Lightworkers who play in the Dark
6 Submissives share their Positive and Negative BDSM Experiences with Dommes
The following is a recorded interview that I did with 6 sub coaches who staff my Evolutionary Dominatrix Academy. I call them sub coaches because they are submissives who work alongside me in the Academy to coach my students to teach them about the submissive mindset. Submissive psychology is a huge component of my unique FemDom training program, and the personal insight that my sub coaches bring to the education is invaluable. The sub coaches are experienced subs of 20-40 years. They have high levels of self esteem, and are extremely intelligent, self-aware, and giving. They are just as committed as I am, to the mission of preserving our beloved artform of BDSM, and educating the next generations of Lightworker Dommes. My sub coaches are also a core part of my very close-knit kink family. They are my personal slaves, subs and friends whom I love and treasure dearly.
This interview was recorded 2 years ago for the purposes of educating my students. It was never intended to be shared on a public podcast, but I have decided to share it with you because I have heard over and over from my students that this interview had a deep impact on them, and many were moved to tears listening to it. This feedback made me realize that sharing these intimate, personal stories from the point of view of these submissives could benefit many of my listeners.
In this interview with the sub coaches, I asked them to share some personal stories of negative, harmful, or traumatic experiences that they have had with Dommes, and then ones of positive, reparative, healing experiences. Hearing the traumatic stories is very enlightening because subs don’t typically share their painful experiences with anyone. Most of these painful memories had just been kept privately to themselves for years or decades. We have the power to affect another human being on a deep, long lasting level. We can consciously choose to affect someone in a positive healing way, or unconsciously and carelessly affect someone in a negative, hurtful way.
Hearing the sub coaches’ positive stories in this interview were a welcome follow up to the traumatic ones, and were equally impactful, in heartwarming, inspiring ways. These healing stories were just as important to hear, as they are wonderful examples of how Dominatrices who practice BDSM consciously are “Lightworkers who play in the Dark,” as in the title of this podcast. Healing experiences can override the negative ones. I can contend that BDSM, when practiced consciously and correctly, has a powerful healing effect. Many subs I know say that BDSM with their favorite Domme is the best therapy they’ve ever experienced. BDSM sessions heal when done with love.
This podcast is fully supported by my Patreon patrons - your patronage is much appreciated. As a member of my Patreon community, you will be able to connect with me in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, BDSM domination episodes, and access to my private Telegram group, where you can ask me questions every week, and do 1-on1 personal video chats with me. Become my patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd.
I'd like to send a very special thanks to my Patreon members – it means so much to me to know that what I’m doing is appreciated:
Duchess Amanda Lore Rein, Andres, Domina Flora, pussy doll, Richard T, Tonghe L, DJW, Evette R, Karo K, Keith F, Layla L, Tom, Tracey C, Andrea, Annette K, Betty, Bill B, Jake, Nodsutsamel, Persephone Rose, Sylvie, Tom W, Tsarina O, Priestess Francesca, Sum Ad.
And many thanks to the editor, Geoff Nigl.
