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Messy & Magnificent with Karlee Fain

How women rise in their career, health and relationships

Welcome to Messy & Magnificent with Karlee Fain - The place driven women come to elevate their career, health, and relationships, not by working so hard anymore, but by finally having the space to breathe, hear your own
Latest Episode10/11/2021

Your Culture Connection: How to communicate your needs and bridge boundaries within your culture with Dr. Senem Erem

Ep. 101
When you hear about a brave woman who has set a boundary, do you sometimes think “Well, she can do that, but that would never fly with my family,” or “Gosh, I’d love to be able to say that but in my culture, it would come off as offensive.”So, rather than rock the boat, you pack that boundary-thought away in the hopes that someday, you’ll unpack it again after discovering a different way to deliver it.Well, that day is today.Culture plays a huge role in our experience of boundaries - so today we dig a little deeper to understand the origins of your psychology around boundaries.Because boundaries aren’t about offending anyone, particularly people you care about.They’re simply a means of communicating your needs to others in a way that draws them in.In this episode, Karlee welcomes an expert in the realm of positive psychology and wellbeing, Dr. Senem Eren. Dr. Eren has been a researcher and psychologist for the past 17 years, focusing specifically on supporting and empowering women to exceed in their entrepreneurial goals without sacrificing their health, well-being, or happiness. She’s a co-founder and board member of the Center for Muslim Wellbeing in Australia, and an adjunct professor at Ibn Haldun University in Turkey.Today, you’ll gain an understanding of when, where, and how the boundaries we create (or don’t create) intersect with our respective cultures. You’ll learn why it’s so important to recognize boundaries within the context of the cultures we’re born into, and the micro-cultures we’re raised within, in order to comprehend how we view boundary-setting, and our comfort levels when it comes to asking for help.If you’re ready to recognize that doin’ it all on your own isn’t worth the energy and you’re ready for a better way, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:How the boundaries we’re born into shape who we become (10:55)Why it’s never too late to repair past mistakes (21:01)How individualist versus collectivist cultures shape our boundary styles (24:45)A new way to look at boundaries (32:47)What to expect when you’re setting a challenging boundary (39:41)Connect with Dr. Senem Eren:InstagramIbn Haldun UniversityBoundaries for wellbeing | Dr. Senem Eren | TEDxDocklandsPeople Mentioned:Meredith BrissonGeert HofstedeNancy LevinResources Mentioned:Website: Native LandConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagram
10/11/2021

Your Culture Connection: How to communicate your needs and bridge boundaries within your culture with Dr. Senem Erem

Ep. 101
When you hear about a brave woman who has set a boundary, do you sometimes think “Well, she can do that, but that would never fly with my family,” or “Gosh, I’d love to be able to say that but in my culture, it would come off as offensive.”So, rather than rock the boat, you pack that boundary-thought away in the hopes that someday, you’ll unpack it again after discovering a different way to deliver it.Well, that day is today.Culture plays a huge role in our experience of boundaries - so today we dig a little deeper to understand the origins of your psychology around boundaries.Because boundaries aren’t about offending anyone, particularly people you care about.They’re simply a means of communicating your needs to others in a way that draws them in.In this episode, Karlee welcomes an expert in the realm of positive psychology and wellbeing, Dr. Senem Eren. Dr. Eren has been a researcher and psychologist for the past 17 years, focusing specifically on supporting and empowering women to exceed in their entrepreneurial goals without sacrificing their health, well-being, or happiness. She’s a co-founder and board member of the Center for Muslim Wellbeing in Australia, and an adjunct professor at Ibn Haldun University in Turkey.Today, you’ll gain an understanding of when, where, and how the boundaries we create (or don’t create) intersect with our respective cultures. You’ll learn why it’s so important to recognize boundaries within the context of the cultures we’re born into, and the micro-cultures we’re raised within, in order to comprehend how we view boundary-setting, and our comfort levels when it comes to asking for help.If you’re ready to recognize that doin’ it all on your own isn’t worth the energy and you’re ready for a better way, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:How the boundaries we’re born into shape who we become (10:55)Why it’s never too late to repair past mistakes (21:01)How individualist versus collectivist cultures shape our boundary styles (24:45)A new way to look at boundaries (32:47)What to expect when you’re setting a challenging boundary (39:41)Connect with Dr. Senem Eren:InstagramIbn Haldun UniversityBoundaries for wellbeing | Dr. Senem Eren | TEDxDocklandsPeople Mentioned:Meredith BrissonGeert HofstedeNancy LevinResources Mentioned:Website: Native LandConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagram
10/4/2021

