Share

cover art for 'He seemed pretty smug and arrogant' - Inside the secret online dating groups where women review men

In The News

'He seemed pretty smug and arrogant' - Inside the secret online dating groups where women review men

In 2022 Paola Sanchez, wanting to check out men she met online, created a Facebook group called “Are We Dating the Same Guy”. Its sisterhood-fuelled goal was to create a private space where women could “empower each other and keep each other safe from dangerous and/or toxic men”.


It quickly grew. Most US cities now have their own Are We Dating the Same Guy group and it has spread outside the US with a reported 3.5 million members in more than 200 groups sharing red flags about men. The group for Dublin has nearly 50,000 members.


Lawsuits have followed with men claiming they have been defamed, and in the latest one, in LA, Stewart Lucas Murrey is suing more than 50 women saying they “conspired to harm [his] reputation”.


Brittany Shammas and Marisa Iati, from The Washington Post, reported on the impact of the group; on some of the men featured, and on what happens when the rules of the group are broken.


They tell In the News about the ongoing court cases and the value of such a site in a world where women report feeling frightened while engaging with online dating apps.


Presented by Bernice Harrison. Produced by Suzanne Brennan.

More episodes

View all episodes

  • The incredible story of Narendra Modi's rise to power in India

    34:41
    Nearly one billion Indian citizens are eligible to vote in a lengthy election that began on April 19th and runs until June.Prime Minister Narendra Modi looks set to retain power, in part thanks to the economic transformation that has lifted millions of Indians out of poverty on his watch. But Modi himself is an enigma. For her podcast series Looking for Modi Australian journalist Avani Dias set out to profile one of the most powerful people in the world.She tells In the News about the humble background that endeared Modi to voters. But his backstory has some holes in it, like his formative experiences with a far-right Hindu nationalist organisation, the secret marriage he walked away from, and his role in fomenting India’s deadly religious tensions.As South Asia bureau chief for Australia’s ABC News, Dias was based in New Delhi until her investigation into allegations Modi's government was behind the assassination of Indian dissidents in Canada resulted in the non-renewal of her visa.Modi’s suppression of his critics is having a chilling effect on the media and undermining the democratic process, she says.This episode tells the story of Modi's origins, his rise in politics and the questions over the direction of India under his leadership. Presented by Bernice Harrison. Produced by Declan Conlon.
  • Is the cost of living crisis over?

    24:29
    Grocery inflation over the past 12 weeks was running at just under 3 per cent. During the same period last year it was almost 13 per cent. So our shopping baskets are still getting more expensive – but at a slower rate. So that is some of sort of good news, isn’t it?Energy prices are down from their peak, interest rates are set to fall and new entrants are expected to drive down prices in the banking and insurance sectors.So why does everything still feel so expensive?Irish Times consumer affairs correspondent Conor Pope explains why the sums aren’t adding up for most people and how, though we didn’t realise it at the time, we were living in an era of cheap food that is simply never going to return.And he explains why shrinkflation hurts, what the French are doing about it and why own-brand products should be top of our shopping lists.Presented by Bernice Harrison. Produced by Aideen Finnegan.
  • The major row between Ireland and the UK over migration, explained

    19:52
    A major diplomatic spat has erupted between the Irish and British governments over migration.It began when Minister for Justice Helen McEntee stated that more than 80 per cent of recent international applicants came to Ireland from the UK across the border with Northern Ireland.Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has made political hay with this 80 per cent figure, saying it proves his Rwanda scheme is deterring migrants from remaining in the UK.The two governments are seemingly a major impasse over how to resolve the issue.It’s a story that involves political posturing in advance of elections on both sides of the Irish sea, but also also an issue of genuine importance to voters and to those seeking international protection.Political Editor Pat Leahy and London Correspondent Mark Paul look at the ramping up of tensions, where it leaves British-Irish relations and its impact on the political issue of immigration here.Presented by Aideen Finnegan. Produced by Declan Conlon.
  • Housing, immigration, Gaza: Which issues are Irish voters really paying attention to?

    25:27
    Snapshot, an Irish Times poll with Ipsos B&A, captures the issues that citizens are taking notice of.Every month, 1,000 people, over the age of 15 and from all around the country are asked an open-ended question on what they’ve noticed about the Government’s actions – and given space to add their own comments.The results, tracked since last July, are published every month in The Irish Times. In each poll, the list of top-of-mind subjects changes but two consistently top the list – housing and immigration.During the period of April’s poll, well-reported events included the arrival of a new Taoiseach, the ramping up of the attack on Gaza and the roll-out of the bottle recycling scheme. But what did people notice and how happy are they with the Government’s response.Jennifer Bray from the Irish Times political team explains what it all means.Presented by Bernice Harrison. Produced by Suzanne Brennan.
  • Should Ireland boycott Eurovision over Israel?