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9. The Healing Power of BDSM: A Conversation with Podcaster, Relationship Coach and Exploring Submissive, Wolf Castillo02:09:08The following episode is one of the most important, deep and honest conversations I have ever had. It was originally recorded for Follow the Wolf Podcast, hosted by Wolf Castillo, who was kind enough to give me permission to republish it here. I was actually the interview guest, but I turned some questions onto the host, too, and he graciously and vulnerably shared. This talk was so informative and educational, that I would be amiss if I didn’t share it here with my listeners as well. In this episode, we talked about what BDSM really is, and how it can provide healing when done out of love and conscious intension. It is for anyone who is curious and wants learn more about and explore BDSM and kink, and it is for anyone who has been playing in this realm for some time but hasn’t felt quite satisfied with their experiences so far. And it is for anyone who knows and appreciates the beauty of kink.We talk about how BDSM has unfortunately been, so stigmatized, pathologized and stereotyped in the mainstream, that there has been an huge amount of judgement placed upon those who do it, that it has been difficult and/or shameful for those who have a secret desire to explore their sexuality in the realm of BDSM, kink and erotic domination. We talk about how Female domination, or FemDom, is not only healing for the submissive, but also for the Dominatrix, and how being kinky doesn’t have to originate from trauma or abuse, or being screwed up or broken in some way. I want to thank and acknowledge Wolf for his beautiful vulnerability and willingness to share so openly and honestly about his personal kinks and submissive journey during this podcast. This is the first time he had ever shared openly about such a deeply personal topic before, and I honor his courage. His example serves as a huge inspiration for those out there listening, who may also have submissive desires but has had no outlet or safe container in which to explore, for fear of being judged or not loved for who they are. BDSM is about love, trust, acceptance, openness, willingness to explore and play in the dark. Make sure you find BDSM practitioners or partners to play with who feel this way about it. You should feel better, lighter, happier and fulfilled after playing with a lightworker Domme. If you play with a Domme whom you don’t feel safe with, who don’t see you or value you as a human being, or who are taking advantage of you financially or otherwise, run away. That is not real domination, and that is NOT BDSM. If you play with a Domme who you feel is well intentioned, but you have feelings of guilt, shame, or self-judgement afterwards, you may be in the early stages of your exploration, and you are going through a normal process called the submissive’s journey. Be gentle with yourself and take your time as you learn how to accept and love this part of you. Work with a kink-aware or kink-knowledgeable therapist (like me) who can help navigate this journey with you. Find community. You don’t have to do it alone. And it’s SO WORTH IT. There is so much magic and beauty in this world. I wish you a happy and exciting kink journey.To work with Wolf Castillo:https://linktr.ee/FollowtheWolf ---This podcast is fully supported by my Patreon members. Your support means so much to me, and it feels so good to know that what I’m doing is appreciated by you. It is an honor to contribute to my beloved kink community. Sending my special thanks to:Andre, pussy doll, Richard T, Domina Flora, Delwyn W, Divine Diva, Evette R, feline goddess, L’Mae C, Mystic Dax, Tom, Tracey C, Vincent V, Bella, Persephone Rose, Betty, Bill Bumpus, Jake, Kinky Curator, Sara F, Tom W, uuee crump, Johnny SD and Mr. Grey.And many thanks to the editor, Geoff Nigl.
7. Interview with little dickie (my personally collared slave): Creating a Successful Close D/s Relationship While Gaining Personal Growth and Learning56:17In this episode, I have a conversation with my slave, little dickie. The D/s relationship that I have with dickie has been one of the most unpredictable and fulfilling ones I’ve ever experienced. It really taught me how little I knew about how deep and diverse D/s relationships can be. If it weren’t for kink, I probably would not have the good fortune of knowing and appreciating the many beautiful souls who have touched my life over the years. Kink and BDSM is a huge bonding element in most of my friendships. It is because kink cuts though all the superficial facades and straight to a soul connection. It gets real and deep, real fast. I believe that my respect for dickie’s feelings elevates how he sees me as a domme. He says it makes him much more submissive to me because he feels like I care about him, and he has more trust in me. The important thing to remember is that there is an important distinction between being a domme and being a bully. A bully doesn’t care about the other person’s feelings. My willingness to evaluate and talk about Dickie’s feelings doesn’t detract at all from our DS relationship. It makes it stronger because he feels much more comfortable and safe