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Make Your Damn Bed
728 || game changers || life lessons || part V
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More lessons that took me forever to learn but really made a difference for my mental health:
22. Action is the remedy. The key to getting over cycles of worry and rumination and overthinking and fear is to focus on the next best step. Align with what you value most and start small. Consistency > perfection. Failure is part of the process and the best way to get over a fuck up is to focus our attention on something new.
23. Pain, uncertainty, effort are the three unavoidable aspects of reality we will all experience. Becoming adaptable and reflective is the best way to build up our resilience and ability to face things with a positive mind. Problems are inevitable, ideally we can upgrade our problems to better and more enjoyable problems to solve.
24. Shoot your shot. Closed mouths don’t get fed. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The most effective way to connect with someone is to learn to communicate, so don’t hesitate to speak up when you have shit to say.
25. Nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. Adults are just babies in grown up costumes. If someone is amazing at their career, they probably suck at relationships, if they have it all on the outside they are typically sad on the inside. Life is hard as hell - you’re not weird for not having a damned clue what the fuck is happening.
26. It’s never too late. Time is a construct. You can slow it down with intentionality or speed it up with mindless actions like doom scrolling. Be mindful with where your attention flows, take as many choices in alignment with your values as you can every single day, and don’t worry about feeling behind. Take time and speak to the 50 somethings who understand they’ve got the rest of their lives ahead of them (to pick up the projects they’ve left or attempt the thing they’ve never been brave enough to attempt) meanwhile there are countless 20 somethings panicked about not having enough time to stress over all the shit they hate doing. Relax. You’ve got time + you can start anytime you damned well please - including right the fuck now.
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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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sunk costs in relationships 2
07:49|(re-release) If you’re struggling to know whether or not you’re falling victim to the sunken cost fallacy in your current relationships, there are some reflective questions you can ask to check in and ensure you’re not settling. Do you feel like you need to stay in your relationships?Or do you feel like you want to stay in your relationships?Do you resent the amount of time or energy you’ve put in? Or do you focus more on the amount you’ve grown and changed together through that energy?If you find yourself focusing more on the things you’ve lost in your relationships (which are things you can never recover) rather than the things you have gained? (which is growth you can never lose) than you may be staying out of obligation rather than desire - which is a surefire way to build resentment and toxicity in your relationships, if you haven’t already. Realize that past investment is exactly that. Your time and your energy and your efforts cannot be recovered - no matter what happens next.Ask yourself, if you were starting over today, would you choose this person again? I do that regularly when I clean out my closet and decide what clothing gets to stay - as well as with my relationships and friendships to really ensure that I am continuously choosing people who are best for me and where I would like to go. Then imagine what the future will likely look like if things remain as they are right now, with your person. What do you feel about that? Would anything NEED to change on your end or on their end to make a happy union more likely?Think about a time when you have left a relationship in the past. Is that a relationship you wish you had back? Probably not. Making the decision to leave is often the hardest part. But cutting your losses now will be easier than cutting even higher and broader losses in the future. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.sunk costs in relationships
06:57|(rerelease) People seem to think because they have invested months or years of time into a person that they shouldn’t give up on the potential for them to change, when their current reality is miserable and undeniably better if they cut ties. I have heard countless friends justify staying too long bad relationships with “but we’ve been together for so long” or “I’ve put so many years into this,” or and “we’ve worked so hard at it,” or “We just have so much history” The key to not falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy is by being real with yourself about the reality of your current state and remember that ALL sunken costs cannot be recovered. Forget the past instead of dwelling on what used to be or how hard you worked, instead get real about the current costs and current benefits - and if the current costs aren’t outweighing the current benefits or looking like they’re going to realistically change in the foreseeable future, you gotta cut your losses. Remember as humans, we have a tendency to fear losses more than we expect gains - so we must keep that in mind when we find ourselves clinging to things that we’re far better off without. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1793 || being chosen isn't evidence of anything
10:13|Rejection feels brutal because society taught us our value is in being chosen. What if we deconstruct that premise, together?It's about relief, not romance. It's about validation, not love. "If no one is going to arrive and pick you, you make yourself impossible not to keep. You become useful." - Meredith THE SOURCE: https://aftertheclouds.substack.com/p/the-fantasy-of-being-chosen-and-howRead Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1792 || romanticize your own company
10:47|Do you know what you'd want to eat next if there was nobody else involved in the decision making process?What would you do if you didn't have to please or consider anyone else?Olivia is Growing's Post: https://www.tiktok.com/@oliviaisgrowing/photo/7639965256235633934Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1791 || self neglect didn't make me more lovable
10:41|Do you struggle to answer the question: "what do I want?"Do you tend to put other people's needs above your own?Do you think the only way to be loved is through being helpful?Constantly making choices that put other people's needs before your own that force us to abandon our own well-being can slowly erode our ability to understand what we want. It doesn't feel like self-abandonment. It feels like "keeping the peace" or "getting through it". So we dismiss ourselves and our basic needs, and that pattern becomes a habit. Self-neglect becomes the norm. We minimize ourselves out of fear of pushing people away. But this is dangerous. And counter-intuitive. We build better, more connected relationships when we allow ourselves to connect to ourselves, first. THE SOURCE: https://positivepsychology.com/self-abandonment/Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1790 || empathy without boundaries
09:57|a relationship is a space for both of us to breathe, when it no longer creates that space, we must be willing to detach from our expectations.Angela Han: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8ssTnrs/life in focus with suttida: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sGMw2k/Jay: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sG6RLT/empathy without boundaries is dangerous and a form of self abandonment. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1789 || relationships are spaces for us to breathe
09:49|a relationship is a space for both of us to breathe, when it no longer creates that space, we must be willing to detach from our expectations. Angela Han: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8ssTnrs/life in focus with suttida: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sGMw2k/Jay: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sG6RLT/Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1788: self abandonment in relationships
09:40|I tend to neglect myself in relationships so I can focus more on creating peace + wellbeing in others, over my own. A good, healthy relationship will provide space to become more yourself. I have never experienced this. I feel this tendency to erase myself and nurture others with that extra energy. “Love is not staying. Love is showing up. If you cannot stay and show up then what your offering is not intimacy, it’s absence with good intentions.” - Justin ScottThe Inspiration Videos: Justin Scott on relational self erasure: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8sG1g1g/Amber Akilla's Video on Detachment: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8ssKsMv/Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1787: my rules for surviving a breakup
10:20|don't die. - some days this is finding joy to keep me moving, other days it's simply not dying even though I can't move. don't let shame drive the car. - shame is a violent toddler throwing a very persuasive temper tantrum in the backseat. I have to stop giving that jerk the keys to the car. don't future trip. - if I lost someone I never dreamed of losing I also have to leave space to believe I can gain someone I never dreamed it was possible to gain. be gentle with the process. - compassion is key. I'm treating myself like a baby. Like a puppy. Lots of treats, walks, forced playtime, enrichment, and a snuggly little cozy bed to rest in. Read Julie's Medium Blog.Support JULIE (and the show!)Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.Info on War Tax Resistance.Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief FundThe opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.