Messy & Magnificent with Karlee Fain
Nobody really gets you? How to upgrade your adult relationships
Ever feel like you’re surrounded by good people, but nobody really understands what you have to do to get through each day? Other people praise you for how much you get done, or how good your life and career look on paper, yet you know you are capable of more...but when is that supposed to happen when you are so busy, right?!
There’s a term for this: Popular Isolation.
In this episode, Karlee Fain is going to share proven strategies for curing Popular Isolation: develop meaningful adult relationships that go below the surface to lift you up. She covers research-based reasons for why having quality friends really matters as adults, and how strong friendships uplift society. To make sure all bases are covered, Karlee also shares 3 doable ways to start making friends as an adult.
Because here’s the deal: If you don’t consciously create the opportunities to create meaningful connections with people that nourish you deeply, you might not notice until you are exhausted, depleted, and always feeling behind. The good news: this is fixable.
Tune in to learn how to form meaningful, lasting relationships with friends as an adult, and how the power of healthy friendships will elevate you from feeling like you are never enough, to a career and lifestyle that loves you back.
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- Why having quality friends as adults improve all aspects of life & society. (4:04)
- How women and men respond to stress differently. (5:24)
- The symptoms of Popular Isolation. (8:59)
- What key attributes to look for in good friends, and who to avoid. (12:42)
- How to cure Popular Isolation. (16:25)
- Some conversation starters to help you dive below the surface. (18:27)
- Three quick and actionable ways to make friends as an adult. (21:50)
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Connect with Karlee Fain:
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138. From Burnout Culture to Rest Culture with Saundra Dalton-Smith58:13Are those two-week vacations not really doing it for you anymore?Better question…have they ever really done it for you? Packing your bags, catching a plane to some exotic locale, dealing with airport security, shifting into tourist mode for a week, then doing it all again just to come home, how is that considered rest? The truth is that we were born into a burnout culture. And the “two weeks PTO” carrot on the stick ain’t cutting it. Vacations are wonderful, but they aren’t “rest”. They’re like putting a bandaid on burnout when what we really need is resuscitation. It’s time for a cultural exchange that shifts us away from the drudgery of burnout culture and encourages us to embrace a culture of rest. This week, Karlee welcomes Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a Board-Certified internal medicine physician, speaker, and award-winning author. She is an international well-being thought leader and author of numerous books, including her bestseller Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity. Her insight on the seven types of rest helps people understand their specific rest deficits as a means to overcome burnout, increase overall happiness, and live more meaningful lives.In this episode, you’ll identify what burnout looks and feels like, and you’ll start to recognize the effect sustained burnout can have on your quality of life and your relationships. You’ll recognize how living and growing up in a burnout culture has taught us to treat vacations as cures, and why those breaks never really relieve our emotional burdens. You’ll also learn about the seven types of specific rest you need, which of them you need more of, and practical ways you can start to nourish your rest deficits. If you’re ready to rip the bandaid off of burnout culture and take the time to deepen your understanding of what rest is and start to get more of it, then this episode is for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Putting a bandaid on burnout vs getting real rest (5:49)The Seven Types of Rest (10:46)Recognizing the energy givers and takers in your life (26:35)Growing up in a burnout culture (31:33)Rest and the virtue of selflessness (39:13)Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Video: TED: The 7 types of rest every person needs Dr. Saundra Dalton-SmithBook: Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your SanityFREE Quiz: Personal Rest AssessmentConnect with Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith:Website: DrDaltonSmith.comTwitter Handle: @DrDaltonSmithFacebook Page: Dr. Saundra Dalton – SmithInstagram: @DrDaltonSmithPinterest: @DrDaltonSmithConnect With Karlee: Website
137. My Community Runneth Over | Why “self-care” isn’t only about you with Tanika Ray36:52When you think about self-care, the term itself implies that it’s just about one person...you. But actually, that doesn’t tell the whole story. As we move through our lives, we’re supported by stilts. Like a house on the water, you might not always see them holding you up, but you couldn’t be there without them. Those stilts are the hands of your community. Friends, family, partners, and pets, some are just ships passing in the night, while others remain steadfast throughout our lives. Particularly when the seas feel choppy and life changes course with little warning, those steady hands become our path to sanctuary. They keep us connected to our roots, and they are what guide us back home to self. This week, Karlee invites you to take respite in the wisdom of Tanika Ray, a pop culture & lifestyle specialist with a holistic view of the cross sections of culture. Her podcast, Mamaste, is a sanctuary for the mommy collective. There, she fosters community and amplifies wellness, self-love, self-care, life lessons, and unapologetic boundaries.In this episode, you’ll hear how