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Legs & Eggs
Have a nice poop
This weeks Legs & Eggs is WKNY FM 201.2! Tune in, turn off, and have yourself a good scratch.
It seems like only a few short years ago when Eric Clapton was birthed out of a series of transistor tubes and shot out on the radio waves, but that was 47 short years and one dead toddler ago. Time sure does fly when you’re eating seafood specials and having prostate cancer treatments. Why, I can remember being birthed out myself. My mother, bursting at her seams, thrusting me out into the loving arms of Dr. Phil who took one look at me and said “I didn’t know it was turtleneck season.”
But times change with the weather. Turtleneck Season turns to Crew Neck Season and Backstreet’s back all right. And if those crew necks aren’t working out for you then it’s time to go to the Dick Store and buy a bunch of dicks with Spaceman Dan. (Spaceman Dan, who also assisted my mother during my birth.) It’s a bowl of Christ for breakfast and the Witnesses don’t want you to know that.
Hello World. We here at Legs & Eggs know that it’s a cold, lonely existence out here as we all take that slow march towards dementia and death. But it’s gonna be okay because we are here to hold your hand through all the pain! We’ll get you feeling good-slash-better because we’re not doctors, we only play prostate cancer survivors on TV.
In fact, to show you just how not alone you are, you can ask us questions anonymously on NGL! Ask us there, and we’ll answer on twitter! Our favorite responses will go on instagram. A few might even become a substack. You can’t win if you don’t play! Just follow us @legsandeggspod on Instagram and Twitter, then ask away! We’ll answer. We may not give you the answer you want, but you’ll get the answer you deserve. Because you’re special. Not like that awful Netflix show Special where the dude freaks out about poop on his dick, but also not-not like that either.
You know what else we do on Twitter? Send out links to our online karaoke room. That’s right. You can come sing with us. Theres’s no set schedule but we do it a lot. We do it a whole lot when Klem is menstruating which happens either all the time or not at all because peri-menopause AMIRITE! So, lots of karaoke and we’ll show you how. Bring the big pads.
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44:48||Ep. 59Maniga Mia! An episode so good Elton John would eulogize it with the same song over and over and over again my friend aw you don’t believe we’re on the eve of deez nutz, son.So what we got? Everyone’s favorite virus! A whole lot of Johnny Damon cuz we saw him on the tee-vee and we’re like “WTF it’s John Damon now?” and he has big honkers. That’s why I marry him. You can dress him up real nice. You wants facts? We got facts. Potato facts. You can take that to the potato bank. It’s my second favorite kind of bank. We got a whole lot of bathtub stuff too. Bathtubs just keep coming up everywhere. In once bit I actually play the bathtub like a musical instrument. See if you can spot it! If you can, let us know!HOA Karen is back! WHAAA??? Yeah! Is she in a bathtub? Bitch, you know that shit’s about a pool! So let’s have a pocket pool party. You’re up, handsome. Chalk that cue.You can find all our information hereDon't forget to leave us a message 929-263-4165
58. Gennifer Flowers For Algernon
52:09||Ep. 58Holy shit it’s two episodes in, like, one week. You ever try fitting two things into one thing? It makes crumbs all over the place.This time we have FOX and JULIO from The Conspiracy Soldiers’ Podcast. We don’t even talk about conspiracies and only a little bit about soldiers. Also there’s no audible kissing. It’s all quiet and sneaky-like. Are they kissing? Who is kissing? We don’t know.All that and Heather is still on vacation. She does vacation things like drink wine and cry about Andy Kaufman. Klem poops a little too. You know how we do. Leave us a message 929-263-4165Learn everything you've ever wanted to know about us here
57. Yeast In My Tater Chowder
52:51||Ep. 57Grease the skids. Skid ‘em good. Slide the wheel. Feel the steel. Banana Steele. That’s my name. My dad is Remington and I’m about to shave you nasty.Welcome back to Legs & Eggs, everyone. I’m your host Fupa Jones and we’re back with more sound. And more Shidder Mob. Goin’ Mobb Deep with Shidder Mob. So deep, so deep, it put Deepak Chopra to sleep. RIP Deepak. Spent the extra $129 on his pawprint. It has the same number of fingers as Rahm Emmanuel.You know what else? Heather goes to work! She also goes to Foxwoods and talks about cigarettes and elevators. There’s some dick stuff too. Just in general. Not necessarily with Heather. Though I wouldn’t count that out. I just wouldn’t expect it is all. Bok Choi Facts? Yeah, we got that. I sing a lot. Klem sings a lot. You know there’s chowder. All kinds and lots of it. And something called Thanksgiving Fart that I don’t remember what that is but it sounds promising.And holy shit, we’ve got not one but TWO John Wayne’s featured in this episode. Can you guess which two?Keep it 1600 my friends,Your darling Fupa
56. Do Balls Touch?
38:06||Ep. 56Come and knock on our door. Come and sit on our couch. Come shine a black light on our couch and wonder what on earth can make a splatter that shape.Come get stripped down with us. We just chilling at home. We getting sensual under the covers. Klem drops a Top Ten in the tub. Heather smokes a cigarette and we haaaaaaaaaaangin’. We talkin’ bout practice. By “practice” I mean double penetration. That’s two penetrations going on at once. What is there to say about it? Does jet fuel melt steel peens? Let’s find the fuck the out. Let's get Intimate at the Melody Tent. Take a peek under our covers and let’s make some sounds under this tarp.*Why does Quentin Tarantino hate the metric system?*Because he likes everything expressed to him as feet.Love us more than Truck Month? You can find all our merch, social media, newsletter and more right here: https://linktr.ee/legsandeggspod
55. There are 75 Elevators
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54. The Year of The Shid
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53. Holes and Fudge are Easy
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52. this pumpkin has a butthole
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51. Adult Baby Diaper Lover Spa
44:03||Ep. 51You’re a prebiotic soda. Yes you are. And you’re about to be drank by Heather. Oh yeah. That’s where you’re gonna become biotic. She’s your mom. She’s our mom. She’s everyone’s mom.Legs & Eggs: The Podcast is back. Back like Sir Mix-A-Lot’s baby. Heather shits on Billboard’s Top 10 Rock Singers list while simultaneously believing that Jon Bon Jovi should be on it. She also reviews food, like — you guessed it — prebiotic soda. There’s more with Fox and Julio from Conspiracy Soldiers who inform us that Barron Trump may have travelled through time and also talk to us about crack! Klem Stump takes a dump!When Eric Adams hears the song “One Of Us” by Joan Osborne he thinks “Yeah. What if I was one of you?”Subscribe to our SubstackFollow us on Twitter