I'll TellYa Dis!

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino celebrate Christy’s birthday 🎂🥳 by doing what every "well-adjusted" person does during their birthday week: talking about 9/11. 🇺🇸😬The 25th anniversary ceremony of 9/11 wouldn't be complete without a MAGA vs. MAGA SHOWDOWN - AKA "NEIN 11"- at the Memorial 🇺🇸🤦🏻‍♀️ — pardoned January 6th asshole Jake Lang showed up with a POLICE ESCORT, only to be greeted by another group of Nazis Sieg Heil-ing with a banner that read “JAKE LANG IS A JEW” 😳 while a Mount Vernon firefighter screamed at THEM to “go back to Palestine with that bullshit” and “get out of our country.”🗣️ MA!!!! THE NAZIS ARE INFIGHTING AGAIN!! 💀🇺🇸 ... These morons have no idea who they hate anymore. 🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, the RNC held its midterm convention in Dallas, where Republicans focused on the issues people are most desperately worried about... like Hasan Piker’s old thirst trap photo 🤳🏻🤦🏻‍♀️ — even going so far as blurring out his bikini briefs, because... you know... the party of family values and stuff. 🤦🏻‍♀️And in completely unrelated news, Grindr crashed. 🤳🏻🍆💀 Grindr hasn't seen that much traffic since... well... the last Republican Convention. 📱💀And while MAGA Senate candidate Ken Rogers is too busy jerking off to Hasan Piker photos at the RNC, his opponent Abdul El-Sayed is busy at the gym BENCHING 315. 🏋🏻‍♂️🥵Christy has officially endorsed his platform.And by “platform,” we mean his chest.Welcome, Abdul, to the LADY SPANK BANK™. 🏦🤤💰Then 77-year-old Rick Springfield enters the chat looking so ridiculously hot Christy concludes he MUST be drinking baby blood to stay young 🧛🏻‍♂️ — only for us to discover that JESSIE’S GIRL MAY HAVE A BODY COUNT. 😳 Apparently Rick once fired mortars in Vietnam that may have killed a man, proving there was a much easier way to get Jessie out of the picture.🎶 Why can’t I find a woman like that? 🎶Because YOU KILLED HER BOYFRIEND IN VIETNAM, RICK. 💀💣And finally, a Maryland woman wins $150,000 after playing the same lottery numbers for 20 YEARS 💰 — which means after buying three tickets every time for two decades, congratulations girl... YOU FINALLY BROKE EVEN. 😂Meanwhile, Broadway’s singing waiters are heading into their own WEST SIDE STORY TURF WAR 🎤🔪 as Ellen’s Stardust Diner and newcomer Diner 24 battle for singing-server supremacy... WHO WILL WIN?! WHO WILL GET THE CHOP?! 🎤🔪🍳. Lady Gaga is officially a mother(?) — giving the world BABY GAGA 👶🏻🪩 — and Jelly Roll discovers that playing both sides of the strudel gets you kicked out of the Big Blue Bash at Mar-a-Lago. 🤷🏻‍♀️Yep, just another completely normal week in America.Like Christy always says — Not my circus. Not my motherfucking clowns. 🤡🇺🇸See you Monday. 🫶🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ohKazALgpq4

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino are back at the Grisly Pear Comedy Club after a two-month hiatus from Midtown, just in time before Christy turns 56, putting a “pause” on the menopause and returning from Atlantic City smelling like a stale Pall Mall Gold after spending the weekend telling jokes in what can only be described as the ashtray of New Jersey. 🚬🎰🤮But the real heartbreak this week is the loss of American treasure Dolly Parton 💔😭 — leaving Christy emotionally devastated, Nashville down one saint, and the American wig industry facing its worst year… which leaves the burden on Cher’s wallet.WE MUST PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS. 🫡Meanwhile, Dolly’s passing brought out tributes from all across the country… including Ted Cruz, who retweeted “LEGEND” on a Dolly post from an account that instantly changed its name to “Ted Cruz’s Tiny Dick” — FINALLY something I agree with Ted on… LEGEND! 🇺🇸🍆😂In the FAFO portion of the news, ICE finally deported the right person… gay, right-wing troll Milo Yiannopoulos, who apparently overstayed his visa since 2019. 🛫👋🏻 I’m happy he got EXACTLY what he wanted… BYEEEE!!!!! I have one last thing to say to Milo…🗣️ YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE!!! 🛫👋🏻 IIn other news, the San Francisco 49ers have decided to kick off the NFL season with a new offensive formation called SEX, SCAMS & SIDE PIECES. 🏈🍆💰First, billionaire 49ers owner Jed York got busted in an Ohio trailer park allegedly looking for a $160 Hummer — because nothing says RECESSION INDICATOR like an NFL billionaire buying a Dollar Tree blowjob. 😭 To make matters worse for the NFL franchise, there’s the fake 49ers “wide receiver” scamming women online while filming himself in his sad 900-square-foot Sacramento apartment, surrounded by bags of fake shit while wearing a football helmet. 🏈🤡 I CAN’T!!! 🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, former 49ers defensive coordinator Robert Saleh abandoned ship to coach the Tennessee Titans… which means Christy has finally found her calling in life: moving to Nashville, living in Dolly Parton’s wig room and becoming Robert Saleh’s side piece.It’s what Dolly would’ve wanted. 🫡🇺🇸And finally, this week’s BAD IDEAS department was working OVERTIME 🤦🏻‍♀️ — a Roomba caught a cheating wife and somehow sent her husband to jail, Good Good Golf thought SHOVING A WOMAN TO THE GROUND would make a great commercial ⛳️😳, and Target decided ending DEI last year wasn’t enough to bury themselves… they doubled down and released a MINSTREL Halloween costume 😒🚩 You know, for the children. 🤦🏻‍♀️🎃In other weird news, a Virginia doctor woke up with a BAT trying to crawl into her mouth 🦇😮, there was a four-hour manhunt in Indiana for a lion that may or may not even exist 🦁, and 120 containers of cheese balls spilled across the 105 freeway in L.A. — it’s nice to see snacks are offered while sitting in traffic. 🧀🚗💨Meanwhile, the Brooklyn Navy Yard has a rave problem, Christy is headed to Tennessee in Dolly Parton’s wig to blow Robert Saleh, and honestly…IT’S WHAT DOLLY WOULD’VE WANTED. 🫡🇺🇸See you next week, fuckers. 🫶🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/vjHAeufslnQ

