Share

cover art for 254: Accidents of birth: communicating despite differences

This Sustainable Life

254: Accidents of birth: communicating despite differences

Ep. 254
•

Following up episode 253, I address race, sex, sexual preference and other difference people use as excuses to stop listening or understanding over.

Here are my notes I worked from:


Podcast: Race, sex, sexual preference. I mentioned the race of the people who mugged me and my friends and who punched me in the jaw. Mayhave sounded unnecessary, which I suppose would raise questions as to why I mentioned.

Because people keep bringing race, sex, and such up with me.

Talking about race is a minefield outside a few platitudes in this country, especially for whites. They keep losing their jobs. Maybe talking about it will bring me down before I reach being well-known. Well, if it brings me down, it brings me down, but as it stands, people use preconceived notions to stop hearing me, as I'll describe in a second, so what do I have to lose?

Changing culture to change billions of people's environmental beliefs and behaviors means people collaborating across all divisions so we have to figure out how to overcome these preconceived notions.

  • Most recent and clear: person refused to participate in panel
  • Most common: telling me I don't understand single mother in food desert working three jobs. To some extent, I don't because I'm not one, but none of them are either and they act like they know more.
  • Also common: saying not flying is privileged
  • Also common: I have special access to food. Somehow this stops them from changing their food behavior, which tells me they aren't thinking
  • Commonly calling me privileged, not understanding. Condescending

Some listening have preconceived notions they'll never change. I was watching a documentary on Evergreen State College in 2017, where they said anyone born white is racist no matter what. I'm not going to try to engage people with such fixed views.

Once a student in leadership class, after I mentioned my top leadership role models -- Gandhi, Mandela, and MLK, the next usually being Ali and Barkley, eventually Thoreau, and among living I usually mention Oprah first -- said "All your examples are white men." Let me go through the list again.

Story of single moms from Bronx and Brooklyn who loved my stews and the respite they bring.

So I think people are out of touch with their experiences and with mine. No one has asked me what it's like to have someone threaten you with a wrench in your face or a large rock or to have your bike stolen multiple times. Or to live in a neighborhood where they give out welfare food freely because nearly everyone there is on welfare.

Look at any of my activities. Accessibility has been critical since service and leadership gained importance. Fitness: I've spent not one penny on all my burpees and bodyweight exercises. In over a decade I've spent about $100 on kettlebells, $500 on a rowing machine, and that's it. I spend 30 minutes a day on calisthenics and about another 30 minutes a day on other exercise. The average American watches 5 hours of TV a day, so I'm saving time and money.

Back to my mentioning race. A racist might conclude skin color determines behavior, but that's not why I mention it. I presume anyone in the same circumstances would behave roughly the same since we seem to share the same emotional and motivational system but different environments.

But I do note that in today's world and all of human history, people with different physical attributes like skin color, sex, whom they're attracted to, physical size, and so on have grouped themselves differently, producing different behaviors.

As best I can tell, people look at me and figure: blue eyes, fair skin, fit, straight: he doesn't understand suffering. He's never suffered for his skin color, sex, fitness, or sexual preference. It occurred to me recently that people might think the Ivy League degrees mean privilege, which I confirmed by asking some people.

So I mention the skin color of the people who mugged and assaulted me because I was suffering and I seemed to have been picked out for my skin color. I've spent years of my life as a racial minority and one without power, certainly as far as a child could tell. My point is not to win an oppression Olympics, but not to accept preconceived notions in any direction because of skin color.

I also mentioned my assailants' sex, though I doubt people would call me sexist for pointing out my assailants were male.

Even my blue eyes and blond hair, at least it was blond when I was young, didn't change that in my seven years of Jewish day school I was taught that I would have been sent to the same ovens that my grandparents' relatives were gassed in. And as someone who doesn't believe in any stone age myths -- as far as I can tell I was born this way -- that forcing religion on me against my will, plenty of people call that oppression.

I've seen zero people with my religious beliefs in the White House and maybe one or two in congress, none in the supreme court. Not many in business leadership.

