-awareness. She shares how viewing things through the lens of personality can help to understand yourself and others better. This conversation explores the impacts of personality traits on individual behavior and decision making and focuses on how leveraging these traits can lead to positive behavior change.In this episode, you will be able to:Unlock your potential with personalized growth strategiesDiscover the power of understanding your personality traitsEmbrace the importance of self-awareness and acceptance for positive changeGain valuable insights and leverage the Enneagram for behavioral growthLearn how to set achievable goals for continuous progress in your personal growth journeyAnne Bogel is an author, the creator of the blog Modern Mrs Darcy®, and host of What Should I Read Next? podcast. She is also founder of the popular Modern Mrs Darcy Book Club. Her book is called Reading People: How Seeing the World Through the Lens of Personality Changes EverythingConnect with Anne Bogel Website | Instagram | FacebookIf you enjoyed this conversation with Anne Bogel, check out these other episodes:The Science of Personality with Christian JarrettKevin Mitchell on the Genetics of Personality
  • How to Recover the Person You Were Meant to Be with Paul Churchill

    01:03:09|
    In this episode, Paul Churchill shares his personal journey to sobriety as he learned to recognize and address his struggles with alcohol addiction. He delves into the complexities of moderation versus abstinence, highlighting the challenges and failures he encountered along the way. Paul also emphasizes the importance of seeking help and support on the journey to recover the person you were meant to be.In this episode, you will be able to:Understand the power of mindset in achieving sobriety and transforming your lifeDiscover the crucial role of community support in overcoming alcohol addictionExplore the impact of labels and identities in your recovery journeyLearn the importance of seeking help and support on your sobriety path.Uncover valuable insights into alcohol addiction and recovery that foster self-awareness and inspire positive changePaul Churchill is the creator and host of the Recovery Elevator podcast. He is the author of the best-selling book “Alcohol is Sh!t: How to Ditch the Booze, Re-ignite Your Life, and Recover the Person you Were Always Meant to Be” Connect with Paul Churchill: Website | Instagram | FacebookIf you enjoyed this conversation with Paul Churchill, check out these other episodes:A Journey to Sobriety with Laura Cathcart RobbinsHow to Embrace Sobriety with Gillian Tietz