    24:08
    A group of 400 Irish artists have signed an online petition calling on singer Bambie Thug to boycott the Eurovision. The Macroom performer was chosen to represent Ireland in the upcoming competition in Sweden. But there have been persistent calls to refuse to take part as long as Israel is included in the line-up. The middle eastern country's participation has been described by protesters as 'art-washing.' It echoes similar campaigns across Europe for their respective entrants to drop out, following months of relentless bombardment of the Gaza strip. Bambie has expressed solidarity with the protesters and believes the European Broadcasting Union has made the wrong decision to allow Israel perform - but like their fellow competitors, the 'ouija pop' singer won't be boycotting the event in May. Irish Times reporter and Eurovision superfan, Laura Slattery, talks about Bambie’s predicament, about the competition’s long history of political controversy and what will happen in Malmo.Presented by Bernice Harrison. Produced by Aideen Finnegan.
  • Are the lessons of the Rwandan genocide being ignored 30 years on?

    24:15
    Three decades ago, on April 7th 1994, the genocide and State-sponsored extermination of Rwanda’s minority Tutsi minority began. The country was gripped by a wave of unprecedented violence that lasted 100 days and resulted in the deaths of 500,000 men, women and children.“Here you had neighbours killing neighbours, priests killing parishioners, doctors killing patients, teachers killing students,” recalls New Yorker staff writer Philip Gourevitch, interviewed on today’s In The News podcast.And while reports and images of these horrific atrocities filled newspapers around the world, the international community just stood by and watched.“Everybody had pulled out and left them, other African countries had betrayed them, no one had come to their defence,” says Gourevitch, whose harrowing account of the genocide We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families was published in 1998. “The lesson of the Rwandan story at that moment in time, in a global sense, was the people who depend on the world for their protection are unprotected.”Following the Rwandan genocide, and the Srebrenica massacre a year later, world leaders pledged never again to stand by and allow such atrocities to unfold. And yet, in the three decades since, millions of citizens have been murdered or starved in conflicts across Africa and the Middle East.Presented by Sorcha Pollak. Produced by John Casey.
  • The low-profile gang leader whose lavish lifestyle was laid bare by Cab

    24:52
    Convicted drug dealer, David Waldron, played a senior role in the Finglas-Cabra crime gang following the deaths of Martin 'Marlo' Hyland in 2006 and Eamon 'The Don' Dunne in 2010. But rather than attracting press attention in the way his associates had, Waldron flew under the radar to build his drugs empire out of the limelight. Last week, his lavish lifestyle was laid bare after he lost his four year High Court battle against the Criminal Assets Bureau. His 25 year run in the drugs trade extends beyond narcotics to feature luxury Celtic Tiger properties bought with the proceeds of crime, a sex shop-owning 'headshop czar' and a funeral business his wife, Charlene, claimed to found called 'Elegant Send-off.' Conor Lally explains who David Waldron is and how he managed to evade authorities for so long.Presented by Sorcha Pollak. Produced by Declan Conlon and Aideen Finnegan.
  • Are we in a new, dangerous climate era? Our weird weather suggests it is possible

    19:51
    2024 had the hottest March ever recorded. And it was the 10th month in a row to break its record.On one day in March, the Antarctic was 38.5 degrees warmer than the average. Climate change is a terrifying reality.Even if that heat measure proves to be an anomaly we’re still in big trouble – because of the level of emissions we pump into the atmosphere.As climatologist and director of NASA’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies Gavin Schmidt tells In the News, we’re in uncharted waters because climate models can’t explain the huge heat anomaly in 2023 – and now 2024 with the impact of El Nino to be factored in, sure outcomes look even more difficult to predict.We’re on course for catastrophic warming, one way or the other, unless radical changes are made.Presented by Bernice Harrison. Produced by Declan Conlon.
  • From Amy Winehouse to Queen: Why we love musical biopics

    24:45
    Last weekend, the Amy Winehouse biopic ‘Back to Black’ jumped straight to the top of the Irish and UK box office. The release of the movie’s trailer earlier this year prompted immediate backlash from fans who argued the biopic had come too soon after the British singer’s death and risked exploiting her story.However, in reality, most of the viewing public just can’t seem to get enough of musical biopics. Following the success of Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody and the Elton John film Rocketman, studios are confident of a return-on-investment on these pictures. And audiences even love the satirical movies that mock the genre.The problem is, they can be tricky to get right. You need great acting, singing or miming – and clever storytelling if you’re diverging from the truth.Today, on In the News, Irish Times film correspondent Donald Clarke discusses why audiences love musical biopics and what separates a show-stopper from a bum note?Presented by Sorcha Pollak. Produced by Aideen Finnegan, Suzanne Brennan and John Casey.