My sexual preference, while healthy, has been illegal many times in history, including a capital offense at times. People have certainly treated me with derision for being born this way, including people in groups claiming to be the most inclusive and supportive. Living in Greenwich Village, a parade goes almost outside my doorstep that celebrates nearly every preference, but not mine.

I could go on, but my point is not to get into details. I expect the more I describe places I couldn't go, people I couldn't talk to, times I was targeted, times I was in a powerless minority, the more some of you will say he's so out of touch, he might as well say, "some of my best friends are" whatever you want to accuse me of.

My point is that as long as people keep asking to understand me better and where I'm coming from, if people are also going to reject my experience and message from preconceived notions then let's get past those notions. We've all suffered. We've all gotten lucky breaks. As far as I know, no one who suggested I didn't understand others' challenges hadn't had their life threatened at knifepoint as I did.

And the people they said I didn't understand, at least a couple examples so far, loved my results. Maybe I did understand them across race and sex lines.

I'm trying to increase that understanding, I hope by giving some depth about me beyond what you see in a picture. I do my best to assume depth in you. I hope you will with me too. You yourself probably wouldn't, but plenty of people have condescended to reject what I say for accidents of my birth that don't fit their notions anyway.

I'll tell you what we do all share: air, water, and land, which we're polluting and overusing by a population beyond what nature can support. Distrusting each other and misunderstanding basic natural processes will keep us from the most important strategies to maintain humanity: lowering our consumption and lowering our birth rate.

Plenty more, but those are the big problems that mindless distrust undermine.

I hope this message helps contribute to seeing each other as humans with rich and multifaceted selves but common emotional systems. It feels terrible to be misunderstood and prevents cooperation.

More episodes

View all episodes

  • 858. 858: Beth Bailey, the great-grandmother influencer leading the cleaning of Mérida, Mexico

    01:00:57||Ep. 858
    As a great-grandmother, Beth probably wouldn't describe herself as an influencer, but what else do you call it when videos of her go viral and prompt people to follow her?Longtime podcast listeners may remember episode 754: (Aunt) Trish Ellis and (Niece) Evelyn Wallace, part 1: Not Even Cancer Holds Her Back. We mentioned Beth, Evelyn’s mom and Trish’s sister. All three of them took the workshop. Beth and Evelyn also took my leadership and initiative courses that I offered to workshop alumni.Beth's initiative project was to pick up litter daily, but not just pick it up. She was inspired by an initiative she'd seen to restore pride in a community. For example, I pick up litter, but I just do it to clean where I walk. Her goal was bigger: to restore and inspire pride in where she lives, Mérida, Mexico. She planned things like a sign to invite favorable attention, what to wear, when to go out, how to talk to people.She's been picking up litter since. Then last month, at an alumni online lunch, she shared that someone secretly recorded her, posted the video, and by then the video had been seen over 1 million times. Plus, attention was leading to people joining her movement, opportunity to work with government, and more. I posted about it on my blog: Secret video of Beth picking up litter goes viral in Mexico.I invited her to share here. Listen for what happens when you persist.Beth's community page: Yo ❤ Mérida limpia. ¿Y tú?My post on her, linking to her videos and some media coverage: Secret video of Beth picking up litter goes viral in Mexico

  • 857. 857: Kim Stanley Robinson: Science fiction writing and leadership

    51:23||Ep. 857
    I met Stan in person at an event in Brooklyn. I had read Ministry for the Future a few years ago. He pointed out something I hadn't noticed since most people identify him as a science fiction writer. Ministry for the Future isn't exactly science fiction. He projects into the future, but he only includes plausible things---no flying cars or time travel.This practice invigorated my interest in his work. I also asked him how he handled water in New York 2140, since I knew it would have to be heavily polluted from sea level rise would flood landfills and cause their contents to disperse throughout the oceans. I enjoyed talking to him and invited him here.He has another identify besides as an author. He knows a lot about our environmental situation and attempts to address it. He's not an activist but more than an educator.I couldn't wait to engage with him on both identities. For him as an author, I found more to learn from him than I expected relevant to leadership, which I consider a performance art. As a writer, he has to create visions that readers accept and embrace. He has to express himself candidly but in a language the reader likes and feels engaged to continue. These points are relevant to leadership I asked him a bunch about the art and craft of writing from the perspective of someone wanting to improve his leadership.Naturally, we also talked about creativity regarding solutions.

