SexTok with Zibby and Tracey

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm a 50-year-old man from Amsterdam and a loyal listener to your podcast. I'm married to a wonderful 48-year-old woman, and our love and sex life is good. However, my wife has recently started worrying a lot about menopause and its effects on her body and sex drive. Could you discuss this topic?2) My boyfriend and I became polyamorous six months ago. He said he loves me and wants to be with me, but hadn’t had his share of casual sex. I’ve had more sexual partners than he has, and he feels he missed out. We’re in our early 30s and plan on having kids soon. He's had four casual sexual relationships since we opened up our relationship which has made him happy, but me miserable. I thought I could handle non-monogamy, but I hate it. What should I do now?3) I’m a 21-year-old straight man and terrified of sexual situations and not being able to perform. How do I fix this before I have sex so I can do a decent job?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’m recently back in the dating game and wondering if there are generally accepted definitions of vanilla/non-vanilla? So far, I've ducked all the likes from guys who describe themselves as 'non-vanilla' in case I disappoint. I'm late 50s cis female heterosexual, I love sex, and have a very healthy libido. I'm very comfortable about my body, love having sex outside, and enjoy oral and anal (including anal sex and pegging if it excites a partner). I’m into lots of toy play, sharing porn, or making home porn. I’m comfortable masturbating with or in front of a partner and occasionally enjoy light bondage. But I’m monogamous and have never had any interest in bringing other people into play. I've also never felt any urge to explore anything more BDSM than the light bondage. Am I vanilla or non-vanilla?2) I found some flirty messages on my wife’s phone and think she is having an emotional affair. I challenged her about it and she said she’d stop. But how do I keep calm and bring back trust, knowing she meets the same person daily? Is messaging a red flag that a real affair is about to happen? Shall I wait and see, ignore her, or do the same so she becomes jealous?3) I have found a great guy. He’s kind, caring, fun, adores me, and would be a great partner and father if we had kids. He’s creative in the bedroom which is important to me and everything I've been looking for…but I don't feel satisfied after sex. We’ve been going out for 18 months. At the beginning, the sex wasn't great, but now he’s learned what works. He gets really turned on by me, which turns me on. I enjoy the sex, but I don’t get a sense of deep satisfaction. Does this mean the relationship is doomed if the spark isn’t there?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I split with my husband of 14 years and my divorce has just come through. I’m a combination of nervous and excited. The marriage wasn’t bad, it was just boring and the sex was never good or satisfying. I’m now ready to get out there and start dating again, but I’m nervous about sex. Any tips on how to ease back into it? I’m 46.2) I love my wife but I have just finished a work affair that lasted two months. I didn’t finish it, she did. The affair was just sex—she chased me, rather than me making the moves—so I guess you would call it an opportunistic affair. I’ll miss the sex, but I’m glad it’s over and I am praying my wife will never find out. What concerns me though is how easy I found it to cheat. Is this a male thing? It meant nothing to me, but I know my wife sure as hell wouldn’t view it that way. I feel ashamed now that it’s over, but I didn’t while I was having it. Does this mean I will do it again?3) How do I stay in the moment during sex? I am so easily distracted, half the time I forget I’m actually having sex. I drift off into my own world, thinking about things I have to do or things I want to buy.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Even when I've had plenty of foreplay and I'm certain I'm turned on, when my partner first enters me it's like he's stuck for a moment. It’s like my vagina won't let him in. He’s able to ease in after a few seconds and intercourse is great after that. It doesn't hurt, but I find it a bit awkward and confusing because I'm not sure what's going on. It’s like he's hitting a wall. Do you have any thoughts? This has happened with multiple people, so the problem is clearly me. I’m 30.2) I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and our sex life is pretty good, but we don’t do it that frequently. Twice a month is all we manage. A friend passed on an old book called 365 Nights where a couple has sex every single day to revamp their sex life. They had sex no matter what. It’s a very interesting read, and I’m tempted to give it a go. Maybe not every day, but every second day. Good or bad idea?3) My partner won’t have sex unless she has a shower first. I’m all for hygiene, but I like the smell of her before she’s showered, not after. Then I can smell when she’s aroused—she gives off a scent that really turns me on. Post-shower she smells of nothing. I’ve told her this, but she still insists on doing it. How can I change her mind?