being submissive to me. Being submissive doesn’t mean they want to be invisible. All subs want to be seen and understood. And to be submissive requires an enormous amount of trust in the domme.The amount of personal growth and learning that I have gained through my relationships with all my personal slaves, has been exponential. The process of working things out with them has helped me keep my ego in check and taught me a lot about how to be a good person, and in turn, a good Domme. I am in the elevated position in the D/s relationship, but I am not a better person. When I have been in the wrong, and apologized for hurting my slaves’ feelings, humbling myself in this way and showing that I care makes my slaves respect me even more than before. Underneath our D/s relationships, the foundation of friendship is always there. Real friendship and caring for one another as people has to be there, otherwise the relationship is not sustainable. This goes for all relationships. But the difference in D/s is that the understanding and quality of deference and respect from slave to Mistress is always there, in and out of scene. That’s what sets it apart from vanilla relationships and makes it magical.It is my adamant belief that when a D/s relationship has a high level of respect, commitment and communication from both parties, success, closeness and happiness is guaranteed.--- This podcast is fully supported by my Patreon patrons - your patronage is much appreciated. As a member of my Patreon community, you will be able to connect with me in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, BDSM domination episodes, and access to my private Telegram group, where you can ask me questions every week, and do 1-on1 personal video chats with me. Become my patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd. I'd like to send a very special thanks to my Patreon members – this podcast is fully supported by your patronage, and it means so much to me to know that what I’m doing here is appreciated and of value to you:Duchess Amanda lore Rein, Andres, MaDomme, Domina Flora, sub pussy, Richard L. T., DJW, Evette R, Keith F, Mistress Olivia Holloway, Mistress Velvet, Tracey C, Andrea, Annette K, Betty, Bill B, Bill W, Chris M, Gianina M, Heavenly M, Jake, Karo K, Nodsutsamel, Sylvie, David W, Priestess Francesca, Mike L, Reelback96, Sum AAnd many thanks to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose. 🌹
6. Q&A: BDSM as it Relates to Neurodivergence, Mental Health, Psychology and Kinksexuality31:33The following are 4 really great questions from my Patreon members about BDSM as it relates to psychological and mental issues. I’m sure these same issues are on the minds of many kinksters out there, so hopefully, my responses can be of help to some of you who are listening, too. It was a pleasure to offer my responses to the following questions, asked by Kevin, Anna, Zishaan and Jake. The kink journey is an ongoing, lifelong, rewarding one. Exploring kink can bring a deeper understanding of yourself to yourself, as well as help you grow and evolve as a person. Of course, finding the right partners to explore with is of utmost importance, and it can make all the difference in the world in your experience of BDSM. Kevin:Hi Mistress Damiana, it’s your old friend Kevin. Here’s a question for your show: I recently I found out that I’ve been a lifelong sufferer of ADD. I see how that has clearly affected my relationships, including play BDSM relationships. I was just wondering if you’ve ever had any experience with folks with such a condition and how would you deal with that, or maybe other minor mental disabilities. Anna:Hi Mistress Damiana, this is Anna. I wanted to ask about the mental health aspect of BDSM. I am submissive but I have never actually done a session, so my mental health has never been to great, but over the last few years it has become worse. And I was wondering: do you think it’s possible to become mentally ill because of denying yourself to live out that side of yourself? And also do you think there’s a connection between being submissive and feeling the need to self harm, for example? I guess what I’m asking is: is it such an important part of us that we need to actively live it in order to be OK? Zishaan:As somebody who has a background in both clinical psychology and BDSM, how do you see the two of those intersecting, connecting relating to one another? Can BDSM be a tool of healing and growth and if so how? And also I know you have a background in Jungian psychology, so I wanted to ask you whether you have any resources or books that you would recommend people reading to learn more about the psychoanalytic side BDSM?Jake:Hello Mistress Chi, my name is Jacob and I have been infatuated with the world of FemDom since I was around 11 or 12 when I first discovered it. I have a memory of being around six years old and making a bet with my best friend, a girl I had known since I was 2, and if I lost the bet she had to sit on my face. Well, I intentionally lost the bet. I was always enticed by the idea of being forced to do something by some beautiful woman. I am currently 25 and though I am a very commanding and authoritative person, I am still infatuated with FemDom and have a sort of FemDom relationship with my wife. Is my love of FemDom simply indicative of my nature, or is that due to the nurture of having been exposed to FemDom for so long as a child?Sending a personal thank you to my Patreon members:Duchess Amanda LoreRein, Domina Flora, Richard Tackett, Andres, B, Calahn, Ebethdarlene, Lindsay P., David Z, Jacob M, Jon, Mistress Olivia Holloway, Mistress Velvet, Shamee R, Sharon T, Sum Ad, Tracey C, Bill Bumpus, Betty, Bill W, Jaye D, Karo K, Leah F, Mark R, Nodsutsamel, Patience E, Sylvie, Priestess Francesca, Mike L, and Reelback96. And many thanks to my editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose. 🌹➡️ Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at damianachiphd.com and on social media @damianachiphd