  • 856. 856: David Jenkins, President of Conservatives for Responsible Stewardship

    01:03:05||Ep. 856
    Most environmentalists that I know of consider themselves progressive or liberal. They propose solutions that increase regulation and grow government, often in the style of the New Deal. Their role models are generally also progressive and liberal. They present conservatives as opponents, even enemies, sometimes evil. They consider them interested in themselves and profit, not caring who suffers for it.Over and over, they say about conservatives, "They don't care." Meanwhile, they pollute as much as anyone. They fund future extraction, companies that extract and pollute, their politicians, and lobbyists promoting more.I don't think they actually talk to conservatives. They project their preconceptions onto them and treat them as straw men.David Jenkins helps lead a conservative group that promotes stewardship. I suspect many environmentalists would consider the combination impossible, wondering if it's a front group.What do you expect? Could conservative values promote decreasing pollution, depletion, plunder, and misappropriating nature?Listen and find out.Conservatives for Responsible Stewardship's web page

  • 855. 855: Peter DeCarlo PhD: Shocking Cancer Alley research from the scientist who did it

    01:05:37||Ep. 855
    That this country has a region called Cancer Alley is beyond tragic. We know we're causing it, not just the companies operating the polluting refineries and other industrial plants. All of us who buy their products are funding them.I wondered if it was fair to call the region Cancer Alley. Is the evidence clear enough, even if not for a court to award damages?Peter DeCarlo is a researcher at Johns Hopkins who did original research and answered definitively: Yes. In our conversation, he described what motivated him to this research, the research, interacting with residents of Cancer Alley, how it affects him, physically and emotionally, and why he keeps going. It turns out his motivation started long before the research.The conversation returns at the end to some parts of his life at the beginning. I hope it motivates some to act out of the potential for life fulfillment.Peter's faculty page at Johns HopkinsThe video of Peter produced by podcast guest Maya Lilly: Justice for Saint James

  • 854. 854: John Perkins, part 2: New Book Preview: The Art of the Steal (and restoring American ideals)

    44:06||Ep. 854
    John returns to describe his upcoming book The Art of the Steal: Trump and the Economic Hit Man Presidency, described as his best book of the Economic Hit Man series. I'm honored that he came to this podcast first.Longtime listeners and readers know how much of an impression Confessions of an Economic Hit Man made on me. Regular blog readers know from my descriptions of my upcoming book how much imperialism factors into it. John's book couldn't have come at a better time.Listen to this whole conversation. He starts by describing the new book, then puts it in context of how what he wrote about decades ago is happening more than ever, and by the US government on its own citizens. I think you'll feel as I do that I'd rather it weren't happening but since it is, I'd rather know than not know.I say to listen to the whole episode, especially if you're listening around the date I publish (July 3, 2026) because none of what he says or writes is complaining. He shares how everything he says and writes is to restore American ideals like liberty, freedom, equality, democracy, and national security. He states it better than I can.John's home pageHis page on his new book The Art of the Steal: Trump and the Economic Hit Man PresidencyHis blog

  • 853. 853: Kate Williams: CEO, 1% for the Planet

    01:20:54||Ep. 853
    I'd seen the "1% for the Planet" logo many times and figured it was an organization that helped, but I didn't think of how. The businessman in me wondered, shouldn't companies just lower prices 1% and let people donate what they want? Does one percent make much difference?Kate was passing through New York so we got to meet in person. In this recording, she answers these questions and more. She describes the organization more comprehensively, but briefly, 1% for the Planet organizes other organizations, some to donate, others to receive, and vets them.What interested me most was their long-term goal, which is cultural change, which fits with mine.Kate didn't found the organization, but as CEO has scaled the network to 110 countries and 65 industries, driving close to $1 billion in certified giving. She also shares her personal background that motivates her, which also interested me, since from the start of the conversation, her leadership experience and style emerge. Anyone who knows me knows I consider effective leadership one of the most important needs in reducing pollution and depletion.Kate's home page1% for the Planet