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My girlfriend and I went through a period of not having sex—we were so busy it got forgotten about. We made a point of having sex every Friday night—and now it’s stuck. We now ONLY have sex on Friday nights. She really likes this arrangement, but I hate having sex on a schedule. How can I make her more spontaneous?2) I am way more adventurous than my wife of many years and sex has become difficult for her lately (mostly due to painful sex). She knows my needs aren’t being met and told me she’d be OK if I had ‘mindless sex’ with someone else, provided there was no emotional attachment. She said there would be ground rules—it can’t be with anyone we know, she doesn’t want to hear or know about it, and I must practice safe sex. So, what should I do? Accept what is a genuine and, I believe, truly loving offer, or turn it down? At my age (I’m in my 60s) I feel it’s now or never. That sexually adventurous side of me has never been explored before, which I think is a bit sad. Any thoughts would be appreciated greatly.3) I’m a 37-year-old straight man and I’ve always loved sex, but find I’m losing my appetite. During lockdown, my wife and I worked from home. I still work from home—and it’s killed my sex drive. I’m bored and I masturbate too much to porn to relieve the boredom. I know that’s part of the problem, but I’ve lost all motivation to shake myself out of this. I can’t be the only person feeling like this.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I’ve lost a lot of weight using Ozempic and am delighted with how my body looks. I feel brand new and—at last—sexy and desirable. After years of complaining that I never initiate sex and accusing me of not even liking sex, I thought my husband would be pleased with my newfound confidence. I’m now super keen to try new things and have sex more often. I thought he would be happy with all these changes, but he just seems nervous about it all. He says he finds it "weird" that I’m the one now wanting sex. I’m confused and hurt.2) I’m a 27-year-old man and very much in love with my girlfriend of five years. Even though I’m essentially straight, I’ve always wanted to experiment sexually with another man. I have no desire to live as a gay man—I’m just curious what it would be like to sleep with one. I find it unfair that bi-curiosity is encouraged with women but not with men. My girlfriend has no idea I feel this way. I want to tell her and ask if we could explore this somehow, but I don’t want to lose her.3) I’m 46 and it’s finally dawned on me that, as much as I love sex, I don’t love sex in long-term relationships. I enjoy the power sex gives me over men. I love the game you both play at the start, and the moment when you first, finally, consummate all that pent-up lust. The first two months are fantastic but then, quickly, I lose interest in sex with that person completely. I kept searching for that magic person or relationship when the switch wouldn’t go off, but it’s never happened and never will happen. My question now is: what are my options? I can’t be the only one who feels like this. What do other people do?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner makes strange noises during sex and it really puts me off. It’s like a whimpering noise—it sounds exactly like the noise my dog makes when I’ve locked her outside. I nearly burst out laughing the first time I heard it, now it’s just a turnoff. We’re four months into the relationship. How do I bring this up?2) I have (finally) met a great guy and the sex is good—he definitely gets me hot and bothered—but I can’t feel him inside of me. It’s the ‘Is it in yet?’ thing. His penis is on the small side, but I don’t think it’s that small. Any ideas on why this might be happening and how to improve things?3) I’m newly divorced and hopeful I will meet someone new. My issue is my kids. They love their father and didn’t want us to divorce (we have a boy aged nine and a girl aged 12). My question is what do I tell my kids when I meet someone? When should they meet him? Can he ever stay over? What if it’s just a fling and I don’t want them to meet him? Do I still let them know something is happening?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I think my partner is faking orgasm because when he ejaculates, no semen comes out. The first time it happened, I asked him why there wasn’t much stuff. He said he didn’t know why and walked off. Since then, it happens now and then. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to embarrass him. Why would he fake it? Do men fake it? Is there another reason why this is happening?2) I recently discovered my husband of 22 years has a fake vagina sex toy and it’s freaked me out. We’re both open and adventurous with sex, so why would he need such a thing? It’s shaped like a woman’s bottom and has a hole for the anus and vagina. It’s ribbed inside, so he obviously puts his penis inside and masturbates into it. I’m not against sex toys—he used to own a Fleshlight—but I find this disturbing and somehow degrading to women. He’s hidden it from me, so obviously feels embarrassed as well. Should I tell him I’ve found it?3) I’m a 27-year-old female who is interested in exploring with the same sex. The issue I have is that I only seem to be able to orgasm using a vibrator, and the thought of giving oral sex/hand sex to another woman makes me anxious. If I can't pleasure myself this way, how can I expect to pleasure someone else? Men seem so much easier to please, and there's an obvious end point because they ejaculate. Any tips or advice to calm the nerves would be much appreciated.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!