Need A Lift? with Tim Shriver

After his second divorce, John Gottman decided to treat finding love like a research project. To collect enough data he went on 60 different dates that were all disasters, until one day at a Seattle coffee shop, when Julie Schwartz walked past his table. It was love at first sight.The Gottmans have been married for 38 years and have spent decades as collaborators studying the psychology of love and relationships. In 1996, they co-founded the Gottman Institute, where they’ve interviewed thousands of couples and developed an evidence-based training program for therapists. Given their decades of professional and personal success, you may be surprised to learn this about their relationship: “We're totally opposite people,” John tells Tim. While Julie is outdoorsy and adventurous, John is happiest relaxing indoors. But according to Julie, “We found a way to mesh our incompatibilities in one activity, which happens to be outside– kayaking.” It’s the perfect compromise since it’s outdoors, but also comfortably seated. Julie thinks the idea that happy couples are compatible from the beginning is a myth, and John says that as couples learn about each other and find compromises that make them both happy, “Couples create this compatibility.” The Gottmans have given many interviews over their decades of work, but this conversation with Tim is distinct because they really get into the philosophies behind their work, the intentionality, the romance, and even the spirituality that allows them to be such pioneers in their field. ***Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman are clinical psychologists, researchers, and co-authors of the book “Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection.” You can learn more about their work on the Gottman Institute website, gottman.com.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

When Grant Snyder started his career in law enforcement, he quickly realized that a huge part of the job was witnessing the worst day of someone’s life, whether they were a victim or a perpetrator. “I really had to try and imagine what it was that I had to offer people, and more often than not, it was… how do I protect somebody's dignity?,” he tells Tim, “I felt like I had a role in that beyond just handcuffs.”Grant’s carried this with him as he worked with victims of human trafficking and sexual violence, and when he became  the Minneapolis Police Department’s first liaison dedicated to homeless and vulnerable populations – a role he helped create. Much of his time on the job was focused on relationship building, talking to people, and helping out where he could. “On a hot day, you're bringing around cases of water and making sure people are hydrating,” he said. “That's a totally different role than most police officers get a chance to do. But that's public service. That's public safety.”Grant retired from police work in 2023 and now works full-time at Involve MN, a charity he founded with his wife, Melanie Snyder. Together, the non-profit serves three healthy meals every day, 365 days a year, in their dining room and in shelters and encampments across Minneapolis and St. Paul. ***Grant Snyder is a retired commander with Minneapolis Police Department and he's the co-founder of Involve MN, a Minnesota non-profit serving free meals across the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Learn more about their work at InvolveMN.org.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

Growing up, poet and mindfulness teacher Diego Perez (better known to his millions of Instagram followers as Yung Pueblo) watched as his parents struggled to maintain a healthy relationship amidst the poverty and external pressures they faced. So when he met his wife Sara in college and they started arguing, and their communication broke down, he feared he might be repeating the same cycle. Diego explains, “We knew we wanted to be together, but we were just constantly blaming each other…whenever I would feel tension in my mind, I would try to figure out, ‘how is it her fault?’ as opposed to taking accountability for what's happening in my own mind.” Diego realized that in order for his relationship to transform, he had to transform – so he began to learn how to feel his feelings without acting on them, how to build a “spiritual eight-pack” through daily meditation, and turned his inner work into a public invitation for others to do the same, through his books and his popular Instagram posts. “We want our partner to be able to read our minds,” Diego shares with Tim, “but that is an unfair expectation because you can have a partner who wants to give you the world, but if your hands are closed because you have so much past pain, you won't be able to receive what they're giving." ***In his early twenties, Diego Perez (better known by millions as Yung Pueblo) discovered vipassana meditation. It changed his life and ultimately led him to writing. Today, he’s a meditator, poet, and New York Times bestselling author. His latest book How to Love Better explores how we can repair our romantic connections by working on our relationships with ourselves. Learn more about his work on his Instagram page, @yung_pueblo or on his website, yungpueblo.com.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