5. Interview with Four Subs on their Different Perspectives on Golden Showers and Golden Nectar Toilet Training57:51Golden showers, water sports, piss play, and golden nectar toilet training…these are all different names for basically the same thing – urine play, which is such a hot and sexy topic, and a super popular fetish! In this interview with 4 of my personal subs, we break down why this is so hot for each one of them personally, and how does it make them feel dominated. I chose the 4 of them specifically because they hold such different perspectives on this topic, and they explain what it’s like from their submissive point of view. They are all subs that I personally play with, so I also describe what it feels like for me, from my dominant point of view, as I play with each of them with GS or golden nectar training. The unique relationship dynamics I have with each one of them impacts my style of play with them, as well as the range of dominant feelings I experience as I play.It’s always interesting for me to interview my subs, which is something that I’ve been doing for over 25 years, and I learn something new all the time. I loved finding out new details about how each of my subs feel about gs play. It was revelatory to discover that Charles, my personally collared slave who I play with in a consensual non-consent way, feels like every one of the subs feels – he is turned on by the erotic fact that golden nectar is coming out of the most beautiful, private part of a woman, he feels worshipful while he is drinking it, and it is humiliating at the same time. I loved how Geo said that this discussion was educational for him and that being a part of it inspired and evolved his personal perspective of it. This is an example of how beautiful and ever evolving BDSM play can be. All subs whom I have a long-term relationships with have evolved their perspectives, kinks, fetishes and fantasies over the years. As I told Geo in the interview, there is always room to grow, expand and explore in kink and BDSM. This podcast is fully supported by my Patreon patrons - your patronage is much appreciated. As a member of my Patreon community, you will be able to connect with me in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, BDSM domination episodes, and access to my private Telegram group, where you can ask me questions every week, and do 1-on1 personal video chats with me. Become my patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd.I'd like to send a special thanks to a few new Patreon members:Special Access Patrons: Sylvie and Bill BumpusExclusive access patrons: Rae O and AndresThank you all so much, your patronage is so appreciated. I can’t wait to connect with you all behind the scenes.And many thanks to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose. 🌹
4. Teaser Clip of BDSM Psychodrama: Live, in-person session with slave grunty (slave training with sadistic and cruel domination style)09:45This is a short (clean version) teaser clip of a live, in-person BDSM session that I did with my slave, grunty. The full, explicit version is available for my Special Access, Exclusive Access, or VIP Patreon members by going to https://www.patreon.com/damianachiphd. You will get access to this and all other BDSM psychodrama episodes on this podcast, and to also connect with me in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, BDSM domination episodes like the one you just listened to, and access to my private Telegram group, where you can ask me questions every week, and do 1-on1 personal video chats with me. This session includes slave training, ownership, humiliation and degradation, Anal play, Nipple torture, Breath play, genital torture and golden nectar training. My domination style is strict, cruel, wicked, and sadistic with this slave. I don’t play with every sub this way. This is only one example of the full range of domination styles within my diverse repertoire. My play style varies according to the sub I am playing with because I play off each person’s particular submissive energy. My domination styles range from elegant and poised to instructional and compassionate to mischievous and playful to wicked and sadistic to strict and cruel. What you are about to hear is the beginning of the session, where slave grunty is kneeling before me at my throne, while I talk to him about what I am about to do to him in this session…If you would like to support this podcast, please become my patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member and personally connect with me in fun ways!Much gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹✨ Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D.✨Website | http://damianachiphd.comPodcast | https://podcast.damianachiphd.comAcademy | https://academy.theevolutionarydominatrix.comCommunity | https://www.consciouskinkcommunity.comCoaching | https://www.bdsmsexologist.comSupport | https://www.patreon.com/damianachiphdInstagram | https://www.instagram.com/damianachiphdTwitter | https://twitter.com/damianachiphdFacebook | https://www.facebook.com/damianachiphd
