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Mamaste with Tanika Ray
21. Dr. Shefali, Radically & Consciously REAL AF
“...Culture doesn't train parents to take accountability. Parents are given the full permission and leeway to be traditional, hierarchical, tyrannical, and abusive to their kids. In ways like this, we begin to see how our desire to control our children is disguised as care and love, but it's really control.” -Dr. Shefali Tsabary
The easiest way to parent—and the way many of us were raised ourselves—is to robotically, unconsciously repeat the way we were parented. And here’s the thing: changing that pattern is hard work! Not only does it take a massive level of consciousness, it also requires you to take ownership for your mistakes and to possess the wherewithal to know how to correct them.
Today, I’m talking to Dr. Shefali Tsabary, an acclaimed author, international speaker, New York Times best seller, and fellow mama. Her blend of clinical psychology and eastern mindfulness has set her apart as a leader in the field of mindfulness psychology. She also speaks at events around the globe, spreading her message of conscious parenting and mindful living.
Tune in and listen to episode twenty one of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Dr. Shefali and I are talking about conscious parenthood and how important it is to evaluate the way we were parented instead of simply repeating the same patterns. We also discuss the separation we create when we label ourselves, how Dr. Shefali parents her daughter in order to instill these values, and how proud she was when, at the age of 12, her daughter told Dr. Shefali and her husband that they were “irrelevant.”
In This Episode, You Will Learn:
- The reason why Dr. Shefali started to lean out of private practice and into spreading her message worldwide (02:25)
- Dr. Shefali’s first epiphany that made her begin questioning many of the beliefs she had been raised with (10:12)
- You have to be willing to look at the nothingness in order to receive the everythingness (14:48)
- The stage Dr. Shefali and her daughter have reached in their relationship now (29:43)
- Dr. Shefali’s tips for parents of only-children—in and out of the pandemic (36:10)
- Dr. Shefali’s must-haves for motherhood (39:34)
- About the village of support that Dr. Shefali keeps around her (48:37)
Connect with Dr. Shefali:
- Website
- A Radical Awakening by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
- The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
Let’s Connect!
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77. Tab & Tanika Time with Tabitha Brown
38:38|Mamas, sometimes we lose track of what it’s like to be children. We forget that we only get a little more than a decade to really be kids before the bills and the responsibilities start rolling in. It’s important to take a little time and remember to slow things down and appreciate the specialness of every day. Today, I’m getting real with my friend Tabitha Brown. Tabitha is a mama, an actress, an entrepreneur, and a wife—and if you’ve been in a Target lately, you’ve definitely walked past her beautiful designs displayed with a picture of her gorgeous face.Tune in and listen to episode 77 of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Tabitha and I are covering everything from the way veganism changed her life to how she keeps things positive and effervescent in the face of darkness.In This Episode, You Will Learn:How Tabitha got started on her career glow-up journey (03:46)Tabitha dealt with chronic pain until she had her come to Jesus moment (07:22)Tabitha doesn’t describe herself as an “influencer”—she’s a woman who has influence (16:21)How Tabitha parents her black son in the current state of the world (19:13)The difference between Southeast racism and West Coast racism (22:00)Tabitha still feels challenged even though she’s found her purpose (29:24)Connect with Tabitha:InstagramWebsiteLet’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter76. Mama’s Just Checking In
10:25|One of the reasons I created this platform is because mothering is hard. Being a daughter of a mother is hard and so vitally complicated… It might be the most complicated relationship on the planet. She’s the person from which you came from, she sacrifices everything to make sure that you can enter the world healthy, loved, and nurtured—And then around eight or nine, you're rolling your eyes at her and telling her she’s lame!Tune in and listen to episode seventy six of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Today, I’m all about connecting with my sassy, brilliant, beautiful, self loving, self empowered daughter.In This Episode, You Will Learn:Our kids give us honest, gut wrenching, savage truths—right to our faces! (01:22)As mothers, we need to remember to share our jewels with our whole mama network (05:09)Right now, I'm in a strange, beautiful, nostalgic phase of looking at where I came from in order to figure out where I'm going (07:27)Let’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter75. I See You Sis! with Michelle Ryan Bathé