What would our lives look like if we learned to see death as a teacher and not something to be feared? And what if “grief is love obstructed, but not gone?” That’s what Rabbi Steve Leder believes. Rabbi Leder, who has been called one of the most influential rabbis in America by Newsweek, spent decades of his life guiding families through loss. He officiated thousands of funerals, helping people make sense of what feels impossible to understand. But it wasn’t until he turned 57, when his own father passed away, that he fully understood grief and dying.His personal loss forced him to approach death for the first time, not as a rabbi, but as a son. In that process, he discovered something simple yet profound: we’re all going to die but that doesn’t have to be depressing, it can actually help us live fuller, richer lives. "Contemplating our own death, ideally, encourages us and motivates us to take our lives, our relationships, and our joy more seriously," Rabbi Steve explains.***Steve Leder is one of the most influential rabbis in America and formerly the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles. He is also the bestselling author of five books including, The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift. Learn more about his work on his website, steveleder.com. ***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

The world knows Maria Shriver for her many accolades – award-winning journalist, bestselling author, former First Lady of California, media mogul, just to name a few, but in her new book she’s introducing us to “Maria the poet.”In I Am Maria, her most intimate book yet, Maria is reporting from the front lines of her own life, with what she calls “reporter poetry,” uncovering emotions she had long buried. “The voice that wrote these poems was somebody that I was unfamiliar with, that was much more tender than the person I was projecting out in the world. That was much more heartbroken than I had realized, that was much shyer than I had realized, that was much angrier than I had realized, and who was still searching for something that I would call home,” Maria says.In this week’s episode of “Need A Lift?,” Tim sits down with his big sister Maria, for a rare and revealing conversation about family, heartbreak, and the healing power of poetry. Together, they explore the moments of longing and loss that defined Maria’s early years and how writing became a tool for growth and transformation. Maria shares the hard-earned wisdom she’s gained about healing, not as a process of fixing, but as one of accepting, integrating, and moving forward with love and self-compassion. “I like this version of myself. I feel more at home,” Maria reflects, “I've come to understand that home is inside of me, and I would not have learned that had I not gone within. I would not have learned that I'm okay on my own, content with myself, that home is me here with my relationship with God, had I not gone through everything I've gone through.”***Maria Shriver is a Peabody and Emmy Award-winning journalist and producer. She is the former First Lady of California, founder of Shriver Media and the Women’s Alzheimer’s Movement, co-founder of brain health brand MOSH, and publisher of The Open Field. She’s written seven New York Times bestselling books and her latest book, “I Am Maria: My Reflections and Poems on Heartbreak, Healing, and Finding Your Way Home” is available now. Learn more about Maria's new book and her brilliant work on her website, mariashriver.com. ***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound. 

What happens when life gives you a second chance? For Steve Avalos, this question isn’t hypothetical but the difference between repeating a cycle of violence or breaking free from it. Growing up in Los Angeles, which has been referred to as “the gang capital of the world,”  Steve was surrounded by generational gang life. His parents, brothers, cousins, aunts, and uncles were all affiliated and by age 17, Steve was sentenced to life in prison.Throughout all this, Steve’s Roman Catholic faith remained a huge part of his life. Even when he was what he calls just “a believer and not a follower,” he witnessed the presence and power of God in his life. His faith, paired with unexpected guides along the way, helped him find a path forward. After serving 17 years, Steve found himself walking out of prison into a new life as a devoted husband and father of four, a community leader at Homeboy Industries (the world’s largest gang intervention, rehabilitation, and reentry program), and a graduate student (Steve is currently earning a master’s degree in theology). In this conversation, he talks to Tim about what it took to transform his life, the moment his faith became real, and the unexpected power of being truly seen. “Homeboy Industries never gives up on you.” Steve says, “The last is first there. If you got tattoos, you have a violent record, you've never had a job, you're on parole, you're on probation –odds are you wouldn't be hired somewhere else, and if you are, you might be the last one picked. At Homeboy Industries, you're the first one picked… we love you until you start to love yourself.” ***Steve Avalos is the VP of Operations at Homeboy Industries, the world's largest gang intervention, rehabilitation, and reentry program. Founded in East Los Angeles by Father Greg Boyle in the late 1980s, Homeboy Industries has changed the lives of almost 8,000 people (and counting!) many of whom have been impacted by gang violence.Steve is currently pursuing his Master's in Theology at Loyola Marymount University and he’s a father of four and a devoted husband.Learn more about Steve's work with Homeboy Industries on their website, HomeboyIndustries.org. ***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

