Make Your Damn Bed

There is a feedback loop that seems to happen whenever I’m spending more time alone. I notice that my need for connection seems to dissipate as my anger towards humanity inflates. Psychologists have noted this through various research and confirmed that “lonely individuals tend to think more negatively of others and see them as less trustworthy.”

If the feeling of loneliness really worked as it should, it would prompt prosocial behaviors that fulfill our need for belonging. It’s like a craving. Our bodies are craving social connection, so we should then seek it out to rectify that craving. But unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Especially for me. 

Basically, when you feel lonely, you probably also feel more depressed, which means you’re not feeling like your most “you, you”. And because you feel a bit unpleasant, it can exacerbate these issues. 

Scientists have long studied the correlation between depression symptoms and loneliness, but there seems to be less focus on the cyclical nature of these implications. 

The study I’ve been referring to did its best to track the associations between these feelings of loneliness and prosocial behaviors. 

Apparently this means the results from this study came with two distinct findings: 

Loneliness often comes with:

An increase in motivation to support others, but a poorer interpretation or execration of that social contact.

That idea that we want + seek out connections but feel an absence of soothing and support still, is the part that tends to push us further in the cycle of loneliness and despair. 

I thought it was interesting though, that it wasn’t just relationships with others we tend to be more negative about, when we’re lonely. According to the study, we also tend to evaluate ourselves more negatively as well. This lower sense of self confidence means that the odds are stacked against us. 

We feel lonely, so we feel more insecure, AND we feel more hesitant to let others in, which causes a validation of those negative biases. 

THE RESOURCE: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-75712-3 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.