Jake Yapp presents: Not Today, Thank You

Today's Metro dissected, for no good reason, and a Pete Hegseth 90s pop rap, because it just absolutely feels like his jam.

In which Eckhart Tolle sings the latest from his new album, 'By Eck', and we perhaps, finally deal with the Rat Situation, after, frankly, a lot of sh*t. Hello!

Hello! This week: By-election trollols, Andy n Mandy, and some STONKING observational comedy for you. I cannot get behind the word stonking. I am sorry. If you'd like to support me in the bizarre output I produce, I *think* there's a paypal QR code on this ep... Join us on Olvid! We're Having Fun. Email itsnottodaypod at gmail.com if you want to come and play.OK CALM DOWN OK BYE XXX

Sir Jim Ratcliffe feels like the UK has been colonised. NOT BY HIM. Meanwhile, my workroom has been colonised, by an Actual Rat. LOLS APLENTY. Plus an imaginary conversation with an LBC presenter, The Muppets Shawshank Redemption, and your latest Amol Rajan programme formats.

And Daddy Mamdani can look after us now. Have a look at peertube.tv. It's Definitely The Future Yeah No Definitely

That title is total clickbait m8. Don't fall for it. But a v amusing story for you from Jon Holmes nonetheless. Here are some links which won't make sense until you listen...https://european-alternatives.eu/https://olvid.io/en/Let It Be: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUBjWobCOXX/?igsh=MWRoaW9kdjhtOWZqYou and I: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4HHNEK_ZOg&t=70sVoyager 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i11NQ5XKKREThere ok that's everything bye I need to paint my auntie's floor

Always OVERPROMISE and UNDERDELIVER guys. Take it from me. Ok, look, thematically, I absolutely PROMISE I am thinking about how to move the pod on a bit. Really. Ok, look, I'll mention here that in this ep we talk about Sir Keir Starmer's distressing relationship with Trump, why we shouldn't fret too much about the US pulling out of climate accords, Muppet remakes, and billionaire nazi yachting gaffes. And I WON'T mention Amol Raj-oh bugger I've mentioned him.

Start spreading the news! Am's leaving Today! He didn't want to be a part of it. Also, cats, rats, and saturated fats.