How Not to Screw Up Your Kids

If you’ve ever worried about sibling rivalry, felt guilty about how your attention is divided, or wondered whether your children secretly believe you have a favourite, this episode will change how you see your family forever.I’m joined by journalist and author Catherine Carr to talk about her extraordinary book Who’s the Favourite? - a deep dive into the hidden emotional world of siblings.We explore the roles children fall into - the helper, the golden child, the invisible one - and how parents often reinforce these roles without realising.We talk about birth‑order myths, why each child grows up in a completely different family, and how sibling dynamics can quietly shape anxiety, perfectionism and self‑worth.And Catherine shares powerful insights on “glass siblings,” the children who become unseen because a brother or sister’s needs dominate family life.If you’re raising siblings, an only child, or simply trying to understand the emotional ecosystem your children are growing up in, this conversation is essential. It’s warm, honest, eye‑opening, and it will give you the language and perspective you need to support every child in your family more intentionally.More from Catherine:Buy the book - https://a.co/d/0aiXNRSq Listen to the podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/relatively/id1544111718 Highlights from this episode:03:31 - Who’s the favourite?09:13 - The optimal age gap16:44 - Assigning roles21:39 - Glass siblings27:46 - I’m the star!37:55 - Ch ch ch changes41:17 - The longest relationship you will ever have💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

When your child looks at you and says, “I’m not good enough,” it hits you in the chest. Every instinct you have wants to fix it, to tell them they’re brilliant, to list every wonderful thing about them, to make the feeling go away. But if you’ve tried that, you already know it doesn’t work. They don’t believe you. They cry harder. They shut down. And you’re left wondering what on earth you’re supposed to say.In this episode, I’ll show you exactly what’s happening in your child’s brain in that moment, and why reassurance, however loving, cannot land.When a child says “I’m not good enough,” their emotional bucket is full. Their nervous system is overwhelmed. Their thinking brain is offline. You’re not talking to logic; you’re talking to a flooded body.I’ll walk you through the three tools that actually work: how to acknowledge the feeling so their guard comes down, how to shift them from a global identity statement to a specific moment, and how to help them empty their bucket so they can regulate again.These are simple, powerful steps you can use tonight - in the car, in the kitchen, or at bedtime - to help your child feel seen, safe and supported.If you’re tired of reassurance falling flat and you want a response that truly helps your child in their “I’m not good enough” spiral, this episode gives you the words, the sequence, and the science behind why they work.Highlights from this episode:01:09 - I’m Not Good Enough03:58 - Hear It First06:43 - Action Over Identity08:50 - Empty the Bucket💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If your child is melting down over tiny mistakes, refusing to start homework, or abandoning activities the moment they stop being “naturally good,” this episode is one you cannot afford to skip.I’m seeing perfectionism show up in more children than ever, and most parents don’t realise it’s not about high standards at all. It’s anxiety. And it’s quietly eroding your child’s confidence, resilience, and joy.In this episode, I break down what perfectionism really is, why it develops, and the hidden signs most families miss - from the blank‑page freeze to the endless erasing, the shutdowns, the self‑criticism, and the sudden quitting of things they once loved.I’ll show you the neuroscience behind why your child reacts this way, the early experiences that wire these beliefs in, and the five practical tools you can start using today to help them feel enough, even when things aren’t perfect.If you’re tired of walking on eggshells, exhausted by homework battles, or worried that your child’s fear of getting it wrong is holding them back, this episode will give you clarity, language, and a plan. Perfectionism isn’t fixed, and with the right support, your child can learn to try, to tolerate mistakes, and to thrive again.Highlights from this episode:01:11 - Performance = Worth06:05 - The signs of perfectionism10:05 - The root cause of anxiety14:40 - Five things that work18:18 - Mind the gap💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If your child can spend 45 minutes sharpening pencils, rearranging their desk, or “revising” without absorbing a single thing, you are not imagining it - something is getting in the way of their concentration, and it’s not laziness or lack of effort.In this bucket emptying episode, I’ll show you why so many children struggle to focus, even when they’re trying, and why the strategies most parents rely on - timers, bribery, removing distractions - often don’t work. Drawing on the neuroscience shared by Professor Sam Wass in Thursday’s deeper‑dive episode, I’ll walk you through three practical, evidence‑based strategies you can use this week to transform how your child focuses.You’ll learn why stressed or anxious brains cannot concentrate, why understanding must come before focus, and why even a face‑down phone across the room can derail your child’s attention.Most importantly, you’ll come away with three simple tools that work with your child’s brain rather than against it so homework, revision, and everyday tasks finally feel doable again.If you’re exhausted by the battles and starting to wonder whether something is “wrong,” this episode will give you clarity, relief, and a plan that actually works.Highlights from this episode:01:14 - What Would Sam Do?02:45 - STRESS05:24 - Two Kinds of Concentration07:07 - Give the brain something to cling to09:05 - Understanding Before Focus11:59 - Screens are competing for your child’s attention - don’t let them win!14:25 - Watch out for these two things💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If you’ve ever wondered why your child can spend 40 minutes talking about Minecraft but can’t concentrate for four minutes on homework, this episode explains everything.I’m joined again by Professor Sam Wass, and if you heard his previous episodes, you’ll know why parents loved them. In today’s conversation, Sam breaks down what concentration