I'll TellYa Dis!

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, it’s Erik Marino’s BIRTHDAY!!! 🎂🎉🥳 And nothing says "Happy Birthday" more than the United Nations shutting down half of Manhattan and turning Christy Miller’s commute home into The Amazing Race: Fuck Your Diplomatic Traffic Jam Edition. 🌎🚧💀After walking FIVE FUCKING MILES just to get home, Christy did what any rational New Yorker would do during UN Week: cussed out a Secret Service agent, two cops and three innocent bystanders. 🇺🇸🫡 Welcome to NY! Now GTFOH!Meanwhile, Susan Sarandon and Hannah Einbinder got arrested protesting outside the UN, world leaders walked out on "a certain someone's" speech 👏🏻, and Midtown Manhattan became one giant geopolitical clusterfuck — proving once again that the United Nations may not be able to unite the nations, but they CAN unite New Yorkers in wanting everybody to GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR WAY. 🗽🖕🏼In other news, a DIFFERENT "certain someone" has launched his own YouTube channel because he doesn't like the Press reporting what he is ACTUALLY DOING... so now, WELCOME TO TRUMP TV! 📺🤦🏻‍♀️ It's so pathetic he's turned his Press Pool into a podcast studio 🧐🤨🤦🏻‍♀️... HE'S A YOUTUBER NOW.Welcome to NOT SEE TV 👀📺 — where the press and public can NOT SEE shit 🤦🏻‍♀️... the presidency has officially entered its “LIKE, SUBSCRIBE AND DESTROY THAT NOTIFICATION BELL” era. 🔔💀I swear we are doomed.Meanwhile, Sydney Sweeney is butt ass NAKED in Times Square selling sports betting 🎰🍒👀 and everybody is arguing about whether women should be offended... WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Girl, show your 🐱 in Times Square if you want — make that money. 💰👏🏻Erik's problem is with the SPORTS BETTING APP itself... because his grandfather was a bookie and APPS ARE TAKING JOBS AWAY FROM HARDWORKING AMERICAN BOOKIES. 🇺🇸🤌🏼FUCK BIG TECH!!! SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESS!! SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL BOOKIE. Keep that gambling money where it belongs: IN THE FAMILY. 🤌🏼💵🇮🇹Someone needs to get whacked... but how the fuck do you put a hit out on an app? 📱🤌🏼💀Former NFL player Matt Kalil tried to stop his ex-wife from publicly discussing the size of his 🍆 during their divorce — only for a JUDGE to basically rule, NOPE, THE DICK IS RELEVANT. ⚖️🍆🏈So now the entire country is involved in this man's penis because apparently WHAT HAPPENS IN THE HUDDLE DOES NOT STAY IN THE HUDDLE. 💀And finally, it’s FAT BEAR WEEK 🐻 — the one week a year when Alaska celebrates enormous bears while Palm Springs is like, “...one week?” 🏳️‍🌈👀😂Roseanne is STILL fighting with her TV son over a racist Ambien tweet from NINE YEARS AGO 🤦🏻‍♀️, and the FBI is warning ICE agents about fake “trad wives” online trying to lure them in and dox them... even government surveillance can't beat the CATFISH era. 🐱🎣🇺🇸At this point, we have no idea who's watching who, who's sleeping with who, or whose 🍆 is legally relevant.See you next Monday. 🫶🏻🎤🔥Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/rNgwBP08Hrw