36:42|As mamas, we give everyone else everything we have before we give ourselves grace. We try to make our kids’ lives full with every possible thing they could love. We pack their schedule because we don’t want their time wasted on screens, but we also often forget to allow them their own sanctuary to figure out how to pass time by themselves. When all that backfires, it can be hard to let everyone breathe and give everyone—including ourselves— space.Today, I’m welcoming my dear friend from my red carpet days, Michelle Ryan Bathé. Michelle is an actress and an extraordinary mama of two boys.Tune in and listen to episode 75 of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Michelle and I are talking all about shifting and adapting, raising small kids during the pandemic, and some of the positives that came out of all that time at home.In This Episode, You Will Learn:What it was like for Michelle to film during the COVID-19 pandemic started (04:00)Why neither of us miss homeschooling our kids during the pandemic (08:37)Our kids often don’t have the skills to occupy themselves because we keep them so busy (15:51)How Michelle parents around screens and devices (22:39)What it’s like parenting children so that they’re aware of their privilege (28:25)Connect with Amerie:InstagramAlliance of MomsLet’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter74. When Mother’s Day Sucks
24:16|A lot of us are suffering from all different kinds of triggers on Mother's Day… it's a heavy, emotionally charged day at its core. It’s such a beautiful gesture in theory: “Today’s the day that everyone stops and honors the person that keeps all of our shit together.” But in practice, is that even possible?Tune in and listen to episode seventy four of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Today gets really real mamas. I had the perfect Mother’s Day planned for myself and let’s just say things went pretty much the opposite of the intentions I had set.In This Episode, You Will Learn:Growing up, I didn’t have the greatest example for Mother’s Day (02:27)Last weekend, my daughter learned about her limits—the hard way (04:35)I love my daughter to the moon and back, but mothering is not my favorite job (13:35)Sometimes you gotta keep your business to yourself, even when it comes to your kid (17:08)When you’re having a difficult Mother’s Day, sometimes the best thing you can do is release (19:48)Let’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter73. All the Things with Amerie
36:24|I’m wishing all you mamas out there a happy belated Mother's Day—And that includes everyone out there who’s in this dang game of raising people, taking care of humans, and staying sane and loving all at the same time. I hope that whatever you did on Mother's Day, it was exactly what you wanted and exactly what you needed… and that you were able to take a break from taking care of anybody that's been in you or that's come out of you! Today, I’m welcoming superstar Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter Amerie. Along with her breakout success as an R&B artist, Amerie is also a fiction author and one incredible mama to her little boy. Tune in and listen to episode 73 of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Amerie is telling me how she got started writing children’s books, the importance of being gentle when we educate our black and brown children, and why she’s come to believe that human beings are tribal at their core.In This Episode, You Will Learn:Amerie started out in the music industry after a very typical military brat childhood (09:40)Amerie is using her books as a way to impart knowledge on her son (13:25)Why it was so important to Amerie to accurately represent her and her sons multiracial background in her book (16:09)How Amerie relates to and owns both her Korean and her Black identities (21:04)About Amerie’s belief in free speech and freedom of information (26:34)Connect with Amerie:InstagramWebsiteYou Will Do Great ThingsLet’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter72. Do It Anyway with Kaywanda Lamb
40:40|Mama, May is Mental Health Awareness Month and we are all up in it! I love this month because it’s all about awareness—no one’s asking us to fix it or even take action. But if you are a person that hasn't sought help for any issues, any trauma, any ill that you may have, then this isn't judgment. This month is all about taking another look at where your trauma lies and how you can possibly make it disappear by doing the work of wellness and healing.Today, I’m talking to Kaywanda Lamb, an author, a speaker, a blogger, and an incredible single mama. Kaywanda started her professional journey when her boys were babes and has spent the last 16 years showing other women that they can parent, thrive, and win.Tune in and listen to episode 72 of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Kaywanda is telling me about why dating shouldn’t be transactional, learning to be a single mom, and what we’re missing out on by not learning a second language.In This Episode, You Will Learn:Trauma doesn’t always have to begin with a capital T—sometimes it’s the quiet stuff (05:11)A little about Kaywanda and her love affair with the Spanish language (14:34)You can be proud to be American and still scared about the direction the country is headed in (26:07)How Kaywanda tackled the George Floyd conversation with her sons (29:58)You can do it on your own and kill it—you shouldn’t have to settle for someone who’s not committed to you (36:50)Connect with Kaywanda:InstagramKaywandaLamb.comLet’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter71. Netflix + Black Ill with Megalyn Echikunwoke