3. Interview with a Recovering Paypig (A Financial Domination Addict)01:03:19This interview with a recovering paypig (also called a finsub or a financial domination addict) is a really important one, and the first of its kind. We hope that everyone in the BDSM community will listen to this episode and have it be a real wake up call to what is happening to all these people who are being damaged by the people who are exploiting them for selfish gain. This interview will help to humanize paypigs, make FinDommes think about things differently, and change the way they see them for good—not as pigs and faceless objects only to be used for their wallets and thrown away. These are real people with real lives that are being negatively affected on all levels, many to devastating degrees.Here is a direct quote from someone in the kink community to give an idea of the degree of devastation and hardship that finsubs are going through:“I had several clients lose thousands of dollars from findom. At worst, my clients ended up owing money for their mortgage, to their lawyers, etc. There are two things I know for sure; 1) they will never get their money back and 2) they are emotionally, mentally and psychologically crushed. When my clients hit the dead end, I usually took over to figure out how to protect them from losing everything. That involved filing a police report, showing lawyers and negotiating with them (same for their mortgage), finding them a therapist for their mental health, etc."Listening to Matt (not his real name) talk so freely in this interview, and openly about his fight against his urges to engage in the destructive addictive behavior of impulsively giving large amounts of money to fin dommes, with whom, he describes as never once having an ethical experience, really makes our hearts go out to him, and the thousands of others who struggle with this addiction.Findommes may not even be aware of their wrongdoings because are not consciously thinking about how their actions might be negatively affecting that live human being on the other end of their DMs. They might be justifying their actions with “Well, they consented.” Consent doesn’t mean a thing when the play is not ethical. When a findomme irresponsibly takes money from a consenting finsub whose addiction is negatively affecting his financial, mental and psychological health, social life, and overall quality of life, it is wrong, and it is unethical. He is not actually a sub, but a victim of abuse.Mistress Damiana made reference to her article, FINDOM IS NOT FEMDOM, which can be found on her blog page: podcast.damianachiphd.com/blogSupporting finsubs is a big part of the reason why Mistress Damiana created Conscious Kink Community, a private social network, exclusive to personally-vetted members. There are strict community guidelines that prohibit the offering and requesting of financial domination, and negative judgement and abuse. There is a huge need for conscious kinksters to be in community with each other without having to deal with findommes, domme imposters, and con artists. Conscious kinksters are welcome to request to join at the link above. Special thanks goes out to Mistress Damiana’s newest Patreon patrons for supporting this podcast!Official Patrons: Mike L., Betty S., Priestess FrancescaSpecial access patrons: Duchess Amanda LoreReinBonus Content Patrons: The Dutchess and Tracey C.VIP Patron: Lisa D.If you would like to support this podcast, please become Mistress Damiana's patron by going to patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member. Your support is much appreciated 🙏Much gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹
2. Q&A: How to find a good Domme and stay in Her good graces44:32In this Q&A episode, Mistress Damiana Chi answers questions from her listeners, Mike, Stephen, and Jerome, who had 2 questions.Mike:“I was just wondering what advice you might have for someone who has trouble expressing their kink side for a number of years and doesn’t really think they are going down the right avenues and just wants to delve a bit deeper into the BDSM community but doesn’t really know where to start.”Stephen:“My question is about staying in good graces with your dominant. I’m a submissive and as a client and I often worry about doing the wrong thing. It’s so important to me that the dominant actually like me. I get nervous often so just any advice you could give on being a good submissive would be super interesting to me and much appreciated. Thank you!”Jerome:“Hello, this is Jerome from France. What would you say is the difference between kinksters, subs and slaves? Thanks a