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino celebrate Christy’s birthday 🎂🥳 by doing what every "well-adjusted" person does during their birthday week: talking about 9/11. 🇺🇸😬The 25th anniversary ceremony of 9/11 wouldn't be complete without a MAGA vs. MAGA SHOWDOWN - AKA "NEIN 11"- at the Memorial 🇺🇸🤦🏻‍♀️ — pardoned January 6th asshole Jake Lang showed up with a POLICE ESCORT, only to be greeted by another group of Nazis Sieg Heil-ing with a banner that read “JAKE LANG IS A JEW” 😳 while a Mount Vernon firefighter screamed at THEM to “go back to Palestine with that bullshit” and “get out of our country.”🗣️ MA!!!! THE NAZIS ARE INFIGHTING AGAIN!! 💀🇺🇸 ... These morons have no idea who they hate anymore. 🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, the RNC held its midterm convention in Dallas, where Republicans focused on the issues people are most desperately worried about... like Hasan Piker’s old thirst trap photo 🤳🏻🤦🏻‍♀️ — even going so far as blurring out his bikini briefs, because... you know... the party of family values and stuff. 🤦🏻‍♀️And in completely unrelated news, Grindr crashed. 🤳🏻🍆💀 Grindr hasn't seen that much traffic since... well... the last Republican Convention. 📱💀And while MAGA Senate candidate Ken Rogers is too busy jerking off to Hasan Piker photos at the RNC, his opponent Abdul El-Sayed is busy at the gym BENCHING 315. 🏋🏻‍♂️🥵Christy has officially endorsed his platform.And by “platform,” we mean his chest.Welcome, Abdul, to the LADY SPANK BANK™. 🏦🤤💰Then 77-year-old Rick Springfield enters the chat looking so ridiculously hot Christy concludes he MUST be drinking baby blood to stay young 🧛🏻‍♂️ — only for us to discover that JESSIE’S GIRL MAY HAVE A BODY COUNT. 😳 Apparently Rick once fired mortars in Vietnam that may have killed a man, proving there was a much easier way to get Jessie out of the picture.🎶 Why can’t I find a woman like that? 🎶Because YOU KILLED HER BOYFRIEND IN VIETNAM, RICK. 💀💣And finally, a Maryland woman wins $150,000 after playing the same lottery numbers for 20 YEARS 💰 — which means after buying three tickets every time for two decades, congratulations girl... YOU FINALLY BROKE EVEN. 😂Meanwhile, Broadway’s singing waiters are heading into their own WEST SIDE STORY TURF WAR 🎤🔪 as Ellen’s Stardust Diner and newcomer Diner 24 battle for singing-server supremacy... WHO WILL WIN?! WHO WILL GET THE CHOP?! 🎤🔪🍳. Lady Gaga is officially a mother(?) — giving the world BABY GAGA 👶🏻🪩 — and Jelly Roll discovers that playing both sides of the strudel gets you kicked out of the Big Blue Bash at Mar-a-Lago. 🤷🏻‍♀️Yep, just another completely normal week in America.Like Christy always says — Not my circus. Not my motherfucking clowns. 🤡🇺🇸See you Monday. 🫶🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ohKazALgpq4

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino dig through another garbage week in America — LITERALLY — after a San Francisco garbage truck accidentally picked up an ENTIRE HUMAN 🗑️😳… because apparently even Waste Management is like, “fuck it, throw the whole man away.” 🤷🏻‍♀️And speaking of trash, the NFL is back!!! 🏈🎉 Which means it’s time for LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL TEAMS UNIT 🚔 — Mark “Drunky Brewster” Sanchez conveniently forgot he “butt fumbled” a 69-year-old truck driver and got STABBED 🔪🥴, while Tony “Tipsy Russell” Romo got an ignition lock after an OWI. (How many acronyms do we need for drunk driving? 😵‍💫🚗) At this point, there’s enough criminal activity for the NFL to just change ITS acronym to DUI. 🥴🚗🤷🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, Christy kicks off the season exactly where she left off — longing for Robert Saleh and apparently willing to become his road-game side piece. 🏈🍆🫡But nobody does drunk sports quite like the late, great Shirley Miller 🍷⛳️, who used to replace the useless clubs in her golf bag with BOTTLES OF WINE… until she was eventually banned from the golf course for drunkenly driving her cart INTO A FUCKING LAKE. 🚗💦🗣️ THIS IS CHRISTY’S BLOODLINE, PEOPLE.Meanwhile, the Pentagon apparently wants the Hawk Tuah girl for its influencer army 🤦🏻‍♀️🇺🇸 — because when you think national security, you obviously think “spit on that thang” — Trump is selling wooden nickels 💰🗑️… oops! We mean Trump Dollars… and Dolly Parton finally gets the 9 to 5 recognition she deserves 💖, while the internet collectively reminds Ricky Schroder that disagreeing with Dolly Parton is basically a one-way ticket to HELL. 🔥On the opposite side of the pond, England says HOLD MY TEA 🇬🇧🫖 and gives children the opportunity to relive one of history’s greatest maritime disasters… THE TITANIC RIDE 😵‍💫🌊🛳️ — which TILTS OVER AND DUMPS THEM OFF THE SINKING SHIP. 🚢🛝💀 And somehow THAT sends Christy and Erik into a full-blown 1997 grievance spiral over Old Rose hoarding a priceless diamond for decades instead of helping her family… only to chuck the motherfucker back into the ocean. 💎🌊🗣️ FUCK THAT OLD LADY. JUSTICE FOR HER GRANDCHILDREN. 💎🌹In otter news (see what I did there?), a river otter in Lake Tahoe handed a woman 39 STITCHES 🦦👊🏻… which makes one wonder: “WTF did she do to catch those otter hands?” 🙌🦦So grab your Trump wooden nickels, hide your golf-cart keys from Shirley, keep your arms and legs inside the Titanic until it has completely sunk, and remember:DUN DUN. 🚔🏈It’s LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL TEAMS UNIT… and everybody’s fucking guilty.PERIODT! 💀💅🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ohKazALgpq4