25:16|Mamas, I know I don’t have to tell you: if you're a black woman in America, you know your needs are ignored. That’s why we typically don't trust the medical industry; there's this idea that we're superhuman, that our pain means nothing. Especially for those of us who have experienced pregnancy, we’ve had to make sure that we have a plan in place, that we have friends in the space where we're giving birth, and have people there to truly advocate for us. Here on Mamaste, we're never going to adhere to some fake timeline—Juneteenth is all year round, every month is Black History Month and we’re always in tune to Black Maternal Health. Today, I’m welcoming an actress, an artist, and my new friend, Megalyn Echikunwoke. Megalyn is a deeply introspective and powerful artist who recently wrote and directed Weathering, a short film that explores the intense and often traumatic experience of Black motherhood, loss, and grief.Tune in and listen to episode 71 of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Megalyn is telling me about her very famous friend that helped her with her artistic process and why the topic of Black maternal health resonates so strongly with her.In This Episode, You Will Learn:A bit about Megalyn and the process that brought her film to fruition (07:11)How taking a leap of faith opened up the door for her (13:20)The racism in the US healthcare system serves as a microcosm of racism in this country as a whole (16:19)About Megalyn’s writing process and the place she had to go to create her narrative(19:23)Megalyn wrote Weathering for Black women (20:58)Connect with Megalyn:InstagramWeathering on NetflixLet’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter70. Happy Girl, Happy World
56:58|Y’all, we are living through a wild, wild time. There are some times I want to go to the beach just to scream out into the atmosphere! The truth is, the only thing we have the ability to do is to take care of ourselves and the only thing we can control are our own actions.Tune in and listen to episode seventy of Mamaste with Tanika Ray. Today, you’ll hear me flying solo and exploring the idea of trauma. I’m breaking down a lesson from Cory Muscara, an author and former Buddhist monk, on what he learned during his search for enlightenment.In This Episode, You Will Learn:I’ve never felt the need to apologize for who I am (10:43)There is no understanding or unity or any empathy that can be gained by not being comfortable with the uncomfortable (16:16)There are people who are so afraid of discomfort that they’re stuck in prisons of comfort that they’ve create for themselves (21:51)Real confidence looks like humility, you no longer need to advertise your value because it comes from a place that doesn't require the validation of others (32:52)Demeaning ourselves will get us nowhere, the whole world is already trying to tell us we’re unworthy (36:52)Let’s Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramYouTubeTwitter69. Black Maternal Health, Wealth & Wellness
39:12|As Black women, and especially mothers, one of the things we have to come to terms with is how, historically, we’ve often been treated as vessels—completely lacking our own agency. Whether it was our enslaved ancestors made to give birth with no compassion or downtime or the current discrepancies that exist in Black maternal health, there’s no shortage of examples of mistreatment in Black motherhood. Amazingly, though, there are a number of women who are using their time and resources to change that dynamic for others and for our future generations.Today in honor of Black Maternal Health Week, you’ll hear one of my favorite episodes of Mamaste to date. I brought together five amazing mothers who are pushing the culture forward and taking agency over our own health when it comes to pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum experience.Join me as I welcome Ericka Dorsey and Tamesha Valverde, co-founders of Flourishing Families, Karesha Boyd, Flourishing Families doula/advocate, Alia McCants, Founder of Spelmoms Facebook group, and Vanessa Simmons, Founder & CEO of Normalize Breastfeeding. We’re talking about their experiences with motherhood, what their time breastfeeding meant to them, and the incredible importance of giving ourselves grace and space as mothers.In This Episode, You Will Learn:A little about everyone and their passions and superpowers (08:18)Tamesha’s incredible experience helping out a friend with twins (15:00)How Ericka became an advocate for breastfeeding (18:16)The group’s thoughts on formula feeding and its usefulness (22:44)The issues surrounding selling breast milk for profit, especially in the Black community (24:50)The group’s advice to soon-to-be mamas and how they can advocate for themselves (31:17)How the dismissal of Black women’s choice is ingrained in our DNA, but we can reclaim that agency (35:44)Connect with My Guests:Flourishing FamiliesFlourishing Families on InstagramEricka Dorsey on LinkedInEricka Dorsey on InstagramTamesha Valverde on LinkedInTamesha Valverde on InstagramNew Beginnings Birth ConsultingAlia McCants on FacebookAlia McCants on InstagramKaresha Boyd on LinkedInKaresha Boyd on InstagramVanessa Simmons on Normalize BreastfeedingVanessa Simmons on InstagramLet’s Connect!Website