How Not to Screw Up Your Kids

In this episode, I will walk you through the real first week of the school holidays - the meltdowns, the boredom, the clinginess, the explosions over nothing - and why this week is always the hardest for anxious children.I explain exactly what’s happening in your child’s nervous system when the school‑day scaffolding disappears, why their bucket fills before lunchtime, and the three practical tools you can use immediately to stabilise the week.So if you’re standing in your kitchen wondering how you’re going to survive six weeks, this episode gives you what you need to get through the first seven days without losing yourself!Highlights from this episode:01:11 - When the scaffolding comes down03:00 - What is the bucket?05:09 - Name the state, not the behaviour08:50 - Predictable moments11:01 - Lower your expectations14:33 - Holiday rhythm card💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com ☀️ NEW — The Summer Reset. My seven-week summer programme for parents of anxious children (5–16) — whatever sets the worry off: five live group coaching calls + two private 1:1 sessions with me + every tool, all summer. 18 families only, starts 23 July. Details & enrolment: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/the-summer-reset  DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

In today’s bucket‑emptying episode, I’m giving you the exact words to use in one of the hardest parenting moments: when your child looks at you and says “I’m not good enough.”If you’ve ever watched your child crumble after a mistake, a test, a football practice, or a moment that didn’t go their way, and your reassurance only made things worse, you need this episode.I walk you through three specific tools that work with an overwhelmed nervous system, not against it.You’ll learn why reassurance backfires, what’s actually happening inside your child’s emotional bucket, and how to respond in a way that builds resilience, emotional regulation, and self‑worth.If your child struggles with perfectionism, anxiety, low confidence, big feelings, or shutdowns, this episode is your secret weapon.Highlights from this episode:02:12 - This is what your child really means04:31 - Do this before anything else07:16 - Permanence is terrifying09:24 - Empty the bucket11:48 - My give to you💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚 For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚 For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com ☀️ NEW — The Summer Reset. My seven-week summer programme for parents of anxious children (5–16) — whatever sets the worry off: five live group coaching calls + two private 1:1 sessions with me + every tool, all summer. 18 families only, starts 23 July. Details & enrolment: https://stan.store/drmaryhan/p/the-summer-reset DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If you’re a woman in your 40s or 50s who feels like everything has suddenly become harder - the brain fog, the overwhelm, the burnout, the emotional crashes, the sense that you’re “failing” at things you used to manage - this episode may explain more than you realise.I’m joined again by Jessie Hewitson to talk about a phenomenon we’re seeing everywhere: women in peri‑ and post‑menopause receiving an ADHD or autism diagnosis for the very first time.Jessie shares her own story, how supporting her neurodivergent son led her to recognise lifelong patterns in herself, and how the hormonal shifts of perimenopause made previously manageable struggles suddenly impossible to ignore. We talk about why so many women were missed as children, how inattentive ADHD presents completely differently in girls and women, why masking works until it doesn’t, and how executive function collapses under hormonal change.We also dive into rejection sensitivity dysphoria, people‑pleasing, burnout, the “good girl” conditioning so many women carry, and why the perfect storm of midlife - teenagers, aging parents, senior roles, and hormonal upheaval - pushes long‑standing neurodivergence to the surface.If you’ve ever wondered why you’re suddenly overwhelmed by tasks you used to juggle, why anxiety has spiked, why your coping strategies have stopped working, or why menopause feels like more than menopause, this conversation will give you clarity, and help you understand what might really be going on.Highlights from this episode:01:44 - Neurotypical strategies don’t work!04:43 - Inattentive versus hyperactive10:25 - Executive function16:43 - ADHD and burnout19:25 - Rejection sensitivity25:17 - Anxiety of falling short28:59 - The shame of ADHD32:51 - Task initiation💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If your daughter is “fine at school” but falling apart at home - the meltdowns, the morning battles, the homework explosions, the constant need for you to narrate every step - this episode may be the missing piece you’ve been searching for. Because none of this is about attitude, defiance or bad parenting. It may be ADHD, and in girls it looks nothing like the stereotype.In this episode, I walk you through three signs of ADHD in girls that are missed for years sometimes decades. You’ll learn why your daughter’s bucket fills faster than anyone realises, why she can hold it together all day only to unravel the moment she feels safe, why she can’t sequence tasks her peers manage easily, and why her emotional reactions seem so out of proportion to the trigger.I’ll show you how masking works, why teachers often see a completely different child, and why girls are diagnosed three to four years later than boys… if they’re diagnosed at all.And most importantly, I’ll give you the language and the framework to recognise these signs in your daughter and know exactly what to do next.If you’ve been quietly wondering whether something deeper is going on, if anxiety treatment hasn’t shifted the core problem, if the worry keeps coming back, if the restlessness never quite makes sense, this episode will help you see your daughter clearly, compassionately, and accurately.You know your child. If something has felt “off” for a long time, trust that. And let this episode be your starting point.Highlights from this episode:02:14 - The stuff nobody else sees04:48 - This is why your daughter is not diagnosed07:11 - Executive dysfunction10:07 - It’s not bad behaviour12:09 - Why do girls get missed?14:20 - Treatment is more than medication💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If you’re parenting a girl who is anxious, overwhelmed, explosive at home, masking at school, or constantly burning out, this episode will give you answers you may have been searching for for years.I’m joined by Dr Olivia Kesel, whose new book Beyond the Label: Empowering Parents of ADHD Girls is one I believe every parent of a daughter should read.Olivia shares her story of years of chaos, shame, confusion and exhaustion, and the moment everything changed when she finally understood what was happening inside her daughter’s brain. We talk openly about the behaviours parents blame themselves for: the violent outbursts, the school‑morning battles, the sleepless nights, the homework meltdowns, the “she’s fine at school but falling apart at home” pattern. And we unpack why girls with ADHD are so often missed, misdiagnosed, or treated for the wrong thing entirely.You’ll learn the signs of ADHD in girls that parents and teachers overlook, why masking is a red flag rather than reassurance, how estrogen amplifies symptoms during puberty and perimenopause, why anxiety and depression treatments often fail when ADHD is the root cause, and what to do if you suspect your daughter’s struggles go deeper than anyone has realised.If you’ve ever felt alone, ashamed, or convinced you’re “failing” as a parent because nothing seems to work, this conversation will give you clarity, compassion, and a roadmap. You are not imagining it. You are not alone. And there is a way forward.More from Olivia:Beyond the Label - https://a.co/d/0c1d9ou4 SEND Parenting Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/send-parenting-podcast/id1655677210 Website - https://www.droliviakessel.com/ Highlights from this episode:04:23 - Chaos and crap08:52 - The biggest myth about ADHD13:31 - Symptoms of ADHD in girls19:58 - Dopamine and masking explained23:52 - Treating the symptom over the cause29:03 - Everyone has ADHD32:55 - What can parents do?38:20 - Diagnosis pros and cons42:26 - To medicate or not to medicate48:01 - Don’t listen to social media💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If your child is constantly shouting “It’s not fair!”, measuring every biscuit, bedtime or privilege against their sibling, and turning every moment into a competition, this episode will help you breathe again.None of this is really about fairness; it’s about belonging. When children compare, they’re not asking about portions. They’re asking, do I matter as much as they do?In this episode, I’ll show you exactly what’s happening underneath the comparison and why logic never works when your child’s emotional bucket is full. You’ll learn the three tools that actually shift the dynamic: how to name the feeling beneath the argument, how to reframe fairness as equity rather than equality, and how to help your child build their own yardstick so they stop measuring themselves against their sibling.If you’re exhausted by the constant battles, or worried that your child will always be stuck in comparison mode, this episode will give you clarity, language and practical steps you can use today.They’re not fighting about the biscuit - they’re asking if they matter. And you can answer that question in a way that changes everything.Highlights from this episode:01:11 - It’s not about the biscuit04:29 - Name what they’re actually asking06:40 - Equity over quality09:14 - Give them their own yardstick12:13 - It’s not you, it’s me💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