becoming a mother profoundly shifted Tanika’s perspective about what’s important, and how it changed her definition of rest. She shares detailed insights from her upbringing, telling the story of her search for authentic community and for her truth, starting from the inside out. Rest can often feel like a defiant act of self-care. But sanctuary needs stilts. If you’re ready to find sanctuary and claim the space you need to come “home” to yourself, then this episode - and this community- are for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why community is an important part of creating sanctuary (2:41)How parenting changes your worldview (5:54)Sourcing validation from the inside out (10:36)Why the definition of rest is highly personal (15:16)Getting to the roots of why your fears exist (19:40)Resources included in this Episode: Book: Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity by Saundra Dalton-SmithArticle: What is a flow state and what are its benefits? (no date) Headspace. Available at: https://www.headspace.com/articles/flow-state (Accessed: December 19, 2022). Connect with Tanika Ray:Podcast: Mamaste with Tanika RayInstagramTwitterConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagram
136. Wrestling with Rest | Why our fear of rest is counter-productive and what works better with Anitza Martins49:13Think about that friend of yours who’s always busy. If you want to go to lunch or plan anything with this person, you need to do it a month in advance. A spontaneous cup of coffee in the middle of the afternoon? Forgettaboutit. And because this friend maintains such a full schedule, there’s a greater level of value that you attach to their time. Or maybe, this person is you. Squeezing everything you possibly can into that calendar square because when it’s full, you feel…well, what exactly? Important? Productive? Valued? Effective? Here’s the thing… there’s a difference between good work and overworking. To see it, you have to step outside of the busyness box and ask yourself what’s really necessary. And most importantly, you have to sit with the answers to find out where your values of productivity came from in the first place. This week, the tables are turned as Anitza interviews Karlee in order to dig deeper into this season of rest. In a society where we’ve been conditioned to associate busyness with productivity, we have to step back and ask ourselves…what’s so scary about resting? In this episode, you’ll learn why good work depends on rest, and how to recognize the difference between quality output and flat-out overworking. You’ll reflect on your level of self-sacrifice, flipping the narrative around busyness to challenge both societal and cultural perceptions about what makes you valuable in the world. You’ll also learn how to think about the concept of time in a way that can help you reserve more of it, allowing space for more joy. You really don’t have to do it all. But you need rest. If busyness and self-sacrifice are woven into your identity, and if “doing it all” makes you feel more valued in the world, then this episode is for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why building in time for rest is so essential to the creative process (3:23)Grading your level of self-sacrifice (7:21)Learning to distinguish good work from overworking (8:58)What it really means when you feel like you don’t have enough time (20:42)Why doing more sometimes means doing less (28:50)Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Book: Stirring the Mud: On Swamps, Bogs, and Human Imagination by Barbara HurdSend your Audio Comments and Questions to firstname.lastname@example.orgConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.
135. Pockets of Power | How to be a able to say “yes” to joy in your way-too-busy life with Faith Clarke35:53Your best friend from the neighborhood sends you a text mid-day, asking if you’d like to join them for a walk. The sun is shining, your legs are stiff from sitting at the computer all morning, but…“Too much work to do”. Sad face emoji. Seated at your desk, you push through your body’s desire to go. That tug of war feels frustrating. You want to, but work. You want to, but the kids. You want to, but you’ve already committed to something else you don’t really want to do. It feels like, a little too often, you’re pushing away invitations to joy and peace in your life. You decide to sit with this for a moment. And you wonder…what doorways might open up if you said “yes” to more of the things you really wanted to be doing?What price are you paying for not moving forward?Our work culture, our unpaid labor culture, and the roles we perform as mothers, spouses, friends, neighbors, and volunteers are all rooted in patterns of exploitation and exhaustion. But what if you could find a way to take back a little more control? What if you could stop automatically defaulting to “no”, even in the face of a busy day? What if you could take just one step away from the paradigm that convinced you that the only “choice” you had was to say “no” to joy more often than you say “yes”? This week, Karlee shares space with Faith Clarke, an Organizational Health & Inclusion Specialist. Through her work, she provides important cultural and historical context to how we navigate the “rules” of society, shedding a necessary light to explain how this conditioning affects us. In this episode, we unpack the reasons why you might be working so hard and resting so little. You’ll start looking at your time and commitments in a different way, finding more opportunity pockets for rest. You’ll also hear how Faith constructs an “imaginary world” where rules can be broken, using space as an exercise to creatively find more respite.If you’re ready to, in the words of Faith, “Grab the thing that’s in front of you and say Okay, I can be in control of this! …then this episode is for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:How the constructs built around our bodies affect our ability to rest (2:37)Playing with the rules in order to figure out how to break them, safely (8:21)What it might look like to find “pockets” of respite in your life (13:24)How to invite others into your privilege (14:19)Reversing the narrative of the zero-sum game (18:17)People Mentioned in this Episode:Dr. Jovana WashingtonProgramsConnect with Faith Clarke:WebsiteInstagramConnect With Karlee: Website