lot!”Jerome:“Hello I will be meeting a pro domme for the very first time shortly. What would be your recommendations to make this a success?”Mistress Damiana answers these thoughtful questions from male subs who really care about making sure they understand the best way to go about meeting dommes, making a good first impression, and staying in their good graces. Subs who have these concerns are actually exactly the type of thoughtful, sincere, respectful sub that every domme wants to play with. In this episode, Mistress Damiana spoke about a course for submissives called "Be Your Best Submissive Self". It is a 4-hour live, online Zoom course available to all subs of any gender worldwide. If you’re interested in getting on the mailing list to get notified for when this course is offered next, go to mistressdamianachi.com/be-your-best-submissive-self.Also in this episode, reference was made to www.ConsciousKinkCommunity.com - a private, personally-vetted members only community of kinksters who share a like-minded consciousness about being respectful and supportive of one another, in a safe container where we all can share and connect about anything kink related. If this resonates, you are welcome to click the link above to learn more and request to join.Special thanks goes out to Mistress Damiana’s newest Patreon patrons for supporting this podcast!Special access patrons: Cynthia C., Mark R.VIP Patrons: Mistress Persephone Rose, Domina Flora, Richard TackettConnect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at damianachiphd.com and on most social media platforms at @damianachiphd. Her lectures and interviews can be seen on YouTube.If you would like to support Mistress Damiana’s “Lightworkers who play in the Dark” Podcast, please become her patron by going to Patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member, where you can connect with her in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, psychodrama domination episodes, and access to her private HiHo group, where you can do 1-on1 personal video chats with Mistress Damiana. Your support is much appreciated 🙏And many thanks and gratitude to the editor, the lovely Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹
1. Mistress Damiana Chi's Domme Journey: An Autobiographical Solocast33:06In this first episode of "Lightworkers who play in the Dark" podcast, Mistress Damiana Chi delivers an autobiographical solocast, in which she shares a brief autobiographical background on her life and on her personal Domme journey, so her listeners can learn a bit about their host. She shares stories from her life, her philosophies, and perspectives in relation to BDSM, femdom and kink. Podcast description:Lightworkers are healers who transmute darkness into light. They are those who walk among us who make you feel better, just from being in their presence. Can a Dominatrix really be a Lightworker? Yes - if she is playing consciously, in service to the well-being of her submissives. If a Domme can see and accept her subs for all of who they are, if she can meet them in their darkness and celebrate it with them, she can transmute pain into ecstacy, shame into acceptance, fear into love. This is the role and mission of The Evolutionary Dominatrix™.BDSM is an artform, healing modality and energy exchange relationship that is widely misunderstood and misrepresented in the media as abusive, comical or sick. People judge or ridicule that which they do not understand. Representations of kink for the purpose of entertainment don't do justice to the beauty and totality of this unique connection, based on trust and mutual respect.This podcast provides a glimpse into the real world of BDSM, kink and erotic domination and the intricacies of the lives of people who live in it. These are usually intelligent people with a high level of self-awareness and psychological health. They are professionals, parents, artists, technicians...people you know and talk to on a daily basis. Here, they will have open and honest conversations about why BDSM is such a big part of their lives and how they benefit from this unique lifestyle.Bio:Mistress Damiana has been a professional and lifestyle dominatrix for over 2 decades in Los Angeles. She holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, a Masters degree in counseling psychology, and a Bachelors degree in behavioral sciences. She is also a certified sexologist, specializing in kink-centered life coaching, the founder of The Evolutionary Dominatrix™ Academy, and the creator of Conscious Kink Community.Connect with Mistress Damiana Chi, Ph.D. at damianachiphd.com and on most social media platforms at @damianachiphd. Her lectures and interviews can be seen on YouTube.If you would like to support Mistress Damiana’s “Lightworkers who play in the Dark” Podcast, please become her patron by going to Patreon.com/damianachiphd to join as a member, where you can connect with her in fun ways, like participating on the Q&A episodes, psychodrama domination episodes, and access to her private HiHo group, where you can do 1-on1 personal video chats with Mistress Damiana. Your support is much appreciated 🙏Special thanks and gratitude to the music editor, Geoff Nigl, and content editor, Mistress Persephone Rose 🌹