Messy & Magnificent with Karlee Fain

9/20/2021

Tired of doing the Boundary Back & Forth? How to start setting boundaries and stop feeling guilty

Ep. 98
What if I get push back when I tell my boss I’m not available to work weekends anymore?What if they're disappointed? Will they think I’m not committed enough?If this cycle sounds familiar, then no doubt you’ve been dancing the “boundary back & forth”.That’s the emotional and psychological dance craze that we inflict upon ourselves when we’re trying to game-plan someone else’s behavior before we set a boundary.But spending your sweet time overthinking, doubting, and perfecting how your boundary lands...well, it’s just not doing you any good.Our emotional barometer gets really high around the idea of setting boundaries. We tend to add fear and anxiety to the already significant burden we’re trying to unload.But, hey…there’s an easier way. Today, Karlee welcomes back boundary pro Dana Lemay. As the Head of School for the Boundary Academy, Dana is a verifiable expert on knowing when a boundary is necessary, and actually putting it into action. Her One-Minute Minimalist program helps other women declutter their lives to lead a more values-driven life experience.In this episode, you’ll get a behind-the-scenes listen to the collective wisdom of the women behind the Boundary Academy. This school wasn’t built in your typical hierarchical manner. Instead, it’s become a sharing community that constantly flips the script on who’s the teacher and who’s the student. And that’s led to a lot of rich and unexpected surprises.You’ll hear from Karlee and Dana about what it's been like to launch The Boundary Academy, and the real-life questions women upgrading their boundaries are asking. You’ll learn how toget off the emotional roller coaster when you need to set boundaries and feel more grounded, centered, and clear about what you need and how to achieve it.If you’re ready to finally unburden yourself from carrying the weight of the world and do a lot less heavy lifting in your day, on your job, and in your social circles, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why OPP’s, or Other People’s Opinions, aren’t going to be your catalyst for change (0:57)What it means when you feel discomfort about setting boundaries (9:20)Why setting boundaries isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach (13:37)Shifting our expectations of being everything all the time to being enough (25:56)How you can be a part of the boundary conversation and stay connected (32:13)People Mentioned in this Episode:Nancy LevinConnect with Dana Lemay:dana-lemay.comResources Mentioned in this Episode:RSVP FOR THE FREE BOUNDARY PANEL: September 20th, 7pm ESTEpisode 27: The Formula For Making Great Choices: Especially when everyone has an opinion about it what you should be doing.Book: Real Teams Win: What Smart Leaders Need to Know Now about Achieving Peak Performance by Thomas L. SteadingEpisode 57: Trying To Do It All Yourself? How smart leaders stop being the hero and start building emotional integrity with Tom StedingSend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
9/13/2021

The Boundary Bandwagon: How to make heart-driven decisions and connect with boundary-supportive community

Ep. 97
Your partner has had a tough week at work, so you stayed up late (even though you have an early conference call) baking their favorite cookies before sneaking them into a little heart-shaped box.Your best girlfriend is having relationship woes...again. So you put down the novel you’ve been waiting to read all day so that you can be there for her, on the other end of the phone.Your boss needs you to be available Saturday to onboard a new client, so you reluctantly bow out of the picnic your new neighbors invited you to join that afternoon.You know there’s nothing you love better than a good night’s sleep, a great book, and getting outside.But this week, you’re not getting any of it.It’s true that we can’t control what happens outside of ourselves.But we can control what happens within ourselves.And conversations about boundaries start within ourselves.Today, Karlee welcomes Dana Lemay, the Head of School for the Boundary Academy. Dana is a real-life boundary pro who courageously left her “looks good on paper” career to find a life that represented more of what really mattered to her. In 2019, she founded the One-Minute Minimalist to help other women declutter the unnecessary and embark upon a more values-driven life experience.In this episode, you’ll learn how to discern whether a decision you’re making is being guided by your head or your heart. You’ll understand why that knowledge holds an important clue in pointing to where boundaries need to be drawn. And most importantly, you’ll learn how to set the emotional boundaries that need setting within your work, your family circles, and your friends.Boundaries matter because it’s within that space where we’re able to nourish ourselves.If you’re ready to learn how how to engage more of your internal resources so that you don't get stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, worry, or always saying “yes”, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:What it feels like to lead with your heart (14:02)The physical sensation of a boundary being crossed (15:36)Our human discomfort of not being in control (19:42)Why rest takes courage (25:10)How to be a one-minute minimalist (30:46)One simple way to declutter your schedule right now (39:19)People Mentioned in this Episode:Nancy LevinConnect with Dana Lemay:dana-lemay.comResources Mentioned in this Episode:RSVP FOR THE FREE BOUNDARY PANEL: September 20th, 7pm ESTEpisode 15: Building the Habit of Courage: How to stop enduring what drains you with Dana LemayEpisode 32: Curing the Knee Jerk “Yes”: Doable Boundaries That Will Set You Free with Nancy LevinSend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
9/6/2021