Common + Unity: How to live longer, be happier, and find unwavering support for your success through the power of community

Ep. 100
How many great ideas have you had throughout your lifetime?The kind that come about so suddenly that you feel their energy pulse through your body with so much intensity that it wakes you up and makes you want to move ASAP?And...how many of those have you actually followed through on?If there’s some disparity between idea generation and follow-through, you’re not alone.And this isn’t a guilt trip.There’s a reason why so many of those ideas didn’t make it to fruition.What if I told you it wasn’t your lack of energy or ambition…It was about your lack of community.You see, follow-through takes two important things: nourishment and community.If you want to start something new, you have to start by asking yourself one question:“What do I need in order to make showing up for this possible?”In this special 100th episode of Messy & Magnificent, Karlee launches a month-long series delivering the potent power of community to your door. She uncovers what community really is and why it's so important in our lives, not only for emotional support but also as the force behind getting things done. She shares four incredible benefits of belonging to a community, and the five types of community that every woman should belong to, in some capacity.That whole “If I want it done right I've got to do it myself” mentality will only get us so far before we start to feel stuck. Moving to the next stage requires support.We thrive in community, and it’s time we recognize the role it plays in our success.If you’re ready to find your ideal community and reap the benefits of connection, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:The phenomenon of popular isolation (5:32)How the power of community helps us get things done (7:59)What the word community really means (21:27)The long-term benefits of friendships and community (23:29)The five types of community and why they’re beneficial (25:52)People Mentioned in this Episode:Dr. Tom StedingMaria SoriosKate NorthrupResources Mentioned in this Episode:Episode 57: Trying To Do It All Yourself? How smart leaders stop being the hero and start building emotional integrity with Tom StedingStudy: Brigham Young University. "Relationships improve your odds of survival by 50 percent, research finds." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 28 July 2010. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/07/100727174909.htm>.Episode 76: Just Thrown A Curveball?! The specifics of how my company builds something new and revamps after our plans are foiled.VIDEO: The Boundary BrunchEpisode 49: Masterful Storytelling: How to Share Your Stories to Transform and Engage with Others with Dr. Maria SiroisBook: You Have the Power: Choosing Courage in a Culture of Fear by Frances Moore LappeJeffrey PerkinsArticle: What Is Community, and Why Is It Important? Featuring Riché C. ZamorEpisode 2: Nobody really gets you? How to upgrade your adult relationshipsArticle:3 Ways To Benefit From Involvement In Your Community by Anne-Marie FaiolaStudy: University of Notre Dame. "Your circle of friends is more predictive of your health, study finds." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 17 June 2019. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/06/190617110533.htm>List: The 5 Types of Community from FeverbeeSend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
9/27/2021

Recalibrating Your Inner Compass : How boundaries help us reestablish self-trust and reconnect with what matters most