134. Untangling from Busy | Weaving a more graceful version of success with Meredith Brisson40:06Do you feel overwhelmed? Frustrated? Rested enough? Success takes work. A lot of it. And you’re probably feeling the side effects of it in your body right now. But ask yourself this…are you successful by your own definition, or sometimes, does it feel like someone else’s? With so many converging definitions, how do you make sure you’re staying true to your own inherent values? Or should we back up…Do you know what those values are? This week, Karlee taps into the wisdom and experience of mindset coach Meredith Brisson. Through her work, Meredith helps equestrians hone in on their values, helping them learn how to work with their emotions rather than fight against them. By learning how to find their definition of success, they can embrace their true nature both on and off the track. In this episode, you’ll learn what the highly intuitive nature of working with horses teaches us about finding balance and connecting with our actual values. You’ll start to identify whose values you’re really living by, and whether or not those values are leading you toward your goals- or potentially on a wild goose chase to a destination not of your choosing. Finally, you’ll learn how to successfully use your hard-won grit to find more balance, more time for rest, and offer yourself more grace. If you’re ready to untangle your definition of success and get more deeply in tune with values that are truly your own, then this episode is for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why the definition of success is personal (3:30)How to weave a little more grace into your grit (6:25)Creating a path to your goals using your values as a map (9:03)Why carving out time for nourishment takes grit (12:37)Making rest possible, even when it feels hard (16:57)Resources Mentioned:Article: Zippia 50+ Telling Paid Time Off PTO Statistics 2022 Average PTO In The United States Comments. (Accessed: December 20, 2022). Article: Margarita Tartakovsky, MS. (Accessed: December 20, 2022). Article: Counseling for young professionals (no date) Panthea Counseling NYC. (Accessed: December 20, 2022). People Mentioned in this Episode:Maria SiroisSend your Audio Comments and Questions to email@example.comConnect with Meredith:WebsiteConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.
133. A Roadmap to REST | How high achievers recalibrate their busy life and replace perfection with purpose36:59This season, we’re RECLAIMING REST: why we don’t make it a priority, why we feel guilty about needing it, and most importantly, how to personalize our rest and make it achievable on a micro level. When you’re living in a perpetual state of exhaustion, it’s time to ask yourself how much self-sacrifice you’re engaging in, and whose values you’re living by. All of this busyness and exhaustion is an invitation to replace perfection with purpose. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why we’re talking about rest this season (1:44)One misconception we have about rest (9:22)The five pillars of rest we’ll cover this season (17:46)Discovering what’s hiding behind our fear of rest (26:59)Why it’s so hard to detach our need for rest from feelings of guilt (32:39) Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Study: Norcross JC, Vangarelli DJ. The resolution solution: longitudinal examination of New Year's change attempts. J Subst Abuse. 1988-1989;1(2):127-34. doi: 10.1016/s0899-3289(88)80016-6. PMID: 2980864.Book: The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Book: Slowing Time: Seeing the Sacred Outside Your Kitchen Door by Barbara Mahany Book: Stirring the Mud: On Swamps, Bogs, and Human Imagination by Barbara HurdFREE Guidebook: Roadmap for Rest and Regeneration for High AchieversArticle: Why do we buy into the 'cult' of overwork? BBC Worklife. BBC People Mentioned in this Episode:Meredith BrissonFaith ClarkAnitza MartinsTanika Ray Send your Audio Comments and Questions to firstname.lastname@example.org Connect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagram Messy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media
Trailer | Join Us for a Season of Rest03:42Does the combination of your career success and your “always available” devotion to friends, family, and community often leave you feeling like you’re left with nothing but energetic scraps for yourself?In other words, how rested are you?If you’re feeling like you’ve put yourself and your right to rest on the backburner for too long, then this is your invitation to recalibrate.This week, Karlee launches the 12th season of Messy and Magnificent, and with it, a proven roadmap for rest and regeneration for high achievers. In this episode, you’ll hear how you can start paving the path to a new, more rested “you” by first honing in on your values. Once you’re clear on what’s really important to you, then you can begin to consider how you’d define what feels restful. This season is a community exploration of what rest really means, and how to make sure you’re getting as much of it (or more) than you need. If you’re ready to start living a life that puts you first, without sacrificing success, then this is the season for you. People Mentioned in this Episode:Meredith BrissonFaith ClarkAnitza MartinsTanika RaySend your Audio Comments and Questions to email@example.comConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.