Wanna Break Free? How workplace boundaries protect us from the need to please

Ep. 96
You’ve been working with seamless efficiency all day to make sure you’re out the office door no later than 5:15 today.You’re rockin’ it ‘cause you’ve got plans.A hot date. Your kid’s first piano recital. A full-body massage you’ve been looking forward to for weeks.But, just as you’re packing up to leave, your boss walks through the door with an urgent request. It’ll mean canceling your plans.It’s not like you’re surprised...she does it all the time.So, what do you do?You love your job but you’re really tired of making plans only to have your excitement pummeled at the last minute.“Help!!!!!” you think to yourself in desperation.Then, out of nowhere, your hero Boundary Babe swoops in to save the day! Time stops as your boss stands waiting at the door for an answer.“You called?” she says, outfitted in her shimmery lycra with a “B” emblazoned on the lapel of her cape.“I didn’t realize it, but yea...I need to set a boundary here!” you say, exasperated and relieved.Ahhhh, if only it were as simple as calling on a superhero...But, you wanna know a secret?Setting boundaries doesn’t require superpowers. And they’re easier than you might think.In this week’s episode, Karlee introduces a month of boundary breakthroughs that’ll help you rescue yourself from the need to be all things to all people- especially in the workplace. She’ll help you identify where boundaries might be missing in your work relationships, and give you a simple set of questions to ask yourself so that you can aptly identify the kind of boundary that’s being called for.Boundaries are the bridge between you and what it is that you value. If there’s something keeping those things apart, then it’s time to talk about bridging the gap.If you’re ready to shed the resentment, conquer the fatigue, do away with underappreciation, and stop over-committing yourself, then this boundary-setting episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Are you an emotional octopus? (1:18)Two questions to ask yourself to frame your boundary before you create it (12:41)Signs of a psychologically safe workplace (15:38)What boundaries don’t do (20:39)A real-world example of setting a workplace boundary (21:02)People Mentioned in this Episode:Dana LeMaySarri GilmanResources Mentioned in this Episode:RSVP FOR THE BOUNDARY PANEL: September 20th, 7pm ESTEpisode 67: Boundaries Go Both Ways: How to Unearth Your Boundary Questions and Be an Ally to the WorldEpisode 66: Boundary Bravery: How Women are Giving Themselves Permission to Set Boundaries with Amy ZiegertEpisode 65: Feel Like Your Life Isn’t Your Own? How Women Are Building Bridges and Setting Boundaries Like a BossEpisode 32: Curing the Knee Jerk “Yes”: Doable Boundaries That Will Set You Free with Nancy LevinEpisode 30: Reclaiming Your Time: The 3 “B-words” That Give Women Back Their Time and EnergySend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
8/30/2021

Still Never Enough? How Driven Women Cultivate Lasting Fulfillment

Ep. 95
You’ve read self-help book after self-help book, but you’re still not feeling like you’re truly enough. Those hollow investments look great on the bookshelves, but you’re seeking more meaningful change. You’re ripe for reinvention, but where do you even start?Well, maybe the problem isn’t actually you. Maybe it’s the messaging...If you are a human woman on planet earth, chances are you’ve been surrounded by messages telling you that you aren’t enough. It’s a smog that you unconsciously inhale each day; it influences your mind, body, and interactions with the world around you.In this throwback episode, Karlee and Anitza revisit a simple 3-part process that’ll help you discover what “good enough” looks like in your world. You’ll get clear on what you really value and unlock the energy you’ve been missing to get to all the things that are most important to you. This isn’t a one-time fix-all solution, but a framework that will guide you to realign your actions with your values and combat smog-messaging along the way.If you’re ready to get clear on your values, start enjoying the present moment, and recognize that you’re already enough, then this episode is for you.In This Episode, You Will Learn:When you have it all but it still doesn’t fell like enough (6:45)Smog messaging: why women constantly feel like they’re never enough (15:37)How your body communicates vital information about what’s true, what’s enough, and what works for you (19:42)3 Steps to Lasting Fulfillment (27:45)The secret sauce that allows women to thrive in their careers, life, and health (39:25)How you know it’s time to start getting clear on your values (43:29)Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Episode 91: Walking Our Talk: Cultivating A Productive Downtime HabitEpisode 28: Never Enough? How Driven Women Cultivate Lasting FulfillmentBook: The Grocery Store Adventure Guide by Karlee FainGet the FREE 3 Pillars of Lasting Feminine Fulfillment” Master Sheet HEREPeople Mentioned in This Episode:Kate NorthrupTerry Tempest WilliamsGlennon DoyleConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
8/23/2021

