Human Equals Paradox

I'm finding it very appropriate that this episode is coming out as we enter (in the northern hemisphere) the winter season that holds this archetype most closely.The Responsible Adult/Elder is the archetype that is most concerned with the pragmatic needs of living together in groups, and since that is the fundamental basis of human experience, it's an incredibly important one to know about.Because of what it is, and the world we live in, this is also the archetype that gets imposed on ALL of us through socialization, whether we actually have much of it in us or not - every single one of us is taught somehow in childhood that we need to be practical, responsible, structured, contained, tough and capable, and a good member of whatever layers of society we are part of.We do have to live in bodies, and those bodies really only survive well in groups, so the skills and values of this archetype are extremely important for human existence. I just want to keep identifying the distortions of it that are endemic to modern western/ized culture, and keep bringing out the true, powerful, beautiful nature of this figure so it can contribute its medicine to all of us.I hope you enjoy learning more about the Responsible Adult/Elder!

At least there is an archetypal root to it, underneath socialization and the horrific pressure of modern culture.We all have an innate speed (pace) and an innate rhythm (pattern) to us, as a baseline broad-spectrum way that we work.We also live in a world that generally says there is only one right way to be, and that includes both speed (basically: fast) and rhythm (basically: continuous).As always, this is bullshit, and extremely unhelpful bullshit, because in my experience that baseline speed + rhythm DOES NOT CHANGE.We can force ourselves out of it, and that always, always sucks. It's destructive and unhelpful over the long term.This is also a serious issue in relationships, and it's one I've run into often (both personally and professionally).As with most of our own nature, we unconsciously expect other people to work at both the speed and the rhythm that we do, and we tend to assume there's something wrong with them if they don't. Needless to say this creates real friction in a relationship, and long term it can be deadly.Learning more about your own innate speed and rhythm, and then bringing more curiosity and space for others to move at their own speed and rhythm, can improve your relationships more than you might believe possible!It can also just help you to live more effectively, which is always more satisfying, by working YOUR way and not the way 1) other people do or 2) you've been taught/pressured to do. I hope this episode can move you in that direction!

There are some common experiences that we tend to lump under "confusion" when they're actually not.The issue with this is that if we're really confused, the effective response is to 1) gather more information or 2) weigh and analyze the information we already have so that we can come to clarity.But if we're not actually confused, those things don't help, and we struggle more.I talk about the two main experiences (archetypal complexity and lack of safety) that get unhelpfully labeled "confusion" and how each requires its own distinct response.

This is the third of the Big 4 archetypes that seem to be the most difficult for humans to carry well. The Visionary/Revolutionary/Fire-Stealer is the figure in us that sees what COULD BE - big, audacious, radical new and better ways to be - and wants to make that happen no matter what it costs.That last bit, of course, is the kicker.Remember, the Visionary isn't necessarily political - the vision isn't always about sociopolitical change on that level or in that side of life. There are many scientists in many fields of science, many artists in many media and styles of art, many people innovating in ways that don't get Wikipedia entries.But this is the common thread - the absolute conviction that the current way is irretrievably corrupt and ineffective, and we need the radically better way that they can see, and that the better way must be pursued with unwavering determination that will dismantle any obstacles.Remember this conviction doesn't mean they are correct, and the details of the better way can and do vary wildly - but without that conviction, no Visionary-infused human would ever be able to stick with the vision long enough to help it become real.This is often a lonely archetype, because they see things most others don't (which, again, doesn't mean they're foretelling) and it's hard to be so different. This archetype also has real difficulty with the ordinary, embodied dimension of human nature, in themselves and others.Without the Visionary, though, humans simply wouldn't change, largely because no one would be able to perceive or understand anything beyond what already existed.This is a really important one to understand, because it's part of many, many people, and you will hear the Visionary speaking in corporate team meetings, across the dinner table, at parent-teacher conferences, in your church or sangha or surfing group or Pilates class.This one can be really tricky to navigate, both in ourselves and with others, so I'm hoping once you can recognize it more, you can bring more skill to being in relationship with it!