If you’ve ever worried about sibling rivalry, felt guilty about how your attention is divided, or wondered whether your children secretly believe you have a favourite, this episode will change how you see your family forever.I’m joined by journalist and author Catherine Carr to talk about her extraordinary book Who’s the Favourite? - a deep dive into the hidden emotional world of siblings.We explore the roles children fall into - the helper, the golden child, the invisible one - and how parents often reinforce these roles without realising.We talk about birth‑order myths, why each child grows up in a completely different family, and how sibling dynamics can quietly shape anxiety, perfectionism and self‑worth.And Catherine shares powerful insights on “glass siblings,” the children who become unseen because a brother or sister’s needs dominate family life.If you’re raising siblings, an only child, or simply trying to understand the emotional ecosystem your children are growing up in, this conversation is essential. It’s warm, honest, eye‑opening, and it will give you the language and perspective you need to support every child in your family more intentionally.More from Catherine:Buy the book - https://a.co/d/0aiXNRSq Listen to the podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/relatively/id1544111718 Highlights from this episode:03:31 - Who’s the favourite?09:13 - The optimal age gap16:44 - Assigning roles21:39 - Glass siblings27:46 - I’m the star!37:55 - Ch ch ch changes41:17 - The longest relationship you will ever have💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

When your child looks at you and says, “I’m not good enough,” it hits you in the chest. Every instinct you have wants to fix it, to tell them they’re brilliant, to list every wonderful thing about them, to make the feeling go away. But if you’ve tried that, you already know it doesn’t work. They don’t believe you. They cry harder. They shut down. And you’re left wondering what on earth you’re supposed to say.In this episode, I’ll show you exactly what’s happening in your child’s brain in that moment, and why reassurance, however loving, cannot land.When a child says “I’m not good enough,” their emotional bucket is full. Their nervous system is overwhelmed. Their thinking brain is offline. You’re not talking to logic; you’re talking to a flooded body.I’ll walk you through the three tools that actually work: how to acknowledge the feeling so their guard comes down, how to shift them from a global identity statement to a specific moment, and how to help them empty their bucket so they can regulate again.These are simple, powerful steps you can use tonight - in the car, in the kitchen, or at bedtime - to help your child feel seen, safe and supported.If you’re tired of reassurance falling flat and you want a response that truly helps your child in their “I’m not good enough” spiral, this episode gives you the words, the sequence, and the science behind why they work.Highlights from this episode:01:09 - I’m Not Good Enough03:58 - Hear It First06:43 - Action Over Identity08:50 - Empty the Bucket💚 Please share with at least one friend, and let’s build our village together💚  For all previous episodes, and to submit episode topics you want me to talk about, visit https://drmaryhan.com/podcast/ 💚  For the free resource library, visit https://drmaryhan.com/library 💚 Join our campaign One Million Moments to reduce the number of children struggling with mental health challenges from 17% to 10% by 2025💚 Brands and advertisers, email contact@drmaryhan.com DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.