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Make Your Damn Bed
1183 || a pep talk for the hopeless
Tides change every day, and so can you. It’s never too late to change your scenery, to change your routine, to change your vibe, or change your perspective. You have some control, and even when you feel like you’ve lost it, I promise you, it’s within your grasp when you’re ready to pick up the reigns again.
I wrote a “healing handbook” a long time ago, and never finished it, but I wrote this as the opening:
WHEN IT COMES TO GETTING YOURSELF OUT OF A FUNK - START SMALL. BE PATIENT AND REMEMBER THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF. EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY AND THE LESS WE RESIST THE HARD FEELINGS THE SOONER WE CAN GET OUT ON TOP OF THEM AGAIN. SO BREATHE. TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS - THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE YOU ARE IN IT. I KNOW IT MAY NOT FEEL THAT WAY RIGHT NOW BUT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN YOUR CORNER, + WE ARE ROOTING FOR YOU. EVEN IF YOU CAN'T SEE US. WE'RE HERE. IT’S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER, THAT AS LONG AS YOU AREN'T HURTING YOURSELF OR OTHERS, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO GRIEVE HOWEVER YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE.
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU FOR FEELING THE WAY YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW. IT'S HUMAN. YOU'RE HUMAN.+ SOMETIMES BEING HUMAN REALLY FUCKIN' SUCKS. IT’S ALSO IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THIS ISN’T PERMANENT. THE TOXIC THOUGHTS THAT HAVE BEGUN TO CREEP IN WILL EBB IN TIME WITH A LITTLE REDIRECTION. THE HOPE YOU LOST WILL BEGIN. TO RETURN + LIFE WILL LIGHTEN BACK UP AGAIN. I KNOW IT DOESN'T FEEL THAT WAY NOW, BUT RESPITE IS COMING.
GO EASY ON YOURSELF IN THE MEANTIME. THIS REALLY SUCKS. THERE’S NO WAY AROUND IT. SUFFERING REALLY DOES FUCKING SUCK... BUT WITH TIME YOU'LL BEGIN TO HEAL. SLOWLY BUT SURELY, THE MAGIC WILL REAPPEAR AND YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR THE VERSION OF YOU WHO STUCK THIS HARD PART OUT. SO KEEP STICKING IT OUT. YOU DESERVE TO THRIVE. YOU DESERVE TO FLOURISH. AND JUST LIKE YOU HAVE OVERCOME ALL THE SHIT BEFORE, YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY OVERCOME THIS SHIT, TOO. IT MAY ANNOY YOU TO HEAR BUT THERE'S NO DENYING THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A RESILIENT + POWERFUL BADASS. YOU AREN'T BROKEN, YOU JUST NEED A LITTLE BREAK. IF IT SUCKS, ALLOW IT TO SUCK, PROCESS IT AS IT IS SO YOU CAN ACTUALLY MOVE THE FUCK ON WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT.
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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
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1222 || active in love + happiness
10:25|love is an active process that involves engagement, gratitude, and practice. RESOURCE: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-15454-002RESOURCE: https://www.apa.org/topics/marriage-relationships/brain-on-loveRESOURCE: https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brainDONATE:www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1221 || reasoning with the unreasonable
10:18|When we focus on curiosity, respect, and genuine understanding, we're more likely to bridge gaps with people we disagree with, but this takes practice. This means there is no room for contempt, defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling, but that's easier said than done. RESOURCES: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/https://www.gottman.com/blog/why-turning-against-your-partners-bids-is-so-harmful/DONATE:www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1220 || love is so scary
09:56|When we open ourselves up to love, we open ourselves up to pain and loss, but the loss of the love is what we will grieve, so we shouldn't resist that vulnerability. Embracing love's impermanence will deepen our experience with it. “love is not permanently gifted, it is loaned.” - James Sexton “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Rumi Avoiding Avoidance (Healthline Article) https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/pushing-people-away#how-to-stopJames Sexton on Diary of a CEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MGyiqVjdKIThich Nhat Hanh's Hugging Meditation: https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/05/04/thich-nhat-hanh-hugging-meditation/CS Lewis Quote: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/14816053-the-four-lovesDONATE:www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1219 || the social withdrawal cycle
10:19|There is a feedback loop that seems to happen whenever I’m spending more time alone. I notice that my need for connection seems to dissipate as my anger towards humanity inflates. Psychologists have noted this through various research and confirmed that “lonely individuals tend to think more negatively of others and see them as less trustworthy.”If the feeling of loneliness really worked as it should, it would prompt prosocial behaviors that fulfill our need for belonging. It’s like a craving. Our bodies are craving social connection, so we should then seek it out to rectify that craving. But unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Especially for me. Basically, when you feel lonely, you probably also feel more depressed, which means you’re not feeling like your most “you, you”. And because you feel a bit unpleasant, it can exacerbate these issues. Scientists have long studied the