Take A Minute: How to make wisdom-based decisions at your own pace

Ep. 94
Why can't I keep up with everyone else?Why don't I have the energy or the answers yet?Am I missing out on an opportunity, or is it just going to put me even further behind?If any of these thoughts sound relatable, you could be comparing yourself to a single way of working and living. The one that’s become our cultural norm. The one that’s frankly just not working.If all of that grind and hustle got you a life that looks great on paper – but it’s leaving you feeling stuck, drained, and unsatisfied at the end of the day, then something is off. This is an indicator that the way society expects you to run your business and your life doesn’t fit. And that’s okay.It’s also okay not to have all the answers right now. You aren't exhausted because something is wrong with you. You’re exhausted because something is right with you.You see, we’ve been taught one way to operate in work and life: aggressively and immediately.But as more women occupy seats at the table, it’s become apparent that this way isn’t sustainable for anyone.The women who are truly thriving in our modern economy are the ones who are doing things a little differently.In this episode, Karlee breaks down the origins of “hustle culture” and "sperm wisdom", and explains why they’re biologically unsustainable in today’s world. She passes down the concept of “egg wisdom” and talks about what it means to operate on a different, less anxious timeline. You’ll hear doable strategies to help shift your mindset and expectations of yourself, your work, and your business.If you’re ready to start living in a way that truly works for YOU in our modern economy, then this episode is for you!In This Episode, You Will Learn:Why veering off track is often exactly what you need (2:50)When it’s ok to take your time before making a decision (10:12)The cyclical and selective nature of working and living in the world (14:31)Why it’s okay to not always know the answer (21:47)Red flags that say what was is not working for you (23:11)How daring to be “you” puts your train back in motion (30:35)Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Episode 25: Feeling Stuck or Exhausted? Great, There Is Something Right With YouBook: Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management for Ambitious Women by Kate NorthrupEpisode 3: Phases of GrowthConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
8/16/2021

Building Sturdy Roots to Rise: How we champion authenticity, vulnerability, and nourishment in your life and career

Ep. 93
Two words...Authenticity & Vulnerability.When Messy & Magnificent first hit the airwaves, these values are what Karlee felt needed to be front and center. They would come through in every breath, every episode, every fit of laughter, and every heartfelt expression of empathy.This was what we needed more of in the world then. And a pretty rough year and some change later, this secret sauce is what continues to make us stand out.Living into our ideals. Walking our talk. Practicing what we’re preachin’. Being authentically, vulnerably, unapologetically ourselves.So, how do we do it? How do we continue to grow, elevate our message, and stand out from the crowd?We keep digging deeper, sharing more authentically, and wholly supporting this growing community that we’ve created together.Today, Karlee and Anitza open with a reflection on where we’ve been, what we’ve learned, and where we are today. Then, we travel back to one of our earliest episodes where listeners asked deep, juicy questions about how Karlee manages her work & life, and the mindset that helps her embody those ideals. This is a deep dive into how to run a successful business, find real work/life balance, learn from mistakes, and rise authentically.If you’re ready to learn how you can approach your life and business with more authenticity and more nourisment, then this episode is for you!What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Getting to the heart of why we reach for social media (3:50)The embodiment of a real leader (12:27)When the puzzle pieces of your experience finally start fitting together (15:44)Why personal nourishment should be a fundamental part of your business (22:02)How Karlee manages her schedule and stays on track (36:17)Switching from being driven by motivation to being driven by devotion (42:02)How to foster authenticity and engagement through social media (50:07)Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Episode 91: Walking Our Talk: Cultivating A Productive Downtime HabitEpisode 9: I Answer Your Juiciest Questions About How I Run My Business and My Mental GameReclaiming Time StudioConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
8/9/2021