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino decide America has been depressing enough lately, so they attempt something completely above and beyond the scope of this podcast: TALKING ABOUT HAPPY SHIT.It does not go well. 💀🤣🎤Instead, Drunken Diamond David Lee Roth is still out there terrorizing audiences with his old-school Van Halen schtick… 🗣️ GO HOME, GRANDPA! YOU’RE SCARING THE CHILDREN! 👴🏻🍺🎤Belgium found their new Prince at the used car lot, a NJ Transit conductor had to go WAY ABOVE his pay grade and dig a lady’s wedding ring out of the train toilet… now his hand actually smells like New Jersey 💍💩, and who knew Confederate cannonballs wrapped in paper towels were TSA approved? 🤷🏻‍♀️💣 The more you know… 🌈🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, Trump has apparently acquired his very own Single White Female in Natalie “Human Printer” Harp 😳🖨️ — she’s basically his very own Roomba, following him everywhere… literally EVERYWHERE. 🚽⛳️✈️🚩🚩🚩 HOW BAD DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO CREEP OUT DONALD TRUMP?! 🤦🏻‍♀️And somewhere Melania is quietly going, “Good. Now maybe I don’t have to change his diaper anymore. Be Best.” 💀Jefferson Starship has become a retirement community karaoke band, Gene Simmons of KISS is now barely a HUG at State Fairs 🤘🏻👴🏻, Real Housewives’ kids are coming up with new gym exercises 🏋🏻‍♀️😬, AOC froze her eggs 🥚❄️… and Christy’s are apparently still being delivered fresh four weeks before her 56th birthday. 😩🩸🗣️ THESE ARE COLLECTOR’S ITEMS, PEOPLE… GET ’EM WHILE YOU CAN!!! 😂Turns out “happy shit” was WAYYY above our pay grade. 💀🎤Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Jt91HC3pCQw

After a two-week hiatus, I’ll TellYa Dis is BACK — and apparently America used our time off to become an even bigger fucking dumpster fire. 🤦🏻‍♀️🔥 (who knew she could top herself?)Christy Miller and Erik Marino return to discover the troops on the USS Abraham Lincoln are being starved down to their original birth weight, the lettuce has diarrhea, the jalapeños have salmonella, GROK wants to "Control-Alt-Delete" its creator, measles is launching a national comeback tour, airplanes are literally "coming together as one," the Lakers have been sold to the most corrupt bidder, and Joe Rogan is JUST NOW discovering that Donald Trump JUST MIGHT NOT BE on the up-and-up 🤔...🗣️ BRO. WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?! 😩🤦🏻‍♀️What a 💩 show we live in! “Paging Mr. Sal Monella…” ☎️🌶️ because we definitely need to click our heels and get TF outta Oz. 👠🌪️Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/g7bISPHD3DI