  • 852. 852: Steven Pressfield, conversation 2: His new book, The Arcadian (and A Man at Arms)

    58:17||Ep. 852
    It turns out Steven's readers split into two camps with little overlap. I figure most listeners belong to the War of Art camp. If you haven't read the book and want to live a better life, I recommend it, in the top few percent of recommendations. It's powerful, engaging, memorable, and short.The other camp reads his fiction books. His latest is The Arcadian, which stands alone but connects with his last book A Man at Arms. I read both and now belong to both camps, proudly. One goal of this conversation is to entice listeners to join both Pressfield camps too.This podcast is about leadership applied to sustainability, not just personal leadership and art. Just because I like his books doesn't mean his fiction is relevant to this podcast. I found one part delivered a powerful gut punch that I found relevant to our lives.Blog readers will have seen my post about that part after reading The Arcadian Wounded Warriors, by Steven Pressfield, and Ourselves. That part describes what happens to people when we are induced to violate our values. Steven and I talked about that section. He described it as the core of the book.The situation warriors face and must deal with is more concentrated than we do, but their ways of handling it are similar to how we do, despite our violations being more diffuse. We would help ourselves handle our lives by facing that we are violating our values, even if, like the warriors, society rewards us for it. Only by facing it can we resolve it. In our case, we can change our culture to stop corrupting us.We can learn a lot from Steven. Not many people sell millions of books. Many followers is a top sign of leadership.Steven's home pageHis booksHis weekly blogMy recent blog post about The Arcadian, about the section of the book we talked about it: Wounded Warriors, by Steven Pressfield, and Ourselves

  • 851. 851: J. Eric Oliver: How to Know Yourself

    01:09:02||Ep. 851
    This podcast is about leadership first and foremost, applied to sustainability. Most of the time when people hear or read "sustainability," that concept overrides everything else. They forget or don't notice else, but here, in this podcast it comes second. If you haven't developed the social and emotional skills to lead based on intrinsic motivation, if you try to convince, cajole, coerce, or seek compliance, you'll probably influence people to resist and oppose you and what you're promoting.I see Eric's book, How to Know Your Self (note the two words: "your" and "self") is a book on self awareness based on an interactive course on self awareness. I've never heard an experience leader suggest that lower self awareness helps and I've heard plenty say it does.Since we all pollute and deplete, which hurts people, we know we're violating our values, which tends to evoke emotions we don't like. We hide them from ourselves. We lower our self awareness. We could use tools to increase our self awareness.Eric's book delivers. We talk about how the book came to be, his course, how it differs from regular classes, and what people get out of it. I hope you listen, read the book, use it to increase your self awareness, and use that increase to lead yourself and others more effectively.Eric's home pageEric's page for How to Know Your SelfEric's faculty page at the University of ChicagoEric's podcast: Knowing

  • 850. 850: AJ Harper, part 1: Write to change lives, including yours

    01:12:00||Ep. 850
    Two core elements of leadership are effective communication and creating community. AJ has done both. I can attest from taking her writing workshop and participating in her author community since. I wrote the first draft of Sustainability Simplified in her workshop.I also valued the book she co-wrote with her writing partner and podcast guest Mike Michalowicz. As you'll hear in our conversation, their podcast is one of the only ones I've listened to every episode of.I've wanted to bring her on the podcast for a long time since I learned so much from her and value participating in her community so much. If you're here to build community to change culture, I believe you can learn from AJ's journey and building her community. I see them based on honesty, integrity, doing the reps, self-awareness, and the things that many people talk about but not all do. If I'm not too direct and blunt to say so, environmentalists in particular not only lack these leadership properties, many of them shun them.AJ's homepageHer writing workshop that I took and recommend