Feeling Worn-Out? How to experience more soul-satisfying nourishment

Ep. 92
It’s Friday night, and you just walked in the door. You kick off those uncomfortable shoes, change into your PJ’s, and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Staring back at you is a worn-out woman. She’s got bags under her eyes, her energy seems depleted...and has that pensive line on her forehead always been there?“Enough”, you say to yourself. Time for some self-care.You open up the bathroom cabinet and sift through your stash of sheet masks. You grab a cucumber from the fridge and place two cool slices over your eyes. You cue up some meditative nature sounds on Spotify and stretch your tired body out across the couch.Those juicy masks and self-care moments are a-ok, but the truth is that real nourishment, the kind that fills you up internally, the nourishment that your reflection in the mirror is really asking for...well, that doesn’t come from home spa treatments.Your body is telling you that it requires more resources.This has been a wild year for everyone. We’ve been really busy trying to rewire our habits and problem solve under pandemic conditions. But, have we given ourselves the time we need to allow our thoughts, emotions, and mental game to catch up to our physical bodies?Probably not. Or maybe just not enough.It’s time for you to fill up the tank of your internal resources and reconnect with your professional groove.It’s nourishment season.Where do we find nourishment, if it’s not in those home spa treatments? True human nourishment exists in the everyday things. Those small (but big!) things that we do to make ourselves just a little bit healthier and happier.Today, Karlee is joined again by Anitza Martins to revisit what it means to seek nourishment, and how to know when you need it. You’ll discover the four pillars of being a fully resourced career woman, and how you can reconnect with your natural rhythms and cycles to find that lasting, authentic, soul-satisfying nourishment that you’ve been craving.If you’re ready to reconnect with a more natural rhythm and nourish your being from the inside out, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:How our career needs change through different life stages (1:57)Why aiming for doing 3% better is enough (4:15)3 reasons why now is the time to refuel professionally (7:48)A deeper definition of nourishment (12:03)The Four Pillars of a more fully resourced career woman (20:43)Why tending to beauty is essential (31:52)Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Episode 91: Walking Our Talk: Cultivating A Productive Downtime HabitEpisode 69: Out of Sync? How Wise Women are Receiving NourishmentEpisode 3: Done Burning Out? The 4 phases of growth and sustaining success‬Episode 41: Is Your Work Mojo Down? Here’s 4 Types of Nourishment for the Soul Of Your CareerEpisode 35: Trust Your Knowing: How Women Rise From Doubt to Leading Themselves Forward with Suzi Banks Bau‪m‬Website: Native LandVideo: TED Talk, Theaster Gates: How to Revive a Neighborhood with Imagination, Beauty, and ArtConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
8/2/2021