correlation between depression symptoms and loneliness, but there seems to be less focus on the cyclical nature of these implications. The study I’ve been referring to did its best to track the associations between these feelings of loneliness and prosocial behaviors. Apparently this means the results from this study came with two distinct findings: Loneliness often comes with:An increase in motivation to support others, but a poorer interpretation or execration of that social contact.That idea that we want + seek out connections but feel an absence of soothing and support still, is the part that tends to push us further in the cycle of loneliness and despair. I thought it was interesting though, that it wasn’t just relationships with others we tend to be more negative about, when we’re lonely. According to the study, we also tend to evaluate ourselves more negatively as well. This lower sense of self confidence means that the odds are stacked against us. We feel lonely, so we feel more insecure, AND we feel more hesitant to let others in, which causes a validation of those negative biases. THE RESOURCE: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-75712-3 DONATE:www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1218 || loneliness is bigger than we thought
09:42|Studies show intrinsic goals make us much happier than extrinsic ones, but society tells us to focus our time on the material stuff. Why do we think that is? RESOURCE: https://www.theatlantic.com/podcasts/archive/2021/10/howto-friendship-loneliness-arthurbrooks-vivekmurthy-happiness/620281/DONATE:www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1217 || i'm lonely (and it isn't really my fault)
10:46|I'm on my way out the door of my apartment and it's starting to hit me just how isolated I've become. A lot of it is self inflicted: ignoring phone calls and texts, neglecting plans, or foregoing the follow up. That said, I still can't take all the credit. A majority of my feelings of isolation are systemic: it's expensive outside, I'm exhausted all the time, and I don't feel that connected to my neighbors (who don't always see eye-to-eye with me). So, let's talk about it and see if we can start a more "upward cycle" towards connectedness rather than isolation. RESOURCES: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/08/hillary-clinton-essay-loneliness-epidemic/674921/DONATE:www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1216 || Nietzsche was onto something here
09:27|“Nobody can build the bridge for you to walk across the river of life, no one but you yourself alone. There are, to be sure, countless paths and bridges and demi-gods which would carry you across this river, but only at the cost of yourself; you would pawn yourself and lose. There is in the world only one way, on which nobody can go, except you: where does it lead? Do not ask, go along with it.” — NietzscheTHE RESOURCE: https://medium.com/personal-growth/5-controversial-truths-by-nietzsche-that-changed-my-life-e8eb712a52c8DONATE:www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1215 || a little rant (about stoics)
09:13|Here is a little rant about people who co-opt beautiful theories + ideas and twist them in order to justify behaviors that are actually counter to its core principles. It's infuriating, but it makes sense... Let's dig into why this happens and what we can learn from the teachings, to stop it. RESOURCES: WIKI:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism#:~:text=Stoicism%20teaches%20the%20development%20of,the%20universal%20reason%20(logos).LANUSSE ON THE PARADOX: https://rickylanusse.medium.com/the-stoic-paradox-can-we-achieve-happiness-without-enjoyment-2e5f3da5233fREDDIT WITH CRITIQUES: https://www.reddit.com/r/askphilosophy/comments/srj643/are_there_credible_criticisms_against_stoicism/GREAT ARTICLE ON THE CRITIQUES: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-three-minute-therapist/202301/a-critique-of-stoicismDONATE: www.pcrf.netGet Involved:Operation Olive Branch: Spreadsheets + LinksGET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.1214 || cosmetic procedures || bonus episode!!!
10:55|Today is a very special BONUS episode that gives you a sneak preview of what we're doing over at patreon. this is just 10 minutes of this month's 55 minute episode and it gets JUICY.If you want to listen to the entire episode, plus the backlog, (and all the dailies ad-free!!!) join our little community on patreon and subscribe from there!The Main Resource: How I defined Cosmetic Procedures: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5300934/ The "complications" resource:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4728899/ THE OTHERS:https://www.americanboardcosmeticsurgery.org/patient-resources/cosmetic-surgery-vs-plastic-surgery/ https://saberplasticsurgery.com/blog/risky-plastic-surgeries/ https://fashionista.com/2022/08/plastic-cosmetic-surgery-reversal-trends https://www.popsugar.com/beauty/cosmetic-surgery-reversals-49175684 https://www.clearstepsrecovery.com/addiction-recovery-blog/plastic-surgery-statistics-and-facts https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2022/07/10999857/reversible-plastic-surgery-procedures https://www.buzznet.com/2024/07/the-most-dangerous-beauty-trends-in-history/ GET AN OCCASIONAL PERSONAL EMAIL FROM ME: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.comTUNE IN ON INSTAGRAM FOR COOL CONTENT: www.instagram.com/mydbpodcastOR BE A REAL GEM + TUNE IN ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/MYDBpodcastOR WATCH ON YOUTUBE: www.youtube.com/juliemerica The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.