132. Hunting the Good: Seeking + savoring what is good during change w/ Maria Sirois + our M+M Community01:00:05If life has felt less like a cruise and more like a battleship lately, then rest assured that we are indeed all experiencing the same reality. And we are in a time where we need a lifeboat. On top of the general tumult, you’re also riding the waves of your personal circumstance. We’re navigating loss, employment, health, parenting, friendships, partnerships, and finances. Minute by minute, we’re bravely navigating change.In this episode, Karlee shares the mic with Dr. Maria Sirois, pre-eminent positive psychologist, author and masterful storyteller. Maria, a bonafide captain on the ship of change, opens a conversation that will inspire you to pause- in the midst of it all- just long enough to get wise. You’ll hear about the science behind neuroplasticity, the neuro chemistry that affects our behavior and ultimately shapes our capacity for resilience. When it comes to getting through the tougher moments that life brings to your door, you’ll find out how to stay grounded and tap into optimism. You’ll also learn how to build a twofold type of inner hope that helps you through the hard times while always reminding you that the wisdom gained is bringing you to a slightly better “next” moment. Looking for the positive is the lifeboat that’s going to keep us alive long enough to land in that next better place.If you’re ready to honor the balance and navigate change with better resilience and more bravery, then this is the episode for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Inspiration to find positivity in the toughest of circumstances (12:27)The lesser known history of how positive psychology and resilience came together (16:58)A more realistic definition of “hope” (20:35)What pain does for us (32:09)Why honoring the balance of life helps us lean into the positive (44:04)Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Get the FREE Navigating Change Guide BookJoin us @ Kripalu Center, June 26-29th: Navigating Change: Steering Toward Your True NorthPeople Mentioned in this Episode:Kristen NeffPrentis Hemphill Dan TomasuloConnect with Maria Sirois:WebsiteBooks by Maria SiroisConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.
131. The Entrepreneurial Ecosystem: Why We Need More Human Leadership with Emily Pritchard58:34Get the FREE Navigating Change Guidebook that accompanies this season: https://www.karleefain.com/podcastToday’s workplace is in a state of evolution. It’s being infused with the thinking of a new generation, and a post-covid one, to boot. That means change is happening around us in real-time. And we have to think and do differently. The burden of all that shifting is a lot for any leader, and it can lead to burnout. But burnout….it serves a purpose. It’s an invitation to reinvent. What if we ditched the hierarchical workplace structure in favor of something more collaborative? What if instead of the “boss” and “employee” dynamic, everyone was seen as a co-creator? What if we treated one another like thinking, feeling humans, all navigating a changing world together? In this episode, Karlee sits down for a chat with industry innovator, creative visionary, and legacy builder, Emily Pritchard. Over the past decade, she’s disrupted preconceived notions of the social media industry and transformed it into a viable way to drive business. And perhaps most importantly, she’s inspiring a new way of embracing our shared humanity in today’s workforce.You’ll hear her unique perspective on how allowing for a greater element of humanity in the workplace opens the doors to better relationships and more collaborative productivity. She shares how this shift in the traditional paradigm actually helps us become better at communicating what we need and more effective when exchanging feedback. You’ll learn how inspiring action as a leader rather than forcing it helps shape a new generation of entrepreneurial leaders.If you’re ready to discover a more sustainable, more human path to navigating your business and your life, then this episode is for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:The difference between being a boss, a coach, and an advocate when it comes to leadership (5:53)Why sharing as a leader is an important vulnerability (15:25)What an entrepreneurial ecosystem looks like in practice (23:45)How to create sustainability before hitting the burnout stage (29:54)Why stepping away is important for evolution (46:30)Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Episode 57: Trying To Do It All Yourself? How smart leaders stop being the hero and start building emotional integrity with Tom Steding Send your Audio Comments and Questions to firstname.lastname@example.orgConnect with Emily: The Social LightsConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.