actually is from a neuroscience perspective, why young children are wired to be easily distracted, and why some children struggle far more than others in noisy classrooms, during revision, or when faced with a blank page.We dig into the two types of concentration every child needs, why the frontal cortex develops painfully slowly, how screens hijack attention, and why understanding something is the single biggest predictor of whether a child can focus on it.If you’re battling procrastination, homework refusal, or a child who “just can’t sit still,” this episode will give you the clarity you’ve been missingIf you want to understand your child’s brain - and finally stop blaming them (or yourself) for something that’s biological, predictable, and fixable - you need to listen to this.Highlights from this episode:02:40 - Concentrating through doing09:20 - Two ways to structure learning tasks15:46 - My name is Sam and I am a Candy Crush addict21:53 - Build on interests27:24 - Stress and concentration34:39 - Screen time38:56 - We are prediction machines💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If your child is anxious, you already know how hard evenings can be. You sit beside them wanting desperately to help, but every time you try to reassure them, it backfires. Logic doesn’t land. Distraction doesn’t stick. And sometimes, despite your best intentions, the thing you say makes everything worse.This episode gives you something you can use tonight.I’ll walk you through five specific, evidence‑based questions that shift an anxious child from overwhelm into curiosity, even if they’re tired, irritable, or shutting down.These questions work because they bypass the logical brain (which is offline during anxiety) and instead help your child observe what’s happening inside them with a little more distance and a lot more safety.You’ll learn exactly why each question works, how to use them, and what to do when your child gives you nothing but a shrug or a grunt. By the end, you’ll have a simple, repeatable toolkit you can rely on every night - no scripts, no pressure, no perfect parenting required.If you’ve been searching for the right words to help your worried child, this episode gives you five you can use before bedtime.Highlights from this episode:00:59 - What you get from this episode03:34 - The 5 questions06:53 - Give the worry a form09:25 - A brutal inner demon11:22 - Two red flags💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If your child is melting down over homework, asking endless “what if” questions, getting mysterious tummy aches, refusing school, withdrawing from activities, or exploding the moment they walk through the door, you need this episode.I work with anxious and dysregulated children every single day, and what I want you to know is this: most of the behaviours parents struggle with aren’t actually behaviour problems - they’re anxiety in disguise.Spoiler alert: the more you reassure, explain, distract or accommodate, the worse the anxiety quietly becomes.In this episode, I’ll walk you through what childhood anxiety really is (and what it absolutely isn’t), why your child’s nervous system is behaving like a smoke alarm, and why logic and reassurance never stick.You’ll learn the skills‑gap model that changes everything about how we approach anxiety, and the first practical steps you can take today to help your child feel safer, calmer, and more capable.If you’ve ever felt helpless, confused, or guilty in the face of your child’s worry, this episode will give you clarity, direction, and a framework that finally makes sense.Mentioned in this episode:The Take 10 Technique - https://drmaryhan.com/episode/breathing-techniques-for-anxious-children/ Highlights from this episode:00:52 - Saying “it’s fine” doesn’t work!03:05 - It’s not your fault08:24 - Children should feel anxious12:25 - How to recognise anxiety15:56 -You’re probably making it worse18:18 - This will change everything23:10 - When to seek additional help💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚 For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚 For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If you’re raising a boy, you already know this: you can believe in him with your whole heart, and still watch him struggle to believe in himself.  You tell him he’s brilliant and he shrugs it off.You encourage him and he brushes it away.You try to have a meaningful conversation and suddenly his phone becomes the most fascinating object on earth.Meanwhile, you can see the gap widening - the gap between how you see him and how he sees himself. And nothing you say seems to close it.This episode gives you one simple, evidence‑based daily habit that will.One question that teaches your son to look inward, recognise his own effort, and build confidence from the inside out - not from praise, not from performance, not from comparison.I’ll show you exactly how to use it at every age, what to do when he rolls his eyes or gives you nothing, and how this tiny daily ritual slowly rewires the way he sees himself.If you want a practical, realistic way to strengthen your son’s confidence - one that actually sticks - this is the episode you cannot afford to skip.Highlights from this episode:02:15 - Let’s talk about the bucket04:17 - The only daily question you need to ask06:56 - Every age is different10:44 - Two flags!💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If your child is melting down, shutting down, refusing school, avoiding sleep, snapping back, or clinging to you because something feels “wrong” but they can’t explain what, you’re in the right place.I’m Dr Maryhan, a psychologist who works with anxious and dysregulated children every single day. And here’s what I want you to know: most of the behaviours that keep you up at night aren’t really about behaviour at all. Underneath the back‑chat, the tears, the slammed doors, the school‑morning battles, there is almost always anxiety, and a child whose emotional bucket is full and overflowing.And parents of those children? We zoom in so close, replaying conversations at 2am, questioning every decision, wondering if we’re making it worse, that we lose the wide lens. The perspective that says: your child isn’t broken... and neither are you.This podcast gives you that wide lens back.If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, confused, or alone in your child’s big feelings, then listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts.Pour yourself a cuppa, find a comfy seat, and let’s do this together.