Is she weird or just Nordic?

In this episode, I’m pushed to the brink by my neighbours, who have apparently decided that 6 a.m. drilling is a human right. At what point does renovation noise become a hate crime? Asking for all of us. Honestly, jail.Then we move on to the most shocking thing to happen in Norway since… ever: the royal family drama currently unfolding in real time. I break down what’s going on, why the entire country is watching it like a reality TV show, and what it means for an institution that’s usually allergic to scandal. A crown princess has been allegedly mentioned in the Epstein files, and her son is currently on trial facing 38 charges, including sexual assault and drug-related offences — a case that has completely dominated the national conversation.I also explain the royal family dynamics for anyone who’s lost, and I send love where it’s deserved — a big shout-out to Märtha Louise and Durek Verrett.I wrap up by hoping you’re well, reminding you that I’m on tour (dates on my website), and promising to see you very soon.

In this episode, I talk about the absolutely unhinged weekend I just had — including the princess… ex-princess?of Norway turning up to one of my shows, followed shortly by four security guards having to physically remove a very drunk Australian man from the room. Which is comedy. It’s live comedy. Anything can happen. Royalty in the front row, chaos in the back.From there, I spiral gently into the fact that I kind of hate the world at the moment. Everything’s on fire, it’s tragic, vibes are bad. Then I pivot — as all great philosophers do — to my messy flat, which is really just a visual representation of my mental state. Messy flat, messy mind. You can quote me on that. Put it on a pillow.I talk about how, as humans, all we can really do is try. Every day. That’s it. That’s the bar. And some days even that feels like a stretch. Then I completely forget the moral of the tortoise and the hare — there is a lesson there, I’m sure — and I openly admit I should have Googled it.Towards the end, I get a little soppy. I pay tribute to Michelle Wolf, one of the absolute greats, and talk about my friends who are smashing it right now and inspiring the hell out of me. It’s heartfelt, but don’t worry — we keep it sharp, not Hallmark.Take care of yourselves. Come see me at one of my future shows. Love you lots.

On today’s episode, I start off where we’re all living right now: the low-grade terror of existing in a world that feels permanently on the brink. Comforting! From there, we take a hard left into something far more practical — my dog’s urinary tract infection, the indignity of trying to collect a urine sample from a very small dog, and the strange courage it takes to fully commit to that task despite the shame.I also talk about being a guest on a podcast I absolutely should never have been on — one about being single — and why I really struggle to connect with women who are invested in traditional gender roles and the status quo. Maybe that makes me a bitch. I prefer to think it makes me honest. And funny.We also get into body stuff: ageing, weight, self-consciousness, and the ongoing battle between being kind to yourself and telling yourself to get a grip. Your body is a vessel. It gets you from A to B. That’s it. Calm down.And finally, I’m on tour! I’ve just released my UK tour dates — you can find them all on my website www.pernillehaaland.comThanks for listening. Take care of yourselves. 💛

So… welcome. I am currently hiding from storms.Not metaphorically — literally. The weather in Norway feels personal right now.And honestly the global political weather isn’t great either. Isn’t it kind of cringe to still be doing colonisation in 2026? Like… read the room?!Anyway — this episode is about hiding, and also about letting things go.Because sometimes the momentum just isn’t there anymore. With people, with situations, with versions of yourself. And when something starts to feel heavy instead of alive, maybe that’s not a sign to push harder — maybe it’s a sign to let go.Which is ironic, because I am amazing at holding on to procrastination.I don’t want to write my show.I don’t want to do the washing up.Especially because my dishwasher is broken and I’m apparently living in the 1800s now.So instead I’ve been watching films — I saw Sentimental Value, which is incredible — and getting ready to go on tour, which is exciting and mildly terrifying.And I’ve been thinking about the people I love. Especially my older sister, who I adore and who keeps me grounded in the best way.So I guess this is just a reminder to surround yourself with people you love, let go of what no longer fits, and hide from storms when you need to.I really hope I see you soon on tour.Take care. 💛

So… welcome to 2026.We are one week in and somehow already in what feels like a geopolitical thriller.Like — this is not “New Year, New Me.”This is “New Year, New Cold War.”I’ll get to that. But first: Christmas was actually lovely. I had a great holiday, I hope you did too — although the contrast between “quiet Nordic winter” and “the world actively on fire” is… jarring.On New Year’s Eve we literally had to save a 20-year-old girl who got too drunk, lost her phone, and ended up alone in the mountains in Norway. Which sounds like a Netflix true-crime series, but luckily it wasn’t. We found her, she was fine, and we did a good deed. So that felt nice.Meanwhile the rest of the world?Unwell.It genuinely feels like we’re on the brink of war over… Greenland.Which is wild, because the main export of Greenland is ice and vibes.I’m very grateful Denmark has Lego — because at this point our only defense strategy is to build a wall around Greenland out of tiny plastic bricks and hope everyone respects it.And if that fails, we’ll just ask Iceland to erupt a volcano.Because nothing says “sovereignty” like grounding all flights for six months.Good luck invading when the sky is just… ash.I mean, let’s see how far anyone gets when their luxury jet can’t even land because there’s literal magma in the air.Anyway.Other than the impending doom, this episode is actually quite cozy.I talk about the year ahead and what I want from it — and my main political wish is very simple:I want politics to be boring again.I want our leaders to be invisible.That’s how you know they’re doing a good job.If I recognize your face, something has gone wrong.I also talk about my love language, which I think is… logistics.I’m not romantic. I don’t do grand gestures. I’ll never write you a poem — but I will make sure your passport is valid and your dentist appointment is booked.That’s love. That’s Nordic romance.So maybe I’m not cold — maybe I’m just Nordic?Anyway, I hope you enjoy this episode.Please share it, rate it, write a review — all that algorithmic witchcraft really helps.I’m on tour, I hope I see you in a city where you live, and the full tour list is on my website: www.pernillehaaland.com

In this episode I ramble about the Christmas holidays — wherever you are and whatever you’re celebrating, I hope it’s been a decent one. I know this time of year can be rough for people with difficult families, so genuinely: I hope you’re doing alright.I’ve actually been lucky enough to have had a really nice one myself. I talk about my grandparents, and how if you give my nana even a drop of alcohol she’ll immediately start telling stories about the Nazi occupation — and honestly, I love it.I also talk about church, and how if you ever need to be reminded why you’re an atheist, just go to church. The second they mention the Virgin Mary I’m like, “Ah yes. Absolutely not buying this.”Then I drift into some pondering about next year, what’s coming, and where things are headed.So yeah — a wholesome little episode, very on-brand for the festive season.