Ever since she was a kid, singer-songwriter Jewel has taken a methodical approach to her own happiness. As a teenager, she moved out of her abusive household with one mission: “My goal was to learn if happiness was a learnable skill,” she tells Tim. “If it wasn't taught in your household, could it still be taught?”Jewel says her practical attitude helped her stay mentally healthy and successful in a creative field as chaotic as the music industry. In her thirties, she began to wonder if her anxiety was a feature rather than a bug, considering just how many other people struggle with the same problem. “I don't think… God was like, ‘Oops, sorry humanity,’” she says. “‘Just a little default flaw there.’” She discovered that if she paid attention, she could track which trigger was making her feel anxious, and learn from that feeling rather than avoiding it. “I stopped trying to disassociate from anxiety and started to get into relationship with my anxiety,” she says. In addition to her successful career as a musician, Jewel is also a mental health advocate and co-founder of the Inspiring Children Foundation, which connects kids who might not be able to afford traditional therapy with mental health resources and curriculum. “My life changed by these little habits that I learned to develop,” she says. “And I wanted to see if they could work for other kids like me that fell through the cracks.”***Jewel is a Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter and performer of hit songs like “Who Will Save Your Soul” and “You Were Meant for Me.” She’s a mental health advocate and co-founder of the Inspiring Children Foundation. You can learn more about her work at her website jeweljk.com, and on her social media, @jewel. ***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.

Growing up in Dewey, Oklahoma, Tanner Ray never felt like he fit in. In his small rural town, Tanner says he was “kind of the weird artsy kid” who aspired to become a documentary filmmaker. After graduating high school, he briefly achieved his dreams of traveling the country. But at 18, when financial problems led him back to Oklahoma, he realized that many of his friends from high school had moved away. “They all were starting their lives,” he says. “And there was just me… I felt very isolated and lonely.”He decided to approach this problem in his own unique way: by creating a documentary about making new friends. Tanner’s short doc, “An Oklahoma Summer”, chronicles his struggle to connect and how the new friends he makes teach him to make the most of every moment, by going on adventures like ghost hunting, horseback riding, and shopping cart racing. “I was having so much fun in this place that I resented my whole life,” Tanner tells Tim. “The whole time I was focused on leaving, I was missing this… adventure unfolding like right before me.” ***Tanner Ray is a documentary filmmaker currently based in Oklahoma. You can find his short films like “An Oklahoma Summer” on his YouTube channel, @WickedStew. You can also see his work on TikTok and Instagram.***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound. 

What does it really take to succeed—not just in school, but in life? David Adams believes the answer isn’t our intelligence or talent but our ability to control our emotions. Back in high school, he noticed a surprising link between cross-country runners and top students: enduring discomfort and delaying gratification led to their overall success because it built resilience. David says, “One of the things I think we've gotten a little bit wrong is that we've stopped exposing students and young people to hard things because it makes them feel bad. It’s okay to feel bad.”As CEO of Urban Assembly, a network of 20 New York City public high schools that incorporates Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) in their curriculum, David’s mission is to ensure kids get the best education possible by learning how to effectively manage their feelings and relationships. In this practice episode, Tim and David dive deep into the power of SEL and emotional intelligence—what they are, why they matter, and how they can transform the way we navigate our lives. Through engaging stories from his personal life and work as an educator, David challenges the idea that feelings should dictate our actions, emphasizing instead the importance of pausing, reflecting, and aligning our emotions with our goals. "Feeling is not the same thing as being. We can feel things and not necessarily have to act on those feelings...When we create space between feeling and doing," David explains, "We give ourselves the chance to make better decisions."***David Adams is an award-winning educator and author of The Educator's Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence. As CEO of Urban Assembly, a network of 20 NYC public high schools incorporating social and emotional learning in their curriculum, he helps kids thrive by learning how to manage their feelings. As a husband and a father to two young boys, David puts his social and emotional skills into practice every single day. Learn more about David’s work with Urban Assembly on their website, UrbanAssembly.org. ***Our theme music was written by Andy Ogden and produced by Tim Lauer, Andy Ogden and Julian Raymond. All other music that you hear in this episode is courtesy of Epidemic Sound.