Walking Our Talk: Cultivating A Productive Downtime Habit

Ep. 91
Raise your hand if you get enough downtime in your days? Your weeks, months, or years?We’ve been covering the topic of rest, or what we like to call “productive downtime”, throughout the month of July.Now, it’s time to walk our talk.Rather than put new episodes together for August, we’re doin’ the backstroke to dig a little deeper into a select handful of past episodes that really dial in on what it means to pause.So, if the past few episodes about incorporating more rest, reflection, and productive downtime have been resonating with you, then August might just be your moment to start baking in the practice of rest into your regular routine, too.When we talk about being successful, both as humans and in our professional work, we usually refer to climbing some sort of proverbial ladder. Whether it’s a corporate or an entrepreneurial ladder, we all want to keep going up.But if we’re in a constant state of “up”, we miss out on all the in between.There’s value in the in between. If you don’t take the time to pause, you’re not harvesting the important insights you just worked so hard to get.Growth isn’t actually in the shape of a ladder. It’s more like a spiral staircase. You still move upward, but with every step you take up, culmination invites you to circle back and reflect upon the wisdom gained from each previous footfall.So when we build in moments to pause, and reflect on our experiences before automatically moving on to the next thing, we can actually harvest the nourishing wisdom that we’ve worked for.This episode an invitation to go deeper into what's working.In this episode, Karlee weaves audience questions and comments with powerful episode clips to create rich conversations around professional sustainability. She’ll map out how you can make space for nourishment, and explains why it’s so important to pause and reflect. Leaning into the wisdom of listeners and guests, she’ll also identify what it means when we feel guilt for resting, and how that feeling can actually be a clue as to whether or not we’re truly living our values.If you’re ready to reap the benefits of pause and create space for rest and nourishment in your life, then this episode is for you!What You’ll Learn in This Episode:What to expect from the podcast through August (3:23)Why the time to consider a deeper form of nourishment is now (16:58)A “nourishment” refresher (18:28)How pros get past distractions and get time for nourishment (21:30)Following up (and through!) on the 5 Better Questions (29:07)Changing our relationship with guilt (39:05)How to know when you’re honoring your values (44:19)Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Episode 73: The Purposeful Pause - How Women Get Colossal Results By Contracting Before We ExpandEpisode 3: Done Burning Out? The 4 phases of growth and sustaining successEpisode 69: Out of Sync? How Wise Women are Receiving NourishmentEpisode 70: Thinking About Change? How We Find Focus and Make Elevated ChoicesWebsite: David L. Cooperrider Center for Appreciative InquiryMaster Sheet for FocusEpisode 71: Tired of Feeling Guilty? How Wise Women are Exploring Guilt and Becoming Better Leaders with Catherine FlavinPeople Mentioned in this Episode:Karen Witzig RozellDavid L. CooperriderCatherine Flavin
7/26/2021

Room for Rest: How to Reclaim Your Productive Downtime like a Pro

Ep. 90
Whatever happened to nap time?While it may have seemed really boring when we were in kindergarten, that little bit of baked-in downtime would be pretty nice to have as a working adult.But, time is money...right? Who has time for 10-minute meditations or lunchtime walks when our productivity is on the line?Well, here’s something that might surprise you…Not only is it easier than you think to make room for rest in your workday, but that rest is actually going to make you more productive, a better leader, and more charismatic in the eyes of your co-workers.You see, there’s a difference between working hard and overworking. When we prioritize our wellbeing by creating a hospitable environment for ourselves, we stop viewing work and life as two separate things.Therein lies the magic.In this week’s culmination episode, Karlee circles back through some of the biggest highlights from our month of rest-seeking. She recaps the historical reasons why rest intentionally wasn’t built into our workdays and shares practical ways that you can reshape the paradigm. You’ll hear what to do if you’re feeling the need to rebound from a rest deficit, and a real-world example of how one business owner flipped the definition of hospitality to include his staff first, prioritizing their wellness to cultivate an authentically hospitable environment for employees and guests.If you’re ready to understand the true nature of rest and start to reclaim your productive downtime, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why self-care call-outs can rub you the wrong way (7:00)The difference between hard work and overworking (12:59)Why the patriarchal work model isn’t working (18:23)Respecting the cycles and seasons of our biological nature (25:54)The physical and emotional benefits of rest (31:49)The 7 types of rest (35:14)A better hospitality mentality (48:30)People Mentioned in this Episode:Saundra Dalton-SmithDan PallottaDan LandesWatercourse FoodsCity, O’ CityOff The Bottle Refill ShopElissa SangsterResources Mentioned in this Episode:Episode 87: A History of No Rest: Why “over-working” triumphed and how we reclaim productive downtimeEpisode 88: Ready To Rebound from a Rest Deficit? How Pros Get More Rest and Recovery.Episode 89: Being Hospitable to Yourself: How to build rest and recovery into your work life with Dan LandesJournal: “Worry Isn't Work.” Harvard Business Review, 23 July 2014, hbr.org/2010/08/worry-isnt-work.html.Article: Elissa Sangster, “The Patriarchy Invented The 9-5 Workday. Here's How We Remake It With Women In The Room.” Forbes, Forbes Magazine, 10 Sept. 2019Article: “What's Really Holding Women Back?” Harvard Business Review, 19 Feb. 2020, hbr.org/2020/03/whats-really-holding-women-back.Article: “Sleep Better, Lead Better.” Harvard Business Review, 21 Aug. 2018, hbr.org/2018/09/sleep-well-lead-better.TED Talk: MD, Saundra Dalton-Smith, et al. “The 7 Types of Rest That Every Person Needs.” Ideas.ted.com, 6 Jan. 2021, ideas.ted.com/the-7-types-of-rest-that-every-person-needs/Send your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.