Ep. 99
Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought the following:I really don’t have time, but I don’t want to upset anyone. I’ll just do it.My culture doesn’t “get” boundaries, so I have to be available when family comes knocking.I’m a born workaholic. There’s never time for self-care. How would I even fit that in to my day?While our needs to work people please can tie our emotions up in knots, the truth is that each one of those thoughts is actually an invitation.A nudge from your internal compass that’s trying to point you in the direction of setting a boundary.Boundaries aren’t walls you’re setting up to keep other people from crossing over. They’re bridges you’re building within to create more ease for yourself.Boundaries may be the source of all conflict, but they’re also the foundation of all well-being.Today, Karlee welcomes bonafide “Boundary Queen” Sarri Gilman to the show. Sarri has spent 30 years working as a Psychotherapist who specializes in helping folks set the boundaries they need to implement at the family level. Her decades-long research in this specific area has shown her the full boundary-making process that people experience as they start to become their own boundary experts.In this episode, you’ll hear about the process of boundary-making, and how long on average it takes to actually implement a boundary for most people. She shares a personal boundary story of her own about letting go and moving forward when solace was calling her somewhere new. Finally, she’ll explain the fundamental link between self-trust and good decision-making that’ll help you make confidence-backed choices with greater ease.If you’re ready to honor your inner compass and gift yourself the boundaries being called for in your life, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why boundaries need encouragement (13:10)Restoring the trust in your own compass (17:32)A powerful boundary breakthrough moment (21:35)How to think about resilience in times of trauma (36:06)Cultivating a pattern of self-care (40:58)Creating boundary clarity with family members (43:55)Emotionally prepping for a boundary fallout (50:38)How long it takes to become a boundary expert (57:57)People Mentioned in this Episode:Dr. Tom StedingCatherine Panter-BrickNancy LevinConnect with Sarri Gilman:Sarrigillman.comGet 20% off Now: Transform Your Boundaries Six Course BundleCode: FRIENDSOFSARRIResources Mentioned in this Episode:RSVP FOR THE FREE BOUNDARY PANEL: September 20th, 7pm ESTBook: Transform Your Boundaries by Sarri GilmanBook: The Mystery of Knowing Journal: A writing odyssey to be true to who you are by Sarri Gilman and Tasha RockowitzBook: Naming and Taming Overwhelm: For Healthcare and Human Service Providers by Sarri GilmanTEDx Talk: Good boundaries free you | Sarri GilmanSend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
9/20/2021

Tired of doing the Boundary Back & Forth? How to start setting boundaries and stop feeling guilty

Ep. 98
What if I get push back when I tell my boss I’m not available to work weekends anymore?What if they're disappointed? Will they think I’m not committed enough?If this cycle sounds familiar, then no doubt you’ve been dancing the “boundary back & forth”.That’s the emotional and psychological dance craze that we inflict upon ourselves when we’re trying to game-plan someone else’s behavior before we set a boundary.But spending your sweet time overthinking, doubting, and perfecting how your boundary lands...well, it’s just not doing you any good.Our emotional barometer gets really high around the idea of setting boundaries. We tend to add fear and anxiety to the already significant burden we’re trying to unload.But, hey…there’s an easier way. Today, Karlee welcomes back boundary pro Dana Lemay. As the Head of School for the Boundary Academy, Dana is a verifiable expert on knowing when a boundary is necessary, and actually putting it into action. Her One-Minute Minimalist program helps other women declutter their lives to lead a more values-driven life experience.In this episode, you’ll get a behind-the-scenes listen to the collective wisdom of the women behind the Boundary Academy. This school wasn’t built in your typical hierarchical manner. Instead, it’s become a sharing community that constantly flips the script on who’s the teacher and who’s the student. And that’s led to a lot of rich and unexpected surprises.You’ll hear from Karlee and Dana about what it's been like to launch The Boundary Academy, and the real-life questions women upgrading their boundaries are asking. You’ll learn how toget off the emotional roller coaster when you need to set boundaries and feel more grounded, centered, and clear about what you need and how to achieve it.If you’re ready to finally unburden yourself from carrying the weight of the world and do a lot less heavy lifting in your day, on your job, and in your social circles, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Why OPP’s, or Other People’s Opinions, aren’t going to be your catalyst for change (0:57)What it means when you feel discomfort about setting boundaries (9:20)Why setting boundaries isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach (13:37)Shifting our expectations of being everything all the time to being enough (25:56)How you can be a part of the boundary conversation and stay connected (32:13)People Mentioned in this Episode:Nancy LevinConnect with Dana Lemay:dana-lemay.comResources Mentioned in this Episode:RSVP FOR THE FREE BOUNDARY PANEL: September 20th, 7pm ESTEpisode 27: The Formula For Making Great Choices: Especially when everyone has an opinion about it what you should be doing.Book: Real Teams Win: What Smart Leaders Need to Know Now about Achieving Peak Performance by Thomas L. SteadingEpisode 57: Trying To Do It All Yourself? How smart leaders stop being the hero and start building emotional integrity with Tom StedingSend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
9/13/2021