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino are back at the Grisly Pear Comedy Club after a two-month hiatus from Midtown, just in time before Christy turns 56, putting a “pause” on the menopause and returning from Atlantic City smelling like a stale Pall Mall Gold after spending the weekend telling jokes in what can only be described as the ashtray of New Jersey. 🚬🎰🤮But the real heartbreak this week is the loss of American treasure Dolly Parton 💔😭 — leaving Christy emotionally devastated, Nashville down one saint, and the American wig industry facing its worst year… which leaves the burden on Cher’s wallet.WE MUST PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS. 🫡Meanwhile, Dolly’s passing brought out tributes from all across the country… including Ted Cruz, who retweeted “LEGEND” on a Dolly post from an account that instantly changed its name to “Ted Cruz’s Tiny Dick” — FINALLY something I agree with Ted on… LEGEND! 🇺🇸🍆😂In the FAFO portion of the news, ICE finally deported the right person… gay, right-wing troll Milo Yiannopoulos, who apparently overstayed his visa since 2019. 🛫👋🏻 I’m happy he got EXACTLY what he wanted… BYEEEE!!!!! I have one last thing to say to Milo…🗣️ YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE!!! 🛫👋🏻 IIn other news, the San Francisco 49ers have decided to kick off the NFL season with a new offensive formation called SEX, SCAMS & SIDE PIECES. 🏈🍆💰First, billionaire 49ers owner Jed York got busted in an Ohio trailer park allegedly looking for a $160 Hummer — because nothing says RECESSION INDICATOR like an NFL billionaire buying a Dollar Tree blowjob. 😭 To make matters worse for the NFL franchise, there’s the fake 49ers “wide receiver” scamming women online while filming himself in his sad 900-square-foot Sacramento apartment, surrounded by bags of fake shit while wearing a football helmet. 🏈🤡 I CAN’T!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, former 49ers defensive coordinator Robert Saleh abandoned ship to coach the Tennessee Titans… which means Christy has finally found her calling in life: moving to Nashville, living in Dolly Parton’s wig room and becoming Robert Saleh’s side piece.It’s what Dolly would’ve wanted. 🫡🇺🇸And finally, this week’s BAD IDEAS department was working OVERTIME 🤦🏻‍♀️ — a Roomba caught a cheating wife and somehow sent her husband to jail, Good Good Golf thought SHOVING A WOMAN TO THE GROUND would make a great commercial ⛳️😳, and Target decided ending DEI last year wasn’t enough to bury themselves… they doubled down and released a MINSTREL Halloween costume 😒🚩 You know, for the children. 🤦🏻‍♀️🎃In other weird news, a Virginia doctor woke up with a BAT trying to crawl into her mouth 🦇😮, there was a four-hour manhunt in Indiana for a lion that may or may not even exist 🦁, and 120 containers of cheese balls spilled across the 105 freeway in L.A. — it’s nice to see snacks are offered while sitting in traffic. 🧀🚗💨Meanwhile, the Brooklyn Navy Yard has a rave problem, Christy is headed to Tennessee in Dolly Parton’s wig to blow Robert Saleh, and honestly…IT’S WHAT DOLLY WOULD’VE WANTED. 🫡🇺🇸See you next week, fuckers. 🫶🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/vjHAeufslnQ

