In this episode we explore the sense we may have about not fitting in, not being like everyone else.&nbsp;We do, though, tend to judge ourselves on how we feel, and others on how they seem to be behaving, and those two things are not the same. We touch on people getting a diagnosis of a neurodivergence, and how that can help to explain why we don’t feel ‘normal’.&nbsp; No-one can be completely average, therefore we all ‘deviate’ from some perceived "ideal".&nbsp;And can we be OK with that?&nbsp;After all, the variations between us are natural and all part of being human. Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Why don't we feel "normal"?

This is another wide-ranging discussion, where this time we touch on some of the neuroscience behind why it feels to bad to lose; as well as exploring a range of situations that we might see as ‘losing’. We talk about playing games or sports (Jimmy Conners, the tennis ace once said that he hated losing more than he loved winning!) as well as the losing we experience if the team we support loses, or even if the political party we support doesn’t win in an election. We explore the sense of defining ourselves by our wins or loses, or those we support.&nbsp;And we discuss the possibility of unhooking ourselves from association, to experience success and loss as simply part of living, not something that says anything very important about us. Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Why don't we like losing?

In this wide-ranging conversation, we explored where our need for approval might come from and discovered that it has a different start-point for each of us.&nbsp;And that will most likely be true for those listening too. The point is that it leaves us unsure of our own opinions, and creates a desire to check out what others think. Sometimes that’s helpful of course, when seeking advice, someone else might have knowledge that would be useful for us when making a decision.&nbsp;The issue comes when we can’t make a decision for ourselves without being swayed by the views of those around us. We discuss how we might trust our gut more; rely on our own values, beliefs, and needs and trust that our choice is the right one.&nbsp;Sometimes there is not a single right answer, just what’s right, right now, for me. Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Why do I need approval?

In this episode we discuss whether there is really a fixed ‘me’, a single authentic self.&nbsp;We are all slightly different in different situations, so what does that mean?&nbsp; We explore the idea that all the versions of us are actually simply different parts of us coming to the fore, being most prominent or in charge; what Adrienne describes as which part of her is driving the bus! One of the few certainties in life is that there is constant change, and we talked about this meaning that, even though we grow, change, and develop throughout our lives, we can still simply be ourself in that moment. Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

Why don't I know who I really am?

In this episode we discuss why it is that sometimes we get stressed over things that feel quite small, and we talk about what else might be going on – how much capacity we have for one more irritation.&nbsp; We discuss strategies to reframe the situations over which we have no control and how we might grow our bucket of coping so that things do not overwhelm us.&nbsp;The practice is to see small moments of irritation (being stuck in a queue, noise over which we have no control, etc) as opportunities for practice!&nbsp;The ‘small wins’ can help us to build resilience and be able to access our coping techniques with the bigger things in our lives.&nbsp;&nbsp;

Why do we stress over small things?

In this episode, we touch on the evolutionary benefits of having our attention pulled away to new things, and how that does not always work to our advantage in the modern world!&nbsp;With so much noise and distraction in day to day life we need strategies to stay focused which benefit us and ultimately those we interact with. We have a wide-ranging conversation about our personal experiences, and those of our clients.&nbsp;We discuss strategies on how to stay focused, and how to manage the discomfort that a scattered mind and lack of focus creates.

Why do we find it hard to keep focused?

In this episode, we explore that assertiveness isn't necessarily a natural human state and we discuss this topic from our personal perspectives.&nbsp;In the past, Adrienne experienced expressing a contrary view with someone as conflict. &nbsp;She was unable to see a difference between asking clearly for her needs to be taken into account, and being aggressive.&nbsp; Lucy, on the other hand, has experienced others mistaking her enthusiasm for aggression.&nbsp;We had a really interesting conversation about these differing experiences, and about how remaining calm and mindful has helped us both express our opinions in a way that others can hear. You can find us at:email: info@adriennekirk.uk or website: adriennekirk.ukemail: lucy@presenceofmind.life or website: presenceofmind.life

Why do we confuse assertiveness with aggression?

In this episode we discuss our own responses to surprises and explore what’s behind our dislike of them.&nbsp;We wonder if there’s an aspect of control in our reactions, where we have a little more control, we are more open to surprises, and when we don’t have any control, we find surprises more difficult. We also explore how disappointing surprises can be if we had an idea in mind for how it was "supposed to be"! We muse on the impact of wishful thinking when we know something about the surprise, and the consequence of the adrenaline hit when we don’t!&nbsp;As ever, there is some evolutionary impact and we also discuss being open to viewing a surprise with ‘beginner’s mind’, and a sense of openness and curiosity.&nbsp;Thus changing our relationship with it.

Why don't we like surprises?

We have a guest with us to discuss this topic – Becky Loto.&nbsp;Affectionally known as “Bossy Becky”, Becky loves bringing out the brilliance in entrepreneurs and business leaders, by inspiring them to have the confidence to change &amp; creating a calm where before there was stress and overwhelm. Becky is a Certified Executive Business Consultant &amp; Strategist, ILM Level 5 Certified Business Coach &amp; Mentor, Property Investor, Networking Host, mum to a teenage daughter, wife to an Argentinian BBQ king and an Ocean Lover.&nbsp;Becky talks about Blue Therapy and Adrienne offers Green Therapy to her clients, Lucy and Becky share a love of water, and we all like a good walk – this was a lovely meeting of minds about the benefits of being in nature! Becky can be found here: http://linkedin.com/in/rebecca-loto-4a381883 https://www.instagram.com/beckylotostrategist https://www.facebook.com/becky.loto https://www.tidesbusiness.com/about2

Why do we need to connect with nature?

Attempting to make sense of life's messiness!

In each episode Adrienne Kirk, a Psychotherapist and Lucy Woods, a Mindfulness Specialist bring some lightness to often difficult subjects, helping to navigate through the messiness of life's challenges. With a real emphasis on how to move towards flourishing, It's Not That Deep, looks at what it really is to be human, and offers some tools and strategies that help to support our wellbeing.Find us at: www.adriennekirk.uk or www.presenceofmind.life

It's Not That Deep

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Lucy Woods

Adrienne Kirk