We have been socialized, especially in American or American-influenced culture, to believe that the FORM of our experience is the important part.This leads to obsession (not overstated!) with the structure and shape of jobs, careers, relationships, parenting, spiritual practice, creative projects...pretty much everything.What I have found through the archetypal work is that form actually matters very little.What matters is the FEELING. The vibe, as the youngs say. :-D When that lines up with your archetypal nature, including all its paradox and complexity, the form can actually be almost anything - that ends up being more a pragmatic consideration, almost an afterthought.I find that this bewilders people until they get the hang of it - I end up working on this with nearly every client and most of my students, because letting go of that belief in very prescriptive definition is a big deal.To illustrate with a common area of focus - if someone's "public-facing self" is based in the archetype of the Adventurer/Pattern-Seeker/Philosopher, the vibe that they both bring to their work in the world and need from their work in the world is one of expansion, optimism, faith in the unseen, fitting pieces together to make that bigger pattern.The FORM of that work can be anything from medical practice to bookkeeping (yes really) to writing to environmental science to fashion design.Every single one of those FORMS of work can hold that feeling of discovery, of pursuing a world that becomes ever-bigger and more fascinating, of finding a sense of a benign and purposeful existence that we're all part of.For that matter, every single one of those forms of work (or relationships or parenting or creative work etc.) can hold the vibe of ANY archetype.Pay more attention to how it FEELS than how it's FORMED and see where that leads you!

The archetype of the Mermaid is, in my experience, the single hardest one to live well with. Talking about it, teaching about it, and helping people to understand and integrate it has been some of the most profound work of my career. This episode is longer than usual because this archetype has some special dimensions to it that need more space to dig into!The Mermaid is the part of human nature that wants to dissolve, to merge into something/someone/somewhere that can hold us so we can just let go.It's the part of us seeking that state that feels like magic, which I call "the shimmer" - where nothing hurts, everything is flowing and exquisite, and you can just stop having to be a separate struggling human being and just float. We can have that experience while we're alive in bodies, but we can't hold on to it for very long, and often the ways we achieve that state are extremely destructive, unfortunately. That doesn't mean the Mermaid is inherently bad or dangerous - just that it's difficult to live with this profound yearning for that "other place" and still manage to live a healthy life here in this place.I'm here to say that it can be done, though, and the way toward that is to accept and understand the Mermaid yearning for what it is rather than trying to judge it and get rid of it. I've never seen that work, despite a LOT of effort, and it usually makes things worse. Accepting the Mermaid and learning to work with it, while also not letting it swamp and drown you, seems to be the most effective approach.I hope this episode reaches a lot of you Mermaid-carrying humans out there, and that it helps you in as many ways as possible to live more skillfully with this beautiful and tricky part of human nature.I'll be releasing archetypal episodes about every-other-episode until all 13 are out - enjoy the second of the series!

We do a lot of discussion of paradox here from a more cognitive perspective - but ultimately, it's not a cognitive experience. In fact it tends to make our cognitive minds lock up entirely.Entering the experience of paradox through the body is a crucial dimension of our exploration, and this conversation with Somatic Experiencing Practitioner Betsy Kudlinski is a fantastic window on the topic.Betsy is my SEP, and working with Somatic Experiencing for the past two years under her care has reorganized my entire way of living. It's also taken me deeper into the lived experience of paradox in ways that delight me (because as you know by now, this is my favorite thing.)We talk about a lot of the paradox inherent in understanding the human nervous system, like how it can feel safe to feel unsafe, how capacity actually works, and a bit of discussion around the way that archetypal nature and trauma interact and layer together.You can find out more about Betsy's work and get connected with her here: https://betsykudlinski.com/

One very useful application of the archetypal-and-paradox lens is on the experience usually labeled "hypocrisy." That kind of ethical disconnect is a very real thing - and yet this is a place we also run into expecting people to be "all one way" and have one singular consistent set of values, and that's just not how humans work. Different parts of us care about different things, and that often translates as hypocrisy. Let's learn to make more space for people being complex and not needing to pin them to one single set of values!