Messy & Magnificent with Karlee Fain

When you think about self-care, the term itself implies that it’s just about one person...you.  But actually, that doesn’t tell the whole story. As we move through our lives, we’re supported by stilts. Like a house on the water, you might not always see them holding you up, but you couldn’t be there without them. Those stilts are the hands of your community. Friends, family, partners, and pets, some are just ships passing in the night, while others remain steadfast throughout our lives. Particularly when the seas feel choppy and life changes course with little warning, those steady hands become our path to sanctuary. They keep us connected to our roots, and they are what guide us back home to self. This week, Karlee invites you to take respite in the wisdom of Tanika Ray, a pop culture & lifestyle specialist with a holistic view of the cross sections of culture. Her podcast, Mamaste, is a sanctuary for the mommy collective. There, she fosters community and amplifies wellness, self-love, self-care, life lessons, and unapologetic boundaries.In this episode, you’ll hear how becoming a mother profoundly shifted Tanika’s perspective about what’s important, and how it changed her definition of rest. She shares detailed insights from her upbringing, telling the story of her search for authentic community and for her truth, starting from the inside out. Rest can often feel like a defiant act of self-care. But sanctuary needs stilts.  If you’re ready to find sanctuary and claim the space you need to come “home” to yourself, then this episode - and this community- are for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why community is an important part of creating sanctuary (2:41)How parenting changes your worldview (5:54)Sourcing validation from the inside out (10:36)Why the definition of rest is highly personal (15:16)Getting to the roots of why your fears exist (19:40)Resources included in this Episode: Book: Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity by Saundra Dalton-SmithArticle: What is a flow state and what are its benefits? (no date) Headspace. Available at: https://www.headspace.com/articles/flow-state (Accessed: December 19, 2022).  Connect with Tanika Ray:Podcast: Mamaste with Tanika RayInstagramTwitterConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagram

Think about that friend of yours who’s always busy. If you want to go to lunch or plan anything with this person, you need to do it a month in advance. A spontaneous cup of coffee in the middle of the afternoon? Forgettaboutit. And because this friend maintains such a full schedule, there’s a greater level of value that you attach to their time. Or maybe, this person is you. Squeezing everything you possibly can into that calendar square because when it’s full, you feel…well, what exactly? Important? Productive? Valued? Effective? Here’s the thing… there’s a difference between good work and overworking. To see it, you have to step outside of the busyness box and ask yourself what’s really necessary. And most importantly, you have to sit with the answers to find out where your values of productivity came from in the first place. This week, the tables are turned as Anitza interviews Karlee in order to dig deeper into this season of rest. In a society where we’ve been conditioned to associate busyness with productivity, we have to step back and ask ourselves…what’s so scary about resting? In this episode, you’ll learn why good work depends on rest, and how to recognize the difference between quality output and flat-out overworking. You’ll reflect on your level of self-sacrifice, flipping the narrative around busyness to challenge both societal and cultural perceptions about what makes you valuable in the world. You’ll also learn how to think about the concept of time in a way that can help you reserve more of it, allowing space for more joy. You really don’t have to do it all. But you need rest. If busyness and self-sacrifice are woven into your identity, and if “doing it all” makes you feel more valued in the world, then this episode is for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why building in time for rest is so essential to the creative process (3:23)Grading your level of self-sacrifice (7:21)Learning to distinguish good work from overworking (8:58)What it really means when you feel like you don’t have enough time (20:42)Why doing more sometimes means doing less (28:50)Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Book: Stirring the Mud: On Swamps, Bogs, and Human Imagination by Barbara HurdSend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee: WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folx at Ginni Media.

Your best friend from the neighborhood sends you a text mid-day, asking if you’d like to join them for a walk. The sun is shining, your legs are stiff from sitting at the computer all morning, but…“Too much work to do”. Sad face emoji.  Seated at your desk, you push through your body’s desire to go. That tug of war feels frustrating. You want to, but work. You want to, but the kids. You want to, but you’ve already committed to something else you don’t really want to do. It feels like, a little too often, you’re pushing away invitations to joy and peace in your life. You decide to sit with this for a moment. And you wonder…what doorways might open up if you said “yes” to more of the things you really wanted to be doing?What price are you paying for not moving forward?Our work culture, our unpaid labor culture, and the roles we perform as mothers, spouses, friends, neighbors, and volunteers are all rooted in patterns of exploitation and exhaustion. But what if you could find a way to take back a little more control? What if you could stop automatically defaulting to “no”, even in the face of a busy day? What if you could take just one step away from the paradigm that convinced you that the only “choice” you had was to say “no” to joy more often than you say “yes”? This week, Karlee shares space with Faith Clarke, an Organizational Health & Inclusion Specialist. Through her work, she provides important cultural and historical context to how we navigate the “rules” of society, shedding a necessary light to explain how this conditioning affects us. In this episode, we unpack the reasons why you might be working so hard and resting so little. You’ll start looking at your time and commitments in a different way, finding more opportunity pockets for rest. You’ll also hear how Faith constructs an “imaginary world” where rules can be broken, using space as an exercise to creatively find more respite.If you’re ready to, in the words of Faith, “Grab the thing that’s in front of you and say Okay, I can be in control of this! …then this episode is for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode:How the constructs built around our bodies affect our ability to rest (2:37)Playing with the rules in order to figure out how to break them, safely (8:21)What it might look like to find “pockets” of respite in your life (13:24)How to invite others into your privilege (14:19)Reversing the narrative of the zero-sum game (18:17)People Mentioned in this Episode:Dr. Jovana WashingtonProgramsConnect with Faith Clarke:WebsiteInstagramConnect With Karlee: Website