The Boundary Bandwagon: How to make heart-driven decisions and connect with boundary-supportive community

Ep. 97
Your partner has had a tough week at work, so you stayed up late (even though you have an early conference call) baking their favorite cookies before sneaking them into a little heart-shaped box.Your best girlfriend is having relationship woes...again. So you put down the novel you’ve been waiting to read all day so that you can be there for her, on the other end of the phone.Your boss needs you to be available Saturday to onboard a new client, so you reluctantly bow out of the picnic your new neighbors invited you to join that afternoon.You know there’s nothing you love better than a good night’s sleep, a great book, and getting outside.But this week, you’re not getting any of it.It’s true that we can’t control what happens outside of ourselves.But we can control what happens within ourselves.And conversations about boundaries start within ourselves.Today, Karlee welcomes Dana Lemay, the Head of School for the Boundary Academy. Dana is a real-life boundary pro who courageously left her “looks good on paper” career to find a life that represented more of what really mattered to her. In 2019, she founded the One-Minute Minimalist to help other women declutter the unnecessary and embark upon a more values-driven life experience.In this episode, you’ll learn how to discern whether a decision you’re making is being guided by your head or your heart. You’ll understand why that knowledge holds an important clue in pointing to where boundaries need to be drawn. And most importantly, you’ll learn how to set the emotional boundaries that need setting within your work, your family circles, and your friends.Boundaries matter because it’s within that space where we’re able to nourish ourselves.If you’re ready to learn how how to engage more of your internal resources so that you don't get stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, worry, or always saying “yes”, then this episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:What it feels like to lead with your heart (14:02)The physical sensation of a boundary being crossed (15:36)Our human discomfort of not being in control (19:42)Why rest takes courage (25:10)How to be a one-minute minimalist (30:46)One simple way to declutter your schedule right now (39:19)People Mentioned in this Episode:Nancy LevinConnect with Dana Lemay:dana-lemay.comResources Mentioned in this Episode:RSVP FOR THE FREE BOUNDARY PANEL: September 20th, 7pm ESTEpisode 15: Building the Habit of Courage: How to stop enduring what drains you with Dana LemayEpisode 32: Curing the Knee Jerk “Yes”: Doable Boundaries That Will Set You Free with Nancy LevinSend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
9/6/2021