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino decide America has been depressing enough lately, so they attempt something completely above and beyond the scope of this podcast: TALKING ABOUT HAPPY SHIT.It does not go well. 💀🤣🎤Instead, Drunken Diamond David Lee Roth is still out there terrorizing audiences with his old-school Van Halen schtick… 🗣️ GO HOME, GRANDPA! YOU’RE SCARING THE CHILDREN! 👴🏻🍺🎤Belgium found their new Prince at the used car lot, a NJ Transit conductor had to go WAY ABOVE his pay grade and dig a lady’s wedding ring out of the train toilet… now his hand actually smells like New Jersey 💍💩, and who knew Confederate cannonballs wrapped in paper towels were TSA approved? 🤷🏻‍♀️💣 The more you know… 🌈🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, Trump has apparently acquired his very own Single White Female in Natalie “Human Printer” Harp 😳🖨️ — she’s basically his very own Roomba, following him everywhere… literally EVERYWHERE. 🚽⛳️✈️🚩🚩🚩 HOW BAD DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO CREEP OUT DONALD TRUMP?! 🤦🏻‍♀️And somewhere Melania is quietly going, “Good. Now maybe I don’t have to change his diaper anymore. Be Best.” 💀Jefferson Starship has become a retirement community karaoke band, Gene Simmons of KISS is now barely a HUG at State Fairs 🤘🏻👴🏻, Real Housewives’ kids are coming up with new gym exercises 🏋🏻‍♀️😬, AOC froze her eggs 🥚❄️… and Christy’s are apparently still being delivered fresh four weeks before her 56th birthday. 😩🩸🗣️ THESE ARE COLLECTOR’S ITEMS, PEOPLE… GET ’EM WHILE YOU CAN!!! 😂Turns out “happy shit” was WAYYY above our pay grade. 💀🎤Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Jt91HC3pCQw

After a two-week hiatus, I’ll TellYa Dis is BACK — and apparently America used our time off to become an even bigger fucking dumpster fire. 🤦🏻‍♀️🔥 (who knew she could top herself?)Christy Miller and Erik Marino return to discover the troops on the USS Abraham Lincoln are being starved down to their original birth weight, the lettuce has diarrhea, the jalapeños have salmonella, GROK wants to "Control-Alt-Delete" its creator, measles is launching a national comeback tour, airplanes are literally "coming together as one," the Lakers have been sold to the most corrupt bidder, and Joe Rogan is JUST NOW discovering that Donald Trump JUST MIGHT NOT BE on the up-and-up 🤔...🗣️ BRO. WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! 😩🤦🏻‍♀️What a 💩 show we live in! “Paging Mr. Sal Monella…” ☎️🌶️ because we definitely need to click our heels and get TF outta Oz. 👠🌪️Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/g7bISPHD3DI

This week on I'll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino spiral into yet another week proving that artificial intelligence may be advancing... but actual intelligence has clearly been hacked. 🤦🏻‍♀️💻The duo breaks down yet another "pray the gay away" pastor getting caught "allegedly" soliciting a minor online (because what else would he be doing? 🙄), politicians continuing to cement their place in the LGOPBTQ+ community by getting caught doing the absolute most in the absolute least amount of time, and why AI chatbots have turned GenZ relationships into the weirdest thruples ever 😒🙄🤨Meanwhile... some high schools are entering their "OnlyFans Era" by putting AI-powered sex doll robots in classrooms as "teacher's aides"... 🤖😳🤦🏻‍♀️ (suddenly nobody's cutting class 🤔), Sam Altman's OpenAI chatbot literally attacked another AI company, Hugging Face, completely unprovoked (if you ask us it sounds like just a good ol' case of sibling rivalry 😂), contaminated coffee joins diarrhea lettuce in America's ongoing FDA 💩 show, an abandoned monkey turns up in a laundry bag on a London bus 🐒🚌, Pete Hegseth remains weirdly obsessed with roided-up dudes 💪🏻🙄, and last but certainly not least... ol' back-from-the-dead Chuck Norris is firing off chicken fingers because...CHUCK YEAH! 🍗💥So basically... the future is here. Unfortunately, so are the people. 🤦🏻‍♀️See you next week... assuming the robots don't replace us first. 😳🤖🎙️Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/LV5EqL4DyCs

This week on I'll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino spiral through another week proving civilization has officially entered its "What the Actual Fuck?" era.Pete Hegseth wants to roll out "Operation: Roid Rage" for our troops 💉🙄 (after watching him struggle to bench 135 lbs., I think he's the one who should try it. 🤦🏻‍♀️) Meanwhile, Andrew Tate is being extradited to the UK and will finally get to experience firsthand that "no means no." (I'll take "Karma" for $400, Alex.) And in other news, a 110-year-old pipe exploded on Sunset Blvd., leaving a massive sinkhole in West Hollywood... which means somewhere, at least one dude immediately asked, "Can I fuck it?" 🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, lettuce is the new cleanse, causing explosive diarrhea 🥬💩 (still cheaper than Ozempic. 💀), data center copper wire is the new catalytic converter, a guy climbed into a porta potty to rescue his Mountain Dew 🚽🤢 (BRUH!), and five parrots at a UK zoo had to be separated for cussing out visitors (are we sure they ain't from New York? 🦜😂)So basically... we're all living in the dumbest timeline imaginable.See you next week... assuming humanity doesn't get recalled first. 🫶🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0XU-gcM32iw