This week on I'll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino spiral into yet another week proving that artificial intelligence may be advancing... but actual intelligence has clearly been hacked. 🤦🏻‍♀️💻The duo breaks down yet another "pray the gay away" pastor getting caught "allegedly" soliciting a minor online (because what else would he be doing? 🙄), politicians continuing to cement their place in the LGOPBTQ+ community by getting caught doing the absolute most in the absolute least amount of time, and why AI chatbots have turned GenZ relationships into the weirdest thruples ever 😒🙄🤨Meanwhile... some high schools are entering their "OnlyFans Era" by putting AI-powered sex doll robots in classrooms as "teacher's aides"... 🤖😳🤦🏻‍♀️ (suddenly nobody's cutting class 🤔), Sam Altman's OpenAI chatbot literally attacked another AI company, Hugging Face, completely unprovoked (if you ask us it sounds like just a good ol' case of sibling rivalry 😂), contaminated coffee joins diarrhea lettuce in America's ongoing FDA 💩 show, an abandoned monkey turns up in a laundry bag on a London bus 🐒🚌, Pete Hegseth remains weirdly obsessed with roided-up dudes 💪🏻🙄, and last but certainly not least... ol' back-from-the-dead Chuck Norris is firing off chicken fingers because...CHUCK YEAH! 🍗💥So basically... the future is here. Unfortunately, so are the people. 🤦🏻‍♀️See you next week... assuming the robots don't replace us first. 😳🤖🎙️Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/LV5EqL4DyCs

This week on I'll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino spiral through another week proving civilization has officially entered its "What the Actual Fuck?" era.Pete Hegseth wants to roll out "Operation: Roid Rage" for our troops 💉🙄 (after watching him struggle to bench 135 lbs., I think he's the one who should try it. 🤦🏻‍♀️) Meanwhile, Andrew Tate is being extradited to the UK and will finally get to experience firsthand that "no means no." (I'll take "Karma" for $400, Alex.) And in other news, a 110-year-old pipe exploded on Sunset Blvd., leaving a massive sinkhole in West Hollywood... which means somewhere, at least one dude immediately asked, "Can I fuck it?" 🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, lettuce is the new cleanse, causing explosive diarrhea 🥬💩 (still cheaper than Ozempic. 💀), data center copper wire is the new catalytic converter, a guy climbed into a porta potty to rescue his Mountain Dew 🚽🤢 (BRUH!), and five parrots at a UK zoo had to be separated for cussing out visitors (are we sure they ain't from New York? 🦜😂)So basically... we're all living in the dumbest timeline imaginable.See you next week... assuming humanity doesn't get recalled first. 🫶🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0XU-gcM32iw

This week on I’ll TellYa Dis, Erik Marino called out sick so Christy Miller made the catastrophic decision to hand a microphone to Janice Messitte… and absolutely nobody was prepared for what happened next. 💀😂What was supposed to be another week of asking “what in the dumpster fire hell happened this week?” immediately drove through the guardrail as Janice — who has the comedic recall of a haunted jukebox in a nursing home — unleashed 62 years of unfiltered thoughts, unsolicited rhymes and something from 1974 she had ready to go. 🗣️ ALWAYS. A. FUCKING. RHYME.Christy desperately attempts to steer the show through Lindsey Graham leaving the chat, subway personal space, Kathy Griffin’s 22-year-old boyfriend, gang member Fight Club, Chinese restaurants fining parents for their asshole children and a man falling 12 feet into a manhole… while Janice repeatedly hijacks the conversation with meat curtains, nursing homes, removable teeth and whatever the fuck entered her brain four seconds earlier. 🤦🏻‍♀️😂Meanwhile, Prince the three-legged dog heckles the entire episode, Christy accidentally becomes Erik and realizes THIS IS WHAT HE GOES THROUGH EVERY WEEK, and every attempt to ask Janice about her career ends somewhere near Hunts Point with a rhyme and a Venmo request for $5. 💀💵Basically, Erik got sick and civilization lost custody of the podcast.... Get well soon, Erik. We understand you now. 😂🫶🏻Like, subscribe, and CHER!Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcast/https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/janicemessitte/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/FO6FVVu4X_0

This week on I'll TellYa Dis, Christy Miller and Erik Marino somehow survive another week of American absurdity after the Fourth of July 💩 show tried to wipe out society one exploding firework, heatstroke, and celebrity PR stunt at a time... because, 'Murica. 🇺🇸💀🧨While 67 people collapsed from the heat at the so-called "Great American State Fair," Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce shut down Midtown Manhattan for a wedding that somehow made the tragic MET Gala seem almost relatable... because apparently nothing says "read the room" like a tone-deaf billionaire romance in a low-income economy. 🤦🏻‍♀️Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell is MIA (again 😬... he's probably ⚰️), a New Jersey congressman vanished for four months (did anyone even notice? 🤷🏻‍♀️), Joey Chestnut consumed another 66 hot dogs in the name of patriotism and clogged arteries, and Erik's ongoing mouse problem took a psychedelic turn after one of his mice allegedly ate a mushroom capsule... so if Splinter shows up with four Ninja Turtles, don't say we didn't warn you. 😂🐭🍄🐢Plus, Christy shares the unexpected breakthrough she finally experienced after 30 years in stand-up comedy, proving that sometimes your biggest career milestone arrives six months late... thanks, menopause. 🤣💀If we survive another week of freedom, fireworks, and whatever the hell this country is doing, we'll see you next Monday. 🫶🏻Follow on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/christymillercomedy/https://www.instagram.com/theerikmarino/https://www.instagram.com/illtellyadispodcastWatch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/OKtlILgTx-Y