Wanna Break Free? How workplace boundaries protect us from the need to please

Ep. 96
You’ve been working with seamless efficiency all day to make sure you’re out the office door no later than 5:15 today.You’re rockin’ it ‘cause you’ve got plans.A hot date. Your kid’s first piano recital. A full-body massage you’ve been looking forward to for weeks.But, just as you’re packing up to leave, your boss walks through the door with an urgent request. It’ll mean canceling your plans.It’s not like you’re surprised...she does it all the time.So, what do you do?You love your job but you’re really tired of making plans only to have your excitement pummeled at the last minute.“Help!!!!!” you think to yourself in desperation.Then, out of nowhere, your hero Boundary Babe swoops in to save the day! Time stops as your boss stands waiting at the door for an answer.“You called?” she says, outfitted in her shimmery lycra with a “B” emblazoned on the lapel of her cape.“I didn’t realize it, but yea...I need to set a boundary here!” you say, exasperated and relieved.Ahhhh, if only it were as simple as calling on a superhero...But, you wanna know a secret?Setting boundaries doesn’t require superpowers. And they’re easier than you might think.In this week’s episode, Karlee introduces a month of boundary breakthroughs that’ll help you rescue yourself from the need to be all things to all people- especially in the workplace. She’ll help you identify where boundaries might be missing in your work relationships, and give you a simple set of questions to ask yourself so that you can aptly identify the kind of boundary that’s being called for.Boundaries are the bridge between you and what it is that you value. If there’s something keeping those things apart, then it’s time to talk about bridging the gap.If you’re ready to shed the resentment, conquer the fatigue, do away with underappreciation, and stop over-committing yourself, then this boundary-setting episode is for you.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:Are you an emotional octopus? (1:18)Two questions to ask yourself to frame your boundary before you create it (12:41)Signs of a psychologically safe workplace (15:38)What boundaries don’t do (20:39)A real-world example of setting a workplace boundary (21:02)People Mentioned in this Episode:Dana LeMaySarri GilmanResources Mentioned in this Episode:RSVP FOR THE BOUNDARY PANEL: September 20th, 7pm ESTEpisode 67: Boundaries Go Both Ways: How to Unearth Your Boundary Questions and Be an Ally to the WorldEpisode 66: Boundary Bravery: How Women are Giving Themselves Permission to Set Boundaries with Amy ZiegertEpisode 65: Feel Like Your Life Isn’t Your Own? How Women Are Building Bridges and Setting Boundaries Like a BossEpisode 32: Curing the Knee Jerk “Yes”: Doable Boundaries That Will Set You Free with Nancy LevinEpisode 30: Reclaiming Your Time: The 3 “B-words” That Give Women Back Their Time and EnergySend your Audio Comments and Questions to anitza@everybodythrive.comConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.
8/30/2021

Still Never Enough? How Driven Women Cultivate Lasting Fulfillment

Ep. 95
You’ve read self-help book after self-help book, but you’re still not feeling like you’re truly enough. Those hollow investments look great on the bookshelves, but you’re seeking more meaningful change. You’re ripe for reinvention, but where do you even start?Well, maybe the problem isn’t actually you. Maybe it’s the messaging...If you are a human woman on planet earth, chances are you’ve been surrounded by messages telling you that you aren’t enough. It’s a smog that you unconsciously inhale each day; it influences your mind, body, and interactions with the world around you.In this throwback episode, Karlee and Anitza revisit a simple 3-part process that’ll help you discover what “good enough” looks like in your world. You’ll get clear on what you really value and unlock the energy you’ve been missing to get to all the things that are most important to you. This isn’t a one-time fix-all solution, but a framework that will guide you to realign your actions with your values and combat smog-messaging along the way.If you’re ready to get clear on your values, start enjoying the present moment, and recognize that you’re already enough, then this episode is for you.In This Episode, You Will Learn:When you have it all but it still doesn’t fell like enough (6:45)Smog messaging: why women constantly feel like they’re never enough (15:37)How your body communicates vital information about what’s true, what’s enough, and what works for you (19:42)3 Steps to Lasting Fulfillment (27:45)The secret sauce that allows women to thrive in their careers, life, and health (39:25)How you know it’s time to start getting clear on your values (43:29)Resources Mentioned In This Episode:Episode 91: Walking Our Talk: Cultivating A Productive Downtime HabitEpisode 28: Never Enough? How Driven Women Cultivate Lasting FulfillmentBook: The Grocery Store Adventure Guide by Karlee FainGet the FREE 3 Pillars of Lasting Feminine Fulfillment” Master Sheet HEREPeople Mentioned in This Episode:Kate NorthrupTerry Tempest WilliamsGlennon DoyleConnect With Karlee:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramMessy and Magnificent is produced by the folks at Ginni Media.